Aella (manxman) - ON HOLD - Chapter 32: Chapter 32

I nodded with satisfaction looking at the two small preys I hunted. I gathered my weapons and tied the preys to a piece of wood that I carried with me as I headed to my den.
The walk was quite long. And no matter how much I tried not to, my thoughts always found their way back to him.
It will be the Agape soon. I am less insecure about how he feels as he clearly stated how much he wanted to be my Agape. He did so more than once, actually, and with admirable confidence. Yet even though I cleared it with him, I am yet to have his father's permission.
I never thought it would be so important before, since Ceri was already a grown up man and he shouldn't need his father's permission for anything. But during the last few months, living with his father was a new experience for him. One that we were both adamant about protecting. Ceri always acted obediently towards him and the fact that he truly admired Alev was certainly very helpful.
On the other hand, it's understandable how protective Alev has been of him. Ceri was the son he always dreamed of having, and seeing how perfect Ceri was, his father was bound to be very attached to him.
Which leaves me in an awkward place between wanting Ceri to take his time bonding and learning from his father, and at the same time, wanting him by my side every moment.
I honestly can't live without him anymore.
It was more than just feeding him or taking care of him. It was more than having someone to talk to and share everything with. With all his simplicity, he became my reason to be.
Before him, I wasn't truly happy. I was going back and forth between wanting to live alone, to the point of exhausting boredom, and living in the village while totally disappearing before the Agape. I am not one to fret over the past or the possible futures, and I never had ambitions or plans. Until that unique afternoon when I met him.
My Aella is so loving and kind. He's also very handsome. And despite his beauty and the joy he brings me, he never asked for anything.
"Can I kiss you?" I grinned and shook my head when I remembered the kind of requests that he came up with lately. Despite his shyness, he became much more confident with me and he never ceased to surprise me. Those were his requests, no tiger skins or rare pearls. A modest meal and closeness were all he hoped for. Which make me want to give him the world and more
I sighed as I remembered our last meeting. He was so sweet and honest. I was amazed to hear that he had thought a lot about our Agape together. That reassured my doubts about him moving forward in his new life and away from me. He seemed as eager as I was, and that meant more to me than I could express with words.
Our last meeting... that was days ago already. I sighed again, finding it very difficult not to turn on my heels and go spy on him at Alev's den. Maybe check if they stayed in or went out for another hunting lesson? That sounded very tempting, but I didn't want to risk things with Alev right now.
I knew for sure that Alev didn't hate me or he wouldn't have tolerated my presence at all. He was the kind of Aello who wouldn't hesitate to show aggressiveness to those who invade their space and were unworthy of his respect. But the truth is that he was suspicious of me now more than ever. I tried everything I could, being nice, strong, confident, helpful, caring, providing offerings, showing my hunting skills...
In the end, his opinion of me hasn't improved in the least. Our last meeting wasn't pleasant either. I didn't mean to antagonize him, but somehow, I've reached the limit of his patience. It happened nine days ago after Ceri went back to the mountain to return the children to the Aella clan. All the children were sent back and, luckily for everyone, no incidents happened whatsoever. So the new step towards harmony was fully successful, as Cailyn put it. All Aellos scattered, all but Alev and I.
We waited for hours in the dark, hoping the Aellas would be decent enough not to let Ceri get back home on his own in the dark forest. My Aella was strong and brave. Now he can walk a little around his father's den and mine without getting lost, but he still has trouble with the forest at night. Which was totally understandable and even cautious of him.
As the time passed by, Alev finally decided to chase me away.
"I'll wait for him. You go home."
"It's ok"
"Leave, Ithel"
I felt a bit awkward. I wasn't the kind to impose myself on others. Much like Alev himself, I've spent most of my life completely alone. But my interest for Ceri was sincere and it went beyond wanting to mate with him.
"You're right, I'll just wait to make sure he's fine and then I'll g-"
"He doesn't need to rely on you for anything. He has his father now"
"I know. I-"
"I don't think you do! My son needs to become independent and he won't accomplish that with you around. If he is to become a real Aello, he needs to have a clear mind at all times."
