Aella (manxman) - ON HOLD - Chapter 37: Chapter 37

"Drink"
I opened my mouth and did as told.
This was how the next day went. Simple orders that I followed without much thought.
She said it was night again. I didn't know. I hadn't noticed the day so I couldn't tell if it was night. The cave was always dark anyway. And I didn't open my eyes much since last night...
Less than two days. That was all it took for everything to change, and for me to become... like this
Not caring anymore. I didn't abandon life, but I felt physically and mentally broken.
With the horrible events of last night, I had hoped to be unconscious. I hoped I'd just stop witnessing all of it...... whatever it was
But I remained awake until she stopped grinding against me and hurting my member.
My legs felt too weak to work. My back became bloody with the pressure and friction against the rough wall. But most of all, my head. It felt like it was breaking to pieces with a continuous pain.
Every second, I thought things couldn't be worse. Every second, I was proven wrong. One might think the worst was what she did last night. But the worst was actually today when she helped me take care of my natural needs. I tried to move on my own, but I couldn't and she refused to let me outside. I.......... I don't want to remember that.
I never felt so repulsed and awkward! She didn't act perverted as she cleaned me, she acted like it was the most natural thing to do. I even vomited the meal she fed me and she cleaned the mess without complaint. Then, she treated my wounds again, over and over all day.
Too much, that's what this was. It was too much to understand, too much to live!
H-how could she f-f-force me like that?
WHY ME??
There were so many thoughts that I couldn't even begin to sort out. I knew I was ashamed. I felt the disgrace coiling deep within me in a tight knot that squeezed my insides every time I tried to understand.
What would the rest of the tribe think of me if they knew? Was it not enough that I was overpowered by an Aella, something that everyone considered disgraceful? I knew she was stronger than I was, but to have it put to evidence so easily...
She didn't just prove me weak. She... I think she made us mate!!!! I didn't get it... she was using her hand, but I think our private parts touched or rubbed. I-I didn't want that... I DID NOT WANT IT!!! It was the most horrifying experience... Was that the way the Aellos abused the women or men? Was I abused?? But... is abuse considered mating?
Was that mating or wasn't it!! H-have I broken the tribe's law??
....... I'm dead. Both clans will call for my sentence. And they'll kill me, very soon. What am I supposed to do? Even if I explained they'd never believe me. They never listened to me or even liked me to begin with! They called me fatherless and saw me as a curse my whole life! They'd never forgive me now!
And... what would my father think of me? He was already angry and disappointed in me. Now......
There it was. My mind went blank again, preferring to focus on the physical pain rather than the emotional turmoil.
"Here. I brought you some soup."
Her voice was calm and steady. It was as if nothing bad had happened, or was happening.
It was disgusting. And not just her touch, it was everything about her. The lies, the domineering attitude, the fact that she ripped the very few things that were good in my life away from me.
"Here. Open your mouth"
She disgusted me.
"How do you find it? It's a special soup. Can you tell why?"
The calmness in her voice was so repulsive. She pushed another spoonful towards me and a petrifying chill ran down my spine when my eyes fell on her hand. That hand that she used to hurt my......
"It was made by Halina."
My heart fluttered. The feeling was like a small joy that was instantly drowned by dread. Halina... The only mother I ever had. What would Halina think of me now?
"I'll bring you treats like this from time to time, Ceri."
Another spoon forced its way into my mouth. I didn't resist. Last time I did, it......... it didn't go well.
"Be a good boy and you'll be treated well. I'll teach you everything your father couldn't. I'll give you everything you like, see that?"
She pointed with the spoon to a large piece of wood at the other side of the cave, it was cut clean from the trunk of a tree. "If you behave, I'll let you use that. You can carve anything you like into it. I even sharpened a tool for you to use. Don't upset me again, and I'll give it to you. Now eat"
This is madness. She thought I'd sit here, waiting for her to be kind enough to let me carve???
I swallowed the food along with the bile that threatened to rise.
I don't care anymore, I told myself. I just want out. No matter where I'll end up, I don't care
Anywhere would do as long as it's not here
There could be nowhere worse than here.
Right?
~~~~
Hours and hours went by. I couldn't tell how long I have been here. She checked on me countless times. Again, she fed me and treated me. Then she sat close to me, with her weapon on her side and her hand slowly rubbing the foul mixture on my body. She took her time. The scratches didn't sting anymore, but my shoulder and my side still hurt excruciatingly whenever I moved.
She stepped outside a few times. Unfortunately, each time, she came back quickly, carrying water or things I didn't care to check.
Without noticing, I drifted to a much-needed sleep. I must've said something or made a noise, probably from a nightmare that scared me to wake up suddenly, only to find her caressing my head and shushing me while whispering close to my ear.
"It's alright, you're safe here. You needn't worry, little man. I'll keep you safe"
Words that were supposed to be soothing sounded so creepy and ominous. She was kneeling right behind me and hunched over me. I closed my eyes and didn't utter a single word, hoping she'd think me asleep and let me be. That was all I could hope for right now, that within this prison, she'd stay as far away from me as possible. But my silence could only help so far. It did make her stop talking, but her paw rested on my shoulder, moving only to caress my head.
