affectionate - Chapter 1: Chapter 1

FALLON
It was cold. The frigid, November air was nothing but greedy as it gnawed away at my skin. I layered my clothes this morning, a long sleeve thermal shirt underneath an old band tee all smothered by a big puffer jacket and thick straight leg jeans, in an attempt to fight against the cold that I knew would embrace me with its gluttonous arms as soon as I stepped foot outside my house. I tugged at the beanie on my head before shoving my frozen fingers into my jacket pockets and continued my trek down the sidewalk.
I hated the cold, it was uncomfortable and I hated wearing more clothes than necessary. Yet at the same time I loved it. It was the only time that physical touch from people burned pleasantly instead of painfully. My skin, numb from the cold, ached for the palm of someone's hand to brush up against it in hopes that the excruciating warmth would melt away the icy film that seemed to encapsulate my entire being.
I was on my way home from my last class of the day at Melrose Community College. When I graduated high school two years ago, the plan was to go to an actual university, get out of this small town and experience new things, and maybe try to understand why I was cursed to be physically disconnected from people. But when you're eighteen and your parents are still the ones paying for everything because your part time job at the corner store could not possibly pay for college, your options become slim and whatever they say goes. No matter how badly the urge to go pulled at you. Don't get me wrong I loved my parents, they were good, had never done anything for me to resent them. But they were keeping something from me, had been for a while. Going to college away from Melrose seemed to be the only way I would ever find answers and they took that away from me.
Of course they knew there was something wrong with me. My curse extended to even my own parents and it affected me in ways I didn't want to think about. I was jealous of anyone who had ever felt the loving warmth that only a mother could provide, or the strong hands of those belonging to a protective father. I hadn't been embraced by either of them since I was five. I was twenty now. And even though whatever the hell was wrong with me was definitely not normal, my parents never did anything about it and that fateful day when my mother and father picked me up from the first day of kindergarten and bear hugged me and instead of hugging back I screamed they did nothing except exchange worried glances with each other.
I sighed and watched as my breath came alive and dispersed into the wintry air. My day had been too long to be thinking about these things. I didn't care anymore and I have long accepted the fact that relationships with people other than my parents was going to have to be something unattainable in my life.
The wind blew, almost as if it was ushering me inside and I shivered as I hurried up the steps of my childhood home. A perfect two-story house, it was white and had a wide porch that my mother used to sit on while she waited for me to come home from school. We had a two car garage and a very tiny balcony that led into my parents' room sat on top of it. I pulled my keys out of my tote bag and pushed inside, eager to leave the biting cold behind. I huffed as I threw my keys in the little dish that sat on a tiny table next to the door. I peeled my jacket off and hung it up on the hooks adjacent to the door. My shoes were next and I toed them off gently before squatting down to pick them up. I was still a little cold so I pulled on the sleeves of my thermal until they were half way covering my hands.
"Mom? I'm home." I knew she was in the kitchen based on the mouth watering smell of whatever she was cooking wafting into the foyer and the sound of pots clanking together. "In the kitchen, honey!" I walked toward the kitchen and took a seat in one of the bar stools positioned behind the island we had. I watched her as she cooked, her waist length knotless box braids were pulled up into a bun on her head and the overhead lights in the kitchen reflected beautifully off of her brown skin. Her hazel eyes were focused on the pan of meat in front of her. My mom had the highest cheekbones I had ever seen in my life and her insanely long lashes kissed the tops of them. Her nose was wide but it had a perfect slope that tapered off into a cute button.
"Hey, Fallon, how were classes today?" I dropped my tote into the seat next to me and placed my shoes there as well before bringing my hands up and caressing my upper arms, a feeble attempt at chasing away the remaining cold. My mother was so anti heater and I could not for the life of me wrap my head around it. It could be negative five degrees outside and she would still refuse to turn the heater on. The woman was crazy.
"Ah you know, same old same old. What's for dinner?" She made a face at my response but there really was nothing interesting going on up at the college. I was majoring in psychology and while I was interested in the major the classes were boring sometimes and more often than not I caught myself trying not to fall asleep in them.
"Just some tacos. I went shopping earlier and bought all the fixin's for em so why not. Your father is in the study if you wanted to say hi before dinner." I hummed in acknowledgment before standing and collecting my things. I disappeared from the kitchen and made my way down the hall to the study where it sat at the end. The door was closed as usual and I knocked a few times before I heard a muffled "come in". I pushed the door open to see my dad sitting at his desk looking over some papers, the desk lamp next to him was the only source of light in the room and shadows of the night almost overpowered the poor excuse for lighting. My father didn't look up from his papers nor did he acknowledge my presence in the room. I didn't take it personally either, our relationship wasn't as strong as mine and my mother's for reasons I couldn't figure out but just like I accepted my curse, I accepted this as well.
"Hey, dad." My father finally looked up from his paper work. My dad was a tall man. Even sitting down at his desk it kind of looked like he was standing. His head was bald and smooth and the light from the lamp bounced off the top of it and I suppressed a smile at the sight of it. His goatee was full but it was greying from age and his piercing brown eyes roamed every inch of my face. They were walnut colored and almond shaped, just like mine except I had long, curly lashes sprouting from mine.
"Do you need something, Fallon?" I held back an eye roll and shifted my weight onto one leg. "No, daddy I just wanted to say hello before dinner." He did a half assed wave before directing his attention back to his boring ass paper work. My father owned the only construction business in town and since it was the only one it was quite successful. But not successful enough for him to act the way he did sometimes. Pushing off of the foot I had given all of my weight to, I left the study and closed the door behind me. I finally allowed myself that eye roll I had been itching for.
I quickly went upstairs to drop my things off in my room before I made my way back downstairs just in time for dinner which went by relatively fast. Other than the words we shared earlier, my parents and I didn't talk much at dinner. We ate in silence and when we were done I cleared the table and my mom shuffled back into the kitchen to clean while my father collapsed on the couch in the living room. I took a shower and hid myself in my room for the rest of the evening.
It seemed a little sad but this was a regular evening in my household. Quiet conversations and isolation. It was all I had ever known.