All is Found - Chapter 29: Chapter 29

It was hard to sleep when we got back to the hotel. Thea knocked out shortly after we returned but I couldn't sleep. Ever since I started seeing spirits, I have never seen that many in one place at one time. That night I left Thea in bed alone and retreated myself in the bathroom. I laid back in the empty tub and took some time to try and relax so maybe I can get some sleep.
After Asher and Ashley were killed in our home, I thought that their spirits were still in the house. I had a medium come in and do a reading. He could feel energy in the house but told me it was them and there weren't bad spirits lingering around.
The first time I saw Asher and Ashley I freaked out. I thought I was losing my mind. They are dead, how could I see them? I had the medium come back to my house and told him what I was seeing and feeling. That's when he told me that I might be a medium.
Things started to make sense after that. Sometimes when I went to the cemetery to visit my mom's grave I would see people just disappear. Then my life blew up in the music scene and I stopped seeing spirits. After my siblings were killed it brought everything back up again.
There was so much energy at the world trade center site it overwhelmed me. To see all of those officers, fire fighters and EMTs standing there took a lot of out me. But yet now when I'm trying to sleep, I can't.
My thoughts spiraled for a little while before I felt a chill in the air. I looked over towards the door and saw the Reaper standing there.
"How come I could see all of those souls tonight?" I asked.
"You have come so close to death so many times child that you can see both side of the veil." The Reaper answered.
"Why are you here?" I asked.
"You have people looking over you from the other side and they visit with you often. I didn't think you would doubt your gift." The Reaper said.
"I'm not doubting it. There was just so many souls there I" My voice gave out and I could feel the tears fall from my eyes.
My crying woke Thea up. She walked into the bathroom to find me sobbing in the tub. When she saw me crying she jumped into the tub with me and pulled me into her arms. I can't keep this from her much longer. I know I'm going to sound like a crazy person when I tell her but I can't keep it to myself anymore.
Thea pulled me out of the tub and we laid in bed together for a few minutes before Thea got up and opened the mini fridge. She came back with two baby bottle of whiskey and we drank them in two sips. As we settled into bed again Thea held me close to her. Our breath smelled of the alcohol and she asked what happened. I told her I just had a nightmare. How many more times can I tell her I had a nightmare?
We woke up late the next morning. I didn't have to do anything until soundcheck which was at 4pm. I ordered us breakfast to the room and texted Alyssa to leave me alone until soundcheck. Thea and I had breakfast in our hotel room and once we were done we crawled right back into bed. Thea turned on a Law and Order SUV marathon and we cuddled into each other.
"I want to talk to you about something if that's okay?" I asked sat up from our cuddle session.
"Does it have something to do with your nightmare?" Thea asked and looked at me.
"You're going to think I'm crazy." I sighed and rubbed my forehead to try and prevent the headache I knew was starting to form.
"You do realize I'm a police officer right? I see crazy almost every day I'm on duty." Thea said and smiled.
"I see dead people." I said looking down at the bed.
"You see dead people?" Thea asked confused.
"I can see spirits." I rephrased and took a chance to look up at her. The only emotion in her eyes love.
"Like a medium?" Thea asked.
"I'm going to say yes. It's not like I can go and read people and see there departed loved ones. It's mostly just my brother and sister and now Ed. They just appear to me. They never stay longer than a few minutes. Usually they appear when I'm thinking about them a lot." I said.
"And this relates to the nightmare?" Thea asked confused again.
"Last night when you told me about your parents and we hugged I saw something over your shoulder. When I looked I saw a group of officers in uniforms and your parents." I said ripping the band-aid off.
Shock was definitely the strongest emotion waving through Thea. She looked like she didn't believe me and I don't blame her.
"Just to add to the look you're giving me, I've also seen Allison before. The morning after I tried to jump, you just left for work and I was looking your wedding photo and she appeared to me. She told me that she hates that you put your picture in the back." I said and moved a little bit away from Thea.
"Have you seen them before?" Thea asked looking like she was trying to keep her tears at bay.
"No, I've only seen them one time each. It got to me last night. As we walked away from the reflecting pools, NYPD and FDNY officers lined the walkway. I don't know if you knew them or if your parents did or if it was just being on the memorial sight, but there were so many spirits it overwhelmed me." I said and hard swallowed my tears.
Thea stood from the bed and my heart sank. I've just said enough to push her away. I wiped away the few tears I couldn't hold back any longer and watched as Thea crouched by her bag. I watched as she ruffled through it for a moment before she stood and came back to the bed. She sat on my side of the bed with her wallet. She opened it and pulled out a small picture and showed me.
