Ad Astra - Chapter 10: Chapter 10

I approach the garden cautiousy; I still fear it is somewhere I am not permitted to visit despite Alba and Maria's assurance that the garden belongs to the maids just as equally as the princess. As I approach the garden's entrance, I debate turning around and seeking Alba out for more work, but tears sting my eyes, and my throat continues to feel chalky. The best I can do is walk for a bit until my emotions settle.
I enter through the garden entrance and immediately, I can smell the scent of fresh flowers. The hedges of the garden have been trimmed delicately, and the various roses, daffodils, and tulips blooming light up the garden with vibrant color. I begin my walk slowly, admiring the various hedge work, the marble statues, and the gurgling water fountains. As obnoxiously ostentatious as the garden may be, it is a beautiful sight to behold, and I wonder why I have not come here sooner to escape from the stress of my daily maid duties.
I walk across the grass slowly, listening to the chirping of birds in the distance. My gaze falls on a nest perched on one of the hedge branches. A songbird feeds worms to her hungry young.
I frown, reminded of my mother's disappointment in my progression. I wonder if there was anything I should have told Taika differently, if I should have lied and said I was getting along well with the other maids and Princess Asteria. However, I know it would have been impossible to lie around him, and I desperately needed someone to air my grievances to. Taika was the only one who could possibly understand what I am going through. I know that I need to work harder, and while the knowledge of Taika's faith in me will no doubt give me extra motivation in time, it does not do enough to heal the pain of my solitude in Esterpool. I imagine Kiana must doing just fine; if she has not made friends, she is surviving well on her own. She was made for this. But I'm not so sure I was.
Tears sting the corners of my eyes as I think of how much I miss Tetoa again. I miss eating fresh fruit from the market, I miss feeling the ocean waves rise up to my ankles during high tide, I miss Lagi and Palila's smiling faces, and I even miss Vasa's annoying attempts to impress me. There was at least a community back home, but in Esterpool, I do not feel any familiar sense of warmth or comfort, even if Maria has extended kindness to me when no one else has.
I find myself getting too emotional to keep walking and find a marble bench to sit on. I begin crying into my hands, hoping my palms muffle the sounds of my sobs. With no privacy in the maid's quarters, I have not been able to cry out my frustration since arriving to Esterpool. However, in the solitude of the garden, I let myself cry for a little while, knowing that no one can hear me.
Eventually, I calm myself with deep breaths, trying to focus on the sound of the chirping birds and the wind whistling through the bushes and trees. My sobs cease, and I sniff and wipe tears from my cheeks, beginning to feel slightly better. It is just as my breath is returning to normal that I feel a gentle touch on my shoulder.
I spin around in a panic, assuming I will need to apologize to Alba or whichever other maid has wandered out here on her afternoon break and found me crying. However, I instead come face to face with the princess herself.
"P-Princess!" I stammer, immediately rising from the seat. I try to act like nothing is wrong, though she must notice the way my eyes are glossy and swollen. "I apologize! I did not know you were wandering the gardens! I'll be heading back to the maid's quarters now. I am sorry to have inconvenienced you—"
Her hand suddenly grabs ahold of mine. I try to ignore the blush rising in my cheeks as I feel the warmth of her fingertips against mine. Her hand is incredibly soft, though I suppose I expected no less from a Magnuvian royal. I expect her to tell me that it is no trouble at all and send me on way, but instead, she says something that takes me completely by surprise.
"Follow me," Asteria says.
I am hesitant, but I allow her to lead me through the garden.
"W-Where are we going?" I ask, using my free hand to rid the remaining tears still drying on my cheeks.
Princess Asteria is quiet, though she leads me with fierce determination. We head deeper into the garden, toward its back, until we reach a large clump of tall hedges that would require the normal person to walk around. Asteria however, leads me to the side and drops my hand. I watch as she gently places her hand against the hedge and closes her eyes. Suddenly, the branches pull apart, creating an opening. I stare at it in awe.
Magic. Princess Asteria just used magic.
"Quickly," she says, pointing her head toward the entrance. I do as I am instructed and head inside, watching as she follows behind me. The branches return together, trapping us inside...wherever this is.
We are standing inside a private garden, enclosed on all sides by tall hedges that block out portions of the sun. Red and white rose bushes surround the area, and a large, cascading fountain sits on top of cobblestone in the center. If I lean my head, I can just barely make out glittering fish swimming in the fountain's base.
"W-Where are we?" I ask.
Asteria looks more relaxed now that we are inside. She takes a seat on the fountain's edge and runs her fingers through her long, golden hair.
"This is my favorite place," she explains. "It's my private garden. It is completely hidden and inaccessible to the guards. We will not be disturbed here."
I continue to stand in shock, utterly confused as to what is going on. Princess Asteria took me, me, of all people, to her secret garden, which she without a doubt used magic to enter.
"Do the other maids know this place exists?" I ask.
Asteria shakes her head and pats beside her. "Come sit, Fe."
