Aella (manxman) - ON HOLD - Chapter 51: Chapter 51

Without wasting time, I grabbed a weapon that Ithel had made me. I tied it to my thigh and I took off.
I hurried the best I could despite my bad foot. I descended the forest as I searched for good branches. I kind of understood my surroundings better now. The forest was actually a slope. It stretched down to the village of foreigners and our fountain was almost at the top. It was close to a summit, and that made it easier to find. That's what Ithel had told me, and of course, he was right.
I wondered what Vreis and Epona were doing. Probably playing with new feathers that Cailyn gave them during the last Agape. Or maybe he offered them new things? What did he give them this time?
He certainly gave Halina something nice. Even though they couldn't mate, he could still gift her... Wait, if they didn't share their Agape this year, did Vreis and Epona stay with Halina and her other mate, or did they stay with Cailyn and his mate??...
If Halina didn't keep her children during the Agape, then... when she stayed alone in the den, maybe she thought about me?
Was she thinking about me right now? Did she know that we escaped, Ithel and I?
I wonder if I focused on her spirit so hard right now, maybe she'll feel that I was alright? That would be so amazing. And then I'd have something awesome to teach Ithel.
It wasn't very far-fetched of an idea. Mothers have a spiritual link to their children. They can sense unseen things about them.
'She's not your mother'
Drita's voice sounded so clear, it made me jolt and look for a tree as support.
Why was she haunting me? Why wouldn't she leave me be!!!
I was about to go into another round of wishes and blames when I heard a beautiful sound. I raised my eyes to the tree above me and saw the strangest bird ever. It was mostly green, with a blue line from its head to the tail. I awed at its beauty, even its voice was melodic. Like it was singing.... And it did so for no specific reason.
As I watched the birdy move with little jumps on a long tree branch, I wished I could be like it. Be happy and sing for no reason and despite everything. There should always be a reason for being happy. Because the forest was beautiful. Because there were so many trees. Because the sun was warm and the birds were happy.
Because I was here, alive, with the most amazing Aello there had ever been.
I smiled as I thought about Ithel. He'll be happy when he sees the den that I'll build for us.
I'll make him so proud.
With renewed resolve, I regained my spirits. The bird flew to another branch and I followed it. It didn't fly far. As if playing with me and taunting me. And it really was the case because the naughty birdy flew towards me, making a sharp turn right before my nose before it set on another branch. I laughed and limped closer to it again. We played like that a bit longer until it took off to the sky.
I started looking for the best tree branches. I walked around for a couple of hours until I came across the well. I didn't go near it as it kind of gave me a creepy feeling. So I went around it and walked further, hoping to see the village again.
Where the people here nice or evil? Would they agree to let me get close and watch them? What did they make their clothes from? What did they eat? ........... Did they too keep bad spirits under the ground?......... Would they too let Drita find me???
I stopped trying to chase my own thoughts away and just let them roam freely in my head. I kept advancing, having completely forgotten about the purpose of this trip.
About less than an hour later, I saw a wall of stone. I was intrigued. I was supposed to see the town from afar, but my path had somehow led me to this strange place. I approached the wall carefully. It was higher than me by a couple of feet.
I looked around me, wondering what I should do. My curiosity took the best of me and I turned towards the wall again.
What would Ithel say if he knew about this wall?
Before I answered, the same beautiful bird from earlier chirped as it sat on the top of the wall a few feet away from me. I grinned at it and it chirped again, as if flaunting its skills at climbing the wall. Then, too soon, it jumped and flew, disappearing on the other side.
I shouldn't let a bird laugh at me. So I reached up, jumped a couple of times until my hands clung to the top of the wall. With great difficulty, I managed to pull myself up until I was half hanging over it.
Finally, I was able to see behind the wall of stone. And the sight was so beautiful.
It was a home made of wood. Strangely neatly cut wood, making a square built hut. Before it, there was shining grass with a small set of beautiful big flowers, a couple of small, soft-green trees here and there. Ones that I didn't see in the forest. Crossing the grass, there were clean paths made of stone, the same kind as the wall. The paths curled softly into a small pattern, and they all gathered around another short wall of stone. This latter was tiny and closer to where I was than the rest of the home. Was that another well, I wondered.
