A North Carolina Autumn - Chapter 50: Chapter 50
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Rylie finally passes the baby to me when she can no longer hold off on going to the bathroom. "I really need to pee." She whispers hurriedly, and I laugh.
"You shouldn't have had that full water bottle." I say, earning another glare from her before she hurries off to the bathroom.
Brad and Kristen are in the kitchen talking while Kristen makes dinner, and the three boys run around the room chasing Harvey, like normal. "I get you all to myself for a minute, huh?" I say softly to Harper as she begins playing with the strings of my hoodie.
Harper is dressed in a cute onesie with a floral pattern to match the bow on her head. Her curls are wilder than normal because of her nap, but they are still so cute. As she starts to get wiggly, I slide down to the floor so I can lay her on her back. I lay her soft blanket on top of the carpet to give her more cushioning. "You can never be too comfy." I say in my baby voice.
Rylie returns a few minutes later and sits on the floor next to me as I hold Harper in a standing position, laughing as she bounces on her unsteady legs.
"I love how good you are with her. I know I say I always want to hold her and play with her, but I really do love watching you with her." Rylie tells me with a smile.
"That's exactly how I feel about you holding her." I reply with a laugh before leaning over to kiss her softly.
"Are you two almost ready to go through those pictures? Dillon will be home soon!" Kristen calls from the kitchen.
"Yes!" Rylie and I answer in unison before focusing back on the baby as she chews on one of her now very slobbery fists.
But, maybe I shouldn't have been focusing only on Harper. I should've been more careful. If I'd been more careful, I would have noticed my sleeve slip down. I would've had time to pull it back up. But I'm not careful enough, and the movement of my sleeve catches Rylie's attention, drawing her eyes to the thin, red lines on my wrist.
I'm oblivious to the way her eyes fill with tears as a hundred different emotions flash through them. I don't notice her quickly wiping her eyes before quietly saying, "I'll be right back."
"Okay." I reply as I watch her disappear down the hall. I hope she's okay... I couldn't think of anything that might've upset her, so maybe she just had to... blow her nose or something.
I shake my head to try and clear the worry before turning back to Harper. I lay her back down on the blanket and hand her a toy to chew on, laughing when Harvey comes over and licks her hubby arm.
"Is all that slobber on her arm yummy?" I giggle. Harvey rolls onto his back happily, his way of asking for belly rubs. "Ah, you figured out that she can't scratch your belly, huh?" I laugh before giving in and scratching his belly.
When Dillon arrives home a few minutes later, I hop up to grab my laptop so we can go through the pictures. Brad helps me connect to the TV so we can sit comfortably on the couches and see the pictures on a bigger screen.
When Rylie returns a moment later, she sits on the floor in front of Harper instead of next to me. She just wants more time with Harper. I think to myself, trying not to worry about if something is bothering her.
Had I noticed the redness of her eyes, I would've had my answer. Instead, I focus on the screen as I pull the pictures up, smiling at the excitement from Rylie's parents. Even the boys watch the TV, pointing excitedly each time they see themselves in a picture.
Eventually, Rylie joins in with the smiling and laughing when someone comments on a photo and I feel some relief. See? She's fine. I have nothing to worry about.
But maybe I should've paid attention to the feeling that something was really wrong, instead of pushing it aside.
Halfway through the drive home, I finally break the silence. "Are you okay?" I ask, turning to Rylie briefly before focusing back on the road.
"Yeah, I'm fine." She answers, not pulling her gaze from the blur of trees outside her window.
"Is something wrong?" I push, feeling more and more like she's hiding something.
"No, Aspen. Everything's fine. I just have a headache." Rylie responds, and I'm taken aback by the shortness in her tone.
"Okay, I'm sorry." I say quietly. I was obviously making things worse.
"No, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to be short with you." Rylie finally turns to me. She moves her hand as if to reach for mine but hesitates before keeping her hand in her lap. "I'm just going to try and sleep some, okay? It's a pretty bad headache." She finally says before leaning her seat back and closing her eyes.
"Okay." I reply. "I love you."
Rylie doesn't answer, and I spend the rest of the drive trying to convince myself that she just didn't hear me. The thought that she did hear me only makes my worry grow.
When we make it home, it's a little after 9:00pm. I head into our bedroom to put my things away and when I come back into the kitchen, I stop when I see Rylie pulling on a coat, Harvey's leash in her hand.
"Where are you going?" I ask, hating how controlling I sound.
"Harvey needs to go out before bed, and I need some air." Rylie answers, avoiding my eyes.
"Rylie, what's going on?" I try to keep my voice even.
"Nothing, Aspen. I'll be back." She says before disappearing out the door.
