A Way To Your Heart - Chapter 43: Chapter 43

"Why aren't you sleeping yet?"
Jungkook asked, rubbing his wet hair with the white towel.
It was already late when they returned from Jungkook's parent's house and he presumed Taehyung might already be sleeping but he found him sitting on the bed instead.
"I was waiting for you. Why did you take so long to take a shower?" Taehyung pouted, holding the hair dryer he kept ready for the younger. "Come here. Let me dry your hair."
Jungkook chuckled as he sat down on the shaggy rug in front of the bed while Taehyung sat over the edge of the bed with his legs hanging down so Jungkook can rest his back on the bed between his legs.
"I thought you might already be sleeping by now," he smiled, closing his eyes when Taehyung rubbed his hair with the towel before using the dryer, it kinda felt satisfyingly good when the other run his fingers through his hair.
He almost drift to sleep when he felt Taehyung's soft lips on his forehead. He chuckled, lifting his head to see the other smiling at him.
"It's done," Taehyung ruffled the younger's hair, "were you sleeping?"
"Almost."
And both laughed when Jungkook crawled up the bed, grabbing Taehyung's waist and the other just giggled as he fell back with Jungkook straddling him.
"You're heavy." Taehyung could only giggle when Jungkook bend down to nuzzle his nose on his neck, but ended up hugging the chuckling male. He just smiled with his fingers running through the younger's hair, feeling the soft breath over his neck.
With a couple minutes of peaceful silence comforting the room, the two just stayed like that for a while until Taehyung whispered called the younger's name and Jungkook just hummed as an answer, tightening his arms around the other.
"I think your mom is great."
Jungkook paused for a second before curling his lips into a smile, he didn't expect the other to say it out of nowhere. "Yeah, I know she is."
Taehyung smiled at that, recalling how she cared for her son. "I'm kinda envious of you. For having her as your mother."
Jungkook furrowed his eyebrows a bit, "why would you be? She's your mother-in-law. So basically, she's also your mom."
Taehyung chuckled, but it's true that he's envious of the younger— he wished his parents were a bit more understanding, like Jungkook's.
Of course he knows they care for him, of course he knows they love him, they give him everything he needs, they let him have every single things, to live a luxurious life. But they don't understand him, they don't understand what he wants is not those luxurious things they gave him, they don't understand those expensive things are not what makes him happy, they don't understand their overprotectiveness would keep his freedom away.
But it doesn't mean he doesn't love his parents— he loves them, very much. It's just that... he just wanted a more free life, away from all those luxurious things he's tired of, he just wanted to live, doing whatever that makes him happy. He wanted some freedom where nobody stops him from going wherever he wants, where nobody tells him what he should and shouldn't do. He just wanted his parents to support him in what he want to do, he just wanted them to understand him a bit.
"Well, yeah. She's also my mom," Taehyung nodded with a smile. "She's such a sweet person. She even showed me your childhood pictures too. You look cute when you were younger."
Jungkook lifted his head a bit, faking a frown, "so I don't look cute now?"
And a loud giggle from Taehyung made the younger frown more but ended up smiling when the other pecked his nose.
"Of course you still look cute. But I kinda wish I'd met your younger version too."
"My younger version?" Jungkook chuckled, "then, if you meet my younger version, I would've meet your younger version too."
"Then we could've been childhood friends and play together," Taehyung added but Jungkook just shook his head in disagreement.
"No. I would've still fall for you even if we were younger. And we could've been lovers for so many years by now."
Taehyung just laughed at how Jungkook corrected him with a bright smile.
To imagine them being met since childhood, being lovers since they were younger– they could've go to school together, they could've eat lunch together, they could've steal short glances to each other during class, they could've stay over to each other's house with the excuse of doing homework together, and yeah, they could've steal kisses every chance they get— that feeling of being highschool sweethearts, everything sounds so sweet and amazing.
But those things seemed so boring and lame when he was younger. When people around him find those things about dating and love exciting and interesting, those things gave him chills, not because of excitement but those moments they called romantic creeps him out. He saw his friends and classmates falling in love, and they looked happy being with the ones they fell for, but eventually broke themselves with pain when things go wrong between them. And he find that so pointless to fall in love if that love is going to fade eventually with the change of time and hurt themselves.
