All Over Again - Chapter 44: Chapter 44

"Ruth," a voice whispered into Ruth's ear, followed by a firm hand nudging her shoulder gently. "Ruth, I have to go."
Ruth's eyebrows furrowed in confusion. She slowly nudged her sore neck over towards the voice, her eyes too heavy to open just yet. "Mmmm?"
"I have to get going." The voice took on a tone familiar to her now, one that she could recognize as clearly as her own. It belonged to the man who had just taken her for the past night, both body and soul. The man who held her for hours and whispered how much he cared for her until they had finally fallen asleep.
"Wait," Ruth murmured thickly, squinting her eyes through the haze of exhaustion clouding her vision. "Raffo, why—"
Raffo's fingers found her cheek and he soothed his knuckle down her jaw. A tiny part of her relaxed at the touch, though she still blinked and peeked up into his sugary brown eyes. His smile was small but warm in the morning light.
"I have to work today," he whispered, his voice hushed. "I'd stay with you all day if I could, but I need to get ready."
She pouted at that, but knew he had to go. He needed the money to help get his family out of their situation and she couldn't very well hog him all day. "I understand."
Raffo's deep chuckle vibrated through the thin cotton of the worn-out t-shirt she had hastily thrown on after round three. He brushed one of the curls she forgot to tuck away into a headscarf from her cheek and replaced the hair with his lips instead. Her sigh was soft, her fingers curling against the side of his face as she held him to her.
"I love you," he said, kissing the corner of her lips. Ruth's body warmed at the phrase and she couldn't stop the smile from spreading across her tired cheeks. She was radiating light from every corner of her body and she didn't care one bit.
"I love you," Ruth said. Raffo folded the blanket back around her and helped adjust her sore body against her pillows before finally stepping away. "Call me later if you can."
"I will," he promised, and shortly left after closing her bedroom door.
Harsh whispers of questionable conspiracies floated into Ruth's subconscious and unfortunately succeeded in waking her up a second time. The voices were muffled somehow, as if the people talking were hidden behind a door. They were faint and buzzing with something that borderlines panic, and it was enough to make Ruth groan and peek open a groggy eye. Silence quickly followed.
"I know you're there," Ruth grumbled, wiping away the sleep from her eyes. "Just come in."
There was another minute of silence before the door knob finally jiggled and her cousins came walking into her bedroom. They were both dressed and refreshed from wherever they had spent the previous night and walked with stiff legs, but that wasn't what struck Ruth as odd. No, it was the excitement in smiles that didn't completely reach the dwell of sadness lingering in their eyes. It was the way Jana looped her arm through Terry's despite never being able to stand her.
And when Ruth sat up as quick as her tender body would allow her to in alarm, her cellphone began to ring.
She glanced down at the caller I.D. on the front of her screen and almost choked on the spit in the back of her throat mid-panic. Her gaze flew back up to the girls in alarm, but they only stayed silent and nodded to the ringing phone, lips sealed. If Ruth wasn't in such a frenzy, she'd find Jana's free arm behind her back and lack of eye contact suspicious.
"What's this about?" Ruth hissed, grabbing her phone off its charger.
Jana bit her lip and Terry's hazel eyes just told her to answer the damn phone already before Shantelle loses her shit on all of them. Neither expressions as very comforting, but she couldn't let the call ring on forever. So, with her heart in her throat and her stomach at her feet, Ruth slid her thumb over the screen and answered the call.
"Mom? What's going on-"
"YOU DID IT! YOU DID IT, BABY!" Shantelle screeched down the line, making Ruth jump. Jana was looking to the crumbled covers pooling at Ruth's waist while Terry took a tentative seat at her desk chair, cautious per usual.
She held back the urge to mute her mother and ask Terry what was up. Instead, she said, "What are you talking about. What did I do?"
"I knew you could do it! I've said you were made for this since you were born," Shantelle practically sobbed.
"Good job, honey-bee!" Koi shouted in the background, his voice fainter.
Ruth paused, even more bewildered than before. "Wait- dad? You're there too? I-I'm lost," she frowned, furrowing her eyebrows.
"YOU GOT IN! YOU GOT INTO NYU!" Shantelle's happiness was boisterous and proud, louder than the rapid thumping of Ruth's heartbeat embedded in her chest.
Ruth dropped her phone.
And a part of her heart with it.
The words echoed somewhere in the back of her skull and rattled around until they held meaning. Until she could piece together what her mother was saying and what it means for her. They refused to settle and make sense at first, and she took a couple minutes to blink away the fog behind her eyes and remember the call, the words, the meaning, everything.
She . . . she actually . . . got in? To her dream school? And dream city to carry out her Carrie Bradshaw dream? She . . . she succeeded?
