Alpha Alec's Redemption - Chapter 163: Chapter 163

I went about my morning routine in a daze, my mind buzzing with questions that refused to quiet down no matter how hard I tried. All I wanted was the damn answers to my questions and yet I got nothing.
How is it possible for two sisters to drift so far apart that they’d willingly try to kill each other?
I don’t have a sibling, obviously. My adoptive parents never had a child of their own and they never adopted anyone else after me. But still, even if I did have a sibling, I can’t imagine ever hurting them, let alone killing them.
That kind of hatred—the kind that runs deep enough to want a loved one’s blood is foreign to me. It feels like something that only happens in books and movies, but not in real life. And yet… here we are, so I guess it does happen.
After showering and changing, I linger in my room for a little while, just so I can get my brain functioning. Just so I can focus on the day and not on the questions that are eating away at me.
I get on my bed and fold my legs beneath me, settling into a cross-legged position. I close my eyes, hands resting lightly on my thighs. I honestly never understood how people manage to meditate on hard surfaces, like floors. I’ve tried it and it’s just not for me. If I’m going to sit still with my thoughts, I’d rather do it somewhere comfortable.
Taking a slow, deep breath, I try calming my thoughts. I need to be clearheaded and composed. Raven could show up any time, maybe she is already here. I need my mind to be clear before we have a conversation about what she found out.
I let my thoughts wander. I don’t try to pause or stop them. Just let them flow; let them scatter in whatever direction.
I am almost grounded. Almost centered, when I feel her presence stir in the back of my head.
“Nyx?” I call out softly, my voice threaded with hope, praying that she won’t shut me out this time.
This wouldn’t be the first time she has done something like that. I would sometimes feel her, but when I reached out, she’d shut me out.
For a long, painful moment there is silence, and my heart tightens in disappointment.
I am just about to open my eyes and stand when her soft voice reaches me.
“Yes”
Relief surges through me in waves.
“Where have you been?” I ask her, glad that this time she answered me and didn’t ignore me. “You disappeared on me.”
“Around”
I pause, trying not to be irritated. I push past her vague answer and focus on what I really wanted to hear from her.
“Can we talk?”
“We are talking.”
Damn it. I love her, I really do, but sometimes I just want to strangle her.
“Can you not be so bitchy?” I snap, frustration leaking through.
“What?” She says lazily. “You asked a question. I answered. There was nothing bitchy about it.”
I want to argue with her so badly, but I bite down that urge. This isn’t the time and I could always deal with her sassy attitude later.
“That’s not what I mean and you know it,” I grit out. “Anyway, how are you feeling?”
There is a beat of silence before she answers.
“Great.” She says quietly. “I’ve never felt better.”
And she means it. It is in her voice. She isn’t being sarcastic or anything like that. She is actually telling the truth.
“I’m happy to hear that,” I tell her softly, letting my own happiness mirror hers. “Is it because of Knox?”
I am genuinely curious. Alec and Knox had done so much for us these past couple of days. I know some would argue that it was expected of them since we are their mates, but how many people do things just because they are expected to do it?
“Yes,” she says, almost reluctantly. “The way he took care of me… it was something else. He was so gentle, so understanding and so caring. I loved being with him. It was more than I could have hoped for.”
I stay quiet, just absorbing her words. The way she said them, there was a hint of something I just couldn’t place my finger on. It’s like when you’ve been treated so horribly before and then find someone who treats you with real tenderness, that it’s almost unbelievable.
Yes, that’s it. She sounds as if she still can’t believe just how considerate and caring Knox had been.
“Nyx,” I say, drawing in a breath, “I want to ask you something and I’ll completely understand if you don’t want to answer.”
She shifts, all her attention on me.
“Okay. What is it?”
My heart is pounding as I think of a way to broach the subject. I can feel sweat pool under my armpits.
“You are nervous,” she observes. “Why?”
I don’t respond. I’m still trying to find the right words, a gentle way of asking without sounding too pushy.
“Come on, Sadie, just ask.”
“Alright,” I exhale. “Did you… did you have a mate before Knox?”
There is silence. Pure silence.
For a moment everything feels like it has been frozen in time. Like the world around me has been suspended.
I wait, barely breathing, as the seconds stretch endlessly. I wait for what feels like forever before I finally hear her soft voice.
“Yes, I did,” she replies.
The air I was holding rushes out of my lungs. I wanted confirmation and got it. Now that I have it, I don’t know what or how to feel about it.
“W-what happened to him?” I ask, voice trembling.
She recoils, curling into herself as if she is trying to shield herself.
“I don’t want to talk about it, Sadie,” she whispers. “I’m not ready to talk about him.”
Her voice cracks on the last word, and I hear it in her voice. Her pain. Her heartbreak. This isn’t just a sore subject, It’s a wound she’s yet to heal from. It’s something that once destroyed her and she isn’t ready to relive that pain again.
I have the urge to push it, but I won't. I won’t push her, but I can’t help wondering what happened. Did he hurt her? Or did he die? The pain she’s trying to conceal is pain that results from something devastating.
Silence settles between us, heavy and uncomfortable. Soon I start getting the urge to break it.
“I saw one of your memories last night,” I start.
“Which one?”
I describe what I saw. It’s imprinted on my mind like a damn tattoo, making it hard to forget any of her memories. It's like slowly they are becoming mine.
Nyx had been surrounded by love. Xena loved her; that was clear to see, so what the hell changed?
“I remember that day,” she murmurs with a faraway look. “I felt so worthless… like I didn’t belong. My mother was this powerful, untouchable force. Xena was showing signs of being the same. And there I was—awkward, uncoordinated, powerless. I even wondered if I was adopted.”
I understand her. They aren’t my memories, but I’ve felt what she felt. And haven’t we been there one way or another, feeling less than others? I used to feel that around Piper a lot.
“You were not weak, Nyx.” I state, “I think we can both agree, especially now, that you are not weak or powerless.”
She’s quiet for a moment before she whispers in a shaky voice, “You say that now, but you have no idea what I had to go through to become what I am right now. What we are. You have no idea what I lost in the process.”
Her words stop me dead.
What she had to do? What she lost?
“Nyx…”
“You are lucky, Sadie.” She says quietly, “You don’t know just how lucky you are.”
I freeze.
Lucky? Has she forgotten what I went through because of Alec? Or how I almost lost Aspen.
So why would she say I'm lucky, knowing very well what happened?