Ad Astra - Chapter 32: Chapter 32

During my next few days in Magewell, I spend my time accompanying Asteria to her meetings, performing various maid duties, and sneaking out at night to meet Kiana for a few hours of planning. When I first arrived to Esterpool, I thought my exhaustion was unmatched, but spending hours acting as a maid, loving Asteria quietly, and then quietly slipping out at night has left my body feeling weighed down from responsibility. Lately, it has been a struggle for me to even wake up in the morning, and often, Asteria has to shake me awake multiple times.
"Are you okay, Fe?" she asks me one morning. This is now the third time she has had to wake me this morning.
I rub my eyes tiredly, trying to keep them open even if I am perfectly content sinking back into the softness of Asteria's mattress.
"I'm fine," I murmur.
"You seem more tired than normal," she notes.
"I haven't been sleeping well," I lie.
"Only a few more days," Asteria says wistfully before leaning down to kiss my cheek. The softness of her lips against my skin is replaced quickly by her hand tapping my cheek. "You need to wake up though."
I begrudgingly pull myself out of bed and ready myself for the day, as well as Asteria. We are nearly late for the daily war strategy meeting. As soon as we enter, Prince Stephan is quick to chastise Asteria about her tardiness. Though Asteria sits quietly and allows herself to be lectured, my stomach twists in guilt, as it usually does these days.
As the royal officials drone on about war, I can see Kiana standing in the corner. Her gaze is removed from mine, as always. We limit our conversation during the day to what is absolutely necessary, saving our lengthier conversation for the evening hours when we discuss our mother's plans. For three days now we have gathered in that cluttered cleaning closet, mapping out the castle, discussing the royal family's schedules, and trying to consider a timeline for when the assassination will take place. Each night, I stare up at the clock, waiting for midnight to come, and each night, I become more and more unsure if I should go.
Kiana is proud and enthusiastic when we speak at night. I sit quietly, still unsure of where my allegiances lie. Her zealous speech is beginning to remind me of my mother, but not in a pleasant way. However, I cannot risk telling Kiana that I am doubting my mother's plan. Instead, I sit and listen, just as I did when my mother would lecture us back in Landiani. I wonder if even then I was made to feel silenced as I do now.
My thoughts wander the entirety of the meeting. I know I should be paying attention, but Kiana is also listening, and if I do not focus on something else, I am sure I will fall asleep. I am too distracted and drowsy to even recognize when the meeting has concluded. The royal officials beginning to rise is my only cue.
Asteria turns to me and opens her mouth. I do not get to hear what she has to say because at that moment, Stephan interrupts us.
"Asteria," he says.
"Stephan," she responds annoyingly.
"Why the long face? Have you not been enjoying your stay?" he asks.
"I am hungry after the meeting and wish to eat. That is all," Asteria responds. She rises, and I quickly rise alongside her, maintaining my silence. I wish Stephan would walk away, but he remains standing, his gaze fixated on his sister.
"Join me for some afternoon tea today, will you?" he asks.
Asteria narrows her eyes. "For what occasion?"
"To merely converse, that's all," he says. When Asteria pauses, his voice becomes more sinister. "Don't tell me you have other plans. I've seen your schedule. It is as blank as can be."
"Very well, then," Asteria says. "Send a guard over when you want me to join you."
With that, she quickly turns away, her long dress flowing beind her. I quickly curtsy to the prince before catching up to Asteria. We maintain silence as we return to her quarters. As soon as the door shuts, she sprawls out onto her bed and lets out a long sigh. I take a seat beside her and begin to play with her hair. Her gaze remains fixated on the ceiling, clearly deep in thought.
"Sorry to ask this of you, Fe, but will you accompany me?" she asks.
I pause my ministrations. "If that's what you want. Are you sure the prince be welcoming of me though?"
"I did fight for you to accompany me nearly everywhere this week. I will do the same if he argues against your presence," Asteria says.
"Then, I will accompany you," I respond. I lean over the princess, my face gravitating towards her. She wrings her hands around my neck and bridges the gap, allowing our lips to meet. We kiss softly, and I feel my body slowly collapsing on top of hers, exhaustion running through me once more. When our lips part, I lay my face in the crook of her neck, feeling her pulse against my lips, and slowly, I fall asleep.
