Alpha Alec’s Redemption - Chapter 119: Chapter 119

I was unable to think about anything else for the rest of the day. Nyx has shut herself from me, so there is no way I can reach her. I know what I felt. I know something big happened. Probably between Nyx, her former human, and Kaden, because why else would I have felt hurt and betrayed? Kaden must have done something to hurt her and her human.
I still in my seat as a thought strikes me. What if he killed her? He is evil, right? And that would also explain why Nyx feels hurt and betrayed on top of the anger and bitterness coursing through us. Maybe they knew each other before, and when Kaden turned dark, he killed her human. But that would mean Nyx is hundreds of years old, something we have already established. What it doesn’t answer is how the hell she even knows a demi-god.
I clutch my spoon and shake my head. The more I thought about things, the crazier I felt. It’s like I was starting to slowly lose touch with reality because the unanswered questions were driving me to insanity.
There was so much mystery surrounding Nyx and none of my theories came even close to answering any of them. If I am being honest, it freaking frustrates me. I don’t understand why she keeps saying I am not ready. Ready for what? How can I be ready if she doesn’t tell me what to do? How can I be ready when I am preparing blindly? How can I be ready when she’s keeping secrets from me?
Sighing. I am one of those kinds of people who can’t eat properly when they are stressed or anxious. I have no appetite, so I put my spoon down.
“Mommy, you okway?” Aspen asks in her soft and soothing voice. Her brows are pulled down a bit, and she looks a bit worried.
“I’m okay, my love. I’m just not that hungry,” I answer her. “Finish your dinner so we can go take a bath, then sleep.” She nods her head and goes back to eating. Leaning back against my chair, I watch my sweet daughter eat. She’s making a mess, but I don’t care. I smile as my worries wash away in her presence. There is just something about Aspen. Maybe it’s the fact that she’s my baby, but she is able to bring a kind of peace by just being near her.
Whenever I would stress about the pack or Beth or the rest of my family, hell even Gabriel, I would just cuddle next to her and all my worries fade away. Her scent, her presence, and her unconditional love are my strength and my tether when my mind wages war.
“Done!” her cheerful scream pulls me from my thoughts.
She’s staring at me with a triumphant smile. Like she has just solved the world’s toughest problem. Her dish is empty, and I swear most of her food is on her clothes and not in her belly.
“Good girl,” I praise and then lean forward and kiss her cheek.
I stand up, pick up our dishes, and take them to the sink. When that’s done, I come back, pick her up and leave the kitchen. Aspen usually eats earlier than others. That’s why we are the only ones having dinner right now. After her dinner, she bathes, I read her a story, and then she’s off to bed. I do this because, like I said, she’s an early riser. I want her to have enough rest. That’s why her bedtime is early.
“Come on, baby girl” I tell her. She jumps down from her chair and takes my hand. We walk out of the kitchen and head towards my room.
Gabriel arranged a room for her, but she’s still not comfortable sleeping in her room like she is back at home, so until she’s more comfortable, she’s still sleeping with me.
We get to our room and I head to the bathroom while she strips. I fill the bathtub with water, add a lot of bubbles, some toys, and it’s ready for her. I finish just as she opens the door and walks in but naked.
“What happened to the towel, Ash?” I ask her, holding back my laugh.
She shrugs her shoulder. “No one’s here, mommy.”
“But someone could have walked in, baby.”
I don’t care what anyone says. We are werewolves, sure, and nudity is not that big of a deal, but she’s a child. Until she’s all grown, I’m going to protect her innocence.
She moves, smiles and kisses my cheek. “I close the door.”
My clever, sneet munchkin. I chuckle as I correct her. “It’s closed the door, honey.”
“Close,” she repeats it wrong again.
“Closed”
“Close”
I give up. I help her get inside the bathtub. It’s after she’s in that I realize that I miscalculated. How am I supposed to wash with only one hand? I’d been so focused on everything else that I completely forgot that one arm was in a cast.
Sighing, I debate on whether I should call Martha, but then after a while I decide against it. It can’t be that hard.
I start with her hair, as she tells me about her day. It takes a little bit longer than usual, but I manage. After that, I wash her body, just as slowly as I did with her hair. I drain the water before twisting the tap for more. She likes soaking and just playing with her toys so I let her sit for a while.
“Mommy,” she suddenly turns to me all serious.
“Yes, baby?”
“Where is daddy?”
My heart stops for a second as I try to process what she asked me. I’m frozen as I watch her wide green eyes staring at me, waiting for an answer.
We have never had this discussion before. She has never asked, and I’ve never bothered to with it. I knew that when she got older, she would ask questions, but I just planned to tell her that her dad and I weren’t together. I know it wasn’t the best answer, but I would have crossed that bridge when I got there.
My movements become jerky as I help her get out of the tub and dry her. I wasn’t ready to have this conversation. I mean, what would I tell her? That her dad is here, but he didn’t want her? That he almost ended both our lives?
My heart races and icicles fill my veins. My hands are shaking and she notices. I take a calming breath, trying to push down the fear. I don’t want her to see how her question nearly gave me a heart attack.
Wrapped in a towel, I lead her to the bedroom and then set her on the bed. I fetch her pajamas and help her get dressed. I am silent, but my brain is scrambling to come up with a reasonable answer. I don’t want to lie to her, but I also don’t want to tell her the truth. She’s still too young. I don’t want to break her little heart. Not that it won’t break even when she’s older, and she finds out the truth, but you get the point, right?
“Mommy?” I release breath knowing that she’s still waiting for an answer.
Of course, she’s seen other children with dads in our pack, but she’s never asked where her dad is.
“Sweetie, why are you asking?” It was a deflection and not an answer, but it’s all I had right now. My brain seems to have completely stopped working.
“My frend asked… he say everyone has a daddy,” she answers. “But I don’t,” she looks down as she says the last part, and that just breaks my heart.
Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! I curse all the way to the moon and back. I guess I know why she asked. None of the children in our pack ever bothered, so it never raised her curiosity. This child, though, did by telling her that everyone has a father.
I stare at her wide green eyes, and I don’t know what to tell her. I don’t know how to answer her, or if I should even tell her that she’s already met her father and made a connection with him.
I got lost in my mind, trying to come up with something to say. I must have taken too long because I’m brought back to the present by her light snores. Am I terrible for feeling relief that she fell asleep?
I move her under the covers and just lay by her side. I know my daughter. Now that the idea is stuck in her head, she’ll keep asking until she gets her answers, and that scares me more than having to go up against an evil demi-god.