A North Carolina Autumn - Chapter 6: Chapter 6
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"Okay, we didn't know what everyone would want, so we just got lots of chicken, fries, and boberry biscuits." My mom explains. Bojangles was yet another of my favorite restaurants, and all of those things were what I normally got. My mother smiles warmly at me, and I know she thought about that, too.
They got plenty of food, and I know even if the rest of the Salty Christians were to show up, we'd still have leftovers. My mother hands me a cup, and I can tell instantly that it's Dr. Pepper.
"Thanks, mom." I say with a laugh. The guys bring over more chairs so that we're all able to sit by each other. Spencer manages to hold Harper and eat his food, and I can't help but laugh as he struggles.
"Do you want me to hold her?" I ask once I finish my food.
"Not really, but you probably should." He says with a laugh, reluctantly handing me the baby.
"Okay, Aspen." I turn to face Jeremy as he gets my attention. "The rest of the group worked out a plan of sorts. Since it's such a long drive, they're probably only going to be able to come up once or twice a week. But I can come up as often as possible. I might even just stay with a buddy up here."
"Jer, you are all so nice but I don't think Ry would want this to inconvenience any of you."
"Like I said, Rylie would do the same for any of us. She's not an inconvenience in the slightest."
"Okay. And Jeremy, you're welcome to stay at my place if you need. We've got a couch, and a spare room when my mom isn't here."
"Thanks, Aspen. I might take you up on that." He and Austin move to stand. "We're going to head back to topsail, but I'll keep you updated on when I can come back."
I pass Harper back to an eager Spencer before standing to hug Jeremy and Austin. "Thank you, both. Having you two by my side has made this an easier thing to deal with."
"We'll always be here for you, Aspen." Austin replies with a grin.
By 7:00pm, it's just me, my mother and Brad in the waiting room. Kristen and Dillon left to put Harper to bed, as well as to watch the boys for Brad. Spencer had gone with them, and I could tell he really didn't want to part with Harper.
I knew that Brad and Kristen both wanted to stay, but decided to take turns staying. They wanted to be at the hospital at all times in case there were any updates. That's how I felt, too.
Mom's boyfriend, Jay, was currently speaking with Rylie's doctor to get updated on her condition. I was curled up into a ball on my chair waiting, just hoping I would be able to see Rylie before going home for the night. I know I'd just seen her this morning, but that felt so long ago.
I rest my head on my hand and let my eyes travel around the room, taking note of everything for the first time. The walls are a dull grey color, matching the shade of the stiff, new carpet. The entire room had that 'new' smell, but not a clean new smell. New like everything had been in boxes in storage for months before being set up here. I wasn't a fan of that smell, it burned my nostrils.
A large vending machine and soda machine take up one part of the far wall, the quiet humming from both machines fill the silence. Chairs and tables fill the rest of the room, but only three other people occupy them. I study each of their faces carefully, trying to guess why they're here. They each look calm and slightly bored, so it's easy to assume that whoever they're here for either isn't in a serious situation, or they're not close with the person.
Close like I am with Rylie.
I shove the thought from my mind. I'd gone several hours without crying, and I wanted to keep it that way.
My mother and Brad talk quietly a few chairs away, but I don't try to listen. They were good about including me on the important things, so I wasn't worried.
Finally, after what feels like another hour, Jay reappears with Rylie's new doctor by his side. I uncurl myself from my chair and stand along with Brad and my mom.
"Aspen, would you like to go see her?" Jay asks, and I nod eagerly. The other doctor leads me down the hallway and into her room before leaving me.
I was finally alone with Rylie for the first time in what felt like weeks. It's less of a shock to see her this time, although still painful. I slide into the chair to her left, instantly slipping my fingers between hers.
Machines beep quietly on the other side of the bed, and my eyes follow the endless cords, trying to find where they end. Some are connected to Rylie, but not as many as I would've expected.
Rylie's face is calm, making it look like she's only sleeping. Like she could wake up at any moment. The bandage around her head had been replaced, and the new one looked smaller.
That's good, right?
She still wasn't breathing on her own, so a ventilator mask still covered her nose and mouth, breathing for her.
"Rylie..." I start, but a wave of emotion suddenly hits me, and my voice breaks. "I miss you." Tears begin falling, but I don't bother with brushing them away. "It's only been a little over a day since... since I saw you on the pier, but it feels like weeks have gone by." Soon, my pent up guilt begins flowing out, in time with the tears.
"I'm so sorry, Ry. If I hadn't let you go, if I had given you an answer right then, maybe this wouldn't have happened? I shouldn't have let you walk away. I'm so sorry." I sob, clinging to her hand.
