All is Found - Chapter 62: Chapter 62

The end of the summer every year always comes with a lot of excitement in the house. Preston, Sammie and myself all starting a new school year. The days leading up to it always are usually always filled with last minute school supply runs, setting up new binders, and trying to memorize schedules with a lot of yelling in between. Thea is always usually the silent rock holding us all together the last week of August and the first few weeks of September. But this year was different. Something was up with my wife and as the summer came to a close she just started to shut down more and more.
The week before school started I was able to get both Preston and Sammie out of the house at the same time so I could have some time alone with Thea to try and get to the bottom of what's going on. I ordered us in some Chinese food and we sat and ate at the kitchen island with a few beers in between us. As we started to finish our food I thought now would be the best time to bring it up.
"Thea, did something happen at work?" I asked thinking whatever might be weighing on her mind might be coming from work stress.
"No, nothing happened at work, why do you ask?" Thea said and wiped her mouth on a napkin.
"You've just been really quiet these last few weeks and I wanted to check in with you about it. I know that start of the school year always drives us crazy and it settles after the second week is over but, I've noticed that you've really taken a back seat to everything that's been going on lately." I said trying to not lay it on too thick.
Thea sighed and ran her thumb around the bottle she's been tightly holding onto since I've started talking. I didn't try to pressure her into speaking unless she was ready but I needed something because this has been really unlike her.
"I got a phone call from the organizers of the 9/11 tribute at the beginning of August. They got my phone number from Captain David Morta, the captain we met when we visited the station back when you were on tour with Halsey. This year being the 30th anniversary, they are also going to be reading the names of the first responders who passed away from 9/11 related illnesses. They asked if I wanted to come down to read my parents' names." Thea said and finally turned her head to look at me.
The air left my lungs and it took a lot of will power not to just pull Thea into a hug and keep her close to me. Over the years Thea has told me more about her parents. How her dad always tried to get her to play softball even though Thea didn't like it. How her mom always bugged her to become a volunteer fire fighter or EMT after they moved to Salem. Thea always said she would think about it but finally joined the fire service as a probationary fire fighter the summer before her mom past. When Thea joined the police academy she dropped out of the fire service to really commit everything to becoming a police officer.
Every time the anniversary of 9/11 comes up, she usually takes the day off of work and go to the cemetery to be with them. When she comes home late, I make sure the kids give her hugs and then leave her alone for the rest of the night. She never really spoke about the actions of her parents the day of 9/11 though. I know that she has kept in contact with the now retired Captain Morta over the years. Every once and a while the two would get together either here in Salem or in New York to trade war stories or just catch up.
"What did you say?" I asked hoping that my wife would want to go.
"I didn't give them an answer yet. I have until tomorrow to give them an answer. If I don't go, David said he would say their names." Thea answered.
"I think you should go. I would happily come with you. Preston can watch Sammie for the day unless you would want them to come with us. Or you could go just yourself and we can all support you from here. But I think you should definitely go." I said and brought my hand up and pulled the rubber band out of the bottom of her French braid. Once the band was gone I started to run my hand through her hair to try and relieve some tension.
"I can only do this if you come with me. I don't know if it's a good idea if the kids come. It's going to be a lot for me and I can only imagine how they are going to take it." Thea said and quickly wiped away a tear that escape her eye before I could.
"I'll talk to them and see how they feel. You call the tribute people back and tell them you will do it and I will take care of everything else my love." I said and stood from my seat and pulled her into a hug. It was a bit awkward with the high difference and Thea still sitting down but I made it work and pulled Thea tightly into me to make sure she felt it.
When I pulled away Thea gave me a kiss and picked up her phone and walked down the hall to her office. Once I heard the door close I sighed and rubbed my head before picking up my own phone and started to make all the necessary arrangements. When Preston and Sammie came home that night, I sat them down and spoke to them about Thea's plan. Both of them wanted to come with us, wanting to be able to give their mother some extra comfort on a day that they both know will be hard for her.