My feet stay rooted to the floor for what feels like several long minutes before I finally force myself to move. I make it to the bed before my suddenly weak legs decide to give out. A few tears slip down my cheek and I brush them aside before blowing out a breath.
"I'm probably just overreacting. Rylie isn't keeping anything from me, and she'll probably be fine once she gets back." I say out loud. I decide to get ready for bed, knowing I needed a distraction until Rylie gets back.
Silence greets me when I step out of the shower 25 minutes later, bringing a wave of concern. Rylie should be back by now.
I quickly brush my wet hair and dry off before throwing on an oversized t-shirt and picking up my phone. The screen shows no new messages, and one missed call, but it's an unknown number instead of Rylie's like I'd hoped. My worry only continues to grow. I quickly pull up Rylie's location, and breathe out a sigh of relief. The dot representing her is moving slowly back in this direction. She must've walked really far since she's still 20 minutes away. Judging by how slow she's walking, probably longer.
As I have the thought, a new text message from Rylie comes through.
Rylie- I'll be home soon, you can go to sleep.
"As if I could sleep right now." I almost chuckle before dropping back onto the pillows. A sudden shiver surprises me and it takes me a moment to remember how used to long sleeves I am.
Nearly a week has passed since my last relapse, which was a day after the first one, meaning I'd be wearing long sleeves for at least another two weeks or so. Until the marks are less visible. I push myself up and walk to the closet, swapping out a sweater with my t-shirt before climbing back into bed and under the covers.
Despite leaving the light on and being worried about Rylie, it's suddenly impossible to keep my eyes open.
I'll just close them for a minute. I need to be awake when she gets back. I tell myself before my eyelids close.
But I'm not awake when Rylie finally returns 45 minutes later. She stands in the doorway of our bedroom for a moment as she considers waking me up. Tears fill her eyes again as she studies my sleeping form, and she quickly brings a hand to her mouth as a sob threatens to break free.
Rylie quietly shuts off the bedroom light before hurrying into the bathroom, turning on the shower a moment later. She removes her clothes before stepping into the water, the stream warming her cold skin as she slides down the wall to the floor. Her sobs are muffled by the sound of the water as she sits, hugging her knees to her chest.
When she returns to the bedroom an hour later with wet hair and dry eyes, she climbs beneath the covers silently before laying with her back to me, a pillow clutched in her arms.
Rylie still doesn't wake me up, and I have no idea that the image she falls asleep with is the image of my wrist. I have no idea that she falls asleep wondering what she did wrong.
"You shouldn't have had that full water bottle." I say, earning another glare from her before she hurries off to the bathroom.
Brad and Kristen are in the kitchen talking while Kristen makes dinner, and the three boys run around the room chasing Harvey, like normal. "I get you all to myself for a minute, huh?" I say softly to Harper as she begins playing with the strings of my hoodie.
Harper is dressed in a cute onesie with a floral pattern to match the bow on her head. Her curls are wilder than normal because of her nap, but they are still so cute. As she starts to get wiggly, I slide down to the floor so I can lay her on her back. I lay her soft blanket on top of the carpet to give her more cushioning. "You can never be too comfy." I say in my baby voice.
Rylie returns a few minutes later and sits on the floor next to me as I hold Harper in a standing position, laughing as she bounces on her unsteady legs.
"I love how good you are with her. I know I say I always want to hold her and play with her, but I really do love watching you with her." Rylie tells me with a smile.
"That's exactly how I feel about you holding her." I reply with a laugh before leaning over to kiss her softly.
"Are you two almost ready to go through those pictures? Dillon will be home soon!" Kristen calls from the kitchen.
"Yes!" Rylie and I answer in unison before focusing back on the baby as she chews on one of her now very slobbery fists.
But, maybe I shouldn't have been focusing only on Harper. I should've been more careful. If I'd been more careful, I would have noticed my sleeve slip down. I would've had time to pull it back up. But I'm not careful enough, and the movement of my sleeve catches Rylie's attention, drawing her eyes to the thin, red lines on my wrist.
I'm oblivious to the way her eyes fill with tears as a hundred different emotions flash through them. I don't notice her quickly wiping her eyes before quietly saying, "I'll be right back."
"Okay." I reply as I watch her disappear down the hall. I hope she's okay... I couldn't think of anything that might've upset her, so maybe she just had to... blow her nose or something.
I shake my head to try and clear the worry before turning back to Harper. I lay her back down on the blanket and hand her a toy to chew on, laughing when Harvey comes over and licks her hubby arm.
"Is all that slobber on her arm yummy?" I giggle. Harvey rolls onto his back happily, his way of asking for belly rubs. "Ah, you figured out that she can't scratch your belly, huh?" I laugh before giving in and scratching his belly.
