A Way To Your Heart - Chapter 24: Chapter 24

"Ahh... It's so boring."
Taehyung plopped down on his bed, throwing his game controller on his side.
He really wanted to go out when Yoonji called him to hang out together but he couldn't since his mother would never let him go alone. She would've definitely called one of her drivers to drive for him or asked someone to go after him. And that's annoying. Besides, he didn't want his mother to be left alone in the house if he go out, so he denied his friends, unwillingly.
He had been playing his favorite game all alone in his room but even his favorite game was starting to get boring. Playing alone really has no fun. He tried to call Yoonji and Jimin but none of them answered.
"Wooahh. They're enjoying all by themselves without me again?"
Taehyung glared at his phone screen with a pout.
But his mood suddenly changed when a message popped up on his notification bar.
Annoying bunny: I might come back a bit earlier. Anything you want to eat? I'll get it for you.
A grin suddenly beamed up on Taehyung's face just when he saw the message. He quickly got up and sat, resting his head on the bedrest hugging the pillow beside him as he started typing with a smile still on his lips.
Taetae🐯: I want icecream_
Annoying Bunny: Which flavor?
Taehyung was about to reply the message but Jimin suddenly called him.
"Yahh! You two are enjoying without me too much that you didn't even pick up my calls?"
"Ok. Sorry. We were making kimbap together and I left my phone in Yoonji's room. And we were--"
"Wait. Hold on. Yoonji's room?"
"Yeah?"
"You went to her house?"
Taehyung sat up straight.
"Well... Yeah. And... I met Yoongi Hyung too."
"What? You met Yoongi Hyung?"
"Uh... yeah."
"What? For real? Then--"
"Taehyungie, wait. Don't worry. I'm fine."
"Are you sure?"
"Yeah. I even spoke with him. It was a bit awkward at first, it still does, but I can finally see him and talk to him. He hasn't changed at all. Well... I must say he look more matured now of course."
Jimin chuckled a bit.
"Jimin. You already know he doesn't feel like you do. You're gonna get hurt if you get more closer to him."
"I know. But it's alright and I'm totally fine."
"Do you still like him?"
"Taehyungie. I..."
"Jimin. I told you to forget him. You'll only get hurt in the end. I'm not saying Yoongi hyung is a bad guy. I know he's really a gentleman. But why don't you get it's only you who feel that way Jimin? Why do you want to hurt yourself again and again? Why--"
"Taehyung, you'll never understand this."
"Why? Why won't I understand?"
Taehyung raised his voice.
"I've seen everything. I've seen what you went through. I've seen how hurt you were. And you know how it all ended up so why would you want to happen it again?"
"Yes. I know it hurts. It hurts everytime I see his face. It hurts that he'll never feel the same as I do. But I still want to talk to him. I still want to be closer to him. I still want to stay near to him."
"Why would you want to do this if you're hurt? You--"
"Because it makes me happy eventhough it hurts. I'm happy to spend time with him eventhough he'll never feel the same as I do. Because he gave me so many beautiful memories that I can never forget."
Jimin cut Taehyung off, his voice was a bit cracking but instead, he raised his voice as well.
"Jimin. I just want you to--"
"I know Taehyung. And I know what I'm doing. I'm not asking him to love me back but I can still talk to him like a friend of his sister at least. And I'll still do it as long as I can. I'll stop when I can no longer endure my pain."
Jimin said, more like yelling.
"And you wanna know why you'll never understand? Because you've never been in love Taehyung. You don't know how it feels like to be in love."
Taehyung was about to say something but Jimin already hung up the call. He tried to call him again but Jimin never picked his calls up and later, his number was out of reach. Taehyung threw his phone on the other side of his bed and buried his face under his palms in frustration.
They were friends for so many years, they always get into small fights but all the fights were just for teasing each other or making fun of each other, they never raise voice at each other, they never take their fights seriously. But it was different this time. They raised their voices, the other refused to take his calls... Jimin didn't listen to him.
Taehyung tried to catch his breath that was getting heavier each time he breathed in the air. He jumped down from his bed as the room felt suffocated all of a sudden and ran to the rooftop, alone. He looked up at the sky that was already painted with darkness, no stars, no moon, only the dark clouds that covered them all. He suddenly felt so lonely.
He squatted down hugging his knees, trying to stop the drops of tears escaping from the corner of his eyes but he couldn't win over them anymore. His tears didn't listen to him either, already escaped a few of them, making their ways to his cheeks in between his sniffles.
