All is Found - Chapter 25: Chapter 25

The first night away from Thea was the hardest. I was getting used to being back in California and the time difference and living with a guy. It's been a while since I've lived with a guy and it's something I don't miss. Until we hit the road the label is putting Diego and I up in a rental house. Needless to say when I walked to use the bathroom in the morning to find Diego left the door open while he was doing his business we had to set some ground rules.
The next full day in California was spent in auditions. Diego came with me and gave me some input and we were able to find a guitarist and a bass player in the same day. As for my guitar player I hired Nikita 'Nikki' Cortez. She is young but her last tour was with Ariana Grande and I've seen some video of the tour. Nikki is energetic and she picked up a new song right away when I asked her to play one of my songs on the spot. She made the song her own.
Then there was Britt Turner, my new bass player. Britt actually gave me an attitude after she played. When I asked her to play one of my songs she said she didn't actually like my new music compared to my old stuff. But there was something about her I liked. It took her a minute to learn the song but when she did it was great.
Speaking of my new music I've put some of it out. I still have more I want to release but for now I just put out stuff that finished and to see how people are liking the new sound. I also finally have my social media accounts back from Bobby. After I went missing, all of my passwords were changed and it took a lot of arguing on Alyssa's part to finally get them changed and turned over to me. I've been promoting my music over twitter and instagram and seeing peoples reactions to it.
A lot of it has been positive but there have been some people who don't like it. A lot of the songs I've released are dark and don't have the brightest outlook but they are real and that's what I've been wanting to do with my music since I've started. I ignored the hate and just continued to make music I wanted to make. Also instead of an album the label agreed to let me put out a few small eps. Some songs grouped together better in smaller amounts and I wanted to showcase them.
Once I found the missing pieces of my band both girls also moved into the house so we could all get to know each other a bit more. Nikki and Britt got along really well with Diego and it made me happy to see them all bonding. As for me, most of my time was spent in meetings with Alyssa. I had more decisions to make in regards to releasing more music, stage design and creating some merch to sell. I went simple when it came to merch designs and same with the stage design. I'm just going to have a back drop with my name on it and call it a day.
Rehearsals was were the real work began. We all had to learn all of the songs and kept it under my 35 minute set time. I wanted to pack a lot of songs in this set but it looks like I'm going to have to cut at least one song. It's a good thing we had a week of rehearsals to get through the bumps in the road.
Before I knew it, the four of us were on a plane to Washington to get ready for our first show. My anxiety was killing me for the last two days as the first show day got closer and closer. Now that it is here I've had a hard time keeping myself together. We had our first complete run through of the show start to finish yesterday and today we only had a light run through of the set list.
I've been sitting in the front row of seat staring at the stage for a little while now. I'm still finding it hard to believe that I'm here right now. That I have this opportunity to get on this stage and perform tonight.
My time alone was cut short when I heard people sit on both sides of me. I shook my head out of my daze and looked to see Alyssa and Ashley sitting next to me. Alyssa is holding a vase with marigolds in them.
"These came for you today. I bet I know who they are from." Alyssa said and wiggled her eyebrows at me. I chuckled and took the flowers from her and saw a card sticking out of the top.
I picked the card and set the vase on the floor. The card was in an envelope and I pulled it out. My name was handwritten on the front and I flipped it over. Remember your songs deserved to be heard. I already miss you. ~Thea. The note put a smile on my face as I ran my finger over her name.
"How did you guys meet?" Ashley asked as Alyssa got pulled away on a call.
"You really want to know?" I sighed and looked at her.
"Yea I want to know what I need to do to get someone who puts that kind of smile on my face." Ashley said and chuckled.
"Thea pulled me back over the railing when I tried to kill myself. She just got off her shift and was going home and took a different way home then normal and saw me standing there. She got out of her car and talked to me. I didn't want to listen to her and right when I was about to jump off she pulled me back over. I think that something led us to meet that night on the bridge. I don't know if it was fate or God or some other higher power but now that we met, I don't really see myself without her. She feels like my tether to the ground." I said and looked back at the stage.
"So I take it back." Ashley said and chuckled.
"Yea, I found out that I 'signed' my last contract with my old label after I said repeatedly I wouldn't sign with them again. I got back to my house and saw that my neighbor died who was basically like a grandfather to me and I lost it. I couldn't take another 5 years of hiding who I am so I went to the bridge that night and was going to end it all." I said and looked at Ashley.
"Well I'm happy she pulled you back over Ashlyn. Not only am I glad I was able to find a replacement for my opening act on such short notice, I'm happy that you finally get to live and you get to be yourself. I'm so excited to hear you play these songs. Eli has them blasting all the time and I can't wait just to get to hear them live." Ashley said and looked at the stage.
We had another hour until the doors opened and Ashley and I chatted for a bit longer before we needed to get ready. Over the past few weeks we have gotten closer and I now really consider her a friend. It's nice to have someone to talk to who gets me and the music I'm making. Ashley has even helped me out on a few songs finishing them up or helping me write better lyrics.
