A North Carolina Autumn - Chapter 47: Chapter 47

I wake late the next morning and sigh as I instantly feel my swollen and puffy eyes. The combination of lots of tears plus staying up late was the perfect recipe for that. I'm a little bit frustrated at the emotion I feel when I roll over to find Rylie's side of the bed empty but as I remember the details of last night and of my nightmare, it makes sense that I'm more emotional than normal.
She's just at school, she'll be home soon. I think, trying to calm myself. I let out another sigh before sitting up, brushing my messy hair from my face. Harvey senses my movement and hops up onto the bed, bringing a smile to my lips.
"Hey, Harvey." I pull him into my arms, giggling as he nips at the ends of my hair. "What do you say we do some organizing today?" I'd been meaning to give our closet a makeover to make some more space. We'd ordered some storage tubs to put all of our summer things in for the winter, which would give plenty of room for more jackets and coats.
That reminds me... I slip out of bed and pad towards the closet to grab the box of coats I'd grabbed from my mothers house. A lot had happened since I'd packed up this box, and I was excited to see which coats I'd put in it. I was hoping this was the box that held my favorite coat that had been missing for two years.
"Aha!" I say happily, earning an excited bark from Harvey. "I should've checked this box sooner." I mutter to myself. My eyebrows draw together in confusion as I see a small box covered in strips of newspaper. I remember the box, and the phase I'd had of ripping up newspapers to then glue the pieces onto boxes in my own unique way of decorating the boxes. This thought makes me smile, and the smile only grows as I see all the little trinkets and mementos I'd stuffed inside.
My smile falters slightly as I grab the thick stack of envelopes, reading the small print on each one. These were my 'letters I'll never send'. Most had been written while I was in high school and while some of them were good, happy letters to people in my life, it was easy to remember how many were not. It was also easy to remember how many were addressed to Gabe.
I quickly put the letters back in the box, not wanting to deal with the flood of emotion I knew they would bring. The smile completely vanishes from my lips as my fingers brush against the small bundle beside the letters.
"No... no, no, no..." The word comes out as a repeated whisper while I sit frozen, unable to take my eyes from the bundle. "What the fuck..." I sob, unable to control the sudden rush of emotion.
I threw them away. Right before camp I wrapped them in that stupid grey cloth and threw them away. Except I hadn't. In the rush of packing all of my things up, and with the thought in mind that I might need them again one day, I'd hidden them away in this box.
"I'm so stupid!" I nearly scream, digging my fingernails into my arms as they wrap tightly around my knees. Ever since the nightmares started back up, bringing the guilt and pain from the past with them, it had taken everything in me to keep from hurting myself. I'd managed to push away the thought most of the time, but it was still always there, no matter what I did. And now with this, I'm not sure pushing the thoughts away is an option anymore.
I take the cloth bundle gently in my hands, studying the varying greys of the threads for a moment before slowly unwrapping it, careful to avoid the contents. Although they've been healed for a couple of years now, my scars burn as if they'd never healed at all as I stare at the blades in my palm.
Disgust builds inside of me as I stare at the silver pieces. The blades that knew my skin in a way I hated, a way I desperately wish I could take back. And yet, despite this disgust and hatred, the thoughts are back full force, refusing to be pushed away.
"I can't." I whisper, somehow forcing myself to rewrap the items. "Not now."
So when? A voice says in my head, one that can only belong to Gabe. Because we both know you're going to, Aspen. We both know you deserve it, it's just a matter of time.
"Get out of my head." I growl before standing and hurrying into the bathroom. I know I should bury the bundle deep in the trash, or better yet the dumpster, but a small, weak part of myself won't let me. The part that can't help but see the truth in Gabe's words.
Are they even Gabe's words, or are they my own? I shake my head before opening the cabinet beneath the sink and shoving the bundle behind the stack of toilet paper and cleaning supplies, a place I hope Rylie won't look.
Rylie.
The thought of her nearly brings me to tears once again. I can't ever tell her about this. I can't risk her being disappointed in me. She'd never been disappointed with this stuff before, but what if this time was different?