Remaining still was one of the most difficult things I had to do. I couldn't sleep or rest with her so close to me. And I feared if she knew I was awake, she'd do more than just caress my hair. I was so nervous that my stomach burned with discomfort. After what seemed like an eternity, she sighed and started getting up. Before she did so completely, she leaned closer to me and kissed the corner of my lips, gently as to not wake me.
"We'll never part again, Ceri." She said, 'reassuringly' and she sighed heavily, "I need to go and be seen by the Aellas as to not arise any suspicions about us. Then I'll be back right away." She kissed me again, longer this time, before she continued, "These hard times will end soon. I'm so happy to have you"
I felt her presence lingering for a moment longer before she stood up and walked away. I heard some bristling of her things, and then nothing. Absolute silence.
I feared turning around. Maybe this was a trap? I thought, what if she was testing me? what if she knew I was awake, would she still leave??
I focused on my hearing, but there was no sound whatsoever. I turned around to find myself alone.
I was so relieved. I let go of a breath I was holding and moved to sit. The fire was very weak. But it was enough for me to see that she wasn't here any longer.
I felt like I could finally breathe freely and I did so. The first thing that surged were my tears. I wiped my eyes vigorously knowing that crying was absolutely pointless. However, the tears refused to stop, if anything they rushed to spill.
For a few minutes, I watched the cave through the tears. And I knew.
This was not a life I could ever want or even bear with. The life with the Aellas that I deemed difficult, I'd give anything to have it back, with Halina, Epona and little Vreis. I missed them so much...
Drita believes time will make me happy here. I had a beautiful life outside with Ithel and Alev... it was so simple yet fulfilling. I may have had some issues, but in no way was I ready to give all of that up!
How could my life be ripped away from me so brutally?
NO. I will not yield! I will not accept this and become......... Now I don't even know WHAT I am anymore!! Outside, I'm a member of the tribe. I'm a brother. I'm a son. I'm a lover. I'm a hunter.
Here... I am nothing. I have nothing
I WILL not do this and I don't care what the consequences are! I do not fear Drita!!
My stomach tightened at the thought. I did fear her. I was terrified of her. But that didn't matter. This was simply not a life I wanted to live.
With that in mind, I gathered my strength and stood up slowly. My bones ached, especially my side. I held it and leaned against the wall to help me keep standing.
With the first step I took, I expected Drita to suddenly show up and beat me, or worse......
The thought made my knees tremble. But it wasn't enough to kill my resolve. I straightened myself the best I could and parted with the safety of the wall. Then I took one step after the other towards the entrance.
Once I reached it, I had to focus on not thinking about what happened the last time I tried to escape. My feet froze for a minute, but the hope of seeing the sun compelled me to venture into the dark passage. With the fire getting dimmer and dimmer, it was becoming more difficult to see. After a couple of turns, I was met with the end of the small tunnel.
"No... where's the exit??"
I groaned and started looking frantically with both my hands. The wall was made of rocks and wherever I looked, it seemed immovable. My breathing accelerated as I became desperate by the second.
"No, no, no... This can't be real... there has to be an exit! I've seen Drita come into this path and then bring things back! Wh-what if I'm buried here? What if I'll never be able to get out!!! Please help me, A-Alev... Itheeeel!"
I rounded at the end of the path and slowly walked back towards the inside while still searching around.
"Get me out of here! Someone, anyone I beg you!! Dilara! Help me out, mother, please!"
In my frantic search, I suddenly tripped and fell. I grunted as my shoulder and my side made me spasm with pain. I gritted my teeth and tried to control my breathing and get up again. I was able to get on four. And I was just about to start crying for my lousy luck when I suddenly froze.
I tripped because it was dark, because I couldn't see clearly in front of me. But at the end of the path, I saw clearly. I saw the walls around me!
I crawled in the middle of the quite tight path and I looked up. There was a small light traveling. It wasn't from the fire inside the cave, it came from somewhere at the end of the path. I crawled to follow the source of the light. It was sneaking in from between the rocks, almost above my head. It was weak and it looked like it was blocked by something.
I stood and reached up. My side immediately protested, making me flinch in pain. I found a couple of rocks that I could use to step on. But every time I tried, I slipped or couldn't pull myself high enough to push the rock away.
I stared at the luminous crack with desperation. I had to find a way no matter what.
After many pointless trials, I knew I couldn't do it this way. But I've never been so determined to get out of this nightmare.
I used that resolve to get back inside as quickly as my body could handle, and I found the tree trunk that I was supposed to carve my 'happy heart' into. It took everything in me to turn the huge thing on its side. Then I rolled it towards the exit while crawling behind it. Finally, I managed the impossible. I put the trunk at the end of the path and climbed on it.
For the first time in days, I felt lucky. Because despite the pain in my body, I was able to push the rock aside. I was met with some bushes, so I pulled them inside and threw them behind me.