─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───
Someone nudges me awake what feels like a few hours later. My eyes open slowly, finding Asteria standing near the edge of the bed. She must have moved me at some point, but I was too deep in sleep to notice. A knock at the door causes the hair on my neck to stand up.
"It's time to get up," she says quietly. "The guard is here to escort us to my brother's chambers."
I nod and stand, trying to smooth out my dress and tuck in the stray stands of hair that became loose while I rested. I quickly go meet Asteria and the royal guard at the door, hoping that my tiredness is not too evident.
"This way," the guard escorting us says.
I am led to areas of the castle that I have seen on Kiana's map, but never with my own eyes. While Asteria's room is still in semi-close proximity to the royal quarters of the king and prince, it lacks the space and luxury. The hallways closer to the king and prince's bedchambers are covered wall to wall in fine tapestry, elaborate paintings, and pristine portraits. I imagine if Asteria still was heir to the throne, she would have lived in this same corridor, in a room far more luxurious than the one she's staying in now.
Up ahead, I can see what I can only assume are the king's quarters, judging by the fact six guards are stationed out front. The king's door is large, red, and embroidered with a royal gold. I am unable to see anymore of it, as we are led east, down a separate corridor.
There is another door down this corridor, still guarded, but with less security than the king's quarters. I wonder how my mother intends to get past all these guards when the assassination takes place, though I suppose having Kiana as a royal guard member herself will help with that.
I suddenly feel nervous as we approach Prince Stephan's door. If the plan is to continue, and I am to play a role in it, then the next time I am in this room, it will be to slaughter the prince. I take a few deep breaths. Though I have conversed with the prince a few times now, this will be a much more intimate gathering. It will be crucial I play the role of a maid well in the presence of the prince.
Asteria thanks the guard for accompanying us, and the guards outside Stephan's door break formation to allow us entry. I can see Asteria take in a deep breath as she slowly pushes the doors open. I let out an exhale that I didn't realize I was holding in. The doors slowly give way to a large chambers, almost double the size of Asteria's in Esterpool. I can already see multiple rooms connecting to the main seating area we arrive in. Large windows allow natural sunlight to filter in onto the rich red carpet and mahogany wooden furniture. The couches are plush and look incredibly comfy, moreso than the ones in Esterpool. The small tea table in the center already has two teacups sitting on it, with a large teakettle standing in the center.
"Asteria. I'm glad you could join me," Stephan says upon our entrance. He is standing near the tea table, with that same uncomfortable smile on his face that makes my skin crawl. The doors to his chambers shutting behind us nearly make me jump out of my skin. I watch as Stephan's eyes drift from Asteria to myself. He frowns, sending a chill down my spine.
"Come now, sister. Did you really need your maid to accompany you? I only made tea for two," he says.
Asteria speaks for me. "She is perfectly fine without tea. I asked her to accompany me. As I stated when I first arrived here, she will be accompanying me throughout the duration of my visit."
"Still, I am hurt you felt the need to bring your maid," Stephan says in a tone that no one believes. "Can we not enjoy a conversation, just the two of us?"
"No," Asteria responds. "Are we going to drink tea or are you going to continue to lecture me over my decision?"
Stephan says. "I suppose we shall enjoy tea, then."
Asteria takes a comfortable seat on the couch. I go to sit near her, but before I can lower myself onto the couch, Stephan suddenly snaps his fingers and makes an unwelcoming sound.
"Not you," he says. "You may stand in that corner." With that, he points near the door.
"Stephan," Asteria begins.
"It's fine, Princess," I murmur, rising once more. I go stand in the corner as instructed. I will still have a fine view of the both of them and will be able to listen in to their conversation, whether or not I am directly seated next to the princess.
The conversation begins, and it is just as dull the meetings I attend with Asteria. Stephan asks about Asteria's life in Esterpool, to which she responds vaguely, just ascertaining that she is content there. She, likewise, asks Stephan the same of Magnuvia. Again, the answer is vague and not flooded with any detail. It is easy to tell they are only going through the motions of conversation without any true interest in the other's answer. I am impressed at Asteria remaining her composure despite the fact Stephan is looking upon her condescendingly throughout their discussion. I imagine that the rest of the conversation will continue this way, with me standing here, saying nothing, while Asteria is subjected to the most boring and mundane conversation of all time, but suddenly, I see Stephan's lips slightly curl, and I stiffen.
"What do you think of the number of troops we have sent into Kilneu?"
