Aella (manxman) - ON HOLD - Chapter 20: Chapter 20

It was already sunset when I crouched in front of the fire I had started outside Alev's den. Just gazing at the flickering fire.
"Are you alright?"
I was brought out of my daze to see Alev standing before me looking a bit worried. He had already skinned and cut the large deer he had hunted today. He came an hour ago, looking satisfied and serene. It is true that real Aellos enjoy hunting.
"Yes. I'm alright."
"Did you find any difficulties today?"
I shook my head and avoided his stare. I helped him set the meat to roast above the fire and we sat beside it in silence.
Alev was never the talkative kind, and I wasn't in a mood to even try to spark a conversation. I had too much to think about to the point where it was giving me a headache.
"I'm staying with you tomorrow. We'll spend the day together."
"It's fine. You really don't have to."
"You don't want my company?"
"No, I just... I want you to live freely like you did before. I don't want you to be stuck here just so you would take care of me. " I don't want you to get annoyed with me and give me back or throw me away. "I've got many things to practice anyway"
Alev stared at me with a frown. I focused on the fire to escape his look. He seemed surprised and maybe even confused. I was surprised myself. I never thought I'd refuse his company. The aftertaste of my words felt horrid, bathed with rudeness.
Yet being rude or ungrateful was the last thing I meant. I loved Alev, even if I was yet to know him well, I loved and respected him.
But I felt so puzzled. So many things I needed to understand, to achieve.
And my father was here. He was right here beside me, but I felt alone. I couldn't bring myself to share my thoughts with him, not that I could even express them in an understandable manner.
"So you practiced making weapons today?" he said after a while.
"I only made traps"
"That's good, Ceri. Bring them here, I'd like to take a look"
I stood to go fetch them from the cave, but then I froze and turned to him: "I... I forgot to bring them home"
"Oh. It's alright then. We'll check them out tomorrow."
I nodded. But what I really wanted to say, was that they weren't good enough to be presented to him. I was so airheaded after Drita left, I couldn't fix them properly. I actually think I made them worse. And then I forgot to even bring them here to show Alev.
"Did you eat well today?"
I nodded. Just then I realized that I lied. I didn't eat at all. I just came back here as soon as I could and I hid inside the den for the rest of the day. I even thought about hiding behind the basin of water to avoid Milen, Essylt, or any Aello who might decide to show up.
I was so displeased with myself. How am I to expect others to bear with me?
Why would they?
I'm seventeen and I can't do my Prueba! I can't live on my own and I'm lying to myself to think that I could learn!!!
She was right. I am way past my learning age. And I'd be kidding myself to think there's a way to prove myself other than hunting.
What does this even mean? I'm not an Aella anymore, but I can't make it as an Aello.
My heart felt heavy and my mind unable to find a way out.
Why do I feel entangled in my own thoughts? Why am I so...... weak?
Prueba, Aellos, hunting, whatever. All came back to one thing I needed so badly. Courage.
I needed it so much that the thought coiled inside me and hurt my stomach.
"Okey. What's going on with you?"
My head snapped at Alev who was sitting around the fire a couple of feet away from me. He looked... confused? Annoyed? I didn't know. But one thing was certain, I was the reason behind the serious look he was giving me right now.
"I'm your father, Ceri. You have to talk to me and tell when things happen to you. Did you get scared today on your own? Did you not like the leftover food? Did you hurt yourself somehow? What is it?"
"N-nothing-"
"There is something. You've been lost in thought since I was back and I feel like you're pulling away from me."
My heart was beating faster and my muscles drew taut. He was angry with me. Just like Drita said, it was only a matter of time before I did something wrong and I lost no time to prove her right.
And then something very familiar happened and it crept me out even more. I felt a constriction in my throat prohibiting me from speaking.
I was panicking. It was just like when the Aellas would accuse me of something. I knew it, but I could do nothing about it. It felt like a spider climbing my chest and settling on my neck, threatening to sting if I spoke.
Aello Alev sighed. He ran a hand through his hair before looking at me again, this time speaking with gentler voice: "Ceri-"
"I want to sleep" I said quickly.
"Now?? You didn't eat. And you didn't touch the food I left you this morning. Are you feeling sick?"
I shook my head: "I'm not ill. I just want to sleep"
Alev didn't answer for a moment, so I insisted
"P-please"
He sighed, again, and then agreed. "You can go rest. We'll talk tomorrow"
I bowed my head slightly while still avoiding his eyes. Then I stood up and headed inside the den.
I took only one step inside when a voice halted me
"Sleeping early, are we?"
Alev was immediately standing in alert, glaring towards the trees. I instinctively took a step back, feeling out of patience or effort to take on another Aello.
But when Ithel emerged from the trees with his gentle smile and endearing look, I felt my heart beating warmly again.