In the picture are the two people I saw last night. A man in an NYPD uniform and a woman in an FDNY uniform with a little girl with a toothless smile standing in between them.
"They looked a bit older." I said and wiped away another tear.
"Are they okay where they are?" Thea asked as tears hit the photograph.
Thea wouldn't look up at me when she spoke. I wrapped my hand around her chin and forced Thea to look at me.
"They're more then okay where they are. There is no pain or suffering where they are. They are guardian angels, they've been watching over you since their souls left this plain. When you miss them just talk to them like they are still here, ask them for a sign that they heard you and they might be able to deliver." I said. Thea nodded and I pressed a kiss to her forehead.
When she didn't pull away I thought I might be a good sign. Thea looked at her photo again for a few minutes and placed it back in her wallet. She threw her wallet back into her bag and laid back in bed. It took me a minute to realize Thea wasn't going to leave and I moved lean on the headboard next to her. I didn't know if she wanted some space to digest what I just told her so I got comfortable just being next to her.
As the next episode of Law and Order started Thea moved closer to me and placed her head on my shoulder. I was able to relax some more and put my arm around her pulling her into me. We didn't say anything as the episode played and I only moved when my phone started to ring. It was the alarm I set to know when I needed to get ready to go to leave for soundcheck.
I pulled myself together in a half an hour and threw on a simple pair of jeans and a black t-shirt. Thea got dressed herself and we left our hotel room shortly after. We got an uber to the arena and dodged some paparazzi as we walked through the side entrance.
"Does anybody else know?" Thea asked as we started walking the halls to find my bands dressing room.
"No, you're the only person who knows." I answer and pushed the door open to the dressing room.
Diego was the only one inside. He was sitting on the couch reading a new book when I asked him where the girls are. He told me they went to get something to eat and should be back soon. Just as I was about to leave to find Alyssa, Nikki and Britt walked into the dressing room.
We all chatted for a while until Alyssa told us we needed to go out for soundcheck. Thea was quiet while I walked with my band. I'm guessing she has a lot going on in her head with what I told her this afternoon and I left her to be alone with her thoughts. We went through a few songs for soundcheck and I tried out a few new covers I was thinking about replacing My Immortal with. I wasn't sure which I was going to choice yet so I'm going to leave my set list alone for now.
Thea remained quiet as I got dressed for the show. Alyssa actually left me alone because she sensed the tension between us. Tonight I'm wearing Ashers old Boston Red Sox jersey because I knew it would get a rise out of the fans here in New York. Once I was set up with my in-ears I looked up to find Thea watching me in the mirror.
"Do you have any questions?" I asked trying to know where her head is at.
"Not right now, it's just a lot to take in that you can see dead people." Thea said and ruffled her hair, a nervous tick I have notice over the months of us being together.
"If you do you can always ask me." I said and turned to face her.
"Just because you can, doesn't mean I love you any less Ashlyn, I want you to know that." Thea said and stood from the couch.
"It means a lot to me to hear you say that." I said letting out the breath I have been holding since I told her. Thea gave me a smile and walked over to me. She pressed me into the makeup desk and wrapped her arms around me. Thea's lips met mine and the last string of doubt I had vanished with Thea's tongue.
"Two minutes Ash! God, did you guys not get enough of each other last night to be sucking each other's faces now!" Alyssa said.
"We didn't have sex last night Alyssa." I said and faced Alyssa.
"Sure and Santa Claus is real, we need to go Ashlyn!" Alyssa said and came over to pull me away from Thea.
"You just ruined Christmas for me Alyssa, how dare you!" I said and Alyssa pulled me out of the dressing room.
I could only hear Thea cackle from the dressing room as the stage hand handed me my guitar and I got set.
"You know the fans are going to give you shit about the jersey right?" Nikki said as we walked out on stage.
"Eh, I wanted to get them riled up." I said and clipped my microphone in the stand.
The curtain dropped and the show let me get out a lot of my emotions. I went so hard on Temple that I broke a string in my guitar. Everything built up and I kind of wanted to skip the middle part of my set list to continue letting these emotions out. As the set continued to play out another button on the jersey popped open. But I soon found myself behind the piano and a few tears escaped as the longer I sat here.
Finally I handed off my guitar to the stage hand and took Thea's hand to pull her on stage with me. Britt placed the stool in the middle of the stage for me as I pulled Thea out. The Madison Square Garden crowd went crazy and I smiled.
"I hope you guys don't mind but I have a very special guest here with me tonight. Can you guys say hi Thea?" I asked the crowd and took a sip of water. The crowd responded and I smiled.
"Oh you guys can do a lot better than that, I want the building to shake. Hi Thea!" I said to the crowd again and this time they gave it back to me even louder.