I pulled myself over the wall. I tried to climb down gracefully but ended up falling on my behind. After checking my surroundings, I walked slowly, as discreet as possible with my back hunched over. Arrived at the small round wall, I looked inside. It was beautiful, not too deep and yet filled with water at its bottom. It was indeed a well. I grinned when I saw my reflection in the water. I leaned closer, staring at the scratches I had on my face. My hair was clean, but it looked different than it used to. My curls were mere slightly wavy locks. I lifted a lock, released it and it immediately drooped.
I love your hair, he used to say to me. Your curls are playful and happy, just like you.
Now he no longer reached to touch my hair.... I sighed. Not just my hair. My skin was colorful all over my body. I had small scars of scratches that refused to disappear. I looked much skinnier and it seemed like my muscles have suffered as well. I started to build some after I moved in with my father. Now all those efforts were lost.
'Your learning days are behind you, Ceri. And Alev knows that'
I flinched at the remembrance of her voice. She was mean....... but she was right
'If not for you being alive, your father would be safe right now'
Stop... Please, stop! I don't want you in my head anymo-
"Are you thirsty?"
I looked up to see the source of the sudden voice. I was so deep in my miserable thoughts, I hadn't noticed when the person came close and stood on the other side of the well.
I didn't know what to do, but I didn't think much at first, as the sight of her made me go still for a moment. She was an Aella, young and beautiful. She looked my age or maybe a couple of years younger. Her hair was black like the night. It curled strangely and smoothly behind her head before it fell on her shoulder. She wore colorful clothes that looked the softest I'd ever seen.
"I've been watching you from my room. I think I know who you are. You're a forest fairy, right?"
She took a step closer, around the well, and I scrambled away from her. My actions made her halt and raise her hands, "Don't leave! I know your people crave no fame, I shall be discreet. I read about you in a book. I always wished to meet a forest fairy one day"
I cocked my head. I wanted to explain that I didn't mean to enter their territory, but words have failed me. I didn't get if I was in trouble or not. She didn't seem angry. Her voice sounded kind but her words strange.
"Milady!", another voice resonated and my heart skipped a beat. The Aella wasn't alone. There were others. Others who'd probably kill me for trespassing!
Panic took over me and the Aella noticed, "Don't mind her, she won't hurt you. Please don't esca-"
"Milady!! There's a chill in the air. Please come back inside"
The other voice yelled again, closer this time, and I took off towards the wall. I'll never know by what force I could climb that wall from the first trial. What mattered was that I soon fell on the other side and I ran away as fast as my limp allowed, with the voice of the Aella behind me begging me to come back.
It had been about an hour when I finally stopped running. I dropped to my knees, heaving and trying to catch my breath. My feet hurt and I felt so tired. When I was able to move again, I inspected my surroundings. Luckily, no one had followed me. So I resumed walking upwards the hill.
However, the path to the top of the hill changed. It sometimes descended and then ascended. It wasn't the way that I came from, the one Ithel had showed me.
I understood the situation I was in right away, but it took me much longer to believe it.
I was lost. It didn't help that I took many turns right and left to try and find the way to the fountain. Now I couldn't even go back to that house with the strange Aella.
Time wasn't kind to me either as it didn't stall in the least. Soon, the day became evening, and the evening became night.
I couldn't search anymore. I could barely see close around me. The forest lost its charms quickly and an eerie feeling settled with the night. Unfamiliar places have always scared me, but this, standing alone, lost in the dark forest....
I managed to climb a medium sized tree. Just like I used to do with Ithel, I spent the night there. I came to loathe sleeping on trees. For despite the security, they were the least comfortable. But not discomfort compared to sleeping alone, away from Ithel.
In the darkness, I remembered the times on the ship when I pretended to sleep. I didn't want to speak, I didn't want him to see me like that. I was confused and in pain. But now I regret not talking to him. For loneliness was much more agonizing than silence at will.
Heavens, what would Ithel think of me? Did he get back home safely? He must've noticed my absence by now.
W-w-was he angry with me?
Or..........
Was he relieved that I was gone...