So with everything set, the only thing left to do is go. The start of the school year was a tamer version as we all wanted to give Thea some extra peace and comfort at home to not stress her out even more. Everything seemed to be working fine and then finally the time came. We are going down to New York City a day early so we can settle in and not have to rush the next morning as we all have to be up extra early for the ceremony. For once I used my name and it opened some doors and a few favors. I managed to get us a private jet to fly us down to the city and a booked us a suite at the Four Seasons Downtown. A car service picked us up from the airport after we landed and brought us right to the hotel so we could get settled in.
After we got settled in, it was still only late afternoon. Preston and Sammie played on their phones mostly as a way to not get in our way as we unpacked the little we brought with us. Once it was done, Thea said she wanted to take us over to the sight before tomorrow morning. So we all got ready and we filed out of the hotel room and took a walk. My hand grabbed Thea's and held onto it tightly as we walked down the block to the reflecting pools. Both Preston and Sammie have never seen it before. They were both mesmerized by the two building foot prints forever to be remembered in the ground. They kind of led the way, we just followed behind them along the pools.
When we came around one of the pools, Thea and I took a seat on one of the benches and watched as Preston and Sammie continued to look around. Thea didn't have much to say but she held on tightly to my hand. She is wearing her dads NYPD wind breaker today even though it is a warm September day.
"I wish that heaven had visiting hours, you know. Just to be able to get to get the chance to talk to them even if it was just for one more day, hell I would even take an hour." Thea said and turned her head towards me. I couldn't see her eyes as she is wearing sunglasses but I know just from the tone of her voice she is fighting back tears. I bit the inside of my cheek hard to try not to cry right here and now. I managed one deep breath and squeezed her hand.
"I know baby, just to be able to get to stop by and ask for their advice and have that peace of mind of getting to still talk to them and listen to their answers." I said and wiped a tear that escaped from the bottom rim of Thea's sunglasses.
"Fuck, I don't know if I can do this." Thea said and pulled her hand away from mine and started to wipe them on her pant legs.
"Yes you can Thea, you have come all the way here. You can do this; I know you can. We are going to be all right behind you helping you through it." I said and rubbed her back trying to calm her down.
Preston and Sammie both came over to us then and they surrounded Thea. They both wrapped their arms around her and didn't let go until Thea pulled away from them. That's when I knew it was a good idea for them to join us on this trip. After Thea collected herself, we got up from the bench and made our way back to the hotel. We ordered room service for dinner and just watched Mulan together before the kids went into their side of the suite to get ready for bed. Thea didn't say much as we got ready for bed ourselves. When we got under the covers together, Thea came over to me and laid her head on my chest and I held onto her tightly.
When I woke up the next morning to my alarm, I knew that Thea didn't get much sleep the night before. I found her already awake and out of bed, sitting at the desk in the room. She is reading the paper and drinking some coffee from a cup that looks like it came from a deli. Slowly I got out of bed and walked over to her and wrapped my arms around her shoulders and kissed the crown of her head.
"Morning" I said and just rested my chin on her head.
"I got you breakfast, the kids are already up and are getting dressed. We need to leave here in 45 minutes." Thea said and rubbed my hand.
I accepted the bacon, egg and cheese and coffee from Thea and it didn't take long for me to suck it down. Once I got through breakfast, I started to get ready for the ceremony. I went with a simple black dress and flats because I knew we would be standing around for a while we wait for Thea's turn. After I was done I returned to our bedroom and found Thea wrapping her tie around the collar of her dress shirt. She is wearing her dress uniform today and it made me so proud to see her in it. Thea noticed me in the background of the mirror and gave me a smile. She tried to go back to doing her tie but I didn't let her. I stepped in front of her and took her tie in my hands and slowly pulled the knot together. Once it was done I pressed it to her chest and made sure it was straight before backing away from Thea. She gave me a kiss on the cheek and grabbed her suit jacket.
I watched as Thea slipped it over her shoulders and buttoned up her jacket. After it was on I watched Thea's eyes track over all of the ribbons and medals making sure they were in the right places. When she was satisfied that they were, Thea looked up and found my eyes in the mirror again. I gave her a smile and handed her her hat. Thea took her hat and put it square on her head. Once it was on she gave herself a complete once over and then turned her back to the mirror. I moved away and sat on the edge of the bed waiting for Thea to be ready. She moved to the desk and gathered a few things and then she grabbed her dads windbreaker.