"I am unaware of how many," Asteria responds.
"Ah, that's right. How foolish of me. It is not like you are present in the royal discussions, what with your exile to Esterpool," he says. He rambles about the newest war in Kilneu for control of the countries up north, but I can see the irritation on Asteria's face grow. I wish I were seated next to her so I could at least take her hand, but that would not have been possible with Stephan watching.
The conversation then transitions to a topic I have dreaded ever since I arrived here to Magewell.
"And the spies. You must be concerned, right?"
"Not necessarily," Asteria responds. "Father already disclosed the details to me. They were vague. We do not know who—"
"Well, it must be someone from the colonized countries, and most likely those that share our border." Stephan says. "Flumensia would be the first suspect. Out of our non-Magnuvian servants and guards, Flumensians make up the second most. And then, of course, there's Kilneu, who is most likely frustrated by the ongoing war. But...personally, I think it is someone from Landiani." I anxiously wait for his gaze to fall on me, thinking that maybe he has caught on to me and Kiana sneaking out at night, but his gaze remains on Asteria.
"You have nothing to prove that is the case," Asteria responds.
"They have had the most uproars in recent history. And we are vastly depleting their magic supply, which I'm sure frustrates them, though they deserve it. They are quite the resilient bunch, but Magnuvia is stronger. We will have no problem crushing them," he says. Now, his gaze turns to me, and the sadistic smile on his face only grows.
I crumble, finding it impossible to mask my anger. Asteria turns, noticing it, too.
"Quit that," Asteria tells Stephan. "Are you truly that insulted my maid visited you?"
"Quit what? Why the hell do you even have a Landiani maid to begin with, Asteria?"
She opens her mouth, but he begins speaking again.
"I don't know why I ask. I know. It is because you are weak and foolish. On top of your unhealthy obsession with women, I suppose it only makes sense you favor those outside of our country as well. It is truly a miracle you were stripped of your right from the throne. I am sure if you had taken command, this country would have fallen to ruins. It is a blessing Father exiled you to Esterpool, you know? We would not have made such progress otherwise." He pours himself another cup of tea and takes a slow sip. "By the way, I heard about that friend of yours. Elena. I am sure you must taken the news of her recent marriage and pregnancy well."
Stephan's previous comments about my country were infuriating enough, but when I see the sadness and horror on Asteria's face, my anger reaches its limit. Before I can stop myself, I shout.
"How dare you speak to the princess that way!"
Stephan's gaze suddenly whips to look at me. He stands and takes slow steps over to me. I maintain my stance, unafraid to back down. If this is the man I will one day kill, then I cannot cower in fear from him.
"What was that, Landiani scum?" he asks.
Before I can answer, he kicks me in the side, knocking me to the ground. Though his kicks are not as violent as the maids that beat me months before, the trauma of that moment floods through me again, and I immediately begin to shut down.
"What makes you think you can speak that way to the Magnuvian prince and next in line?"
Kick.
"You were to remain silent by the door like a good little maid."
Kick.
"You are Landiani scum. That's what you'll always be, and if there was a way to harvest magic from your people, we'd have killed all of them by now."
I await the next kick, but suddenly, Stephan lets out a gasp, and I watch him lose his footing as he is pushed away from me. Asteria stands near her brother, looking infuriated. However, when Stephan's cold gaze turns to her, fear reflects in her eyes.
"I'm sorry," Asteria murmurs to him. She reaches a hand down to help me stand. I clutch my side, feeling the same aching pain as when my ribs were bruised months before.
"I'm sorry? That's all you have to say?" Stephan asks, his words barely louder than a whisper. "May I remind you that you just assaulted the prince? In defense of a Landiani maid of all people?"
"Assault you? Be reasonable, Stephan. You are unhurt," Asteria says.
"And who do you think Father will believe when I share what just happened?" Stephan asks.
Asteria lowers her head and curtseys. "I'm sorry. I will take full responsibility for my actions, and Fe's as well."
"Look at you groveling to me," Stephan says with a maniacal laugh. "You truly are weak." He glances at me, anger still flashing in his eyes. "You can return back to your quarters. Asteria and I will be visiting King Ruben."
Still in pain and frightened, all I can do is nod and leave, though I desperately want to stay behind. Asteria does not owe it to me to take my punishment, nor did she need to speak up for me. I wonder how she can do so, when I have been sneaking out for days on end to meet Kiana and plan her own family's assassination. Wracked with guilt and still aching from pain, I ask a guard to escort me towards the maid quarters. There, I pretend not to be injured as I ask for some ice and towels.
