Alpha Alec’s Redemption - Chapter 120: Chapter 120

Sleep doesn’t come easily, even after taking a long-needed shower. I thought that washing off the tension in my weary bones would be enough, but it wasn’t. I then decided to relax in the bathtub and not think about anything. I failed miserably.
Two hours after a shower and a warm soak in the tub, I am still tossing and turning on the bed. Aspen is sound asleep; no care in the world. For a moment, I am jealous of my own daughter. She looks so at peace that I can’t help but crave the same thing.
It’s been a long and tiring day, yet I can’t sleep. My mind keeps racing, thinking of all the different scenarios, every possible outcome, every solution and every angle. I’m not just thinking about Gabriel’s pack, I’m thinking about my own; I’m thinking about Kaden; I’m thinking about Nyx; about the woman that paid Calvin to drug me; about my birth parents; about my origins; and about Aspen’s question.
I can’t switch my brain off, no matter how hard I try. Like I said before, I am an overthinker, so it’s hard to stop myself from thinking and overanalyzing everything, especially when I am stressed and have too much on my plate.
Groaning in annoyance and tiredness, I get up from bed carefully, making sure that I don’t disturb and wake up Aspen. Slowly and silently, I tread to the window. I push the curtains open and just stare at the sky.
It’s a clear night. The stars are out, and so is the half moon. I stare at the moon, already feeling its pull. I have roughly about fourteen or fifteen days before the full moon. I let out a breath, knowing what that meant. I can already feel its effect.
A lot is associated with a full moon. Unlike what humans believe, we don’t only turn on the full moon, but that doesn’t mean it doesn’t have its effect on us. During the full moon, our senses are heightened, and our animal side is stronger. It’s during the full moon that packs usually go on pack runs and hunt. We also howl at the moon, in a kind of acknowledgment and prayer to our goddess for yet another cycle.
That isn’t what I am worried about, though. During the full moon, she-wolves that have found their mates usually go into heat. We are part animals, and because of that, three days a month, we go into heat. Heat is usually at its peak during the full moon, which also happens to be the second day of our heat cycle.
We are also most fertile during our heat.
Just like with animals, our scent changes and attracts any male near us. I’ve heard that even human men aren’t immune to our heat. They don’t usually understand it. All they know is that there is something that pulls them to us. Attracts them on a sexual level.
Just like with animals, only sex can ease the fire that lights up during heat. Heat is simply the need to be mated, or, in simpler words, to be fucked until you are well spent and can’t walk straight.
The tricky thing is that, even though we are basically sex on legs during heat, only your mate can ease that ache. Another man can’t satisfy that sexual volcano that is ready to erupt if you don’t put a lid on it. I’ve heard women say that our bodies literally reject any male who is not our mate. I’ve also heard it’s nearly impossible to resist your mate and vice versa.
Now you see where my concern is. This full moon will be my first heat cycle. How the fuck am I supposed to deal with it? I can’t and won’t sleep with Gabriel. I don’t want to. So how am I supposed to resist him? How the hell am I supposed to fight something that’s basically my nature?
Movement catches my eye, and I momentarily forget my current concerns. Even without my heightened vision, I would recognize him anywhere. After all, I’ve been in love with him since I was ten.
“Looks like you are not the only one struggling to find sleep,” Nyx pops in, almost making me jump. I didn’t think I’d hear from her anytime soon.
I nod my head and continue to watch Gabriel. I’m unable to tear my gaze from him even as he begins to take off his clothes. Slowly by slowly, as if he’s giving a strip show, or maybe it’s just my dirty mind and the beginning effects of my heat, he takes them off until he doesn’t have a stitch of clothing on.
“He’s an asshole, but you have to admit he has a nice ass,” Nyx says, our eyes still fixed on him.
I don’t want to admit it, but it’s true. To be honest, I have never seen Gabriel fully naked. Sure, I’ve seen him shirtless and in a pair of boxers, but that’s as far as I’ve gone. I know it’s weird given we are wolves, but unlike what many believe about us, we just don’t go strutting around naked for everyone to see. Yes, we aren’t bothered about being nude, but that doesn’t mean we go around flashing others.
