Alpha Alec's Redemption - Chapter 149: Chapter 149
You are reading Alpha Alec's Redemption, Chapter 149: Chapter 149. Read more chapters of Alpha Alec's Redemption.
The wind is a soft caress against my skin, but it does nothing to cool the heat simmering beneath the surface. Sweat trickles down the back of my neck as I stand in the middle of the field, eyes closed, fists clenched at my sides. Nyx is pacing in my mind, her presence a steady, grounding force.
“Try again,” she urges, her voice soft but firm. “You’re overthinking it. Just feel it, Sadie.”
I take a deep breath, releasing it slowly as I focus inward, searching for the power coursing beneath my skin—the powerful essence that I’m supposed to command. But instead of reaching that power, my mind flashes to Alec.
I squeeze my eyes shut, pushing his image away and try to focus. I refuse to let my mind wander when I should be focusing on getting this right.
“Breathe.” Nyx’s voice is firm but gentle. “In through your nose. Out through your mouth.”
I do as she says, pulling air deep into my lungs and releasing it in a long, slow exhale. It doesn’t help. My skin still burns. My body still hums with restless energy. And my mind? My mind won’t stop spinning.
Because I keep seeing Alec.
I’ve been avoiding him since the day we took Aspen for an outing, but it has done nothing to diminish that unsettling desire I have for him. It has done nothing to stop the bond from humming inside me. It has done nothing to stop me from thinking about him. It also doesn’t help that Aspen has kept mentioning him in almost all her sentences.
I’ve tried so hard to put distance between us. Tried so hard to shake the effects of the bond, but nothing. I still think of him. Still think of his green eyes, that intense look he gave me when he said he’d prove himself. When he promised he’d show me that he wanted me. Not because of the bond, but because of me.
I press my fingers to my temples, trying to push the memory away, but it keeps returning, insistent and unyielding.
His eyes haunt me. Burning into me every time they clashed with mine. Every time we looked at each other across the field or in the hallways right before I fled like the coward I was. His eyes communicated things I didn’t want to accept, but that didn’t stop me from drowning in those green orbs.
A shiver races down my spine, and I bite my bottom lip, tasting the salt of my sweat.
“Sadie,” Nyx says, her voice sharper now. “Focus. You’re letting your mind wander.”
I grind my teeth, forcing myself to concentrate. I focus on the feel of the wind, the warmth of the sun, and the pulse of power that I know is there, waiting to be summoned.
I take a deep breath, close my eyes, and try to do as she says. I first remember how the scepter looked before imagining it in my hand. Its weight in my hand, the feel of it and the power I could feel in it that first time I held it. I can almost feel it—the power, the strength—like it’s just within reach. But every time I get close, the image of Alec’s face bursts through my concentration, shattering my focus.
I gasp, my knees buckling.
“Ugh!” I let out a frustrated growl and rub my hands down my face.
The days leading to the full moon have been tough; I won’t deny that. The combination of the full moon and the bond has made things really hard for me. Actually, hard is an understatement. My need for Alec has intensified and I hate that.
“Take a break,” Nyx says, her tone softening. “You’re forcing it too hard.”
I drop to the ground, pulling my knees to my chest and resting my forehead against them. I’m panting, my heart thundering in my chest.
“What am I doing wrong?” I murmur. “Why can’t I do this?”
Nyx’s presence presses against my mind like a gentle nudge.
“You’re distracted. You’re stressed. You’re thinking too much.”
“I’m not thinking about anything,” I lie.
Nyx snorts. “Right. Because you totally weren’t thinking about Alec just now.”
I lift my head, glaring at the empty field in front of me. “Says the wolf who’s thinking about Knox.”
Nyx goes silent for a second. “Touché,” she mutters, but there’s no real heat behind it.
A frustrated laugh bubbles up in my chest, and I shake my head. “Heavens, why can’t I focus? This is important; why can’t I fucking focus?”
“It’s the full moon,” Nyx says gently. “It’s tonight. You know what that does, right?”
I know. I can feel it. The moon hasn’t even risen yet, but already my skin feels too tight, too hot. My scent is thicker, richer, like a beacon calling. My entire body feels like it’s humming, a slow, constant ache simmering just below the surface.