I knew that wasn't true. In my heart I knew, but my mind reminded me of how much suffering I caused so far to the most decent and amazing Aello.
'You're seventeen, Ceri. No Aello your age still relies on someone'
"I KNOW!!!", I yelled as I slammed my hands on my ears to stop the hideous voice. I knew that I had gone too far in relying on him. But just this once.... Please, just once more, help me Ithel....
I promise I'll ask his forgiveness properly this time. Please heavens, let my Ithel look for me and find me and I promise to take any punishment he sees fit
'Keep your clothes up.'
"No", I shook my head trying to chase her voice away.
'HIGHER!'
"NO!!"
'Welcome to your new family, Ceri'
His memory came like a soft rain to my burning thoughts. I latched onto his voice and let it soothe me. I needed to see him, to have him with me. And as much as I hated myself for it, I needed his protection. With him, I felt safe. I worried less about everything.
Tomorrow, I will find him again. Tomorrow, I hope he waits for me and doesn't leave without me.
~~~~~
The next day, I woke up later than I should. I was probably more tired than I thought. I was also very hungry and thirsty. But food and water will have to wait because my priority was to get back home.
I climbed down the tree and limped my way through the forest. I tried to get to higher grounds, but every time I thought I had reached the top, I realized I was on a small hill on an uneven ground.
Where was my mountain? Our beautiful waterfall?
How many hours had passed? It was already in the afternoon. This forest wasn't generous with food, no wonder Ithel had to leave for the whole day to hunt.
Suddenly, my foot slipped and I fell on my side in a pool of slimy mud. I looked around me as I pulled myself to stand. There had to be a source of water here somewhere.
I followed the muddy path for a while, and found a small river, cutting the forest in half. It wasn't too large, with a soft current. I immediately stuck my head in the water and drank. Then I cleaned myself and drank again.
If I followed this water, would it lead me to our fountain?
The thought sufficed to renew my hope. Despite my fatigue, I resumed walking, this time following the current of the river. A few minutes later, I was met with something Amazing.
A small animal was standing by the river. I stopped to admire it. It was a beautiful cub
What are you, little cub? You don't look like a wolf. You're definitely not a rabbit, and you don't have pointy ears like a fox.
That fur...
I took a step forward to look closer. The animal's ears twitched and it raised its head to look at me. I felt entranced with how beautiful it looked. It released a sound, the little thing wanted to growl but it sounded so adorable!
The small animal chirped again, this time it didn't feel aimed at me. I cocked my head as a thought came to me; it seemed like the animal was calling for someone...
And that was when I felt it. An oppressing presence behind me, weighing on my senses. I turned around very slowly, and I saw it.
Hidden between the trees, about twenty feet behind me, a tiger had me frozen under its gaze. Unlike the tiny animal, this was all grown up. That moment, I somehow knew the tiger wasn't going to take its cub and leave me be. It was going to-
And it happened faster than I could imagine. In an instant, the tiger growled as it pounced from its hiding. Its feet pounded heavily on the ground once before it went for my head. I didn't wait to watch it eat me, something inside me moved so strongly, I found myself kicking the ground and jumping to hold onto a branch above my head with my arms and legs. My back burned suddenly. All I heard, was the tiger growling over and over beneath me. It was jumping and trying to reach me. It managed to break half the branch I was using, right after I had jumped to a higher one.
A couple of minutes later, the tiger slowed its movement, it was now circling beneath me, releasing threatening growls every now and then. Its cub joined it eventually, chirping my way as if to say 'Come on down, you're our dinner tonight'.
My heart was beating so fast, it almost left my chest. I heaved as I watched the two animals. My eyes watered as I realized I was going to be eaten. At least I got to see a tiger, right? My silly thoughts made me tear more. Ithel told me countless times that it was too early for me to hunt a tiger. Sometimes I was too stubborn and argued with him because of it. He never got angry with me though, he just smiled kindly and let me be until I realized I was behaving childishly and went to him.
I wiped my overflowing eyes. Ithel.... Ithel, I'm so sorry...
My whole body ached. I noticed the large tiger was licking a few red dots on the ground. Another dot fell on the tiger's nose, making it growl fiercely and lick it. The dots came from up the tree.