With it in hand she came over to me and got down on one knee. Thea laid the windbreaker on my lap and then took my hand over it.
"I want you to wear this. You said you saw him before while we were at the cite and because I'm wearing my uniform I wanted you to wear this to have a piece of him with me up there." Thea said and finally looked up at me. I could only nod and pull the windbreaker around my shoulders. When it was on I stood from the bed as Thea stood from the floor. She couldn't help but laugh a little when she noticed the sleeves are far to long for me.
"He was pretty tall." Thea said as I pulled the sleeves up my arms.
I couldn't say anything but just held out my hand for Thea to take. When she did I pulled her into a kiss. It wasn't long or much, but just one of love, to convey it in a different way as I'm having trouble finding the words right now. After we broke apart we made sure the kids were ready and we left the hotel room. I didn't say anything when I saw Sammie wearing an oversized blue FDNY button down shirt with Ramsey stitched into it over her black three quarter sleeved shirt. Preston is wearing a an FDNY hat paired with his dress shirt and slacks.
As we left the hotel and walked down to the sight we turned a lot of heads. Thea in her dress uniform was a sight to see. She had her credentials and gave them to one of the workers who led us into the waiting area. We didn't have to wait too long before it would be Thea's turn to go up to speak. Thea just walked around the area for a while, not getting too close to any of the other people waiting around.
But soon enough her time came and we got into line with the other families waiting around. As we got closer to the podium I could tell Thea is trying to steal her nerves. She took a few deep breaths and then all of a sudden it was her turn to move forward. I watched as Thea stepped out onto the stage with pride and class, Preston, Sammie and myself all stood behind her.
"I stand before you today to read the names of my parents. On September 11th 2001, they both had the day off which was rare in our house. We were going to go to the park around the block from our house in Queens for dinner, and then the first plane hit the tower and everything changed. They got me out of school, took me down to my mom's fire station and then they rushed off to lower Manhattan. I didn't know what was happening at the time, just that it was something bad and they were going to help people. I didn't see them again until well into the next day. When they did come back to the station, both of them were covered in dirt and dust and grim. They didn't talk about what happened but I knew enough from that on that day one seemed to play one thing on repeat, the two building falling.
"At the time I didn't know how grateful I was to have them come home to me when so many other kids lost their parents. Even though they came home that day, they were both forever changed. But soon, I learned that there time was limited. They were both gone by the time I started college. But it's because of them and there sacrifice that I am who I am today, the first female chief of police in Salem, Massachusetts."
Thea paused there and two tears fell from her eyes. They fell so hard and so fast they barely touched her cheeks.
"Lieutenant Adelaide "Addie" Ramsey, FDNY EMS. Detective first grade Preston Ramsey, NYPD." Thea said their names and folded the paper she had with her. I stepped up and took her hand in mine. Sammie grabbed her other hand while Preston put a hand on her back as we walked together down the stairs.
The organizers of the ceremony lead us into a little room backstage and Thea had some time to collect herself. There were plenty of tears from all of us but I was just so proud of her for coming this far and going through with it. When Thea was ready, we left the room behind and walked out of the area that was separated from the public. We spent a little while just walking around the reflecting pools, watching as people from all over came and paid there respects to those who lost their lives that day.
As the ceremony was winding down I told Preston to take Sammie over to the deli that was across the street to get some snack and water to have in the hotel for later to give me a few minutes alone with Thea. Once the kids were gone I pulled Thea over to a bench and we watched as our kids crossed the street and went inside the deli.
"So much has changed since they've gone away. They were the best parents to me and I know that they would have been the best grandparents to Sammie and Pres. Remember when we first brought them home and we had to learn everything ourselves? It's moments like that when I wished that they stayed home with me and didn't come down here that day." Thea said and didn't bother trying to stop her tears from flowing.
"But I know in my heart that there would have been no way they would have stayed home. Even if they didn't get down there that day, they would have worked on the pile." Thea said and took a breath before wiping her tears away.