But I thought I was stronger than this. I thought, given I no longer loved Alec, then it would be easier for me. That I won’t crave him as much. How wrong I was. Those were just delusions I fed myself. Delusions that were now shattering right in front of my eyes.
Nyx paces again, her claws clicking against the walls of my mind.
“You need to calm down,” she says. “Breathe.”
I try. I really do. But all I can think about is Alec’s mouth, his eyes, and his damn sexy body.
Damn him.
I push to my feet and start walking. I don’t know where I’m going, but I need to move.
“We need to get laid,” she mutters, her voice sulky and sharp.
I choke on a laugh. “Yeah, that’s not going to happen.”
“Why not?” Nyx demands. “It’s been months. Months, Sadie.”
I reach the riverbank, the water sparkling beneath the mid-morning sun. Without thinking, I slip off my shoes and socks, sit down, and dip my feet into the cool water.
“You know why,” I murmur. “Have you forgotten that we can’t sleep with anyone else? It won’t feel the same.”
Other males won’t be able to satisfy us and besides that, our bodies are designed in a way that will reject any man who isn’t our mate.
Nyx huffs, annoyed. “That’s not fair. It would have solved everything.”
It would, but I don’t say that. There is no need to say anything
A silence settles between us, the only sound the gentle rush of the river and the distant chirping of birds. I close my eyes and raise my head before breathing in the clean air. I don’t know why, but I usually find the air near a water source to be clean, fresh and calming.
For a minute, my mind stops wandering and I just focus on the moment of peace. I haven’t felt this kind of peace in a very long time. Maybe I should be coming here more often if I get to feel this way.
After a while, Nyx breaks the silence. “Would it really be so bad?”
I slowly open my eyes before staring down at the ripples around my ankles. “What?”
“Sleeping with Alec,” Nyx says, her voice softer now, more tentative. “Just this once. Just to... take the edge off.”
My entire body locks up. “Are you serious?”
Goddess, what the hell is she thinking and what has gotten into her? Why would she even consider such a thing?
“Yes,” Nyx says, and she sounds dead serious. “You don’t understand how intense the moon heat can be.”
I swallow, my throat tight as my once silent mind begins wondering again. “You’re acting like you know from experience.”
Nyx goes quiet again. Then, “I do.”
I’m paralyzed by the answer. I’ve known for a long time that Nyx is older, but when she gives me such confirmations, I’m usually left feeling stunned, even though I should have expected it.
I turn my head, staring blankly at the water. “You’ve... gone through one before?”
“Yes,” she whispers. “It’s... consuming. It’s like every nerve in your body is on fire, every thought is tangled with the need for your mate. You can’t think, can’t breathe, can’t do anything but crave them.”
I shudder, the vividness of her words sinking deep. I’ve heard stories, but what Nyx describes is more intense than anything I’ve ever heard.
“That’s why I’m asking,” Nyx continues. “Would it really be so bad? It’s just sex, Sadie. Nothing more.”
I lean back, letting the wind cool my flushed face. I know she’s right. I know that the full moon will make things worse, that my need for Alec will spike to unbearable levels. But still... I’m not sure where I stand. I’m not sure about what I feel. I’m not sure about anything.
“I can’t,” I whisper, voice breaking. “I can’t just sleep with Alec like it’s nothing.”
“Why not?” Nyx asks, almost desperately.
“Because it’s not nothing!” The words burst from me. “Not when it’s Alec. Not when every time he touches me, I remember how much he hurt me. Not when I haven’t fully forgiven him. Not when I don’t even know what he feels or what he really wants. If I sleep with him now, I’ll lose myself.”
Being here and around him has made me realize that maybe I haven’t let go as I thought. Being entangled with Alec now won’t solve anything. It will only complicate things. I know myself and I know where Alec is concerned, I won’t be able to separate sex and feelings. I can’t afford to mix the two now. Not when there is still so much I’m yet to deal with.
Nyx goes silent, her presence a heavy weight in my mind.
I swallow hard, staring down at my reflection in the water.
“So, what are we going to do?” Nyx asks finally.
I pull my feet from the water, letting the droplets trickle down my legs.
“I don’t know,” I say. “But I’m going to figure something out.”
“You better,” she says softly, “Because I’ve never heard of a she-wolf who survived moon heat alone.”