My back hurt and I reached behind me and winced as soon as I touched my back. I pulled my hand back and found two strokes of blood in it.
I sure was the luckiest Aello to have ever existed! , I thought sarcastically. Not only was there two tigers waiting to roast me, I was injured and bleeding. I reached behind me and kept wiping my blood before it could fall. I felt sick to my stomach with the idea of a tiger having a taste at my blood.
As the sun moved in the sky, I started to feel weaker and more exhausted. I didn't want to watch anymore because the sight of the tiger waiting to feast upon my flesh was one of the scariest things in the world. It didn't matter how beautiful it was anymore. Now, it was just terrifying. So I stopped looking down while I kept wiping my lower back with one hand and my eyes with the other.
'The Aellos will not stand you for more than a few days'
"Shut up!", I said angrily and the tiger growled my way.
'Your father sailed away from you'
"SHUT UUUUP!!! I-Ithel! ITHEEEEL!! ITHEEEEL!! .... ITHEEEEL!! ...."
I screamed to cease the hateful voice in my head. I screamed as loud as I could despite the tears and the pain. Suddenly, the tiger grunted. I looked down to see the small one jumping into the trees as the larger one toppled to the side. A few feet away from it, my Aello was standing, hunched in an attacking position.
"Ithel!!!!"
He didn't answer me. Didn't even look my way as he focused on the threat before him. The tiger quickly pulled itself to stand and growled towards Ithel. It didn't attack immediately, it started stalking its prey slowly, looking for the best angle to strike. When it moved, I noticed a tear near its stomach and another more severe by its neck. The tiger growled and Ithel returned it with fierceness no lesser that his. My skin crawled at how scary the scene was. However, unlike myself, this Aello was on equal grounds with the tiger, and this latter knew it.
The opponents both growled and attacked at the same time. They moved too quickly. Ithel attacked the tiger's face with a weapon, managing to injure its eye and one of its legs. The tiger roared in anger and was now more determined to end this. Ithel growled back and lept towards it. He took back his other weapon that was latched on the tiger's side. With fast movements, he stabbed the large animal a few times. At a certain point, he grunted and jumped back. I didn't see it, but I feared he might've been injured. Ithel didn't stop though, he quickly circled around the animal to avoid its deadly paws, and he jumped on its back and stabbed the tiger in the neck once again. This time, Ithel tore the neck, causing the animal to bleed heavily. Eventually, the large tiger fell on its side and bled to death.
Ithel dropped on one knee, heaving. A few seconds later, he lifted his gaze towards the trees above as he stood and walked closer to where I was
"Ceri! CERI!"
Our eyes met and he stopped.
"Get down here. Now"
He sounded angry. He never spoke to me that way before. I didn't wait for him to tell me again, so I started climbing down the tree, wincing every time my back stretched and my skin burned.
When my feet reached the ground, Ithel was right there before me. Our eyes met again and he glared at me.
He looked tired and messy. His face sullied with dirt and blood, none of them hid the dark circles under his eyes. But the worst of it all, was the four gashes on his upper arms and the blood that dripped from them. My eyes widened at the sight. All my thoughts and feelings surged at once, they were so loud that I was left in shock.
I couldn't speak. I couldn't tell anything in my heart, only breathe a sincere apology as my eyes blurred again.
"...... I'm sorry"
I didn't get to see if he accepted my apology or not as I was pulled to meet his chest. The only thing I saw was the glimmer in his eyes. I flinched when his arms looped strongly around my back, but I didn't pull away. I just escaped his look and hid my face in his neck, while I hugged him back.
"I'm so angry with you, Ceri. Heavens, why didn't you listen to me? Do you have any idea how terrified I was to find you gone!!! I............. I'm so mad at you"
His voice tightened and he buried his face in my hair.
"I'm sorry...", I whispered
His hold tightened and for once in a long time, I let myself cry before him. I wanted to tell him how sorry I was, how much I regretted leaving, I wanted to tell him that I had good intentions and that I was doing fine until I got lost. I wanted to thank him for saving my life once again.