I squinted my eyes that took a moment to adapt to the strong rays of the sun. And I almost cried in happiness when I could finally observe a clear blue sky. I ignored the suffering of my bones and pulled myself outside the cave. I found myself on one of the huge gray stones. And that was when I realized, this was the Aella's mountain.
I was no longer in the Aellos territory! How could she bring me here?? It was a long walk and I am not supposed to step here without the Leader's permission!!
I descended the rocks with difficulty. The cave wasn't far from the ground, but looking from down here, it seemed quite well hidden.
I breathed in and out, trying to gather my strength for the long walk to come. I didn't fear the animals in the forest anymore. I'd welcome being eaten by a wolf or struck by a bear over staying in that tomb of a cave.
I hurried the best I could into the forest. My best chance was to put as much distance between Drita and me as possible. If I could reach the Aellos territory, I'd be saved.
So I helped myself with the trees as my legs felt too heavy to run. I was also starting to feel the effect of the efforts I made to get out of there and the pain in my side intensified, making it even more difficult to move.
However...
Despite my determination, despite my efforts, my tears and all my prayers... my misfortune still denied me peace.
After barely a few minutes of walking, I raised my eyes to meet hers.
She was standing right there, staring at me in disbelief that soon morphed into pure anger. She let go of what she was carrying and fruits scattered at her feet.
Her hands squeezed into tight fists and a tick formed in her jaw.
My head shook slightly in disbelief. I took one step back and embraced myself for what was coming.
She opened her mouth to talk, but all she managed was a furious sneer, breathing like an enraged predator.
"I" she said after a moment, looking like talking was a difficult task right now, "I found good food. I thought about you and even came back to bring it to you. He should wake up to something nice to eat, I thought. He's still a good boy, I told myself, MY good boy! And he'll appreciate the gesture and get back to his senses."
"I-I'm not going back-"
Her eyes widened and her glare intensified, "You still dare to speak!?"
"I'm will not go back to that nightmare and I don't care what you do!! I'm a f-free Aello, you cannot force me!!"
Tears started gathering in my eyes when her hand settled on the weapon laying over her thigh.
"Still talking like an ignorant child. A real Aello lives up to his words, Ceri. And I will show you that. I told you, haven't I?"
I took another step back when she took one forward.
"I-It doesn't matter what you say-"
"I told you the next punishment will be worse."
I gulped as I remembered the threat she had issued when she beat me up. Suddenly, she paced towards me. I immediately turned and started running away from her. The fear from that look in her eyes made me forget my hurting body and force it to move.
However, I was soon yanked by my hair. As I fell back, I grabbed a branch that broke from its tree and I tried to hit her with it. I succeed, but it was in no way enough to stop her. She dragged me back while I struggled with all my might. When the branch hit her near the eye, she held my neck and her head collided with mine. I was thrown back from the impact. My neck escaped her fingers when I fell and my necklace ripped and scattered on the ground.
I wanted to fight. I wanted to fight so badly, but my weak body betrayed me. I wanted to hit her, but my head was dizzy. I tried to pull away, yet she was stronger. I tried to scream, but her grip found my neck again and she dragged me with it back to the cave, back to my nightmare.
Needless to say that she wasn't happy to find the tree trunk waiting by the entrance. It wasn't long before I was thrown back to right where I was before, by the damn wall at the end of the cave.
"Ughghghgh.... I... I won't stay here!", I rolled over and got on my knees while gritting my teeth from pain and holding my side. When I looked up, I saw her walking to the fire. I guessed she was going to beat me again, so I pulled myself against the wall. An image of Ithel standing straight and smiling at me made me wish to have his bravery. Ithel would never bear a minute of this humiliation. I won't either!!
Fueled by both despair and the hope to see him again, I gathered my last shreds of courage. "I'm done... I don't care what you do. I will never submit to you, ever again!"
I couldn't see her expression, but her shoulders obviously tensed. She leaned down and grabbed a piece of wood, this once was smaller than the one she used last time. But it can clearly cause quite the damage. I tried to think of a way to avoid her, but my mind was filled with ideas about where she will hit me this time. I hugged myself protectively. If she strikes my side, my ribs will definitely break this time.
My imagination would never predict what my eyes were witnessing.
Her hand retreated from the pile of wood and she turned to face me. In her hand was the wooden bat... lit with fire.
She started towards me and my whole body trembled in fear from the weapon in her hand. I was too tired to leave the wall and when I attempted to put some distance between us, she was there not a second later to clutch her fingers around my neck and push me against the rough wall.
"D-Drita! Th-th-this is crazy-"
"You meet my generosity with obedience and you'll live happily."
"L-l-let go! STOP!"
"You act like those hateful men, and you'll be punished."
"No, no, not like this! Drita, please!!-"
She yanked me away from the wall and threw me on the ground. Before I could move away, she stepped on my left leg, then grabbed my right ankle and lifted it upwards.
"You need to learn, Ceri. For every choice you make, there will be consequences"
With a soulless look in her eyes, she moved her other hand closer...
I have never screamed the way I did the moment she put out that fire on the sole of my right foot.