The words send a chill down my spine. I don’t reply, but I hope I can figure it out; otherwise, I don’t know how we’ll survive tonight.
“Try again,” she urges, her voice soft but firm. “You’re overthinking it. Just feel it, Sadie.”
I take a deep breath, releasing it slowly as I focus inward, searching for the power coursing beneath my skin—the powerful essence that I’m supposed to command. But instead of reaching that power, my mind flashes to Alec.
I squeeze my eyes shut, pushing his image away and try to focus. I refuse to let my mind wander when I should be focusing on getting this right.
“Breathe.” Nyx’s voice is firm but gentle. “In through your nose. Out through your mouth.”
I do as she says, pulling air deep into my lungs and releasing it in a long, slow exhale. It doesn’t help. My skin still burns. My body still hums with restless energy. And my mind? My mind won’t stop spinning.
Because I keep seeing Alec.
I’ve been avoiding him since the day we took Aspen for an outing, but it has done nothing to diminish that unsettling desire I have for him. It has done nothing to stop the bond from humming inside me. It has done nothing to stop me from thinking about him. It also doesn’t help that Aspen has kept mentioning him in almost all her sentences.
I’ve tried so hard to put distance between us. Tried so hard to shake the effects of the bond, but nothing. I still think of him. Still think of his green eyes, that intense look he gave me when he said he’d prove himself. When he promised he’d show me that he wanted me. Not because of the bond, but because of me.
I press my fingers to my temples, trying to push the memory away, but it keeps returning, insistent and unyielding.
His eyes haunt me. Burning into me every time they clashed with mine. Every time we looked at each other across the field or in the hallways right before I fled like the coward I was. His eyes communicated things I didn’t want to accept, but that didn’t stop me from drowning in those green orbs.
A shiver races down my spine, and I bite my bottom lip, tasting the salt of my sweat.
“Sadie,” Nyx says, her voice sharper now. “Focus. You’re letting your mind wander.”
I grind my teeth, forcing myself to concentrate. I focus on the feel of the wind, the warmth of the sun, and the pulse of power that I know is there, waiting to be summoned.
I take a deep breath, close my eyes, and try to do as she says. I first remember how the scepter looked before imagining it in my hand. Its weight in my hand, the feel of it and the power I could feel in it that first time I held it. I can almost feel it—the power, the strength—like it’s just within reach. But every time I get close, the image of Alec’s face bursts through my concentration, shattering my focus.
I gasp, my knees buckling.
“Ugh!” I let out a frustrated growl and rub my hands down my face.
The days leading to the full moon have been tough; I won’t deny that. The combination of the full moon and the bond has made things really hard for me. Actually, hard is an understatement. My need for Alec has intensified and I hate that.
“Take a break,” Nyx says, her tone softening. “You’re forcing it too hard.”
I drop to the ground, pulling my knees to my chest and resting my forehead against them. I’m panting, my heart thundering in my chest.
“What am I doing wrong?” I murmur. “Why can’t I do this?”
Nyx’s presence presses against my mind like a gentle nudge.
“You’re distracted. You’re stressed. You’re thinking too much.”
“I’m not thinking about anything,” I lie.
Nyx snorts. “Right. Because you totally weren’t thinking about Alec just now.”
I lift my head, glaring at the empty field in front of me. “Says the wolf who’s thinking about Knox.”
Nyx goes silent for a second. “Touché,” she mutters, but there’s no real heat behind it.
A frustrated laugh bubbles up in my chest, and I shake my head. “Heavens, why can’t I focus? This is important; why can’t I fucking focus?”
“It’s the full moon,” Nyx says gently. “It’s tonight. You know what that does, right?”
I know. I can feel it. The moon hasn’t even risen yet, but already my skin feels too tight, too hot. My scent is thicker, richer, like a beacon calling. My entire body feels like it’s humming, a slow, constant ache simmering just below the surface.
But I thought I was stronger than this. I thought, given I no longer loved Alec, then it would be easier for me. That I won’t crave him as much. How wrong I was. Those were just delusions I fed myself. Delusions that were now shattering right in front of my eyes.
Nyx paces again, her claws clicking against the walls of my mind.
“You need to calm down,” she says. “Breathe.”