A giddy excitement expanded her chest and clenched her heart tightly enough that Ruth had to take in a big breath. She pressed a shaking hand to her lips and fresh tears blocked her vision, her nose stinging painfully at the onslaught of relief that poured into her. She actually fucking did it. She got into her number one nursing school all on her own, even though she thought it wasn't going to be possible. Ruth was so sure that nothing but a rejection letter and a half-hearted attempt at comforting her bruised ego would come from that place.
But it didn't. She got in.
And so much came with that.
Ruth knew she'd be leaving her founded family and she didn't know when she'd be back again. She'd have to leave her cousins, her Uncle Rickey, her aunts . . . after finding them again a year ago. She would have to leave her grandfather again, even if he wasn't alive to convince her to go.
Ruth's despair was already reflecting off of her expression and founded in the eyes of her crestfallen cousins, who knew she was going to leave them again soon. Her soul ached, torn with the possibility of leaving everyone behind. Everyone she cared about.
Hell, Ruth would even miss Abigail. Or Emily if she didn't choose NYU. And maybe even Johnny or Eddie who she was becoming fond of . . . and-
And-
Raffo.
The boy her ancestors handpicked specifically for her.
The one who encouraged her to do what she loved, the one who helped her connect deeper to her culture by using their shared language, and the one who brought her company after feeling so alone. Her first, true friend outside of family and Diana who didn't see all the intricate parts of her life that mattered. No one at school had ever seen her the way Raffo did, even before they started seeing each other. He loved her differently and cared for her in a way that nobody ever had. Raffo's kindness and softness for, her despite his earlier on standoffish exterior, had made all the difference in the world in her life. For once, she felt whole.
And now torn, because she didn't know what that meant for their relationship if she chose to go to New York.
Ruth swallowed thickly. She picked up the phone again with trembling fingers and drew it back to her ear. "I- wow," she finally said. What else could she say?
Shantelle acted like she didn't notice that her daughter hadn't been on the phone for the past two minutes and continued to gush. "Your father and I are so proud of you, Ruth."
"How," Ruth's voice fell slack. Her mind was still swirling with overwhelming emotions that she couldn't get a handle on to save her life. "How did you guys . . ."
Shantelle caught on quickly to Ruth's question. Her voice turned cautious now, though there was no extinguishing her excitement completely just yet. "I got your email-"
"Mom," Ruth groaned, irritation leaking into her voice. "You were supposed to log out of my account on your laptop. That's an invasion of my personal space."
"You're my child, Ruth. I don't need you telling me what to do when I'm the damn parent."
"Shan," Koi warned, his voice stern. Ruth could practically hear her mother roll her eyes.
"This was something I wanted to find out on my own first," Ruth said, rubbing her forehead. Terry reached over and patted her knee sympathetically.
"I know. I'm sorry honey," Koi apologized. Shantelle didn't bother to do such a thing.
"We'll talk to you soon, Ruth. Your father has a work event this afternoon, so we'll talk to you sometime this week to touch base with your next steps."
And that was that. No apology, no explanation, no goodbye; just the end of a phone call. Like Shantelle didn't just overstep a boundary, like she didn't assume Ruth had already made a decision by in going, and that Ruth was just going to go along with whatever her mother wanted.
Hell, Ruth could barely remember the last time she had a suitable conversation with either of her parents and they were already acting like they knew their daughter completely. They didn't know one thing that was going on in her life currently with her newfound boyfriend, the adult man she almost fought, the racism she'd endured, and intelligent Emily who was most likely going to NYU with her.
The earlier joy for her accomplishment dimmed as Ruth slowly lowered the phone from her ear. Her mind numb and chest heavy, she looked up at the two girls watching her with something close to pity. They said nothing at all and waited for her to come around enough to speak.
It didn't take long.
"How did you guys find out?" Ruth whispered, looking up at them. Her eyes caught Jana moving her arm from behind her body and noticed a white envelope between her bronze fingers.
Terry's hazel gaze was hesitant, but she spoke anyway. "Your mom messaged us this morning about it. Then when we got the mail we saw the envelope, but before we could give it to you, she called."
"She beat us by a second," Jana added, her smile strained and apologetic. She drew her arm out from behind her body and sure enough, a pristine envelope with NYU's purple emblem was stamped in the top righthand corner.  Neatly printed in the center was Ruth's full name. "We wanted you to read your letter first. But looks like that didn't happen."
A lump formed in the pit of Ruth's throat as she reached out a shaky hand and took the letter from Jana. The single piece of paper felt heavy in her hand with a weight she didn't expect and when she drew it to her lap, she was nearly numb. The moment she had been waiting patiently for didn't feel like how she'd expected it to for the last several months. Hell, she applied for early decision just to hear back with a decision as soon as possible. Getting into NYU was what she wanted.
