All Over Again - Chapter 49: Chapter 49

The sound of Ruth's phone buzzing beside her almost made her want to pull all of her hair out for no reason at all. She couldn't explain why she was so on edge, but the excessive vibrating wasn't doing her any favors. So, with a little more contempt than necessary, she shoved her cell phone's speaker against her ear.
"Mom, I can't really talk at the moment—" Ruth began, but a deep-bellied laugh interrupted her sniffling spiel mid-sentence.
"It's me, honey-bee," Koi interrupted.
Ruth's heart leapt in her throat at the sound of her dad's voice and she suddenly put her eye shadow down in shock. She gripped the cell phone tighter in her hand and she didn't know why, but she wanted to sob at the sound of his familiar voice full of comfort. She swallowed down the ball choking in the pit of her throat and she shakily muttered out a meek, "Dad?"
"The one and only," he glowed. She internally cringed at the dad joke. "After the last phone call with your mother I just . . . wanted to make sure everything was okay."
"You mean the call where mom took my acceptance away from me?"
There was a pause.
"Honey-Bee, I don't think what she did was right either. I hope you know that," he said, his tone serious with disapproval. "I talked to her and—"
"Dad, she always does this. She'd rather sever what little relationship we have just so she can control every aspect of my life."
"Ruth, she just wants the best for you. She wants you to grow up differently than how she did."
"That's what every parent says!"
"And until you are one, you won't understand why they do," he pointed out. "But I didn't call to talk about your mother. I called to ask how you're doing."
Now you want to know? She wanted to bite back, but didn't. Instead, she used that as her opportunity to fill at least one of her parents in on her new life. She told him about her friendship with Emily and how they're both heading off to the same college after they graduate, about the increase in love she found with her cousins, the bonfire (which he was less than enthused to hear about), and the meeting of Raffo. She didn't tell him who he was to her; just that he encouraged her to join a writing contest that she ended up winning money from to carry on into her next program.
"He sounds like a remarkable young man," he commended. "Congrats on the money baby!"
Ruth bit her tongue. He really is. "Thank you, dad."
"I don't want to keep you forever since you have your uncle's party to go to."
"A party I don't even want," she mumbled.
Koi chuckled. "I know. But hey, your uncle loves you and wants to celebrate your accomplishments. Just go there for a few hours, eat some tacos, and mingle with some family."
Ruth sighed, but said a quick, "Okay."
"That's my girl. Love you, honey-bee."'
"Love you too, dad. Talk to you soon."
After ending the much needed phone call, Ruth decided it was time to get going. She couldn't put it off any longer, and knew they were all waiting for her. So, after putting on a little more make-up and volumizing her curls with a pick, she set out to try and enjoy her afternoon. She wished she could have invited one person in particular, but she couldn't and decided she would be just fine with her family.
The house was rowdier than it should have been with the children and aunties or uncles filing in and out the house, taking refuge in the backyard, sitting on the front porch, or laughing around the room. It was so lively and worked to distract Ruth for a little while as she helped watch her little cousins or received one too many congratulation kisses on the cheek.
Jana and Terry were lingering around her protectively whenever Ruth seemed too overwhelmed, and worked hard alongside Uncle Rickey to make sure she was having a good time. And she really was for awhile. But, when it all seemed too much, she decided to sit outside on the porch to herself for awhile.
There were people missing there. People she wished were there to make the celebration even more special for her. Her grandfather for one, her parents for two, and Raffo for three. She didn't mean to feel so gloomy and only think about him, but she often found herself doing exactly that. It was frustrating, and she wished it were different. She wished everything was different.
But it wasn't.
The sound of the front door opening and closing startled her into looking up into the comforting brown eyes of her Uncle Rickey. Something within her almost broke at the worry weaving through his kind smile.
"Halito, Honey-Bee," he greeted softly, leaning against the trailing across from where she was sitting in an old, whicker rocking chair. "What you doing out here?"
