A North Carolina Autumn - Chapter 46: Chapter 46

"Here you go, my love." Rylie hands me a mug full of ice cream and a glass soda bottle.
"Thank you." I smile as I study the bottle. "What's this?"
"That is the closest thing I could find to butterbeer!" Rylie grins proudly. I glance at the bottle again, now seeing "Butterscotch soda" printed in gold letters across the label. Rylie shuts off the main room lights before turning on the string lights that line the ceiling and climbing into bed next to me.
"I've never seen this kind of soda before... is it good?" I ask skeptically, still studying the drink.
"Do you doubt me?" Rylie teases and I quickly shake my head. "While I was at the store earlier, I went to grab a new case of Dr. Pepper and I found a shelf in the back corner full of glass soda bottles. I spent a good 15 minutes there because there were so many different flavors, these included." Rylie gestures to the bottle in my hand. "I got a few others too that we can try later. And don't worry, I've had this kind before so I know it's good enough for you." She finishes with a smile.
"I love you." I giggle before kissing her. "I have a question, though. Are we combining the soda with the ice cream since you put the ice cream in cups?"
"Oh..." Rylie glances down at her own ice cream filled mug. "I'll be honest, I put the ice cream in mugs because it made it easier to carry everything in here." She admits with a laugh. "But now that you mention it, I think that could actually be a really good idea."
"I think it could work. Vanilla ice cream goes with anything, and I trust you when you say it's a yummy soda. So it would be like a butterscotch float!"
"Exactly!" Rylie agrees. "I'm only going to put half of the soda in though, I still want to drink some."
"Smart." I laugh before carefully pouring soda over my ice cream, enjoying the way it foams. Rylie presses play on the remote before doing the same with her ice cream, and we count to three before trying the ice cream at the same time.
"Mmm..." Rylie says, instantly grabbing another spoonful.
"Yep," I agree as I take another bite. "I think this is a treat we need to have on hand at all times."
"Definitely." Rylie laughs.
The movie begins and even though a part of me wants to eat slowly and savor my ice cream, the rest of me would rather eat quickly so I can cuddle with Rylie.
I reach over to place my empty cup on the nightstand, smiling softly when movement outside the window catches my eye. The city is lit up, each building more than normal with their added Christmas lights. The colorful city lights illuminate thick snowflakes as they fall past the window, and I nudge Rylie so she can look.
Out of all of the views we got throughout the year from our apartment, this one was my favorite. Being able to see it while cuddling with Rylie in our warm bed as Harry Potter plays on the TV only made the night more perfect.
Rylie slips her arms around me and I pull the soft blanket over our legs before resting my head on her chest. A quiet jingle sounds near the doorway and I smile when Harvey jumps onto the bed. He somehow manages to wiggle his way between our tangled legs, and it only takes him a few moments before he's comfortable. He rests his head on his paws and watches the TV, but I know he'll be asleep in minutes.
"I think Harvey is looking forward to our movie marathon this weekend." Rylie whispers against my ear.
"Definitely." I giggle. He's got a full weekend to spend in bed with us, he's living his best life."
"Too bad we'll have to kick him off the bed every once in a while..." Rylie trials off.
"For..." I turn towards Rylie, wondering where she was going with this.
"For when keeping my hands off of you is no longer an option." Rylie replies in a low voice that heats my insides.
"Mmm, I think he'll understand." I murmur before placing my lips to hers.
This time, it only takes me a few seconds to realize it's a nightmare. The fact that they were becoming almost a nightly thing makes it easier. And the fact that Gabe was in every single one.
"Aren't you getting tired of this?" I say as I sense his presence, not bothering to turn around.
"Why would I get tired of this? They're your dreams." He responds, his tone bored.
"Nightmares." I mutter under my breath. "It's not like I want to see you every night."
Gabe scoffs, his footsteps heavy as he nears me. I still don't turn as he speaks. "News flash, Aspen, I'm dead. We're here because of you, not me. Although, in answer to your question, no. I'm not getting tired of this. I actually look forward to our nightly meetups." I can hear the sneer in his voice, I don't even need to see him to know it's there.
"Believe me, if I could get rid of you, I would."
"Would you, though? I'm beginning to think you're enjoying this. Maybe you look forward to these dreams as much as I do."
I'm tempted to face Gabe as he says this but I force myself to stay still, opting for the familiar view from the window of his old apartment, where the dream was set. This view was better than what I would see if I turned to face him. "They're nightmares." I finally respond, annoyance rising in my voice. "I have no reason to look forward to these nightmares."