I stared at him, noticing his anger seeping through his usual calm appearance. I knew that our clan trained the children very harshly to make them great hunters. You couldn't expect a twelve or a thirteen-year-old boy to hunt and go through his Prueba on an island by himself without rough training since he was seven.
But as much as I wanted Ceri to become who the whole tribe expected him to be, deep down I had a feeling he wouldn't like a real Aello training at all. He liked learning things at his own pace, not being forced to stand before a wolf like most fathers do.
I knew that Alev wasn't too difficult with him, but I had a feeling that he wanted to change that. Maybe he didn't like Ceri being Cailyn's messenger to the Aellas, and so he wanted him to pass his Prueba sooner.
But no matter what Alev thought, I believed that Ceri learned much faster when he faces small increasing challenges, rather than big ones. The way to get to him was through kindness and playfulness. Just present any small task to him as a game, and he'll get excited and train all day. When we met, he had never even touched the sea before. Now he started diving under water and holding his breath longer.
I knew my Ceri because I always watch him closely. He may speak about becoming a fearless Aello, but his voice held an undertone of despair and even skepticism at his own words. It was as if he didn't believe it himself. Goals that were far beyond his reach made him feel small and depressed, rather than determined. Hence, he'd be much more likely to learn how to make a proper trap, if he was told to make just two good knots at first. Talking from experience, asking him to make the whole trap by himself will result in him being too stressed and he ended up making loose ones.
Nevertheless, I had no right to lecture Alev on how to train his son, nor pretend to know him better than he did. I just hoped to keep being involved in his life until I found the proper way to tell Alev about my claim to Ceri at the upcoming Agape.
"Ithel," he said after a long silence, "I respect you, for now. But I don't care what your intentions are. My son is mine until he brings me the head of a bear he hunted by himself. Until then, I don't need him to be distracted."
My heart sank as I realized that, for the first time, Alev truly wanted me away from his family. I tried in vain to exhaust my mind to come up with something that would make him change his mind, but he soon growled a definite "LEAVE."
I nodded and walked away, silently because I didn't think words mattered anymore. The desperate me couldn't go home before seeing the one my heart longed for. So I waited far from Alev, on a tree where I watched some light approaching through the forest. Just as I had assumed, it was Ceri getting back, accompanied by two Aella-hunters. My sweet man was so worn out, he almost dragged his feet. Alev carried him on his back and took him home safely.
Despite Alev's warnings, I did go back to Alev's den to spy briefly on my Ceri the next day. And the next. And the next.
But when Alev took him hunting, I couldn't follow them anymore. If I did, Alev would've certainly found out, and I didn't think that would've ended prettily. Deep inside I knew Alev was at least half-right when he decided to chase me away. So even in my bitter loneliness, I couldn't blame him.
Now it has been nine days since I spoke with him and four since I last saw him. And here I was, still preparing for an Agape I didn't know if I'd be blessed with again. The mere thought of never being able to claim Ceri as my mate brings tears to my eyes... But I pushed those thoughts away, preferring to keep hope close to my heart.
I arrived at my den and walked inside. Still debating whether I should go steal a look at him from afar to calm my longing soul. But as soon as I made it inside, I halted when I saw that warm smile surrounded by the set of playful bouncing curls
"Welcome back, Ithel"
Before any questions or words, I let go of everything in my hands and hurried to take him in my arms. His hands reached around me and he hugged me even closer, with his head buried in my shoulder and my nose rubbing against his neck. I pulled back slightly to stare at his mesmerizing green eyes that were watching me adoringly.
"You're here"
He smiled tenderly. "I'm here. I missed you and I had to see you"
"I'm sorry I......... I didn't come by lately"
"It's alright. I figured I should also make the effort of visiting you."