When Dillon arrives home a few minutes later, I hop up to grab my laptop so we can go through the pictures. Brad helps me connect to the TV so we can sit comfortably on the couches and see the pictures on a bigger screen.
When Rylie returns a moment later, she sits on the floor in front of Harper instead of next to me. She just wants more time with Harper. I think to myself, trying not to worry about if something is bothering her.
Had I noticed the redness of her eyes, I would've had my answer. Instead, I focus on the screen as I pull the pictures up, smiling at the excitement from Rylie's parents. Even the boys watch the TV, pointing excitedly each time they see themselves in a picture.
Eventually, Rylie joins in with the smiling and laughing when someone comments on a photo and I feel some relief. See? She's fine. I have nothing to worry about.
But maybe I should've paid attention to the feeling that something was really wrong, instead of pushing it aside.
Halfway through the drive home, I finally break the silence. "Are you okay?" I ask, turning to Rylie briefly before focusing back on the road.
"Yeah, I'm fine." She answers, not pulling her gaze from the blur of trees outside her window.
"Is something wrong?" I push, feeling more and more like she's hiding something.
"No, Aspen. Everything's fine. I just have a headache." Rylie responds, and I'm taken aback by the shortness in her tone.
"Okay, I'm sorry." I say quietly. I was obviously making things worse.
"No, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to be short with you." Rylie finally turns to me. She moves her hand as if to reach for mine but hesitates before keeping her hand in her lap. "I'm just going to try and sleep some, okay? It's a pretty bad headache." She finally says before leaning her seat back and closing her eyes.
"Okay." I reply. "I love you."
Rylie doesn't answer, and I spend the rest of the drive trying to convince myself that she just didn't hear me. The thought that she did hear me only makes my worry grow.
When we make it home, it's a little after 9:00pm. I head into our bedroom to put my things away and when I come back into the kitchen, I stop when I see Rylie pulling on a coat, Harvey's leash in her hand.
"Where are you going?" I ask, hating how controlling I sound.
"Harvey needs to go out before bed, and I need some air." Rylie answers, avoiding my eyes.
"Rylie, what's going on?" I try to keep my voice even.
"Nothing, Aspen. I'll be back." She says before disappearing out the door.
My feet stay rooted to the floor for what feels like several long minutes before I finally force myself to move. I make it to the bed before my suddenly weak legs decide to give out. A few tears slip down my cheek and I brush them aside before blowing out a breath.
"I'm probably just overreacting. Rylie isn't keeping anything from me, and she'll probably be fine once she gets back." I say out loud. I decide to get ready for bed, knowing I needed a distraction until Rylie gets back.
Silence greets me when I step out of the shower 25 minutes later, bringing a wave of concern. Rylie should be back by now.
I quickly brush my wet hair and dry off before throwing on an oversized t-shirt and picking up my phone. The screen shows no new messages, and one missed call, but it's an unknown number instead of Rylie's like I'd hoped. My worry only continues to grow. I quickly pull up Rylie's location, and breathe out a sigh of relief. The dot representing her is moving slowly back in this direction. She must've walked really far since she's still 20 minutes away. Judging by how slow she's walking, probably longer.
As I have the thought, a new text message from Rylie comes through.
Rylie- I'll be home soon, you can go to sleep.
"As if I could sleep right now." I almost chuckle before dropping back onto the pillows. A sudden shiver surprises me and it takes me a moment to remember how used to long sleeves I am.
Nearly a week has passed since my last relapse, which was a day after the first one, meaning I'd be wearing long sleeves for at least another two weeks or so. Until the marks are less visible. I push myself up and walk to the closet, swapping out a sweater with my t-shirt before climbing back into bed and under the covers.
Despite leaving the light on and being worried about Rylie, it's suddenly impossible to keep my eyes open.
I'll just close them for a minute. I need to be awake when she gets back. I tell myself before my eyelids close.
But I'm not awake when Rylie finally returns 45 minutes later. She stands in the doorway of our bedroom for a moment as she considers waking me up. Tears fill her eyes again as she studies my sleeping form, and she quickly brings a hand to her mouth as a sob threatens to break free.
Rylie quietly shuts off the bedroom light before hurrying into the bathroom, turning on the shower a moment later. She removes her clothes before stepping into the water, the stream warming her cold skin as she slides down the wall to the floor. Her sobs are muffled by the sound of the water as she sits, hugging her knees to her chest.
When she returns to the bedroom an hour later with wet hair and dry eyes, she climbs beneath the covers silently before laying with her back to me, a pillow clutched in her arms.
Rylie still doesn't wake me up, and I have no idea that the image she falls asleep with is the image of my wrist. I have no idea that she falls asleep wondering what she did wrong.
End of A North Carolina Autumn Chapter 50. Continue reading Chapter 51 or return to A North Carolina Autumn book page.