This time is different, Aspen. Gabe's voice starts again. But you already know that, don't you? Otherwise, you would've told her everything about the dream last night, including that last little bit.
"I can't listen to you anymore." I snap as I head back into my room for my headphones. Blocking Gabe and my thoughts out is the only way to keep from doing something stupid, so I waste no time in pulling up my music. And then, to make sure both my mind and hands are completely distracted, I get started on cleaning the closet.
By the time I finish with the closet and cleaning everything else that I could think of, three hours have passed and I realize I feel better. Much better. Just to be safe, I keep my headphones on and pull out a book to read until Rylie gets home.
Leaving my headphones on is a mistake, and Rylie uses this to her advantage. Had I been paying even a little bit of attention, I would've heard and seen her in the doorway as she called my name not once, not twice, but three times. She laughs to herself before pushing off the doorway to sprint across the floor, using her momentum to launch herself towards me. I glance up and make eye contact with her, but it's too late. I let out a frightened yelp and hold my arms up in defense the second before Rylie lands, burying me beneath her body.
"You're freezing!" I try to say, my words muffled by the blankets surrounding my face. Rylie says something, but I can't hear her due to the music still playing in my ears. "What?" I yell with a laugh.
"Oh, sorry..." Rylie yells back and a moment later, she pulls the headphones from my ears before allowing me to roll over so she's straddling me. "Better?" She asks, and I grin.
"Much better. Can I warm you up?" I open my arms.
"Please!" Rylie smiles before laying on me again. "I love how you still want to warm me up even after I scare and smother you." She laughs, her breath warm against my neck.
"I'll always want to be close to you, no matter what you do." I admit with a laugh.
"Ooh, noted!" Rylie giggles. "I missed you."
"I missed you, Ry. I'm sorry I didn't say goodbye before you left."
"Oh, you did."
"I did?" I ask and Rylie laughs as she rolls to lay beside me.
"I figured you were sleep talking, and that just confirmed it."
"Ry! What did I say?" I have no recollection of this morning, but it must've been good based on Rylie's reaction.
"I don't think I can repeat it, you weren't exactly keeping things PG." Rylie smirks, and I cover my face in embarrassment as faint details of this morning return.
"Oh my gosh, I was definitely trying to seduce you in my sleep!" I groan.
"I guess you could put it that way." Rylie giggles. "Don't worry, it's flattering that you think of me like that even when you're sleeping. Although for the record, you are much better at seducing me when you're awake..." She murmurs, leaning closer.
I glance down at her lips briefly before responding. "I'll always want you like that. You don't know the things I'd do and say to seduce you..." I kiss Rylie softly while gently pulling her closer to me.
"Mmm..." She says against my mouth. "As much as that turns me on, we can't do this right now."
"What? Why?" I groan as Rylie rolls out of my arms. This news didn't make me happy, and the throbbing between my legs felt the same.
"Because, we're going on a date!" Rylie grins.
"I like dates... what kind of date?" I ask, giving Rylie my full attention.
"That, I cannot tell you. It's a surprise."
"Ry!" I groan, falling back onto the pillows. "This is vital information that I need to know!"
"You'll find out when we get there." Rylie laughs. "If I told you now, you'd talk me out of it."
"Is that supposed to be comforting?" I reply with a raised eyebrow.
Rylie opens her mouth as if to say something, but stops for a second. "You're right, that was the wrong thing to say." She giggles. "Just trust me?"
"That was all you had to say." I smile as I step into her arms. "I trust you with my life."
Rylie's startling blue eyes meet mine for a moment before she kisses the tip of my nose. "Good. Let's go."
"You're kidding." I gasp as I see the neon sign for the tattoo shop.
"I'm really not..."
"Please tell you you're kidding." I plead, turning to Rylie.
"Aspen, I promise you'll love this!" Rylie laughs.
"Love it? It's gonna hurt! You're right, I would've talked you out of it!"
"Which is why it was a surprise! We're already here and we have an appointment for it, so we have to!"