"I can't believe how far you walked. I almost turned back thinking I was following someone else's tracks! You didn't listen to me and you ventured alone into this unknown territory"
He pulled back to glare straight at me, and I saw it, the anger, the fatigue, the tears
"I thought I lost you again. Do you realize how scared I was? I was worried only about our food and clothing. I go back to find you gone?? Why!? I know I am supposed to spend the day with you, I know I promised to train you! I will teach you everything I know, I swear it. I just needed to secure the upcoming winter first!"
I sniffled and my shoulders shook. I couldn't look away or stop crying
"I'm sorry.... I-I know I d-d-disappointed you. I-Ithel I-m sorry"
"That is no excuse! why did you-....... you're bleeding!!"
I looked up to find him looking at his hands and then he walked around me to check as my back. He touched it and I sucked a sharp breath as my back stung again. It was weird how an injury would've sent me into a frenzy a few months back. Now, it scared me, but I was hoping it wouldn't be grave so I wouldn't get into more trouble with Ithel than I already as.
"By the spirits names, Ceri..."
"I-I-Is it b-bad?"
"The wounds aren't deep, but they're still open. Damn it, more scars......... What were you thinking!", he scolded as he removed my upper clothes. He tore it and started wrapping it around my chest. As he moved, I saw the blood trailing down his shoulder.
Skies help me, what have I done?
I grabbed some of the cloth and tore it from the rest. He was too focused wrapping the thing around me. I didn't stop him as I turned slightly until I could wrap the piece of leather around his left upper arm and shoulder, where four bloody gashes were oozing crimson.
I hurt him...... again...
When he saw the new wave of tears hit me with renewed resolve, he led us to sit down and continued to work on my back the best he could, while I did my sloppy part on his arm.
"I don't get it", he said in confusion and anger, "Were you forced to leave? Were you chased away by something? You used to fear being in the forest alone. Now you walk all this way in so little time? You even spent the night alone in this dangerous area!!!"
"I-I-I was r-running." I answered between sniffles, "I thought I was g-going towards the waterfall"
"Why leave in the first place!!"
"T-to find wood f-f-f-for a hut"
"A hut? Why would you go look by yourself! Ceri, I was going to make you one. I just needed time!"
I shook my head and my tears spilled faster, "No. I wanted to do something. A-anything! I-I-I h-have to be useful! I h-have to do s-something"
He stared at me, the fire of fear and anger in his eyes. His voice softened a tiny bit, but it didn't lose its edge. "Did you have nightmares again?"
The question surprised me. I knew Ithel was aware that I couldn't sleep well sometimes. But I never told him about my nightmares
"I know you still fear that horrible woman, even though you stabbed her. You beat her, Ceri. Despite everything you were stronger. I was there and we both saw her on land when we sailed away from our island. Alev was helping us by keeping all the Aellas occupied, remember? You're aware of that, yet you still see her in your dreams. Heavens know what else torments you at night. I didn't mention it because I didn't want to pressure you. Whenever I asked you, you'd stop talking altogether for at least a day. I just want you to know that I'm aware of some of your struggles even if you don't talk about it. I know you're too eager to become stronger. You're not satisfied with yourself yet. However, I want you to think about how far you've come along since the day we met. You've grown in so many ways, Ceri. Even if you don't realize it."
I gathered enough courage to lift my eyes and stare back at him. I looked for any signs of a lie, but found none. Ithel truly believed what he said. I couldn't believe it myself, but there was one undoubtful truth.
Ithel is the smartest, he's always correct. He's the kindest and most amazing. I didn't feel as he said, but because he said it, it had to be true.
We spent the night nearby to recover before our trip back to the fountain. Ithel skinned the tiger and cleaned it in the beautiful river. I helped with that. We ate some of its meat and the next day, we traveled back home in a slow pace. Both exhausted. I limped my way through the forest as Ithel carried the skin and some of the meat. It took us many hours to reach the fountain.
Once we did, we both rested for a while. Then we washed and cleaned our wounds. We were sitting by the fire. Some of the meat we brought back was being cooked while Ithel cared for my wounds. He was putting some smashed herbs on my back after he had done the same for his shoulder.