So why did she feel so shredded? So pulled apart and gutted?
Ruth slid her finger under one corner of the back of the envelope and pushed it all the way across to tear it open. Sure enough, after taking the paper out and reading over it, a congratulations greeted her as well as the date she starts.
She really got in.
And her mother told her before she could find out for herself. Was that why she felt so awful? Because she was robbed?
"We knew you were gonna get in, Ruthie," Terry said, smiling softly. She took Ruth's hand in hers and squeezed. "I know you didn't want to find out this way, but that doesn't take away that you were able to get into a hard nursing program. In fucking New York at that!"
"What she said," Jana added, laughing. "Can you imagine living in fucking New York? With the food? The brick apartment buildings? The twenty bazillion bridges! You're like that white girl from that show you watch!"
"The mixed version of Carrie Bradshaw?" Ruth asked half-heartedly, raising an eyebrow. She was currently having a mid-twenties crisis, but she could handle a couple little jokes.
"I wouldn't say Carrie. You're definitely a Samantha," Jana winked. "She's way cooler."
"And hotter."
Jana rose a brow. "Lengthy blondes your type? Someone should let Raffie know."
At the mention of Raffo's name, Ruth's face contorted in agony and she fell back on her bed with a groan. Her gaze stared hard above her at the ceiling and wished she wasn't told about this on literally the perfect day. Not only did her and Raffo finally sleep together, three times in fact, but they also claimed their love for one another. Everything was going so wonderful . . . the letter couldn't have come at a worse time.
Jana cuddled into Ruth's side and Terry laid out on her leg above the blanket. The physical support relaxed Ruth's body deeper into her mattress, though her heart was still heavy in her chest.
"When are you gonna tell him?" Terry asked softly.
"I don't know," Ruth admitted. "Maybe when I make the commitment?"
"Make the commitment? Ruthie, you've been waiting on this letter for months. This is what you wanted," Jana said. "And they accepted you for the summer term."
"I know. It's just- I didn't think it would come, I guess? Or that I'd feel this . . . torn? About moving?"
Terry looked up at her sternly now and Ruth was compelled to look down at her. "You aren't seriously considering not going because of Raffo, right?"
Ruth hesitated. "Well, not just Raffo. I have you guys now and Uncle Rickey and- and my grandfather. I just got all of you guys back and now I have to leave it all again?"
"That's part of growing up and living your dream! If we could do it we would in a heartbeat," Jana added. "And we aren't going anywhere, Ruthie. You can come back and visit whenever you want or we can come out and visit you! We'll always be your family, whether you're in New York or on another continent halfway across the world. Don't stop your dreams for us."
"And I'm sure Raffo wouldn't want you to stop your dream for him. He's the type to support you in whatever you do. If things don't work out, then it wasn't meant to be and you'll find some other hottie in New York City." Terry shrugged.
"How cliché of you," Jana said, dryly. "And insensitive."
"He did push me to join that writing contest," Ruth admitted, ignoring Jana's comment, though she wasn't wrong. "And if it wasn't for him, I wouldn't have won the contest-"
"YOU FUCKING WON THE CONTEST?"
Ruth blinked. There was a lot they were gonna have to catch up on for the day, and Ruth started it off with her long night with Raffo apologizing, the letter, the amount of money she received, everything.
Everything she couldn't tell her own parents.
Jana was the first to recover after the cousins congratulated her with screams and hugs full of love. "Are you gonna tell Mr. Lovesick that you got into NYU?"
Ruth bit her lip. "He doesn't know I applied."
"WHAT?"
"Ruth!"
"I applied months ago before I even knew him!" she protested defensively. "And it never came up. Hell, it's NYU we're talking about! I didn't know if I could get in in the first place."
Terry still didn't look convinced. "Well, when do you plan on telling him? Christmas break is coming up for you and now that you both said your 'I love you's', your timeline is moving up."
"I know, I know. I just have to figure out how to tell him."
"And soon," Jana warned.
A lump formed in the back of Ruth's throat at the thought. She didn't like the shift in conversation as much as she didn't like the idea of breaking things off with Raffo if that was what he wanted. Would it be wrong of her to ask . . . if he'd ever . . . go with her?
She didn't know.
All she knew was that it killed her to think about leaving him behind when she so obviously loved him. She'd never felt that way towards another before, and she wasn't ready to give it up yet. Even if he'd say no, she promised herself that she would do her best to convince him to come away with her.
Ruth had an idea, and whether Raffo would agree to it or not, she was going to follow through with her plan.