"Oh, but I think you do. I think they're your escape, actually." I hear Gabe take another step and fight a shiver as his fingers brush my hair aside, exposing the back of my neck. His breath is hot against my skin and I force myself not to recoil.
"Stop." I cut in, willing my voice to stay steady.
Gabe continues, ignoring me. "Maybe they're even your escape from Rylie. Maybe you've finally realized what a mistake you made choosing her instead of me."
"Leave Rylie out of this." I nearly growl.
Gabe ignores me again. "Maybe you're realizing that you making that mistake cost me my life. You're realizing that if you'd stayed with me instead of choosing her, I'd still be alive. I would still be alive, and Rylie would be with someone that actually makes her happy, instead of being stuck with you. She wouldn't have to deal with the annoyance of your constant 'nightmares'. Not to mention your past and the things you did with me."
"The things you did to me!" I scream, whirling around angrily to finally face him. I regret it the moment I see him, but force myself to continue. "I didn't want to do those things, you took advantage of me, Gabe!"
"Right. The so called 'rape'." He scoffs, his eyes darkening dangerously. I'm surprised Rylie is still with you after you lied about that and got me thrown into jail. Maybe she's only with you out of pity."
"Shut up!" I yell angrily. "I said leave Rylie out of this. She loves me and knows how disgusting you are."
"When will you stop lying to yourself, Aspen?" Gabe snarls, his once handsome face now torn and unrecognizable, only inches from mine. "Does denying it actually make you feel better about the fact that you took everything from me, even my life?"
"You deserved to be in prison!" I shout. "It's not my fault the other prisoners killed you once they found out the things you did!"
"It is your fault, Aspen. If you'd kept your fucking mouth shut, I wouldn't look like this! I wouldn't be dead! Let me ask you this," Gabe says, his voice taking on a new tone that scared me. "When you get bored of Rylie, are you going to lie and say she beat and raped you too?" An ugly sneer takes over Gabe's face, and I don't think before reacting.
The sharp sound from the slap rings through the air as my palm connects with his already disfigured face. The force of my slap snaps his head to the right and Gabe chuckles as he brushes a few stray curls from his eyes before facing me again.
"Rylie is the best thing that ever happened to me. She helped me heal from everything you put me through. She saved my life when all you tried to do was make me want to end it!" My throat burns as I scream the words I'd held inside for so long.
Gabe is silent for a moment, unfazed by my outburst. "Maybe you should've ended it." He finally says, his lips sliding up in an ugly sneer.
His words feel like a physical blow, and I struggle to take a breath in as I stumble back towards the window. Only, instead of my back hitting the glass like I expect, I feel myself suddenly falling backwards out of the now opened window. I try to cry out, but no sound can make it passed the tightness in my throat.
The only thing I can do is fall as Gabe watches from above. Even as I fall, the distance between us lengthening, the satisfaction and loathing is clear and evident on his face. His words echo endlessly around me, seeming to only get louder, my hands over my ears doing nothing to stop them. Tears stream down my face as I listen to the words repeat, over and over.
Maybe you should have ended it.
I bolt upright in bed, my breath coming in short bursts as tears fall from my eyes, staining my cheeks. My shirt sticks to my sweat covered body while my legs are tangled in the sheets, making me feel trapped. The dark room around me only worsens this feeling, and I'm suddenly desperate to get out.
I rip the blankets from my body, stumbling as I leave the bed and head quickly towards the bathroom. Careful not to wake Rylie, I shut the bathroom door quietly and sink to the floor. I pull my knees to my chest and press my back against the cold door, welcoming the cooling feeling as I try to slow my breathing.
All of Gabe's words continue to play in my mind, his final ones standing out the most.
It was just a dream. I try to tell myself, but it doesn't help. The harder I try to slow my breathing, the faster it gets. I'm suddenly hit with a wave of nausea and crawl quickly to the toilet, barely making it before emptying the contents of my stomach.
Only when there's nothing left do I finally collapse on the bathroom floor, shaking from the exertion.
A timid knock sounds and Rylie's quiet voice calls out as she carefully opens the door. "Aspen?" Her eyes scan the dark bathroom for a moment before landing on me, and I watch the worry instantly cover her face. "Baby," her voice is soft as she drops to my side, gently pulling me into her arms. "What happened?"
The gentleness in her words and touch only brings more tears that I fail to push away as I cling to Rylie. The tightness in my throat prevents me from answering her as she uses her thumb to wipe the tears from my cheeks.