My wardrobe for the tour was basically just t-shirts, jeans and combat boots. I didn't want anything crazy because I've had that before, I just want to be comfortable on stage. As I finished getting dressed my cell phone rang and I saw it was Thea. I quickly answered my phone as Alyssa ran around my dressing room behind me.
"I was hoping I would be able to get a hold of you before you got on stage." Thea said as Alyssa attached my in-ears pack to my back pocket.
"You did, I'm happy to hear you voice. I also wanted to thank you for the flowers. Ashley and Alyssa were jealous." I said and snickered as Alyssa hit my back.
"Well they can find their own girlfriends who send them flowers. I got mine and I'm not letting her go." Thea said.
"You're adorable and I'm so lucky you're mine." I said and looked at the flowers resting on my dresser.
"Yea I'm happy you're mine as well." Before I could say something back I heard someone yell sergeant in the background. "I gotta go babe I've been so busy tonight, have a good show tonight, I can't wait to see some videos." Thea said.
"Will do, please be safe my love." I said.
"Always." The line cut off and my anxiety hit the roof.
Alyssa helped me calm down a little bit as I changed into a fresh t-shirt and got ready to go on stage. My band was already standing just in the wings waiting for me. I grabbed my electric guitar and slung it over my shoulder and made sure it was ready to go. Once I was set I looked around and saw Ashley call everyone over to us. We gathered in a circle with Ashley standing right next to me. She took my hand in hers and everyone followed her lead and held hands.
"Opening night of the new tour. I'm going to keep this short because it's less then 5 minutes till curtain but I want to thank God for everything he has done for us to be here together tonight. I also want to wish the best of luck to Ashlyn and her first set of her new music that I can't wait to hear live. I want to have a safe, great show and tour so lets start out this night with a great show everybody." Ashley said and we all broke apart.
Alyssa pulled me aside and gave me a last minute run down of the set as Diego was jumping up and down next to me. It was making me crazy. All of the anxiety from the last few days hit it's all time high and I turned away from everybody to throw up in a trash can. My ears were ringing and I tried to pull myself together. I manage to croaked out that I needed some water and I felt a bottle being pushing into my hand. I rinsed my mouth out and looked around.
"Are you okay to go on?" Alyssa asked concerned.
"Yea that needed to happen, better it happened now before I got on stage. Let's have a good first show tonight guys." I said and fist bumped my band.
Alyssa looked at me like I had a few heads but walked onto the stage before she could say anything else. I got myself in front of my microphone and looked down at the set list again to make sure I knew what song I needed to play first before looking out to the sold out stadium crowd. The curtain dropped and the roar of the crowd took me by surprise.
"What's up Washington!" I said and played a few cords of my guitar. The crowd yelled back to me and I smiled.
"My name is Ashlyn Monroe and I'm going to play a few songs for you if that's alright?" I said and looked around the arena. How could I ever thought I could give this up?
"These are new songs but if you already know the words don't be afraid to yell them back to me. This first song is called Temple." I said and launched myself into my first song.
Temple was a good hard song to get the crowd up on their feet. It felt so cathartic to get these words out for people to hear. Finally people are getting to hear me. After Temple was Who Am I Living For. Once the song was over I handed my guitar off to a stage hand and took a seat in front of the piano. I played a few keys and looked out into the audience.
"I hope you don't mind I'm going to slow things down a little. This next song I'm going to play I wrote for someone a long time ago. I thought I would have forever with her. Turns out that it didn't happen. She was the first person to see me for me in the longest time. She broke down all of my walls and for the first time I was truly happy. I hope wherever she is now that she is happy. This is called Gina's Song."
I went back and forth about adding this song to the set list. I know it's going to stir up a lot of drama when it hit the internet that I'll have to dodge but I felt like I needed to have this song be heard. Wherever Gina was I hope she is happy and safe. I held it together and got through the song.
"This next song is a song I wish I have written myself. I'm sure you'll know it so sing it back to me. I want to hear everyone out there even you guys in the top of this stadium." I said and pointed to the higher seats. My hand's hit the keys and the crowd went nuts when I sang the first few words of My Immortal by Evanescence.
I wanted to add at least one cover song into my set just encase people didn't like my new music too much. They would at least have this song to jam too until Halsey hit the stage after me. After My Immortal I stayed behind the piano for one more song, Everyone Cries.
As the last notes of the song rang out I sighed. Half way through the set. I stood from the piano and drank half a water bottle before taking my acoustic guitar from the stage hand who brought it out.
"So this next song is for someone special to me. She is across the country right now working and I hope she doesn't mind that I'm sharing this song with all of you. For me, song writing is what I pour my emotions into and this song is an example of that. It's called In Case You Didn't Know." I said and started to strum the first cords of the song.
Welcome to My Life started and I pulled an in-ear out. The crowd was yelling the song back to me and I smiled through the rest of the song. P.S. Missing you was next and I saw the crowd jumping around as I made my way through the song. My final song of the night is called False Pretense. It's 100% about my relationship with Bobby even though I'll deny that to the press.
After the last note of the song I took a breath and soaked in the sounds of the crowd. I'm so happy to be back.