The cold wind felt like freezing when it strike his skin, too good that he wore only a thin half sleeved shirt, it was helping him to feel more cold and shiver. Yeah, too good. Right? Why did he even torture himself in the cold like this?
Are they really fighting? How long their fight is gonna last? Are they never gonna talk to each other? He felt so lost just by the thought that he fought with his best friend. He was scared if he would lose his friend whom he trust the most.
He felt lonely in the dark rooftop alone.
But a light ray slid through the door that suddenly opened, as if it just split the darkness and pierced its light, revealing a familiar figure standing by the door.
Taehyung couldn't see the person's face because of the medium in his eyes made by his tears but he could still say who the person was, even if it was just his silhouette.
Soon enough, the figure quickened his steps towards Taehyung until he kneeled down in front of him, pulling him in his arms.
"It's ok."
Taehyung gasped at the words, at the warm hug, at the gentle pats on his back, at the voice that made everything warmer.
He no longer had the courage to hold his remaining tears anymore. He brought his hand up, hugging and clutching his hands tightly to the other's shirt, letting his tears roll down in freedom.
He could still feel the soft and gentle pats on his back until his tears stopped.
‐
"You'll catch a cold."
Taehyung looked up with his swollen red eyes at the voice when he felt something heavy and warm over his shoulders just to find a grey coat covering him. It was Jungkook's coat.
"Thank you."
He gave a faint smile as he wore the coat completely.
"How did you find me here?"
He asked when Jungkook sat down beside him.
"Well... It was me who found you even in that wood back in Malta. This is just a house. You know, I can find you anywhere."
Jungkook thought what he just said was something so simple and casual but he never thought it could make another faint smile appear on Taehyung's lips.
Taehyung always show himself as a carefree, stubborn, spoiled by rich parents but when Jungkook saw him crying in the dark alone, he felt like he just saw a whole different Taehyung whom he never knew existed, a shattered lonely soul.
But now that he saw the little smile on Taehyung's face, Jungkook could assume the other was feeling a bit better.
"So... mind if I ask you what happened?"
Taehyung hung his head down, biting his lower lip while fidgeting his fingers at the question, even the little smile was gone when he recalled the answer.
"It's ok. You don't need to say if you don't want to. But if you feel like telling your problems, you can tell me anytime, I'll listen to you."
Jungkook understood him right away but Taehyung lift his head up and looked at him with tear starting to oozed up in the corner of his eyes.
But why Jungkook couldn't take his eyes off from him? His red swollen eyes that were worned out from crying with those tears that were sparkling in his eyes like a pearl... Would it be wrong to think even the tears look beautiful in his eyes? Even at a situation like this?
But those beautiful tears still ached his heart eventhough he has no idea why they keep filling up those beautiful eyes.
His subconscious mind couldn't stop his hand from whipping the tears off from those beautiful eyes. The tears might sparkle like a pearl but he preferred the cleared eyes that holds the galaxy more.
Taehyung widen his eyes, surprised at the unexpected action but it didn't take long for him to close his eyes at the gentle touch, tilting his head towards the warm hand caressing his face.
Maybe because his emotions weren't stable enough or maybe because he wanted more of the warmth, or maybe both, Taehyung desperately wanted a shoulder to lean on, a warm hug to melt his frozen lonely heart.
Would it be alright to lean more further? Would it be too much to desire for more warmth?
He couldn't think of anything more at the moment but slowly leaned further till his head touched the shoulder. He couldn't even get where did the courage come from but he did it. Maybe his desperation encouraged him or... maybe those concerned eyes staring at him with so much warmth and adoration dragged him closer towards him.
But once his head rested on the strong shoulder, a feeling of relief rushed through his body as if the hand that was gently patting on his head healed everything. He felt safe there.
"I had a fight with Jimin."
Jungkook stopped his hand from patting Taehyung's head. That was the first word Taehyung spoke after being silent and Jungkook somehow realized he miss the other's voice.
But the fact that Taehyung really let out what's on his mind to him gave him a new gleam of happiness.
"You fought with Jimin?"
Jungkook turned to looked at Taehyung. He actually couldn't believe the two had a fight but guess it was true when Taehyung nodded as an answer.
"Well, that's not what I expected you to say. But why did you two fight?"
"I don't know if I'm the wrong one here but I think I said something I shouldn't."
"About what?"
"About... his crush."