I grinned and kissed his left cheek. Then his temple, and his forehead. He chuckled when I didn't stop distributing kisses on his face and neck. When I lingered in his neck, he started laughing
"Stop that, it tickles"
"I'm so happy to see you here"
"Good. Because I'm staying with you"
"You're spending the night? I wonder how you managed to convince your father"
I felt him tense slightly in my arms, and when he didn't answer, I looked at him only to find him escaping my gaze.
"Ceri, did Alev bring you here?"
"No. I came on my own"
What? Ceri may know the way from his father's den to mine, but the forest is still dangerous even during the day
"Does he know you're here?" I asked hesitatingly
He nodded, but he was still focused on my chest and not my eyes.
"Ceri?"
"We...... argued"
Well, this is new
"About what?"
"...... I don't want to talk about it."
He detached himself from me and went to sit by the wall farthest from the entry. He hugged his knees, with a small frown of determination on his face.
I stood there for a moment, trying to figure out the best way to handle the situation. Ceri has never been one to like confrontation, but his behavior today told otherwise. He looked upset with something, or rather someone. And I sighed at the thought of him being in a disagreement with his father. This was exactly the kind of situation we've been trying to avoid. Not only because of how it might affect his relationship with his father badly, but also because Ceri doesn't usually deal well with conflict.
My eyes caught on the preys that I had brought with me. I grabbed them and took them to him. I put the first one right in front of his eyes, making his startle cutely
"Want to guess what animal this is?"
"A mink!"
"Correct"
He smiled and reached to run his hand on the animal's fur. "It's so soft"
"I made sure not to let the blood soil it much. And this part here, I'll clean it well so you can make nice clothes from this"
"Or we could maybe send it to little Enit?"
"Enit??"
"Moina's younger daughter. She's the little girl I brought with me last time."
"Sure, we can do that. I also got you this..."
He gaped at the sight of the bird. "It's so beautiful!"
"Do you know what bird this is?"
"A pheasant!"
"Right. I thought you'd like these colored feathers. It's also a grown male, so it's in its most beauty"
"Look at those colors... This is so beautiful, Ithel"
"You can make a necklace with those feathers"
"Vreis would really like them"
I chuckled and hung the animals on the other side of the den to clean later. Then I sat down beside him. "As adorable as you are when you're being generous, I'd really like you to keep some things to yourself. But we can work on getting more that you can offer to others"
His happy moment suddenly changed when his shoulders slumped.
"Hey, what is it?"
"Aello Alev said I shouldn't give any gifts to the Aella clan"
"Did he explain why?"
"He thinks I should forget about them and focus on my training."
I sighed. "He's not totally wrong"
He gave me a shocked, blaming look. "I can do both! I can learn how to hunt AND send gifts to the mountain!"
For a second I was surprised by his defensive attitude. Ceri usually went for the most peaceful arguments. When I met him, he couldn't hold a stare for too long and he couldn't even speak for himself in an argument.
Maybe this was the result of his thriving self-confidence? He was growing fast, emotion wise. My Aella was becoming stronger in every way and that made my heart swell with pride.
"You think I'm being stupid", he suddenly mumbled.
"What? Never. Now why would I think that?" I tried to convince him to discard such ideas, but he pouted anyway
"You're smiling. You think I'm silly"
I muffled a chuckle and reached an arm around his shoulders. I've noticed that my voice had a tendency to calm him before, so I made sure to speak in a normal, calm tone.
"I'm smiling because I still cannot believe that my most important person on this whole island, is right here in my den"
His eyes looked into mine, and I could clearly see all the frustration and impatience fade away. He sighed heavily and rested his head on my shoulder.
"I'm so sorry, Ithel."
"It's alright. You seem tired, though." I poked a little, trying to get him to open his thoughts to me.
"I don't know what's wrong with me, Ithel. Alev took me hunting every day for about a week now, and I am yet to catch something or even be able to trace an animal"
"It takes time to be able to hunt, Ceri. We spoke about this before. You need to be patient and you need to persevere."