Maybe because he never bothered to look for love, or maybe because he was scared to look for love, scared that love might break him like what it did to his friends, he was never interested to be in love with anybody.
But if he met Jungkook earlier when they were younger, would he still fall for him at that time too? Probably.
Because if it was Jungkook, he might not be that scared of love, he might not be that scared to love someone, someone like Jungkook, just like now.
"If we couldn't be lovers from childhood, we can still be lovers till we become old enough to say we're lovers for so many years."
Taehyung smiled at the way Jungkook let out a chuckle at his words before wrapping his arms around him and a peck on his forehead with a "yes".
But a part of him still have the fear for the years that's yet to come for them. The feeling of being in love is beautiful, but it also scares him to think of their uncertain future, the moment their love fades one day, the moment where their love is not the same anymore. What if that day comes?
"Won't you get tired of me if we're together for many years?" He shouldn't really ask Jungkook this but he did. He's just scared and maybe he wanted to see how Jungkook will say about it.
"Will you get tired of me after being with me for many years then?"
"No," he answered right away before realizing Jungkook just asked him the same question.
"Then what makes you think that I'll get tired of you?"
Taehyung paused at that. He shouldn't have really asked it, he shouldn't have doubted those eyes looking at him, because he could clearly see an ounce of sadness rushing through those eyes.
"Tae," Jungkook brought his hand to caressed the other's face to which Taehyung tilt his head at the touch, loving the nickname Jungkook used. "I'll never get tired of your big pretty eyes, your voice, your smile. I would still love your face even if it wrinkles, I would still love to play your hair even if it turns gray, I would still love to hear your little whines, and I would still love you even if you choose to leave me–"
"I will never leave you," Taehyung cut him off suddenly, followed by a sniffle. Don't even know why he felt like crying just by the thought of them being separated from each other. He will never even dare to think of leaving him, he's ready to give up everything just to be with Jungkook.
"I won't leave you either," Jungkook smiled as he wiped off the tears from the other's eyes. "Neither of us will leave each other so why are we even talking about this now, huh?"
"I don't know. Just... I've seen people breaking up after some time. I'm just scared something like that would happen to us–"
"Tae, look at me," cupping Taehyung's face, Jungkook made him look at him in the eyes which the other readily did.
He understand Taehyung's fear, because that fear was one of the reason Taehyung wasn't willing to be in relationships until he met him.
"I know you've known about how love can hurt, and you've known it enough. You don't need to think about it anymore because from now on, I will let you know how love can make you feel. I will show you all the beautiful butterflies love can create, and we'll create more of them together."
Taehyung just stared at Jungkook, the little silence after the younger's words was peaceful and comforting until Taehyung ended up chuckling.
"Jungkook, that sound like a scripted dialogue from a movie."
"Why would you ruin the mood?" Jungkook frowned his eyebrows but Taehyung just kissed them away.
"I wasn't. I was just trying to make this air a bit lighter. I thought it was getting densed."
"Wasn't it you who started this?"
"Alright. I'm sorry."
With a quiet few minutes of silence wrapping the room, they closed their eyes as the warmth from each other shared a comfortable warm hug that help them drift to sleep.
‐‐‐
"You seem to be in a good mood today. What happened? Any good news?"
Lifting his head up and shifting his eyes from his phone, Jungkook looked at Hoseok who placed his lunch plate in front of him.
It's the next day, and Jungkook was still in his company, busy with his works, and Hoseok brought him his lunch to his office instead because he noticed the younger has been working since morning.
"Nothing. It's just—" he smiled as he check his phone when it vibrate for another message.
"Are you texting your pretty husband?" Hoseok smirked as he place the chopsticks neatly beside the younger's plate. He's glad the younger is at least having his own little time texting his husband during his short lunch break.
"Let's eat," Jungkook picked up the chopsticks and already start eating, totally ignoring the question from the elder who kept glaring at him.
"You brat, don't you think you owe me a thank you at least?"
"Why?" Jungkook said before gulping the water from the glass.
"Why? Why you say?" Hoseok placed his chopsticks back on the table, "if it wasn't for me helping you from the start, you wouldn't be with your pretty little husband now. Do you get that?" He scorned when the younger kept smiling on his own while looking at his phone from time to time. "Are you ignoring me?" He sighed when the other still didn't pay attention to what he was saying.