I try. I really do. But all I can think about is Alec’s mouth, his eyes, and his damn sexy body.
Damn him.
I push to my feet and start walking. I don’t know where I’m going, but I need to move.
“We need to get laid,” she mutters, her voice sulky and sharp.
I choke on a laugh. “Yeah, that’s not going to happen.”
“Why not?” Nyx demands. “It’s been months. Months, Sadie.”
I reach the riverbank, the water sparkling beneath the mid-morning sun. Without thinking, I slip off my shoes and socks, sit down, and dip my feet into the cool water.
“You know why,” I murmur. “Have you forgotten that we can’t sleep with anyone else? It won’t feel the same.”
Other males won’t be able to satisfy us and besides that, our bodies are designed in a way that will reject any man who isn’t our mate.
Nyx huffs, annoyed. “That’s not fair. It would have solved everything.”
It would, but I don’t say that. There is no need to say anything
A silence settles between us, the only sound the gentle rush of the river and the distant chirping of birds. I close my eyes and raise my head before breathing in the clean air. I don’t know why, but I usually find the air near a water source to be clean, fresh and calming.
For a minute, my mind stops wandering and I just focus on the moment of peace. I haven’t felt this kind of peace in a very long time. Maybe I should be coming here more often if I get to feel this way.
After a while, Nyx breaks the silence. “Would it really be so bad?”
I slowly open my eyes before staring down at the ripples around my ankles. “What?”
“Sleeping with Alec,” Nyx says, her voice softer now, more tentative. “Just this once. Just to... take the edge off.”
My entire body locks up. “Are you serious?”
Goddess, what the hell is she thinking and what has gotten into her? Why would she even consider such a thing?
“Yes,” Nyx says, and she sounds dead serious. “You don’t understand how intense the moon heat can be.”
I swallow, my throat tight as my once silent mind begins wondering again. “You’re acting like you know from experience.”
Nyx goes quiet again. Then, “I do.”
I’m paralyzed by the answer. I’ve known for a long time that Nyx is older, but when she gives me such confirmations, I’m usually left feeling stunned, even though I should have expected it.
I turn my head, staring blankly at the water. “You’ve... gone through one before?”
“Yes,” she whispers. “It’s... consuming. It’s like every nerve in your body is on fire, every thought is tangled with the need for your mate. You can’t think, can’t breathe, can’t do anything but crave them.”
I shudder, the vividness of her words sinking deep. I’ve heard stories, but what Nyx describes is more intense than anything I’ve ever heard.
“That’s why I’m asking,” Nyx continues. “Would it really be so bad? It’s just sex, Sadie. Nothing more.”
I lean back, letting the wind cool my flushed face. I know she’s right. I know that the full moon will make things worse, that my need for Alec will spike to unbearable levels. But still... I’m not sure where I stand. I’m not sure about what I feel. I’m not sure about anything.
“I can’t,” I whisper, voice breaking. “I can’t just sleep with Alec like it’s nothing.”
“Why not?” Nyx asks, almost desperately.
“Because it’s not nothing!” The words burst from me. “Not when it’s Alec. Not when every time he touches me, I remember how much he hurt me. Not when I haven’t fully forgiven him. Not when I don’t even know what he feels or what he really wants. If I sleep with him now, I’ll lose myself.”
Being here and around him has made me realize that maybe I haven’t let go as I thought. Being entangled with Alec now won’t solve anything. It will only complicate things. I know myself and I know where Alec is concerned, I won’t be able to separate sex and feelings. I can’t afford to mix the two now. Not when there is still so much I’m yet to deal with.
Nyx goes silent, her presence a heavy weight in my mind.
I swallow hard, staring down at my reflection in the water.
“So, what are we going to do?” Nyx asks finally.
I pull my feet from the water, letting the droplets trickle down my legs.
“I don’t know,” I say. “But I’m going to figure something out.”
“You better,” she says softly, “Because I’ve never heard of a she-wolf who survived moon heat alone.”
The words send a chill down my spine. I don’t reply, but I hope I can figure it out; otherwise, I don’t know how we’ll survive tonight.
End of Alpha Alec's Redemption Chapter 149. Continue reading Chapter 150 or return to Alpha Alec's Redemption book page.