"Was it another nightmare?" She asks softly. I hesitate for a moment as Gabe's words flash through my mind, but I push them away before nodding. Gabe is wrong. Rylie isn't annoyed of me and these nightmares. She's never once complained about them, all she wants is to help me through each one.
"Come here, baby." Rylie whispers as she helps me up. She pours me a cup of mouthwash that I use quickly before moving back into the bedroom. Once back in bed, Rylie pulls me to her chest before sliding beneath the covers as shivers continue to travel through my body. She holds me tightly, patiently whispering comforting words and running her fingers through my hair as my body slowly calms down.
"I'm really sorry that I keep doing this, Ry." I whisper once I can breathe evenly again.
"Aspen, my love," Rylie says, tilting my chin until our eyes meet. "You have nothing to apologize for. You can't control these nightmares. No matter how many you have, I'm still going to be here to help you through them all."
The tears threaten to start falling again as Rylie says this, but I manage to push them away. "Thank you, Ry."
"Always." She whispers before kissing my forehead. "Do you want to tell me about this one?"
of me doesn't want to tell her. That was the part that was having a hard time blocking out Gabe's lies. The part that couldn't help but see some truth in his words. "It was Gabe again, but it was different this time." I start, deciding to be careful about which details I share. It was better to leave out some of the things Gabe said. "I knew it was a nightmare right away and I told him that. He looked the same as he does in all the others, all torn and bruised, so I didn't look at him for a long time. He said maybe I enjoyed the nightmares because I got to see him. And then he started blaming me for everything again."
"So you told him to fuck off before pushing him out a window, right?" Rylie teases, trying to lighten the mood. I'm surprised when I actually laugh, but it was funny Rylie said that considering I was the one to fall from the window.
"Something like that." I manage once I stop laughing.
"I am sorry you had another one, Aspen." Rylie says softly, and I focus on the feel of her fingers in my hair. "Maybe we can figure out a way to stop them. Or you can learn to change the dream once you realize it's a dream."
"Ah, yes. I just need to master the art of lucid dreaming." I groan jokingly.
"You don't have that down yet? I learned how to lucid dream at will by the age of seven." Rylie says proudly, and I genuinely can't tell if she's serious.
"Really? At will?" I question skeptically.
"Okay, not at will." She admits with a laugh. "But I did do a lot of research and practice to get to a point where it's almost a weekly thing. I actually kept a dream journal for years which helps you remember more dreams, and find your dream signs. It's pretty easy to recognize my dream signs now and realize when I'm in a dream."
"I used to keep a dream journal too!" I say excitedly. "I actually stopped writing them down so much when I met you."
"Why's that?" Rylie asks.
"I started writing them down because a lot of the time, my dreams were better than real life. I'd write them down so I could go back and read them anytime I needed something happy. But I stopped when I met you, because real life was finally better than my dreams."
Rylie is quiet for a minute and when I look up at her, emotion and love fill her eyes. "Aspen, how do you always manage to make me feel so loved with your sweet words? I wish I did the same because it's such a great feeling."
"You'd better be kidding me." I say sternly. "If you really think you don't say the sweetest things to me and make me feel so unbelievably loved with your words, you need to listen to yourself more. And not to mention the things you do that also make me feel so loved!" I add excitedly. "You, my love, do so much more than you think to make me feel that great feeling."
Rylie smiles softly at me before pressing her lips to mine. "Thank you for reassuring me. You always do that so effortlessly."
"It is effortless, because it's you." I smile. "I'm curious though, what are your dream signs?" I ask as I snuggle closer to Rylie, feeling my eyelids getting heavier.
"I was hoping you'd ask!" Rylie replies, and I can hear the smile in her voice. "My most obvious one is that I can't cry in my dreams. Like, I make the crying sounds, but no tears will come and it's like my throat stays closed off, causing it to have that tight 'I'm going to cry' feeling permanently. It's hard to explain, but basically I just can't cry." She laughs. "Another frequent one is one a lot of people experience actually. Whenever I try to run in dreams, I run so slowly and it is incredibly frustrating. Honestly, it's probably the amount of frustration I have that makes me realize it's a dream."
"You do hardly ever get frustrated in real life! And I'm sorry, that not being able to cry thing is kind of funny." I laugh.
"It is kind of funny," Rylie agrees with a giggle. "You're sleepy, aren't you?" She says as she glances down at me.
"Mmhm." I reply as I close my eyes. "I love you."
"I love you, Aspen." Rylie replies before kissing my cheek and pulling the blanket over us once more.