"The beginning days with Preston and Sammie were an adjustment. I remember the sleepless nights we would have when we thought we made the wrong decision. The only person who could talk us down was Pat. Always said if we mess them up a little then it's only normal because the world will fuck them up even more." I said and chuckled at the memory.
"Yea, that was one of his funnier moments. We should visit him when we get back." Thea said and turned to look at me.
"Whatever you want love." I said and took her hat off her head and placed it firmly on mine. Thea's eyes tracked mine for a moment before I moved closer to her and wiped away the last of the tears on her face.
"Beautiful" I said and gave her a kiss on the cheek just as Preston and Sammie came back with a bag full of snacks.
With the snacks in hand, Thea and I stood from the bench and together the four of us went back to the hotel. We spent the next few hours relaxing from the long morning and snacking before we got ready for the flight back to Boston. The flight home later that night was smooth and when we landed we had a car waiting for us to take us right home. Preston and Sammie both had plans with friends later tonight so they were only home for about an hour before they were out the door again.
After the kids left for the night I made my way upstairs to find Thea taking her time unpacking our bags. I let her be and walked back downstairs to my studio and took a seat in my chair. Our conversation from earlier today has been rattling around in my mind all day and it just won't leave me alone. So I grabbed my notebook and a pen and started writing. It didn't take long for the song to tumble out of my brain. With the words written, I grabbed my guitar and started to add some music over the words. It didn't take long to plan out the whole song. I didn't go over it a lot, I wanted this song to have a rough and emotional feel to it. So with it recorded and saved to the computer, I took my guitar and notebook with me before walking around the house to find my wife.
It didn't take long to find Thea. She is sitting in the bath tub with a bottle of whiskey in hand and eyes closed. Steam is rising from the water as I took in the dried tear tracks staining her cheeks.
"Can I play you something." I asked and sat down on the floor in front of the tub.
"Always" Thea said and turned her head towards me. She opened her eyes as I sat down on the bath mat and took the bottle from her. I took a good sip of the alcohol and let it burn my throat before I pulled my guitar in front of me and started to sing.
Throughout the song I kept my eyes on the notebook in front of me. I knew that if I looked up at Thea right now, I wouldn't be able to stop the tears from pouring out of my eyes. But as the last verse came around something in me made me raise my head and I found Thea's eyes locked on me. I wish that heaven had visiting hours, and I would ask them if I could take you home. But I know what they'd say, that it's for the best. So I will live life the way you taught me and make it on my own.
I somehow held it together as I powered through the last chorus. Once I was done I put my guitar down and looked up at Thea.
"How I wish I could see my mom one more time and ask her all about the little things she did for Asher, Ashley and I when we were kids because over the years I've forgotten our traditions. I know we have made new ones as a family, but I still miss the ones we used to do together. But I know that one conversation would never be enough for the life time I never got to have with her or them. Our conversation today kept rattling around in my head and I just had to write to try and put some of those feeling out there." I said as the tears I've been trying to hold onto escaped.
Thea didn't say anything but held out her hand for me. Her eyes are red from crying and I quickly slipped out of my clothes and got into the bathtub with her. Thea pulled me tight against her front and wrapped her arms around stomach holding me to her. I rested my head right under her chin and sighed as I felt more tears escape my eyes.
"I think that that song is one of the best you have ever written. I don't know how you always have this ability to capture emotions in music but it never ceases to amaze me what you come up with." Thea said after a few moments of silence.
"Do you mind if I put it out? It was our conversation from today and I don't want to do so if you aren't comfortable with it." I said.
"I've always told you put out the music you want to Ashlyn. I never wanted to hold you back. I think this song might be able to help a lot of people." Thea said and kissed my temple.
"Thank you." I said ran my fingers over her arm.
Thea didn't say anything else as we just relaxed in the bath together. Throughout the rest of the night we sat in mostly silence, drinking start from the bottle of whiskey trying to drown our feelings. It didn't work though as we both just got drunk in the tub. When the water really got cold we got out of the tub and changed into pajama's before getting into bed.