I tried not to utter a sound, but I flinched and whined when he touched the injuries.
"I can't believe you faced a tiger and escaped", he finally said, interrupting the long silence.
"............ Me too..."
"I mean, it's a tiger, Ceri! It's one of the most dangerous animals in the forest"
"I-I did as you told me. I-I jumped to the closest tree and didn't stop until I was f-far from it"
He leaned his head on mine, "I told you, you became stronger than you were before."
I guess....... Still not enough..
"Ithel...... Are you still angry with me?"
After a moment of silence, he answered, with a voice that was no less calm and kind than usual.
"Of course I am."
I swallowed as the obviousness of the next thought I had.
I did wrong. I had to pay.
"W-will you punish me?"
His hand that was resting on my shoulder flinched and he straightened himself. He wasn't leaning his head on mine anymore.
W-was he thinking about my punishment? He never punished me before... how will he do it? Will he do it like Drita? Will he hit my calves and thighs with a thin stick? Or was he like the other Aellas who sent me to sleep outside our den... alone... O-or were there other ways of punishment in the forest?
Deep in thought in all the possibilities, I didn't notice my shaking breaths. It didn't take long for me to receive Ithel's response.
"Only two people have the right to punish you, Ceri. And I'm not one of them"
Only two???
"Who?", I asked as I turned to face him.
"Cailyn and yourself"
"......... I don't understand". Cailyn, for sure. But me?
"You are an Aello, Ceri. It is time you believed it in your heart. You are brave, kind, and old enough not to take orders from anyone."
"Anyone but Cailyn"
"He's the Leader of our tribe. Your only Leader. Not even Sosanbra, Halina, Alev, or even that hateful Aella can punish you."
But they did... not all Aellas hurt me, but most of them did one way or the other. And they always said I deserved it.
"You are strong enough to make your own choices. The others can try to make you obey, but you have the right to refuse and to fight them if necessary. Even me, Ceri. I might disagree with you for leaving on your own and putting yourself in danger, yet I have no right to punish you. Only advise and pray that you stay well and with me."
"... I thought I was doing good"
"I know. You have no malice in your heart, little pearl. My only wish is for us to be safe. And for you to forget yourself"
I frowned, "I don't intend on punishing myself"
He chuckled, "I'm not talking about what happened yesterday. You've left because of your tormented heart. I wish you'd relieve yourself from the useless guilt and fear, Ceri. None of what happened since the day we met is your fault. It was only a blessing that we're together. I hope that see that and nothing more"
"I know that.......... But Drita-"
"Oh how much I wish I could erase her name and ugly face of your memory", he said as he held my head with both hands.
"Ithel..."
"Yes?"
I hesitated to ask, but for some reason, Ithel's words gave me the courage to talk about it
"M-my father...."
When I didn't finish, he said, "I'm sure he's doing well. Eager to know you're safe"
"............ W-was he really there?"
"Where?"
"The day we....... sailed.. Did he really come to help me?"
"Of course he did. You saw him, Ceri. He was fighting the Aellas. It's because he kept them busy that I was able to get you out of the water and we were able to escape on the raft"
I thought about his words for a moment. My memory of those days was hazy. I was mostly thirsty, hungry, and beaten. I thought I've seen Alev, but how could he be there if he wasn't on the island at that time?
"What are you thinking about?"
"Alev, he............. He left our island when I disrespected him"
"No he didn't", Ithel said with an obviousness that confused me. "Wait, you thought Alev disowned you??"
I looked away. Yes, I wanted to say, Drita said Alev abandoned me and left the island to get away from me.
I didn't say that out loud, though. If I said her name again, I might upset him. So I kept silent. However, as always, Ithel was the smartest.
"By the spirits names, Ceri, were you thinking that all this time?"
'Alev is gone. Only the spirits know where he is and if he'll ever come back'
Shut up...... please, just stop talking
"Look at me. Alev turned the island upside down looking for you. He trespassed into other Aellos' dens, he challenged Cailyn to make him invade the Aellas' territory to look for you, and he even attempted to do so himself. Alev was going crazy with fear for your safety. He loves you just as much as always. A-and so do I! I helped him with his search, and when a few days passed and no Aello had seen you, I just knew that Aella hunter had something to do with this. If I told the others, they wouldn't have believed me. So I came after you alone. So believe me when I say, Alev has NEVER abandoned you."