"He has a crush? Woah, that's also something I didn't expect. What did you say to him?"
"Will you listen if I tell you? It's a long story though."
Taehyung sighed as he snuggled closer to Jungkook, adjusting his head on the shoulder when Jungkook nodded.
"But I don't know if it's something I can tell you or not."
Jungkook ran his fingers through Taehyung's hair gently.
"It's better to speak out to someone than keeping it to yourself. Don't worry, I don't have anyone to tell the story to. So you can tell me whatever you want. It's ok even if it's long. I'll listen to you."
Taehyung's face seemed to be a bit more brighter than before at Jungkook's words as he start speaking.
"It was back when we were in highschool, we were all young back then, our minds were youthful and our hearts were delicate. While we were busy struggling for tests and school works, our seniors were busy chasing their own dreams they will follow after their graduation. And Jimin happened to fall for one of them. But he was too shy to approach the senior so he kept his feelings to himself. After the senior graduated, we were in our junior year when we met a new friend, Yoonji. She's really a good friend and she always used to ask us to hang out with us. We went to her home on weekends but you know what happened? That senior happened to be our new friend's brother. Jimin used to go to her house everyday, but I didn't get to go with them much because of my parents. And he get to know him more during that time. He looked so happy back then. But..."
Taehyung took a deep breath before continuing the rest of his story.
"But it was our graduation day, he went to his house with Yoonji after our graduation ceremony while I had to go back with my parents, I don't really know what happened between them that day but Jimin came to me later at night, crying. I asked him the reason but he kept saying only one thing that hyung doesn't feel the same as he do. After that day, we never got to see that hyung but only to find out he already went to Canada. But as for Jimin... he looked so lost and went through so much after Hyung left. He kept saying he made their relationship awkward. He never told me about that day saying he want to forget about that day, but I can still see the pain in his eyes even if he smiles. He was hurt."
Taehyung breathed in when his voice got changed.
"And that Hyung is back from Canada and he met him today, after six years. But I don't want him to get closer to him and experience the same thing again. I know I'm not in the place to decide what he should do but I've already seen him getting hurt because of that so called love. My friend was hurt because of love. He didn't get anything but pain from love."
Jungkook was listening to him quietly, letting him speak his hearts out.
"So... you fought because you didn't want your friend to get hurt?"
He smiled when Taehyung nodded.
"But is your friend happy when he meet him again?"
Taehyung paused for a second and looked up at Jungkook. As much as he could remember, Jimin always do look more lively and happy whenever he was around Yoongi, the excitement in his voice whenever he talked about him.
"Yeah. He said he's happy eventhough he's hurt."
"That's it. Why would you worry if he's happy? Hmm?"
Jungkook bent his head a bit down to look at Taehyung's face.
"But wouldn't it be more painful for him to realize he's nothing but a little brother to someone he like when he's everything for him?"
Jungkook smiled and looked up at the sky.
"Taehyung, do you like stars?"
"Hmm?"
Taehyung looked up resting his chin on Jungkook's shoulder at the unexpected question.
"Stars? Yeah. Of course I like them. Why?"
Jungkook chuckled as he look at the empty sky, the stars were still hiding under the dark clouds.
"But you can't see them now. Do you still like them even if you can't see it?"
"Why should I stop liking the stars if I can't see them today? I can still see them tomorrow when there's no clouds."
Taehyung said with a pout as he lift up his chin and replaced his head to rest on the other's shoulder.
Jungkook took a deep breath and continued.
"You can't see the stars now but you still like them and waits for tomorrow to see it. But even if you can see them, you can only admire them from here but can never reach them. It's sad that you can't see them now because of the clouds but if there was only a tiny twinkle in between the dark clouds, it will be enough to make you happier. Won't it?"
He didn't get any response from Taehyung but he sure knew the other was listening to him, probably trying to understand his words. He slowly took Taehyung's hand and held it, caressing it gently with his hand.
"Taehyung, loving someone is not always just about getting it back. You can still love someone even if they don't love you back. It's surely painful to love someone who doesn't feel the same as you do, but that someone will be one of the reason for your happiness. The pain gets worst when your heart gets greedy and wants more of the happiness you got from them, because that's when you realize you'll never be able to get more. As for Jimin, he might be hurt but if he's still happy to meet the one who's the reason for his pain, then that's because he can still find his happiness in him and he might want to see only the happiness much more than the pain. So, you should try to understand him. It might not be easy for him to forget the reason of his happiness."