"Hey, don't tell me you forgot how you made me stalk an unknown person just to know his name and where he lives."
Jungkook paused his hand that was trying to hold the chopstick and looked at Hoseok who's smirking that he finally caught his attention.
"Hyung, I told you not to bring that up again. You already know I still feel guilty for doing that."
"So now you're talking?" Hoseok grinned looking at the change in the younger's expression. "You know I did all those things for you without any idea why you wanted to know about a random kid you met in an cyber cafe out of nowhere, and when I found the kid is the son of Kim Company, I thought you were planning for some project or something with his father. I even got worried thinking if you got yourself into trouble with that kid, since... you know... youngsters things—"
Jungkook let out a laugh suddenly. The way the elder was interpreting the whole situation was too funny. He can never imagine what his hyung might've been thinking all these times.
"I'm serious, ok? Just think, after you got his information, you took leave and disappeared, only for you to come back after getting married with a guy and said it's just a deal between you two, how am I supposed to think normal? You didn't even let me meet him so that I can confirm if it's the same person you made me stalk a while ago." Hoseok sighed as he place the glass down on the table, "but at least I could confirm that it's the same person when you asked me to book the flight tickets for your honeymoon. I saw his ID afterall. I thought you both worked out well with your relationship that time."
Jungkook looked at his phone screen, smiling at Taehyung's message with a small heart sticker, "well, as you see, we're good now. All we needed was a little more time to get closer."
"Yeah, yeah. At least you got him for yourself now," Hoseok rolled his eyes before slurping the soup in. "Oh yeah, that turtleneck looks good on you. Did your pretty husband really buy that?"
"Yeah. He bought ten of them."
"Seriously?" Hoseok almost choked on his soup while laughing, "I swear he's really something. I can't believe he really made you wear that kind of colour."
"What's wrong with this colour? It's just pastel cream colour. Isn't it nice?" Jungkook frowned.
"Woah, so now you're defending a colour other than black and white? The glow up, boy, the glow up," Hoseok looked out the window to look up at the sky, "well done Taehyung-ssi, well done."
"Hyung, please?" Jungkook whined while the elder just laughed.
"So, when are you planning to formally introduce me to him? I'm sure last time was such a mess. I don't want him to see me as a bad guy, y'know."
Jungkook chuckled, remembering the way they met, it was actually in a messy way but something so hilarious to be remembered. "Don't worry, he doesn't think of you as a bad guy anymore. Let's have a dinner together one day."
"Sounds good. But let it be soon, alright? I really want to meet him and talk to him properly. After all, he's the one who could make this cold, quiet CEO to pull this stupid smile."
"Just eat, hyung. We have so much works to do."
"Yeah, yeah. I know you want to go back early to see your pretty husband." Hoseok laughed at how Jungkook rolled his eyes at him before they continue with their lunch with some random jokes.
‐‐‐
Taehyung placed his phone back on the bed as he got up to look through his old room. He came to his parents' house since his mother asked him to have lunch together, and besides, Jungkook already told him that he'll be busy the whole day.
Looking through the familiar things in his old room that he used to use daily, somehow, felt like meeting a long lost friend. The wall filled with the old photographs he took before, the small posters of different cities and places pasting over the wall along with a long wishlist of places he wished to visit, they all made him remind of how desperate he was to fulfill his dreams and wishes to the point he was even willing to marry a stranger if that's what it takes him to chase his dreams.
But now what? Where did all his desperations go now? Did loving someone blinded him completely from his desperation of chasing his own dream? What is he doing now?
"Here. You can eat them all. I got them just for you."
Taehyung almost flinched when he heard his mother's voice. He smiled with a nod as he took one strawberry from the plate she brought, "it's good," he said after eating it and took another.
"Why are you so quiet today? Are you still mad that we hid everything from you?" Mrs. Kim asked calmly which made Taehyung to pause for a second.
She knows Taehyung is not a quiet person, he usually is someone so energetic most of the time. But noticing her son sitting quietly without speaking much since he came, it's something unusual to her.
"No. I'm not," Taehyung shook his head. Don't know why he's acting so quiet but
"Good to hear that." She smiled and stood up to walk towards the wall to look closely to the pictures her son took.
"I like your photographs. They're so cheerful and pretty... just like you."