Ruth shrugged half-heartedly. "Enjoying the last of the sun before winter weather rolls in next week."
"Ah," he nodded, eyes full of understanding. He was waiting for her to give in and tell him what was going on, but in her own time. He was never a pusher, and that was why she loved him so.
"I know what you want to ask, Uncle Rickey," she said, smiling at him. "You want to ask about him. Raffo."
"Only if he's why you're looking so sad," he admitted, tilting his head curiously. With his long hair pulled back from his face, he oddly resembled her grandfather, and she found something in that comforting. Like she was talking directly to him rather than his brother, and before she knew it, a lump swelled in her throat.
She glanced away from him, her chest tight. "I think I did something wrong."
Uncle Rickey moved to sit beside her, his eyes curiously watching her as she fought to find the right words to say. She opened and closed her mouth a few times, testing if her wavering voice would be a problem during their conversation or not, but eventually, she plunged right into it. She told him everything. About how they met, how they befriended each other, how he encouraged her to be all that she could be for the first time in her life, and how utterly important he was to her in the few months since they've known each other. She explained how no one knew her the way that he did that that was why she was so desperate to keep him, even if it made her selfish.
Ruth told Uncle Rickey about their fight and how sorry she was for how it happened. When she told him what she said, a part of her almost cringed, remembering the swirl of betrayal in his brown eyes. It devastated her to have to recant everything, but she needed to tell him. Somehow, she knew he would understand.
And he did.
He let her say everything first before he said anything at all. And the whole time she spoke, he would nod his head in understanding and just watched her, listening intently the entire time. He knew he needed to let her get it all off her chest, and when he called for her teary-eyed attention, every part of her was listening.
"Sometimes . . . when you love someone," Uncle Rickey began, his fingers gripping hers now. "You make mistakes. You say the wrong thing, you put your needs before theirs even when you know it's selfish, and you end up making a situation a thousand times worse, even if that wasn't your intention. Got me so far?"
"I got you," she said, nodding.
"You listen to me, then. There is not one bad bone in your body, kid, even if you're trying to convince yourself and me otherwise. You love that boy, and whether you like it or not, you're going to do the unthinkable to keep someone you love close. That doesn't make you a bad person."
"But," he continued. "That doesn't make what you did right. Apologizing to him that day after you tried to get him to leave with you wasn't genuine enough for him to stay. He's not angry with you, he's hurt. And like other kids who grow up around here, once you betray them, they walk away before you get the chance to do it again. Life is different here. Our bonds mean more to us than that."
"You shouldn't have forced that boy to decide whether or not he should go with you." His voice was softer, lightening the force of his words. "It wasn't your place to convince him to go with you if he already said no, or told you he couldn't. It's his decision, just as much as it's yours. And sometimes . . . you have to grab whatever stars you want to grab, and let people grab their own. Even if that leaves you both on your own."
The thought pained her.
"I don't know how to let him go," Ruth said, her eyes flooding with liquid. Ones tear managed to sneak its way down her cheek and into the comfort of her uncle's forefinger as he caught it.
"If it comes down to that, you'll figure it out. You'll have to, kiddo. But after your winter break is over, you know there's something you have to do, don't you?"
Ruth nodded her head solemnly. "Find Raffo and give him a genuine apology this time?"
"That's it," he agreed. "Believe that the Creator knows what She's doing for your future, and follow the path She's leading you on. Whether that's with Raffo or on your own, only you three will ever know what that looks like. Okay?"
"Yes, Uncle," she smiled, leaning her head on Uncle Rickey's chest as he enveloped her in a warm hug.
"It'll be alright. What does auntie tell you when you're beading?" he asked, patting her unruly curls.
"To bead with good vibes or not at all. That the beads are all about intentions when we make jewelry."
"Exactly, and that's not just with beading. You need to keep that in mind every day. Think good thoughts, have good intentions, and you'll get good outcomes."
"Yes, Uncle," Ruth murmured. "Thank you."
"Anytime, honey-bee."