Mostly we leave our clothes where we can find them or use the ones hidden in different spots. Like I said, it would be traumatizing for children to watch naked pack members every time someone shifts.
As for us sleeping together three years ago, well, I still can’t remember the details of that night. Meaning, technically, even though we have slept together and have a kid, I’ve never seen him naked.
“Please, turn around,” she whispers almost as if it’s a prayer.
“Seriously, Nyx?”
“What? I want to see what he’s packing.”
“We hate him.”
“True, but that doesn’t mean we can’t look at or admire those muscles… I mean, look at him. You have to admit that he’s a fine specimen, even if he’s a complete jerk.”
I don’t say anything. I refuse to admit a single thing. It doesn’t matter anyway. Gabriel is a no-go zone.
As if feeling my gaze on him, he turns. It’s dark, but with his heightened vision, I know he can clearly see me.
I refuse to turn and hide. I refuse to pretend like I wasn’t watching him. I am not a coward.
“Come on, Susie, just one peek,” Nyx begs, her voice filled with a hint of desperation.
She’s honestly a confusing wolf. One minute she hates his guts, and the next she wants to see his dick. I mean, who even does that? I blame the effects of the moon because I refuse to accept that I have a horny and dirty-minded wolf.
Despite her begging, my eyes remain firmly fixed on his face. I fight with everything I got, unwilling to let my eyes look down past his neck. I don’t need any temptation, especially this close to the full moon.
I may be seeing things, but I feel like his eyes are daring me the more I continue to watch. It’s as if he’s daring me to take in all of him and not feel any bit of attraction to him.
I feel the pull. The need to touch his skin. Feel him against me, skin to skin. Feel the heat between us. I feel the desire to be in my mate’s arms. To drown in his scent and to have him mark and mate me. I feel it all. I crave it. I clench my fist and jaw fighting against it. I fight against my very nature. I refuse to succumb to him and the mate bond.
We stare at each other for a few minutes until he turns away and shifts into his huge black wolf. He sprints towards the forest, and I finally heave a sigh of relief.
I turn away from the window and just lean against it. That was intense, and I hate intense.
“You’ve wasted a good opportunity,” Nyx grumbles, making me feel irritated.
I can still feel the caress of his eyes. His stare burned, leaving trails of molten fire on my skin. He didn’t touch me, but it felt like he did. Like he was right here with me. ”Like he was here touching me, kissing me, driving me to the brink of insanity.
I shrug off the feeling and go back to bed. I pull the covers back before getting in and closing my eyes. I will my brain to go to sleep and my body to release the desire that has awoken in me. Finally, after a long time, I fall asleep, but it isn’t peaceful.
I hear the voices. Giggles of young girls. My vision is blurry and I can barely see anything. Someone is pulling me. I know it’s not Aspen because I would recognize her voice anywhere. We are rushing somewhere as we both giggle. There are footsteps behind us. Chasing us.
“Please stop, Misses,” the woman begs. “You know you two are supposed to be with your mistress, studying. Your mother will have my head.”
“You are being dramatic, Sophie,” the young girl says, but she still doesn’t stop.
I’m confused. Where am I? Who is the girl and the lady? And mother? Whose mother?
The lady tries to keep up. Sophie tries to keep up but she soon stops. I look behind me only for me to see nothing.
My hand is still in the little girl’s. We run, but like I said, I can barely see anything.
She pulls me outside. I know it’s outside because I can smell the fresh air. The green grass, flowers, and I can hear the chirping of birds.
She pulls me into a corner, where we crouch down and hide.
“They are going to find us, and we will be in trouble.” I whisper, but instead of my normal voice, the words come out in a kid’s voice.
What the hell?
“Don’t worry, sissy,” she assures me. “Nothing will happen. I’ll make sure you aren’t in trouble. I’ll always protect you.” “You promise?” I ask, giving her my pinky finger.
She wraps hers around mine and smiles. “I promise… I love you.”
“I love you too, sissy,” I reply, hugging her.