Taehyung almost drop the strawberry from his hand. It felt strange to hear such compliments about his work from his mother. He sure heard his mother complimenting him for so many things he did before but it's rare for her talk about this, and it kinda hit different.
"Taehyung-ah, I know you like to travel and take pictures. I know it's your dream. I know you wanted us to give you freedom. But we never let you even if we knew it was your happiness. We're sorry, yeah?"
"Mom?" Taehyung didn't know how to respond when he saw his mother shedding her tears suddenly. He've never seen her mother crying, she always showed him only her bright smile. But she looked so broke at the moment.
"I was scared. I was so scared that I would lose you if I let you go from my sight. I wouldn't be able to afford the pain of losing my son again."
Taehyung paused at that. Again? What did she mean by again?
"Mom? What do you mean?"
With that, she gasped, as if she said something she shouldn't have. And it drove him with more curiosity. Did something happen in the past that he has no idea about?
"Mom? Are you hiding something from me?" He asked again, but her voice of crying was the only response he got from his mother.
"We are."
Taehyung turned when he heard a male voice to see his father standing by the door.
"No. No. Please. Don't tell him," his mother kept shaking her head to stop his father.
"I think it's time for him to know it. We've hide it long enough. He's grown up now, he'll understand," Mr. Kim tried to console her by patting her shoulder gently.
Taehyung just sat there, his confused yet curious eyes looking at his parents. He didn't understand anything what was his parents talking about.
He looked at his father slowly sitting down beside him and he could see the glimpse of sadness in his father's eyes, something he never imagined to see in those eyes.
He'd always seen his parents as happy couples. They're busy with their own works most of the time, but despite of their busy schedules, they give themselves time to spend with each other and him, they give him everything he needed. But he'd never seen them fight or being sad for any reason, he knows they love him and care for him and maybe that's why they never show him this side of them.
"Taehyung-ah, you know we love you, right?"
Taehyung clutched the fabric of the bedsheet with hos hand when he heard his father's voice cracking, almost in the verse of crying.
"I... I know," he replied, without even knowing what is his father going to say about their secret.
"Whatever it is, you should know that we love you more than anything else and we wanted to protect you at all cost, because for us, there's nothing more precious than you."
His curiosity raised with each words from his father. A little impatiently, "Dad, please tell me why are you saying all this things all of a sudden," he asked again.
His father closed his eyes for a few second, and with a deep sigh, "you... you had a brother, Taehyung-ah," he finally said it.
It was something Taehyung never expected. If he had a brother, where is he now? Why nobody told him about this before? All this time, he thought he was the only child, but he always wished he had a brother or sister to play with, someone he could rely on. He used to envy his friends who has siblings, he just find the bond between them cute and endearing because he never got to experience that feeling.
But the fact that he's never seen his brother, no, he's never heard of having a brother was shocking yet felt so betrayed for hiding such a big thing from him. He wanted to ask so many questions but he could only stared at his father, without a word, waiting for him to continue.
Mr. Kim looked at his wife and then to his son before taking a deep breath. "It was when you were just 2 months old, your brother was already 4 years old. He was a cheerful and bright kid just like you. Since he was the first child in the family, we showered him with all the love and care, giving him everything he asked for, letting him do whatever he wished for. But who would've imagined one day, the freedom we gave him would turn out to be our biggest nightmare? He... he left all of us within the agony of countless nightmares after he was hit by a bus in front of our eyes."
Taehyung felt a pang in his chest as drops of tear rolled down his cheek.
"His small body... he was lying on the road stained by his own blood, cold, unmoving, right in front of our eyes. And that was the last time we could hold his cold body in our arms." Mr. Kim broke down into tears, so as his wife clutching onto her husband's hand.
"We were broken, until you changed us. You brought us back our smile again. But we were scared, scared that we might lose you too. So we were more protective of you, because it scares us when you don't eat well, it scares us when you don't feel well, it even scares us when you go out alone. We wanted to make you happy but didn't want you to stay away from our sight either."
With a cracked broken voice, holding his son's hand gently, Mr. Kim continued while his wife sobbed quietly beside him.
"I know we hurt you in so many ways without realizing. We thought we were protecting you but turns out we were snatching your freedom away from you. We thought we were trying to make you happy but never knew we were the reason of your sadness all along."