I move cautiously toward her. This setting feels too intimate. Alba would be furious to know I was in the private company of the princess with no guards nearby. However, when I remember the true reason I am her – my mission – I see this as the perfect opportunity to get to know Princess Asteria a little better. I smooth out my uniform from under me as I sit comfortably next to her. I turn, glancing at the colored fish swimming in the water, and stare back at Asteria.
"I figured you might be more comfortable talking to me here," Asteria admits. "If we'd stayed in the garden, the guards would have overheard everything."
"P-Princess, I do not want to trouble you. If I truly was interrupting your stroll in the garden, then I apologize. I can leave immediately," I say.
Asteria shakes her head. "Nonsense. You are one of my maids, and it is my duty to make sure you are feeling comfortable in Esterpool. What's the matter, Fe?"
There is now no denying now that she saw me upset. I cannot explain to her the true nature of my frustration, so I settle on what I told Maria earlier.
"I'm sorry. Taika—he is back from home—visited me to check on how I was doing and adjusting to life here. I started to grow homesick when we parted. It's nothing for you to worry about, truly," I say. "Some days I miss Landiani. That is all."
Asteria nods and traces her finger against the surface of the water. "There are days I miss Magewell, too," Asteria murmurs. "But you know, Fe, you do not need to stay here. I do not want to cause you any pain by forcing you to serve me. If you truly wish to return to Landiani, then I won't be upset."
"N-No! That's not what I am trying to say!" I exclaim. Suddenly, I am at a loss of words, wondering why it is so difficult to speak around her. Asteria stares at me patiently, while I try to conjure a response.
"I truly am grateful to be your maid," I say at last. "I have been looking forward to moving to Esterpool for months just to serve you. There is no greater honor. It is just a big adjustment. I was the sole maid for my former clients back in Magewell. Now, I am working alongside many other talented women, all of whom love you just as equally." I debate my next words, but Asteria is staring at me so thoughtfully, that they can't help but slip out. "I'm the only one from Landiani. It can feel a bit...isolating at times. But it is not your fault, Princess! I will adjust, I promise you. At the end of the day, I am here to serve you, not ramble about my own personal problems."
Asteria is quiet, appearing lost in thought. "Isolating...I can understand that. It was quite isolating when I first moved here as well."
"Was it?" I ask.
"I'd never been separated from my family prior to my move," Asteria says. "I read your records, you know, once Alba informed me you would be working here. I know you are an orphan, so I imagine it is not quite the same in terms of leaving family behind, but there are days I still miss my old room in Magewell and the friendly cooks in the kitchen and," she giggles slightly, "even my old horse, Cecil. I used to spend hours riding him. Magewell had its downsides, but it was my home."
I think of how it is exactly the same, us being separated from our families. Of course, my family is not murderous tyrants like her own, but in the moment, her pain seems genuine. With the way she speaks so longingly, I cannot help but listen.
"What do you miss back home?" Asteria wonders.
I am no longer tongue-tied, able to convey exactly what it is I miss. "I miss the ocean. I miss the freshly-caught fish that I would buy from the market each morning. I miss the jungle. I miss the rain. I miss the warm weather too, the sun on my skin. It gets quite cold here in the morning!"
Asteria giggles. "It does. I imagine you are not used to the colder temperatures. But soon, summer will come. Maybe then it will feel more like home to you."
"Maybe," I say.
"I have never been to Landiani before. What is it like?" she asks.
I should not be so gleeful to talk to the princess about my home, but she looks willing to listen, and I am still not entirely over my homesickness. I tell her how beautiful Landiani is and how kind the people are. She nods thoughtfully and asks question after question, giving me a warm smile in response to each answer I give. Strangely, being able to tell her about my home eases the pain of my loneliness and reminds me of just what is waiting for me when I complete my mission.
"You know, Fe, I am glad to be able to speak to you more openly here. I always enjoy getting to know my other maids, but I recognize we have not spent much time together as of yet," Asteria says.
"It is not your fault, Princess. Alba wants me to work slowly up to performing more complex duties, after all," I say. "In fact, I am not sure how thrilled she would be to know that I am talking to you right now. Technically, I am going against her wishes."
"Well, it will just have to be our secret, then," Asteria says. She reaches out and cups her hand over my own. I stiffen underneath her touch. "Fe, is there anything I can do to make your stay more comfortable?"
I shake my head and slowly pull my hand away from hers. "No. Please do not trouble yourself by asking that either. Everyone has been so kind to me already. I could possibly not ask for anything more."
"Very well, then. If you happen to change your mind, let me know. I want to make sure all my maids are getting along well. The last thing I would want you to feel is that you are like some sort of prisoner."
"I do not feel that way at all," I assure her.
"Good. I hope it stays that way," Asteria says. She rises slowly, and I finally get a better look at her gown. It is white, with shining gold fabric woven carefully into patterns that travel across her sleeves and down the length of the dress. It truly is a beautiful gown made of a fine fabric.
"The guards will probably be wondering where I am. We should depart," Asteria says.