"I would have said yes. I don't care how you ask, I would say yes no matter what. And..." I pause, finally wiping the tears from my eyes. "I was actually going to ask you." A small, watery laugh slips from my mouth, and it feels really good. "I was worried you would think it was too soon, but I was going to do it anyway. I just wanted you to know that I was planning on loving you forever."
Maybe, if I had been focusing on her hand in mine, I would've felt the slight, almost nonexistent movement in her fingers. But the movement is too small, too quick, and I don't notice it. Instead, I continue on, feeling some comfort as I let out the words I'd bottled up.
"They don't know why you can't wake up. They don't know if you will wake up. Hell, I don't even know if you can hear me, but if you can, please wake up. I need you, Ry. Please come back to me."
This time, I do notice the movement. My eyes snap to our joined hands, and I wonder if I imagined it.
Did she move? Or was it just a random twitch?
Before I have time to think about it more, the door opens and Jay and Rylie's doctor walk in. Their faces push the rest of the thought completely from my mind.
"What is it?" I ask in a small voice. Jay senses my fear and hurries to explain.
"Nothing is wrong, don't worry. It's just time to go. We're going to runs some more tests tomorrow to check out the brain function, but nothing is looking any worse, okay?"
"It's not looking any better either though, is it?" Jay's eyes meet mine, and he pulls his lips into a tight line before shaking his head.
"No. But we'll figure this out, okay?"
I swallow hard before nodding. "Okay. Thank you." I stand to gently kiss Rylie's forehead before releasing her hand and following Jay out the door. My mother and Jay follow me back to my apartment, and we say a quick goodnight before disappearing to our separate rooms. Normally, I would be grossed out at the thought of my mother and Jay sharing a bed... but I didn't have the mental energy to focus on that. Or any energy, actually. I was exhausted.
I quickly throw on some pajamas but freeze when I see the bag on the bed. The one I'd intentionally left alone, because of its contents. I grab the bag, intending to set it on the small chair in the corner of the room, but without my permission, my fingers unzip the zipper before pulling out the teddy bear.
"Oh..." The moment the word slips from my mouth, I break. I climb beneath the covers and roll over to Rylie's side, resting my head on her pillow as the tears flow from my eyes.
I clutch the bear against my chest and burry my nose in it's fur, only feeling my heart threaten to break even more as Rylie's smell tickles my senses.
How is this fair? Why did this happen to Rylie?
"Please," I plead with whoever is listening. "Please don't take her from me. I need her."
I don't know how long my cries continue before I finally, mercifully slip into a restless, dreamless sleep.
They got plenty of food, and I know even if the rest of the Salty Christians were to show up, we'd still have leftovers. My mother hands me a cup, and I can tell instantly that it's Dr. Pepper.
"Thanks, mom." I say with a laugh. The guys bring over more chairs so that we're all able to sit by each other. Spencer manages to hold Harper and eat his food, and I can't help but laugh as he struggles.
"Do you want me to hold her?" I ask once I finish my food.
"Not really, but you probably should." He says with a laugh, reluctantly handing me the baby.
"Okay, Aspen." I turn to face Jeremy as he gets my attention. "The rest of the group worked out a plan of sorts. Since it's such a long drive, they're probably only going to be able to come up once or twice a week. But I can come up as often as possible. I might even just stay with a buddy up here."
"Jer, you are all so nice but I don't think Ry would want this to inconvenience any of you."
"Like I said, Rylie would do the same for any of us. She's not an inconvenience in the slightest."
"Okay. And Jeremy, you're welcome to stay at my place if you need. We've got a couch, and a spare room when my mom isn't here."
"Thanks, Aspen. I might take you up on that." He and Austin move to stand. "We're going to head back to topsail, but I'll keep you updated on when I can come back."
I pass Harper back to an eager Spencer before standing to hug Jeremy and Austin. "Thank you, both. Having you two by my side has made this an easier thing to deal with."
"We'll always be here for you, Aspen." Austin replies with a grin.
By 7:00pm, it's just me, my mother and Brad in the waiting room. Kristen and Dillon left to put Harper to bed, as well as to watch the boys for Brad. Spencer had gone with them, and I could tell he really didn't want to part with Harper.
I knew that Brad and Kristen both wanted to stay, but decided to take turns staying. They wanted to be at the hospital at all times in case there were any updates. That's how I felt, too.
Mom's boyfriend, Jay, was currently speaking with Rylie's doctor to get updated on her condition. I was curled up into a ball on my chair waiting, just hoping I would be able to see Rylie before going home for the night. I know I'd just seen her this morning, but that felt so long ago.
I rest my head on my hand and let my eyes travel around the room, taking note of everything for the first time. The walls are a dull grey color, matching the shade of the stiff, new carpet. The entire room had that 'new' smell, but not a clean new smell. New like everything had been in boxes in storage for months before being set up here. I wasn't a fan of that smell, it burned my nostrils.