Back in Asteria's room, alone, I hold ice to my side and wait for her to return. But the hours pass. My pain fades, but she still does not enter. I begin to grow more nervous, wondering if somehow the worst has happened, and if I have possibly just seen her for the last time. I have dinner delivered to the room, but I can only manage a few nibbles before sending it away.
Finally, as the sun is setting, the door to Asteria's bedroom opens, and she re-enters. Immediately, I spring up. I wince at my aching body, but I rush to her side regardless. Already, I can tell something is wrong. She drags her feet with each step, her smile is absent, and the lightness in her eyes is gone, replaced by nothing but coldness.
"Asteria? What's wrong? Did they hurt you?" I ask. "I have been waiting for hours. I thought that—"
Asteria waves a hand. "No. I am not injured. How are you?"
"I am fine. I will live, but what happened?"
Asteria slowly navigates toward her bed, and I sit down beside her, waiting for her to speak. Her voice is shaky as she relates to me the rest of her afternoon.
"Stephan took me to see my father. He let me off with a warning, but he lectured me for a lengthy time about how I was not doing enough for this country, how my loyalties were not where they should be, and how weak I was," Asteria says.
"That's not true," I argue.
"Listen, Fe. My father said..." Her voice cracks once more. "He said the next time I speak out of turn or do something that offends him or Stephan, I will be more than just exiled. He will send me to Gracesard Isle to be imprisoned for the rest of my days."
My eyes widen in shock. Gracesard Isle is located north of Magnuvia in the Guildriden Gulf. It once belonged to the country of Flumensia and contained a small island population, but after Magnuvian colonization, it became a large prison where Magnuvia sent their criminals, treasonous military members, and rebellious peoples of those who were colonized. I could not imagine a worse fate for Asteria, to have to live out the rest of her days in a cold prison on an island only reachable by boat.
With those words said, she immediately begins to break down into sobs. I motion her towards me, and she climbs into my lap and sobs into my shoulder. I wish I had something to say, but I suppose no words can comfort her now. I merely hold her tightly to me, rub circles into her back, and press kisses the her scalp while she lets her emotions take course.
As I sit there, angered for her, I think of what her father said to her, and then a realization hits me. Everything King Ruben said to her about disloyalty, about weakness...were those not things my mother once said to me when I came to Esterpool? The realization hits me like a ton of bricks, but I do not have time to think much about it, not when I am comforting Asteria like this.
Eventually, her tears cease, and we ready ourselves for bed. She holds me close to her body as she drifts off to sleep, but I stay awake as I do each night, both lost in thought about my recent realization and also awaiting the clock to strike midnight. I turn to look at Asteria as she sleeps, hoping she is having pleasant dreams. Her face is calm at least, but there are still dried tears on her cheeks.
When the clock eventually strikes midnight, I slowly slip myself out from under her arms and swing my legs over on the other side of the bed. I stand slowly and smooth out my nightgown, when suddenly, there is rustling behind me.
"Fe?" Asteria asks quietly.
I turn, realizing she is awake. Has she been awake this whole time? I don't know, but I do know that I cannot go visit Kiana when the princess is awake and alert.
"Sorry. I couldn't sleep. I was going to get some air," I say.
"Fe. Please. Stay," Asteria says, her voice shaking with sadness once more.
I shouldn't want to stay with her. If she had asked me to months ago, I would not have. I would have met Kiana, and we would have continued plotting out the death of the royal family, but with the way Asteria is looking at me, I know I cannot go when she has asked me to stay. My heart leaps in my chest looking at her, and though I have been aware of it for quite some time, in my heart, I know that I love her, deeply and truly. It is something I have not wanted to admit for fear of ruining the mission, but I can't deny it any longer.
Tonight, I choose Asteria over my family.
"Yes. I'll stay," I say.
I crawl back into bed with her and feel her arms wrap around my body. As I nuzzle my head into her chest, I want to feel guilty for not meeting Kiana. I am sure she will be furious when I do not show up. But, in the moment, I simply don't care. I savor the feeling of Asteria's warm breath tickling my face and the way her fingers draw circles into my back, and I drift off into a peaceful sleep for the first time in days.