Taehyung shook his head without uttering a word, he couldn't utter. It's true that they really tried their best to be friendly and cheerful around him, but they were too overprotective of him and that was their flaw that in turn hurt their son unintentionally. And because of that, all this time, he kept renting about how he never get to be independent and free, without any idea of how his parents went through, keeping all the grief and pain to themselves just to give every happiness to him.
Mrs. Kim sniffed quietly as she turned towards her son, and with a deep sigh, "We knew you like to travel, but we couldn't let you go. We thought, if you have someone to be your side whom we can trust, to take care of you on our behalf, we'll be at least fine to let you go. That's why we tried to arrange your marriage. We thought your wife will accompany you to wherever you go, so that you won't be lonely. But–" she paused for another sniff before she continued, "but we failed to realize it's still our fault to do such things without asking for what you want, we failed to understand you, until one day, one young man came to our house to tell he's your boyfriend."
Taehyung twisted his eyebrows, because he already knew who the young man his mother was talking about.
"To know you're dating a man, I was surprised, and shocked. I wasn't planning to judge your relationship, I wouldn't even dare to, because I didn't mind if that's what your happiness is. We had some little talks before you came and he was being such a gentleman and was making sure to show me he understands you and how he's willing to take care of you." She put on a faint smile before holding her son's hand, "and do you what he asked? He asked if we know about your dream, about what you want to do, and pleaded me to let you do whatever you want. He asked for my permission to let him help you to fulfill your dreams."
Speechless. Yeah, that may be the word to express what Taehyung felt at the moment, because he was actually lost of words. Jungkook, a stranger he met to ask for help, went to his parents to ask them to let him follow his dreams. That's absolutely something he never expected from how Jungkook used to act when they first met.
"When we saw the interaction between you and him, we believed he might've love you as much as we do, and maybe, we can finally let you go after your dream if he's going to be by your side. We were sure he will take good care of you. That's why we asked you to marry him. But when his mother told us everything after all those wedding preparations, we finally understood how wrong we were. You were even willing to marry a stranger just to get away from us. That made us realize how much we might've restrained you, how much you might've felt caged being with us."
Taehyung could see the guilt in his mother's eyes as she speaks. It's true that that's exactly how he felt, it's true that all he did was just to get away from them.
"We're really sorry, Taehyung-ah. Sorry that instead of giving you the freedom you wanted, even after knowing everything, we still let the marriage happen. Sorry for not telling you the truth before. We were too blinded by how gentle Jungkook was towards you, how he was willing to be with you, how his mother still wanted you to be her son-in-law, we could only think of how you're gonna be taken care by someone like Jungkook that we ended up ignoring your choice. We failed to realize your choice should be the priority. We're sorry for everything we did to you, dear. We are not worthy to be called as your parents. We failed as parents. We–"
"No, Mom. Please don't say like that. You don't have to say sorry," Taehyung shook his head and hugged his mother tightly as they cried together, his father looking at them with quiet little sobs.
They love their son. So much. That love was the reason of their fear, fear of losing him. And that fear was the reason why they were so overprotective towards their son. And in the end, that over love ended up as the reason why their son tried to be away from them. They realized they were still lacking to be the best parents, but their love blinded them from realizing their way to become the best parents to their son.
Taehyung sniffed as his mother let go of him to pat his head with a faint smile.
"I'm happy that you fell in love with him for real now. That's what I wished you'd do. But the guilt in me will never forgive myself for what I did to you. To me, you're still the little boy who used to play on my lap that I forgot you're a grown man now who can take your own decisions. I was so selfish before. But now... I won't stop you anymore. I won't stop you from doing whatever you want. Go after your dreams. Sorry for holding you back for so long, and I hope it's not too late for us to say this but we'll support you and help you in whatever we can until you're satisfied with the way you live your life."
Taehyung didn't know what to say anymore. He finally got the freedom he wanted. He can finally do the things he's been dreaming of. This is the moment he was waiting for. He's happy, but he's crying. Crying because he's too happy that his parents gave him his freedom, yet a part of him is crying because he couldn't share the pain his parents went through.
But when his mother gave him a warm hug, as if the warmth from his mother filled up the little holes in their relationship, he felt more closer to her than before.
Maybe all they needed was a little talk, eventhough words aren't enough to express it, it sure helped them to express their own emotions to understand each other better.
Maybe all they needed was to uncover their special bond engraved on their heart.