This was very expected. It's only normal that he'd find difficulties with his first steps to becoming an independent Aello. But what worries me much more, was the fact that he 'argued' with Alev. The thought alone felts so strange to me.
"I don't have time..."
"Of course you do. There's no need to rush into learning things. Believe me, you'll learn much faster if you go easy on yourself. I'm very confident about this. Your father only wants what's best for you, Ceri. That's why he's pushing you a little more every day."
"I failed in everything he tried to teach me... You should've seen the look on his face every day when we had to go back to his den. He looked disappointed"
"Don't over think this. You'll get better without a doubt. You just have to endure and have faith in yourself. Just like I have faith in you"
He didn't seem convinced, though, but he didn't disagree with me either. His fingers discretely reached to hold my clothes and it got me thinking about what may have caused him to feel so insecure again.
I ran my hand on his back to comfort him. After a while, his shoulders seemed to relax, but he was still holding my clothes tightly.
"Ceri, I know you said you didn't want to talk about it and I don't intend to push you. But I do worry"
He knew what I meant. He chose the silence for a long moment before he mumbled, "... I don't want you to hate him"
I chuckled, relieved that he was finally talking about it even a little.
"You know I will never hate Alev. I actually respect him a lot, and I have faith in him"
"...... He said mean things"
Ok, now I was confused because Alev barely spoke, so I doubt he'd even get to say mean things. And being mean to Ceri? I could truly not imagine that happening. My only explanation so far was that Ceri somehow misunderstood his father
"Maybe he didn't mean it, or it was just a misunderstanding"
"He refused to let me come see you"
"Oh... Um...... I guess..." I guess he hates me and believes I'm a bad influence on you. "I-I guess he wanted to spend more time with you"
He straightened himself up and looked at me with so many feelings swirling in his eyes. "But I really wanted to see you! I hate being on your territory, but away from you. I don't understand why I can't visit you anymore. And when I asked to come check on you because you didn't show up for three days, he said that he forbade you to visit me! W-why would he? I don't get why I can't train AND be with you and him at the same time. It's so much fun that way!"
His eyes were pleading for confirmation, but I couldn't side with him on this. It would be like I sided with myself against Alev, his father, who I knew was extremely important to him.
"I understand, but... your father knows what's best for you-"
"I'm not a child! And I told him that. I said no, just like you taught me. I told him that I'm a grown up and that I can make decisions for myself"
"And?"
"......... I told him that I wanted to spend a few days with you and I came here."
"Ceri..."
"It's... it's not my fault... I was good, I swear! I tried my best"
"You need to understand that everything that your father did was for your own good." The words felt like lies in my mouth despite knowing that it was the right thing to say. It felt like I was pushing him away from me and it was so unfair to my heart. "He loves you. And he wants nothing but your safety and your happiness. And I know that you were good. You're correct, you have the right to make your own decisions. I just don't want you to strain your relationship with your father, a relationship that you're still building. He's a good father, Ceri"
"I know. But he said I shouldn't see you again until I passed my Prueba"
That made me feel like I was thrown against the wall. It was like a nightmare coming true and I couldn't exert myself to be wise anymore. Only one thought managed to remind me of the hollowness and loneliness in my life...
How could I live without my Ceri?
"Ithel, I can't do that! I'm not even sure I can succeed the test of courage one day. Even if I did, it would take me years of training! I-I can't stay away from you all that long. That's why I told him that it was unfair. I......... I even told him that I wanted to spend the next Agape with you"
"You spoke to him about the Agape??"
He nodded and looked even more depressed. "He said it was out of the question..."
"Did you explain to him why? Did you tell him that I wanted it too??"
"No... at that point I realized that I was arguing and talking, not just thinking, so I panicked and I couldn't talk further. Then today I told him that I was coming here"
I pulled him into another hug, trying not to let him see my desperate look
"We'll figure something out, Ceri"
"How?" His voice sounded so weak, it pained my heart even more.
"We'll find a solution, I promise."
"...... what if we don't?"