"That's more like it. I'm going to sing this pretty girl a song now if that's okay with you guys." I said and gave Diego a nod.
The crowd roared and I smiled at Thea. I unbuttoned the last button on the jersey and waved it around a little as I was getting hot under the lights. Thea caught the sight of my black lacy bra I had on underneath and her face got red. I turned my attention to Thea and sang Tell Her You Love just to her. As the song finished out I clipped the microphone into the stand walked over to her. Thea jumped off the stool and pulled me into a searing kiss.
I wish I could have run off the stage with her but I still had a set to finish. Thea took the stool with her and I buttoned a few buttons of the jersey before launching into the rest of my set. I got through it and once I was done I found myself in Thea's arm just as I got off stage.
We stayed to watch Halseys' set before we went back to our hotel room where I crashed right after I showered. I wanted nothing more than to have my way with Thea but I had no more energy after that emotionally draining talk with Thea that afternoon and an amped up show. The next morning I woke up in Thea's arms and smiled. I didn't think I would still have her after my confession the day before.
So now I wasn't going to take anything for granted. After a few rounds of very satisfying orgasms, Thea and I left the hotel and went to a bagel store and got bacon egg and cheeses. One of the things that I have been looking forward to since we got to New York. Thea was in heaven and we enjoyed our quiet morning together. We actually had breakfast in Bryant Park getting to enjoy some of the nice May weather and walked back to the Garden for soundcheck.
We got teased so bad when we got to my dressing room because of the matching hickeys that are on our necks. Alyssa went to town with makeup covering it up and as she finished mine and went over to Thea, Thea just raised an eyebrow at my manager almost daring her to get any closer to her. Soundcheck came and went without any problems and Thea hung out with Diego for a while as I walked off with Ashley to talk about things for the remainder of the US shows.
As I was getting dressed for the show tonight I grabbed Asher's Boston Red Sox hat before getting to the side of the stage. The guitar tech was able to fix my guitar this morning and I was so grateful. It felt weird not to have it while I was on stage. I gave Thea a kiss before getting into my spot for the curtain.
The show was going according to plan and as I finished In Case You Didn't Know I walked over to the wings and didn't see Thea. Alyssa was standing there with a crazed expression on her face.
"Where's Thea?" I asked with a sinking feeling in my chest.
"I don't know, she said she needed some air and walked off. You need to get back out there." Alyssa said and pushed me back on stage.
I looked around to my band mates and they were just waiting for me to get ready. I had to hide the disappointment behind a smile and I nodded at Diego to start the song. As I started to sing I could tell that I wouldn't be able to make it through the whole song without crying. As I sang the last line of the first verse I felt my throat catch. Tell her you love her too. The little break in between this line and the next I felt the first tear fall from my eye. I don't think I can do this. Thea left.
I felt like I couldn't breath. My mouth opened to sing the next line and it barely came out of my mouth. But don't you run away, run away. I put my head down and tried to get the next line out but I couldn't. Thea left. I told her my secret and she left me. Even after a perfect morning together she up and left. I don't know if I can finish this set.
I pulled an in-ear out and I could hear my band sing for me and the roar of the crowd. I looked up and pulled the microphone from the clip and turned around to walk off stage when I saw her. Thea is standing behind me with a blinding smile on her face wearing an unbuttoned New York Yankees jersey. She didn't leave.
"Sing baby" Thea said.
I took a breath and listened to where in the song my band was and caught up with them. Thea walked over to me and took my hand in hers. She lead me back to the middle of the stage where I finished out the song in tears. The thought of losing Thea is something I don't think I can handle.
"You can't do that to me again" I said as Thea wiped away my tears.
"I'm sorry baby, I needed to change into this and you kept looking over to the side of the stage. May I?" Thea asked and pointed to the mic in my hand. Without hesitation I handed it over to her.
"For the past two night I've had the honor of being brought out on stage to be serenaded by this beautiful girl. Tonight I wanted to return the favor. Can you guys show Ash some love." Thea said into the mic. The crowd roared for her and she gave me a smile.
"I'm sorry for scaring you babe." Thea said and brought her hand around from behind her back to reveal a bouquet of marigolds and the crowd got even louder.
"For you my love." Thea said in the mic and kissed my cheek.
I took the flowers from her and gave her a kiss on the lips. Thea slipped the jersey off her shoulders and made me put it on.
"Go Yankees!" Thea yelled into the mic before handing it back to me and running off stage.
It took me a few minutes to get myself together and get ready for the rest of my setlist. It definitely wasn't my best show and when I got off stage, Thea was standing there waiting for me. I handed the flowers off to Alyssa and jumped into Thea's arms. I didn't ever want to let go.