A large vending machine and soda machine take up one part of the far wall, the quiet humming from both machines fill the silence. Chairs and tables fill the rest of the room, but only three other people occupy them. I study each of their faces carefully, trying to guess why they're here. They each look calm and slightly bored, so it's easy to assume that whoever they're here for either isn't in a serious situation, or they're not close with the person.
Close like I am with Rylie.
I shove the thought from my mind. I'd gone several hours without crying, and I wanted to keep it that way.
My mother and Brad talk quietly a few chairs away, but I don't try to listen. They were good about including me on the important things, so I wasn't worried.
Finally, after what feels like another hour, Jay reappears with Rylie's new doctor by his side. I uncurl myself from my chair and stand along with Brad and my mom.
"Aspen, would you like to go see her?" Jay asks, and I nod eagerly. The other doctor leads me down the hallway and into her room before leaving me.
I was finally alone with Rylie for the first time in what felt like weeks. It's less of a shock to see her this time, although still painful. I slide into the chair to her left, instantly slipping my fingers between hers.
Machines beep quietly on the other side of the bed, and my eyes follow the endless cords, trying to find where they end. Some are connected to Rylie, but not as many as I would've expected.
Rylie's face is calm, making it look like she's only sleeping. Like she could wake up at any moment. The bandage around her head had been replaced, and the new one looked smaller.
That's good, right?
She still wasn't breathing on her own, so a ventilator mask still covered her nose and mouth, breathing for her.
"Rylie..." I start, but a wave of emotion suddenly hits me, and my voice breaks. "I miss you." Tears begin falling, but I don't bother with brushing them away. "It's only been a little over a day since... since I saw you on the pier, but it feels like weeks have gone by." Soon, my pent up guilt begins flowing out, in time with the tears.
"I'm so sorry, Ry. If I hadn't let you go, if I had given you an answer right then, maybe this wouldn't have happened? I shouldn't have let you walk away. I'm so sorry." I sob, clinging to her hand.
"I would have said yes. I don't care how you ask, I would say yes no matter what. And..." I pause, finally wiping the tears from my eyes. "I was actually going to ask you." A small, watery laugh slips from my mouth, and it feels really good. "I was worried you would think it was too soon, but I was going to do it anyway. I just wanted you to know that I was planning on loving you forever."
Maybe, if I had been focusing on her hand in mine, I would've felt the slight, almost nonexistent movement in her fingers. But the movement is too small, too quick, and I don't notice it. Instead, I continue on, feeling some comfort as I let out the words I'd bottled up.
"They don't know why you can't wake up. They don't know if you will wake up. Hell, I don't even know if you can hear me, but if you can, please wake up. I need you, Ry. Please come back to me."
This time, I do notice the movement. My eyes snap to our joined hands, and I wonder if I imagined it.
Did she move? Or was it just a random twitch?
Before I have time to think about it more, the door opens and Jay and Rylie's doctor walk in. Their faces push the rest of the thought completely from my mind.
"What is it?" I ask in a small voice. Jay senses my fear and hurries to explain.
"Nothing is wrong, don't worry. It's just time to go. We're going to runs some more tests tomorrow to check out the brain function, but nothing is looking any worse, okay?"
"It's not looking any better either though, is it?" Jay's eyes meet mine, and he pulls his lips into a tight line before shaking his head.
"No. But we'll figure this out, okay?"
I swallow hard before nodding. "Okay. Thank you." I stand to gently kiss Rylie's forehead before releasing her hand and following Jay out the door. My mother and Jay follow me back to my apartment, and we say a quick goodnight before disappearing to our separate rooms. Normally, I would be grossed out at the thought of my mother and Jay sharing a bed... but I didn't have the mental energy to focus on that. Or any energy, actually. I was exhausted.
I quickly throw on some pajamas but freeze when I see the bag on the bed. The one I'd intentionally left alone, because of its contents. I grab the bag, intending to set it on the small chair in the corner of the room, but without my permission, my fingers unzip the zipper before pulling out the teddy bear.
"Oh..." The moment the word slips from my mouth, I break. I climb beneath the covers and roll over to Rylie's side, resting my head on her pillow as the tears flow from my eyes.
I clutch the bear against my chest and burry my nose in it's fur, only feeling my heart threaten to break even more as Rylie's smell tickles my senses.
How is this fair? Why did this happen to Rylie?
"Please," I plead with whoever is listening. "Please don't take her from me. I need her."
I don't know how long my cries continue before I finally, mercifully slip into a restless, dreamless sleep.
End of A North Carolina Autumn Chapter 6. Continue reading Chapter 7 or return to A North Carolina Autumn book page.