"Ithel!"
"Ceri, I'm happy to see you again." Then he turned to Alev, "Aello Alev, I see you've been well"
Alev seemed to relax a bit, not completely, though. But enough to set down the knife he had grabbed earlier. His eyes narrowed, but he said nothing. Making Ithel scratch the back of his head
"I don't want to bother your time with your son"
"Yet here you are" Alev said.
Ithel didn't look regretful at all as he responded, "I won't trouble you much. I just wanted to talk to Ceri"
He said my name with a slight tilt of his head so his eyes could meet mine. He looked at me and his smile widened, and he whispered: "Hey there"
I realized I was being silly by hiding, and I found myself hurrying towards him
"You're here"
I stated the obvious. But he didn't laugh at me or call me silly. He just gave me one of his charming smiles that made his eyes more beautiful and alive. "I'm here." He said gently. His hand reached for mine as he continued, "I've been away longer than I had expected. I'm sorry"
I pouted, "I needed you, but you weren't here"
Ithel's eyes widened, I guess he hadn't expected me to actually need him. Neither did Alev, apparently, because now he looked slightly surprised. Their eyes met for a moment like they were having a silent conversation. One that didn't seem to please Alev because he looked away thoughtfully.
I didn't want him to think that I didn't like his company, especially with the way I acted since he came back from his hunting, so I hurried to explain: "I mean, I'm very well with Aello Alev! I just... I just wanted you- I mean, I wanted to talk to you"
Alev frowned while Ithel didn't even try to hide his grin. His hand gave mine a squeeze and he pulled me closer to him before turning to Alev.
"Sure. With your permission, Alev, I'd like to take him on a quick walk"
Alev didn't seem too warm to the idea: "You're both here already. Talk."
"I think Ceri would appreciate a stroll under the moonlight. Right?"
He asked me and I nodded. Alev's eyes narrowed suspiciously, traveling from my face to our hands and back up. A blush threatened to invade my cheeks, but it was dulled by all the anxiety from earlier today. I found myself both shy and afraid of Alev.
Eventually, Alev stopped trying to read my reaction or get any response from me and he turned to Ithel, who was grinning like a morning sun
"It's night"
"We'll be quick"
"It's too dark"
"We have a beautiful moon tonight."
"It's dangerous"
"I'll bring him back myself"
Alev seemed annoyed with us. I could feel him wanting to chase Ithel away, but he was being patient for my sake. Alev glared at Ithel, but Ithel was so brave and his smile didn't even waver. He was also very polite as he continued. "We won't go far, Alev. I will bring your son back in no time and I'll be careful"
In the end, Alev surrendered and dismissed us with a jerk of his head.
Ithel turned away and pulled me with him. I bowed my head to Alev quickly before following Ithel. Alev followed us a few steps then stopped. I looked back and saw the worry in his eyes as he looked about ready to follow us again.
And his next words confirmed that.
"Don't stay long or I'll come take him back myself.", and then he added quite loudly, "And this time, I will use my knife!"
~~~~~~
Ithel
My heart beat strongly as I guided Ceri between the trees. I had almost laughed at Alev's threats, but I would never belittle them. If anything, I found them endearing. The way he was protective of my Ceri was so heartwarming. And Ceri definitely deserved a father like Alev, he needed him.
I knew I couldn't take him to my den since it was past sunset already. The forest was dangerous at night and I didn't want to take any risks. So after changing our direction a couple of times to make sure Alev wouldn't find us easily, I started looking upwards at the trees.
I saw one that was particularly old and tall. I climbed it quickly to make sure it had a nice spot for me and my lover, and then I jumped to the ground to join him. He yelped cutely in surprise. I smiled at him and told him to trust me. And then I grabbed him by the waist and helped him climb the thick branches, one after the other, until we were able to see the clear sky and the almost full moon.
I sat with my back to the tree and my legs on either side of the branch. On the other hand, Ceri sat sideways, his legs dangling from the left side, and his hands grasped the branch tightly to keep himself from falling.
"It's alright, my Aella, I got you. You can relax. Look how lovely tonight is"
He lifted his head and watched the sky. He was so silent and deep in thought.
I knew something was bothering him when I heard him ask Alev to go to sleep. I thought it could be because of my absence, but even now that we were together, his behavior hasn't changed.
"The moon is so bright this evening. It's beautiful, don't you think?"
He didn't answer me. He just stared at the sky, and that made me start getting anxious. I was about to ask when he slowly leaned aside until his head was buried under my chin, his arms going around my chest in a hug.
Now I was definitely worried and confused. He was clinging to me almost desperately. I hugged him back and caressed the playful locks of his hair.
"Ceri?"
After a moment, I heard his hesitant question. "Did you reconsider?"
