A Touch Of Sin [BxB] - Chapter 33: Chapter 33

The next few days pass in a blur.
I'm practically a zombie. I don't leave my room. I don't eat. I don't respond to any calls or texts. I barely have the energy to get out of my bed to go to the bathroom, let alone go outside.
I've never felt so empty in my entire life.
As I lay in bed, staring at the ceiling, I loop every word, every moment in my head. The times he tried and I thought he wasn't. But he was, in his own way.
All these times he's the one that has screwed up and he's had to chase me. Now it's the other way and it feels terrible.
Rhett tried to ring me and I blocked his number without a moment of hesitation. I didn't want it to come to this but he's left me no choice.
Jake is everything to me and I have to get him back.
This morning was the first time I've left the house in a while. I went to counselling, cried so hard my chest burnt and my eyes swelled. Now, I'm back to laying here, feeling empty, reminding myself over and over again where I went wrong.
It's different this time. I've always been the one to pull away or step back. Having our roles reversed isn't fun. It's showing me how much I really do love him.
I said it to him and he didn't say it back.
Like he said to me, I'm never going to forget this.
***
"You need to go back to school, baby," Ma sighs, rubbing her gentle hand across my back. "I know it's hard but the work you're missing is going to really affect you in the long run."
"I don't want to go back there ever again," I groan. "Not without him."
"Well... that's what I wanted to talk to you about," Ma says.
I move so that I'm half on my side, staring at her. "What?"
"We've had a lot of people sign in protest of Jake's expulsion. You should be very proud of your friends."
I blink up at her. "What does that mean?"
"It means they're having a meeting about whether he should be reinstated. They just need one thing..."
"What's that?"
"A statement, from you, explaining what happened."
I sink back into my bed. "I have to tell them... everything?"
Ma's hand soothingly rubs my arm as she nods. "Yes."
I curl up into a ball and bury my face into my pillow, wishing I could go back in time to when everything wasn't so damn complicated.
***
I finally snap myself back to reality, not that it is a place I want to be right now.
Ma forces me to shave and get a haircut, saying I look like too feral to be a 'Browning', which made me laugh, a little, even though laughing is the last thing I want to be doing.
We spend the Sunday clothes shopping and going out for lunch, which was really nice. Ma and I haven't hung out much like that for a while.
I give in and try to ring Jake, but his phone rings out. When I don't hear from him, I push thoughts of him to the back of my mind and tell myself to deal with it later.
I'm seriously dreading school. The rumours will drown me. To make everything worse, Guy also returns to school tomorrow.
Katryn comes around for dinner and stays with me. We stay up late talking, eating and avoiding all boy-related topics, which is a nice change.
As we walk to school, I finally dare to ask the question that's been whirring in my mind.
"Have you seen him?" I ask her, my voice a little hoarse.
"Jake?" she asks softly. "No. He's totally MIA."
I guess I'd rather him be a hermit like me than out acting like he doesn't have a care in the world. That would make it all a lot harder.
"You know this isn't the end, Cal," Kat says to me, looping our arms together. "You two are crazy for each other."
"It's different this time," I whisper. "He was the one who walked."
"Don't lose faith."
Don't lose faith. I repeat her words like a mantra inside my head.
The stares are immediate once I walk through the front gate. People stop mid-conversation to stare. They must be so confused about everything.
"You don't owe anyone anything," she reminds me.
"I know."
"I love you."
Those words are like tiny razorblades striking at my heart. I swallow the pain and force a smile back to her.
"You too."
We're walking through the main area, when I see Guy. It's as if we both sense the other is near. Time seems to slow as we walk, our eyes connecting. His upper lip curls slightly and I glare just as hard back.
"This isn't over," he threatens with a menacing smirk.
"You're going to wish it was," I snipe back.
My nails have dug into my palms to the point where blood has emerged. I wipe my hands on my pants angrily, trying to ignore Guy and his words and the fact that he knows. My life is a complete fucking disaster.
I manage to survive school without too much drama. Everyone wants to know what the fight with Guy was about and where Jake is, but I don't give them much to work with. Both topics are the last things I want to discuss.
It's been about a week since I last saw Jake but it feels like an eternity. I told myself not to reach out anymore but I pull up our last message thread, again.
Callum: I miss you so fucking much. Please talk to me.
My heart skips a beat when Read 3:24pm appears. My eyes remain glued to the screen as I wait. And wait. And wait.
After ten minutes of glaring at my phone, wishing for a response, I realise one isn't coming. I blink away the tears and toss my phone into my bag.
We have football practise today and I'm dreading it more than school itself as Grant is off with the flu. Without Kat and Ed by my side, I'm feeling pretty isolated. I mean, I'm friends with most of them on the team, but they're not my best friends, like Grant is. And a lot of them are friends with Guy, too, which will be interesting.
When Coach walks into the locker room, his eyes rest on mine. He then shifts them to Guy, who is leaning lethargically against the lockers behind him.
"No more shit from either of you," he states firmly. Well, that's a nice, warm welcome back.
"Yes Coach."
"Especially," he continues. "Since our captain is out. I've had a talk with Grant and we both have decided it's time for him to step back from his role as Captain, considering there's been someone pulling the stings for a while now."
He looks back to me. Everyone knows I'm basically the unofficial captain. Every decision Grant made is because he's come to me and asked what to do.
"You've got to be kidding," I hear Guy mutter.
"Say hello to your new Captain," Coach nods at me. "Pull your head in, Browning. You're expected to lead a good example."
I nod. "Yes Coach."
"To start off, you and Henderson can do some suicide runs, for your recent behaviour."
Guy and I look to each other.
And the day continues to get worse.