I didn't know I was crying until I heard my own voice. "A-are you sure?"
"Certain!", he answered with confidence that left no place of doubt in my heart.
"Wha-what about Dilara?"
Ithel's face looked pained and confused. He went to say something and then stopped.
"W-was she there?"
"Ceri............. your mother is not among the living..."
"I know, but........ I saw her", I whispered
"We can't see spirits", he said with a sympathetic tone.
I wasn't convinced, though. So I argued while still whispering. "I saw her. In the water when I fell. Just before you pulled me out! Her face was beneath the waves. Dilara was there. She called my name!"
"Maybe you're right", he answered to my surprise, "I am certain she has always protected you. You said before that you felt like she was watching over you. So maybe what you saw was real."
"So....... You believe me?"
He nodded, "I believe you did see her. She's a good spirit. She saw you in danger, so she came to the aid of her one and only beloved son."
"You think.......... she still loves me? despite everything?"
"I have no doubt"
There was no hesitation in his words. With them in mind, I hugged Ithel and felt rested from those thoughts that weighed on my heart for a long while now.
Ithel put his arms around my lower back and my head. "You're alright, little pearl. You're alright. Your parents love you no matter where they are. And here, you're not alone"
That night, I insisted on standing guard like usual. So I remained awake, despite Ithel's advice for me to sleep because he asked me to accompany him in his hunt tomorrow. I didn't know if I could be of much help. Still, I was happy to know that he's giving me the chance to help.
The wind picked up. Winter wasn't far and Ithel said we had to double our efforts to secure the next months or us. I promised to follow his lead and not let any ideas make me do stupid things.
I was sitting beside him while he slept and I watched the beautiful stars. Suddenly, I heard something that froze me. Little by little, the noise came closer. I grabbed a weapon and crouched, ready to wake Ithel and protect him.
But the noise that creeped me out at first, was now tearing at my heart. It was the voice of an animal, chirping in what felt like agony. I moved towards it silently and waited until it appeared.
Between the rocks, a small animal appeared. It sniffed the air and chirped. I lowered my weapon when I recognized it. The little cub jumped down the rocks carefully and then trotted its way down until it faced the skin that Ithel and I had cleaned and left to dry. The cub chirped louder and he pawed at the the skin repeatedly.
I walked closer to it and crouched beside it. It didn't move away or growl at me. It's eyes shone with the light of the moon as it looked at me. Then it started making pained voices as if talking to me, and then rubbing its head and pawing on the laid skin.
"I'm sorry"
I patted its head and it didn't growl. Only flinch, before eyeing me and start chirping louder.
"Shshshsh, you'll wake Ithel". I gathered the small animal in my arms and it didn't disagree, as long as it could still touch the laid skin. "It was my fault. You lost your mother because of me"
The cub pawed at me this time, scratching my arms and face. My eyes watered, but I didn't let go of the little creature. I hugged it closer and looked it in the eyes.
"I know how you feel. I miss my mother too. I'm so sorry we had to kill her. I'm so sorry..."
The little cub kept chirping in my arms and I patted it.
"Your heart hurts now, but I promise it will feel better in the future." I was lost in words to use to calm the little cub and ease its sorrow. So I remembered what Ithel said to me. "You're alright, little cub. Your mother loves you no matter where she it. You'll be alright, I promise"
Its pained voice tore my heart. It felt like the cub was crying so I joined it, for we shared the same pain.
It took a while for both of us to calm down. Now the cub laid calmly in my arms, only moving to nudge at the skin beside us or sniffle me. It stared up at me and chirped softly
"I know, it still hurts. But you won't suffer anymore. I won't leave you alone in this big forest. I will protect you. So don't cry, alright?"
The cub stared at me.
"Good girl. You're so soft and brave and beautiful. You have a good spirit, little tiger. I'll call you Dilara"
She kept staring at me before she settled down, not arguing with me.
"Now go to sleep, Dilara. I'll protect you both while you sleep. You, and Ithel"