"Reconsider? What are we talking about?"
"Me, I mean... You and I, being......... together"
"Of course not! Nothing changed, I promise"
He shook his head: "Many things changed. So many"
Why was he so sad? Was he doubting my love for him?
I tried to sound calm as I explained myself. "I'm sorry I didn't come to you earlier-"
He raised his head and looked at me, his light green eyes looking gray under the moonlight, shimmering with unshed tears.
"You said you'd be back in a few days. I waited for you. Every night, I waited for you to come see me. I wanted to come see you so much, but I-"
He stopped abruptly before he sniffled and looked away.
"You what, Ceri?"
"I didn't know if I had the right to! I didn't know. I didn't even know if I could ask Alev or not. And I couldn't come on my own because I am so stupid and I am yet to learn the way!!"
I was taken by surprise with the amount of negativity in his voice. My sweet lover had always been less than self-confident, but never this frustrated. Damn it, it was totally my fault. I left him. I left him. And damn Cailyn for being a lousy friend
I tried to pull him into another hug, but he resisted. He looked adorable when he was angry, like a lost child. But it also pained my heart to know that he was suffering for some reason. And to know those reasons, I wanted to explain myself first and amend his trust in me.
I held his left hand in mine and laced our fingers together
"I couldn't visit you because I was on another island"
He sniffled and looked at me, still pouting adorably. "Another island?"
"Ever heard of Zury?"
"The southern island"
I nodded. "One of them, yes"
He frowned. "It's too far from here"
"About two days of sail."
"You went that far from me?" It was almost a whisper. The sadness in his voice pinched my heart, making me join his pouting.
"Not by choice, my love. Remember the day you were claimed? Remember when I told you that Cailyn wanted me to give you some space so you could bond with Alev and get to know him? Well, after the amazing time you and I had that night, I went back to my den and found Cailyn waiting for me. Turns out he came to talk to me again after the gathering in order to make sure that I did as he had told me. When he didn't find me, he waited for me. And somehow when he saw me, he knew I was with you"
"He knew? H-how!??"
I shrugged. "No idea. He can be quite smart sometimes. Or maybe it's the fact that I came back so late, grinning like a shy Aella on her first Agape"
Ceri bit on his lower lip, his cheeks darkening adorably at the memory of that night.
How could he not? Every moment I spent laughing with him and touching him was so preciously engraved in my memory, feeding my lonely nights.
"Did he punish you? Ithel, I'm so sorry!"
"No, of course not. I did nothing wrong- WE did nothing wrong, Ceri. We deserve no punishment whatsoever. He just started lecturing me on how I lost focus lately, how I needed to meditate and many other boring things like 'connect with my inner hunter spirit'." I said the last part with a mocking accent, making Ceri's eyes open wide to my lack of respect towards the Leader.
Maybe I shouldn't let him think that it was alright to disrespect the Leader, so I elaborated more.
"I love and respect Cailyn, but he has no say in how I live my life. I told him to leave me be, but he insisted, saying I had to be more serious if I wanted to get someone in my den on the next Agape"
"Someone... like an Aella..."
I smiled and brushed a lock back from his face: "Since I had a beautiful Aella in mind, I didn't want to fight with Cailyn. I do not care what he thinks, Ceri. I just believe it will be easier on both of us if Cailyn was on our side. Also, he's very close to Alev, and I wish for that Aello to like me."
He nodded slowly like he was processing my words. "So you agreed in order to please the Leader"
"I did. But then he wanted me to do things for him, like hunting a lion and getting him pearls"
"Pearls?"
"He wanted me to go dive a thousand times in a reef until I found a black pearl for him to gift his favorite Aella. I think he was talking about Halina. Everyone knows he'd do anything for her"
Ceri smiled lightly. "Halina already has a black pearl"
"Yes. I believe it was Cailyn who gave her that one. Now the all mighty Leader wants a bigger one."
"So, did you find one?"
"Of course not. Black pearls are rare. I told Cailyn that, but he wouldn't listen. I told him that I wasn't going to waste my time preparing for his Agape, and you know what he said?"
"What?" he asked curiously
"He said it would serve me as training. Can you believe that?"
"Well, it's an order from the Leader"
"A smug Leader. I did as he told me, even though he had no right sending me away because I did nothing wrong. But I went anyway. And I stayed there as much as I could handle while knowing that you were down here, on our territory."
"Will the Leader be ok to know that you're back?"
"I don't know and I don't care. He wanted me to remain there until the Agape. I've done it before. It's not my first time living on another island. But back then I had no actual reason to stay or even look forward to the Agape. It meant nothing more than a heavy chore to me before. Now, things have changed."
Ceri sighed and looked down at our laced hands. He didn't look angry with me now, but talking about Cailyn wasn't cheering him up.