I pulled him back to stare in his eyes with every bit of confidence I had left. "If we don't, then we'll be together after the Agape. I'll have you as mine sooner or later, I have no doubt in that. I just want you to have both Alev and me by your side, for always."
"But...... the Agape..."
"We'll manage. Look at me, We will find a way"
He looked on the verge of crying, but he swallowed his emotions and nodded. I caressed his cheeks with my thumbs and smiled at him. Then I leaned closer and licked his lips. A sweet quiet moan escaped him, beckoning me to kiss him eagerly, yet tenderly.
After he calmed down and I was sure he was better, I took one of the preys outside to skin and clean. I knew how much he loved the sea. So when I finished, I prepared the fire on one of the big rocks between my den and the sea and set the animal to roast for a nice meal.
I called for my Aella. Yet when he joined me, he looked very tormented again. I led him to sit beside me, letting the silence rest and hoping that he'll vent his feelings eventually.
"Ithel......"
"Yes?"
"Do you think he hates me now?"
My hand retreated from the roasting Mink and I turned to him. "Are we talking about Alev!?"
He nodded, and I smiled reassuringly. "He's your father. He'd never hate you"
"We argued... and I left! M-maybe he thinks I'm unthankful. Or-or maybe he wants to punish me for my behavior?"
"Ceri, what happened between you and your father is nothing compared to a real dispute, believe me. I've seen fathers and sons go through actual fights-"
"B-but what if he regrets claiming me? He could throw me away-"
"That would never happen! I told you to forget what that Aella-hunter said to you. There are bad Aellos, but there are good ones as well. And your father is definitely one of the best. He'd never discard you, you have to believe in him, Ceri"
He looked at the sea, his eyes roaming in the distance. "I don't know... Why did I talk back to him... I'm so stupid. I... I should've caught something during our hunts. Even just one thing..."
He wanted to prove himself to his father so badly. Yet he needed much more patience until he acquires the skills of a hunter.
"Trust me, this matter is easily fixable. And I'll be here for you, so will your father"
"... I hope so... I don't want to be fatherless again"
I managed to get him to eat, and then we rested, with my back against a rock and his back to my chest. We watched the sea, mostly in silence. The more I hugged him the more he felt at home. Eventually, I got him to laugh and talk about the sea and the forest. I promised him some fish for tomorrow's meal and he was really excited about it.
It was quite late when we went back inside. I lay with him in my arms, just where he truly belonged. I played with his curls and kissed his forehead.
"I love you, little pearl"
"I love you too, Ithel"
With that, I thought he had slept. But a bit later, he whispered the question that was presently haunting him.
"Do you think he'll come get me tomorrow?"
I chuckled. It should hurt me that he wanted to leave already, but it didn't. I understood his fears and I was already happy that I got to have him, even for a night.
"That wouldn't surprise me at all. How about, if he didn't come, I'll take you to him and you can both have another talk?"
"...... sorry. I'm being very troublesome to you. I just...... I don't want to lose him"
"I know"
"......... If we go together, will you stay with us for a while? Maybe we can talk to him together?"
"That's actually a very good idea."
He put his arm around my waist and pulled himself as close to me as possible, before he breathed a shy, "Thank you"
The next morning was definitely a bliss because I woke up with a satisfied heart and a wide grin. Having my Ceri with me was indeed the best thing that could ever happen to me.
We woke up and started a busy day. We swam together, caught some fish, ate and cuddled. We even played for a while before we cleaned the Mink's skin together and put it to dry.
We made sure not to leave the den in case Alev came for Ceri. However, as the afternoon arrived, Ceri was starting to get anxious about his father again. I let him wait alone for a while and went into the forest to bring some water and check on my animal traps, with the promise that once I am back, I'd take him to Alev myself.
I tried to be as quick as possible. However, when I came back, Ceri was already gone. If Alev came for him, I doubted he'd wait for my return and they must've left right away.
I smiled, glad for my Aella to have returned to his father.
But my smile wasn't completely happy. For without him, my home was no longer one.
It was just a cave.