"Ry," I widen my eyes and pout. "I do trust you, but I'm scared..."
"I know, baby. I'm nervous too but with what I have in mind, it won't take too long, and I'll hold your hand the entire time."
"Are we both getting a tattoo?" I ask, feeling slightly better after her words.
"Of course." Rylie smiles reassuringly. "They're matching tattoos, and I know you'll love what I chose."
"Is that going to be a surprise too?"
"Yep," Rylie laughs. "But it will be worth it. I promise."
"Okay. It's a good thing I have a high pain tolerance." I say, trying to seem tough.
"Mmhm, we'll see about that." Rylie laughs before pulling me into the shop. After we get checked in, we follow who I assume is the tattoo artist over to his work area.
I take note of the chair meant for the person getting tattooed, and a normal metal chair next to it where the other person would be able to sit. "You can go first..." I whisper to Rylie. "I'll get the cold metal chair warm for you."
Rylie laughs before sliding onto her chair. "I was gonna go first anyway, but you're very thoughtful!"
"Anything for you." I grin proudly.
Rylie's tattoo doesn't take too long, just like she said. I hold her hand the entire time, grimacing when she does and not saying a word about how hard she's squeezing my hand.
"All done!" The artist says before turning to me. "You're up."
"Okay..." I blow out a breath before switching places with Rylie. When I try to sneak a look at the tattoo, she snatches her hand away.
"Hey! No peeking."
"Sorry," I laugh. "But at least now I know where it'll be."
"You really didn't peek at all while he was doing it?" Rylie asks, seeming surprised.
"Nope, you told me not to!" I shrug with a laugh.
"That's my good girl." Rylie says this so quietly that I know the artist doesn't hear, but I sure do. My eyes quickly meet hers, and I know she can see the burning desire in them very clearly. "Later." She mouths with a smirk. I subtly cross my legs and roll my eyes when Rylie giggles.
"You ready?" The artist asks me once he finishes getting set up.
"I guess so." I reply with a nervous smile.
"Here, take this." Rylie says, slipping her hand into my free one. "You'll need it."
Even though I'm determined at first to squeeze her hand as little as possible, it quickly becomes clear that that is not an option. Rylie made me promise not to look until we get home, and it takes everything in me to keep that promise. I try to guess what the tattoo is as the artist works, but all I can tell is that it's something small on the inside of my right ring finger.
I had no idea what it could be. What was something meaningful to both me and Rylie, and small enough to fit on the inside of a finger? One of my guesses is a heart, but that seems too simple. Rylie wouldn't have gone for something that simple. The one thing I know for sure is that it hurts like hell.
Maybe I need to reevaluate how high my pain tolerance actually is...
Finally, after what feels like several hours, the artist announces he's all done. Rylie carefully takes my newly tattooed hand the moment it's free, preventing me from sneaking any peaks.
"One step ahead of you." She smirks, reading my mind before heading to the counter to pay.
"Can I look now?" I ask the moment the front door shuts.
"Almost." Rylie grins before heading into the bedroom. I groan and follow her, flopping onto the bed beside her.
"Now?"
"So impatient!" Rylie teases as she fiddles with her necklace.
"You would be too if you just had something put permanently on your hand but couldn't look to see what!"
"Fair enough." Rylie smiles as she unclasps her necklace and sets it in her palm.
"What are you doing?" I ask, suddenly more curious about the necklace. She never takes that necklace off...
"You'll see." Rylie smiles softly at me. "You can look now."
I hold eye contact with her for a moment before finally glancing down at my hand. The moment I see it, emotion bubbles up inside of me. While it is something that's somewhat simple, the amount of meaning it holds is nearly overwhelming.
One glance at Rylie and the necklace in her palm is all it takes for my tears to spill over but for once, I don't even try to stop them.
In the palm of Rylie's hand sits the tiny Ferris wheel necklace I'd gotten her for her birthday when we were at camp. And my new tattoo, a tiny, perfect, identical Ferris wheel sits in black ink on the inside of my right ring finger, matching with Rylie's.