"It was all my fault. I shouldn't have said like I did."
Taehyung spoke after being silent for few seconds.
Jungkook could feel Taehyung's soft sniffles so he tightened his grip on the other's hand.
"No. It's no one's fault. You were just worried for him because you cared. But you should make up with him as soon as possible."
He smiled when Taehyung nodded readily.
"But... how did you know so much about love? You sure don't have anyone you like?"
Taehyung was now staring at Jungkook waiting for his answer.
"I just know it. You don't need to have someone you like to know about love."
Jungkook cleared his throat when he realized the stare from Taehyung.
"And... I didn't search anything from internet about what I said just now."
Jungkook thought he said something very simple and casual but he never expected it would make Taehyung laugh suddenly. Was it that funny?
"I'm not kidding. It was seriously my own raw information."
"Ok. Ok. Understood."
Taehyung tried to hold back his laughter while Jungkook couldn't help but smile at the cute sound Taehyung produced when he laughed. Could there be any sound as cute as Taehyung's laugh?
"You should laugh more. Don't cry again."
He gasped when his tongue slipped the words from his mind. He could only hope the other doesn't hear him.
"Huh? Why?"
Guess he heard it already.
"Why? Because... because you look ugly if you cry."
Did he just mess up?
"What? Ugly?"
Taehyung blinked his eyes.
"How do I look if I smile then?"
Wait, that was not what Jungkook expected him to say after he called him ugly. He thought the other would get angry but Taehyung was literally blinking his swollen eyes making the most innocent face with a boxy smile.
"You... when you smile..."
No. Please. Don't say something stupid again. That's what have been screaming from the back of his mind.
"You... you look cute."
Wait what? He said it? Just like that?
He was expecting something embarrassing teases from Taehyung but was startled when the other burst out into laughter again.
Damn that laugh! That's dangerously cute.
"Thank you."
Even that thank was unexpected from Taehyung but why would he even thank him now?
"For what? For saying you look cute?"
Taehyung chuckled.
"For that too. But also for making me smile and all those words, it really helped me and I learn a lot today."
He smiled as he tightened the grip between their hands. None of them complained about their hands.
"I always thought love is scary. After seeing Jimin being hurt for not getting his love back and many of my classmates crying after their break ups, I was scared of being in relationships or being in love with someone. I was scared of the pain I would get from love."
"Is that why you tried to run away from your wedding?"
Taehyung chuckled at the question. That was true though, that he tried to run away from his wedding but ended up with a fake marriage with a stranger.
"Yeah. But I'm stuck with you here instead."
Both of them laughed as if their sounds of laughter made a beautiful melody together. But somehow, with the synchronizing of their voices, their hearts felt closer.
"You know Jungkook, I'm scared of love, but I'm even more scared to love someone. Because if I love someone, I might love them too much, too much that I might get lost myself in loving them, I might care for them too much, I might miss them too much. And I know I'll get hurt from that 'too much'. That's why I don't want to get attached with anyone. I want to live my life alone, it's sure lonely sometimes but I can handle loneliness more than handling the pain. And I hate crying, but I did today. I was... I was just scared if I would lose my best friend. I was scared if I hurt him by worrying too much."
Jungkook could never imagine the way of Taehyung's perspective towards love. It was totally different from him. He wants to see only the happiness he might get from love but the other sees the pain from love more. Not that he don't appreciate the other's thought but was amazed that the stubborn boy who always act so childish could contemplate about love that deeply.
And the fact that Taehyung is scared to love someone just because he might love them too much made him more precious. But who will let him know he deserved to be loved more than he would love anyone?
At the moment, as if the cold breeze whispered his ear, Jungkook wrapped his arms around Taehyung. He felt the need to give him the warmest hug and let him feel how precious he was.
Taehyung was startled at the sudden hug, Jungkook always do something unexpectedly but that unexpected things were done only when he need them the most. The warmth from Jungkook was too addictive like a drug that made him close his eyes. He hate that he wanted it more and more with each passing seconds. But the warmth made him feel so weak that he couldn't stop his arms from returning the hug, a tight hug as he snuggled himself more closer.
Was he too greedy?
But his heart skipped a beat when he felt something pressing over his head. He smiled at the soft peck on his head from Jungkook.
There was silence but the silence wasn't awkward anymore. It was comfortable and peaceful.
Guess it was alright to be a bit greedy.