My heart sinks slightly, but I know the princess is right. At the very least, today was a step in getting to know more about her. I can only hope I will be afforded more opportunities in the future to speak to the princess one-on-one like this. I walk with Princess Asteria back to the entrance, and as I watch her part the bushes once more, I know with certainty that she is using magic to do so. The temptation to speak to her about it is high, but I know I must be patient and wait. Asteria and I are only beginning to know each other. I cannot jeopardize the mission by prying so early on.
We exit Asteria's private garden and return into the main garden. My tears have long since dried, and I find I no longer dread returning to the maids' quarters. There is a new pang in my heart at the idea of parting, different from what I felt with Taika, but I suppose it is only because if we had continued our conversation, I may have been able to write something useful to my mother.
"Thank you," I say to Asteria. "Truly. If there is anything I can do for you—"
"Nonsense. You are already my maid, after all," Asteria says. She looks in the distance, where I can see some guards approaching. "I'll see you later, Fe. Have a good evening."
I curtsy. "You as well."
We part, and I return to the maids' quarters in higher spirits. Maria asks how my walk in the garden was, and I tell her that the stroll heightened my mood, conveniently leaving anything about Asteria out of the conversation. As far as I know, the maids are not aware of Asteria's private garden, and I do not intend on being the one to disclose such a secret. I must gain the princess's trust, after all, and from what I encountered today, it is clear she already trusts me to an extent. I think how utterly foolish of her to do so.
After the sun goes down, I eat the last few bites of my dinner when Alba enters through the door. She does not often visit in the evening, which causes me to ponder her appearance, and when her gaze immediately locks onto mine, I stiffen, wondering if perhaps she did catch word of what happened in the garden earlier today. Or worse, perhaps she or someone else overheard Taika and I talking while on our walk.
"Good. You're here," Alba says. "Is Josie home?"
"She was finishing her bath," I say.
"I'll go retrieve her," Alba says, disappearing down the hallway to the bathroom.
I am comforted knowing Alba is gathering Josie in addition to me, but I still cannot decipher the meaning of her visit. I distract my anxious thoughts by cleaning up my meal and find a comfortable spot on the couch, near the fireplace. I wait uncomfortably until I hear the sound of footsteps down the hall. Alba emerges with a soggy-looking Josie behind her. Josie's hair is still wet, and she tugs her robe closely to her body, clearly chilled from the water.
"What can be so important to pull me out of my bath?" Josie demands.
Despite Josie's harshness, Alba remains undisturbed. I am certain that if I had responded in the same manner, she would have had me packing my bags and catching the first train out of Esterpool by the end of the evening. Instead, Alba remains calm and turns to look at the both of us.
"I have just come from Princess Asteria's chambers," Alba says.
"Is there something wrong with the princess?" I ask.
Alba shakes her head. "Josie, I know you principally have been in charge of readying Princess Asteria in the morning. However, the princess has requested that Fe now take on that responsibility."
I try not to let my mouth fall open in shock.
"What? What the hell are you talking about?" Josie questions. "I have been readying the princess nearly every day for the last few years. Why would she pass on that duty to the newest maid?"
"You are not to question the authority of the princess," Alba snaps. "While I may be head maid, it is ultimately the princess who gets to decide who best serves her."
"Fe! Aren't you going to say anything?!" Josie exclaims, turning to look at me in bewilderment.
The desperation in her eyes conveys to me easily what she wants, but this is a major step in ensuring the success of my misson. I now have the opportunity to have private access to the princess every day. It is not something I can afford to turn down.
"I-I would be honored to serve Her Highness," I say.
"Alba! She hasn't even had training! How will she know how to dress her? How will she know what colors accentuate the princess best?" Josie exclaims.
"I brought up my concerns with the princess, but she was insistent," Alba says. Her gaze now turns to me. While not as angered as Josie, she certainly looks threatening. "It seems the princess has taken a liking to you, Fe. I hope you will serve her to the best of your ability."
"Of course!" I promise.
"Then, it is settled. Fe, you will go to the princess's chambers tomorrow. It is best you start learning to wake at an even earlier hour. You will need to memorize the princess's schedule too so that you know what time is appropriate to wake her each day. I will be ready to assist you at a moment's notice," Alba says."Josie, we will discuss alternative duties for you tomorrow morning. Good evening, ladies," Alba says, turning from us now.
The door shuts as Alba exits. Josie and I both sit in silence for one, two, three seconds, until the sound of Alba's footsteps fade, and then Josie turns to me, absolutely infuriated.
"What game are you playing at?!" she exclaims.
"I'm not doing anything!" I argue. "This is as much of a shock to me as to you!"
"It took me years to gain the princess's trust enough to assist her with getting ready each day. And now some woman from Landiani of all places has managed to upthrow me in a few weeks' time?! Watch your back, Fe," Josie snarls. She rises from the couch and storms down the hall until I hear her door slam.
I remain seated on the couch for a few more moments, glad that Arabelle and Zofia have not yet returned for the evening, although Maria must have surely heard the shouting. I remember that Taika told me not to make enemies, and yet, I know that my ability to serve the princess closely will be more valuable than Josie's disdain towards me.
This is finally happening. Tomorrow, my spying begins.