"Will you leave again?"
"No. Never again, I promise."
"I... I don't want the Leader to be mad at you. I know he respects you a lot. I don't want that to change because of me"
"He's a good Aello and a wise Leader. He will understand. Now, tell me about your new life here. I want to know everything since your first day with your father. I know Alev is kind, I hope he wasn't harsh on you with the training?"
His hand flinched in mine. A few seconds later, I felt a drop of water tickle my knuckles. I tilted my head to see his face and found his eyes filling with tears again, his voice constricting as he whined
"He almost died. I was so scared"
"What? How?"
"His injury... from Saeva... and he was there because of me. I killed my mother and I almost-"
He sobbed lightly and I felt my own tears threatening to give in.
I pulled him into a tight hug and he didn't resist me this time. "Please don't say that. None of this is your fault. Deep in your heart you know that."
His free hand clutched at my clothes as he tried not to cry. He was doing his best to be brave and strong. I knew it wasn't easy for him.
"I don't understand. He looked well when I left. Tired, but not sick"
"It was a poisonous snake that bit him in his arm. He didn't treat it or give it time to rest before he came to claim me."
"Oh, my sweet Aella. I'm so sorry you had to go through that"
"I was alone and he was dying. I didn't know what to do! It was terrifying. He had a strong fever and he fell unconscious. He wouldn't even move or open his eyes when I spilled water on his face"
"What did you do then?"
"I ran into the forest and I called the Leader."
"Alone? How did you find him?"
"I got lost at first. But then there were Aellos who showed me the way"
When he said that, I realized how stupid it was for me to leave and assume he'd be safe. He met other Aellos when he was alone and got lost in the forest!
"They didn't hurt you, did they?"
While some of us were kind and reasonable, there were many who wouldn't hesitate to dominate and prove their strength, with or without a reason. To live alone meant that one needed to be able to fend off himself against wild animals as well as wild Aellos.
Ceri hesitated to answer, and then shook his head. Damn it. Now I was certain they must have said something to him. I hope they didn't touch him. By the name of the spirits, he was in real danger!
"You did well, Ceri. You did so well. Thank the spirits you were back safely. You saved your father's life. See how brave you are? I'm so proud of you"
"It was Cailyn who saved him. Also the other Aello-"
He suddenly pulled away from me and stared at me in horror. "The Aello... I forgot about him! I was thinking about Alev and my new life here, and I forgot"
"Slow down, what did you forget about?"
"The payment! I'm so stupid! He saved my father's life and I forgot to pay him!"
"What was his name?"
He looked around, and then back at me again. "I forgot. C-Cailyn knows"
"What did he look like? Why do you say he saved Alev?"
"He was a very old Aello. He moved so slowly, but he was smart. Cailyn brought him and they both treated Alev. I don't know how. The old Aello sent me outside the den. But when he finished, he said he wanted me to bring him two deers the next day. I thought I would pay him back a few days later instead when I learned how to hunt. But... I didn't learn... and I forgot"
"It's ok. I think it's Aello Ery. He's older than this tree and he has a sharp tongue."
"What should I do? What if he tells Alev that I didn't pay my debt?"
"He won't tell Alev."
"How can you be certain?"
"First, because he'd never walk that distance from his own den to Alev's without Cailyn dragging him there himself. And second, tomorrow I'll go hunt something and take it to him."
"You would?"
"Sure. You have nothing to worry about. I just want to see my Ceri smile"
He looked at me dubiously before he added. "He said he wanted two deers and he preferred eating babies"
"Of course he did."
No wonder Ceri was terrified. That phrase alone could give him nightmares about Aello-monsters eating babies.
"Is it ok to hunt baby deers? Even if they're animals... they're still babies"
"We prefer to hunt grown males. But we live in a forest. There are no rules on what to hunt, except territories."
I stared at him as he took in my words. He was such a kind person. Charming, helpful, innocent, and eager to learn. No wonder his beautiful skin and body draws me to him so strongly.
I leaned in and kissed his cheek, taking him by surprise.
"What others adventures have I missed?". I asked, hoping to hear something positive.
He looked at me and gave me a peck on my lips, and then he smiled prettily. He was oblivious to the fire that he ignited in my loins with such an innocent kiss. Our hands still laced together, I caressed his knuckles with my thumb and admired his features under the moonlight.
"You are so beautiful, Ceri. So brave and hardworking."
"I love you. I wish I could be with you like this forever. Things aren't complicated when I'm with you"
His words warmed me to the core. "And I adore you, my sweet Aella. Everyone will do as well. Just give them time"
He stared at me and I knew he was thinking about something. Determination took over his light green eyes and he said the last thing I could ever expect.
"I've decided. I'm going to my Prueba"