An Aimless War - Chapter 3: Chapter 3

Tannix exchanged a few words with the innkeeper while I finished eating. I expected him to loop the rope around my wrists again, so I was pleasantly surprised when he just waved for me to follow him upstairs. His room was sparse, just a large bed, a small table, a chair and a chest to place some personal belongings in. There were a mattress and a pile of blankets tucked under the window. I eyed the mattress, but what I really wanted was to curl up on the bed and go to sleep.
Tannix had a different idea. He lit the candelabra on the table, then pulled the chair to sit in front of the chest. He sat down and gestured at the chest. "Take a seat so I can look at your wrists."
"They're fine," I protested. I didn't want him poking at them, and they really did feel better.
Tannix undid the clasp on his cloak and tossed it onto the bed, then began to roll back his sleeves. "Finagale."
There was something about the way he said my full name that made it hard to keep arguing. With a somewhat grumpy sigh I walked across the room to sit on the chest in front of him. The rings on his fingers caught my eye. The two rings on his right hand were thick and gold. The Order ring had a round black stone surrounded by an engraving I couldn't read. His crest ring had a rectangular blue stone, intricately carved with his family's coat of arms. The new ring, on his left hand, was slimmer. The gold band was narrow. Instead of an inlaid stone or gem, there was a bar of white stone attached to the top of the ring.
"Can I see it?" I asked. When he glanced up, one eyebrow cocked in question, I clarified. "The new ring."
"Oh." He slipped it from his finger and dropped it into my palm. "We've done this before. All right, give me your other arm."
I held out my left arm, as I stared at the ring in my right hand. Tannix pushed back my sleeve and gently twisted my wrist, so he could get a better look. His touch was almost enough to distract me from the ring. He gave me a moment to switch hands before pulling over my right wrist to inspect.
"They don't look too bad, all things considered."
"I stopped moving as much," I replied distractedly. "So the cuffs stopped rubbing. What is this?"
"Marble."
It took me a moment to realize that he meant the stone. "No, what's the ring for? They always mean something, don't they?"
"Oh. It's—" There was a knock on the door. "Come in!"
I pulled my arm away from Tannix just as a servant walked in, carrying a bucket of water and pile of clean cloths.
Tannix stood up and stepped closer to the door. "Thank you, I'll take those." He tucked the cloths under his arm and took the bucket awkwardly with the same hand. The puzzled look on the servant's face shifted to surprise when Tannix pulled a few coins from his pocket. He dropped them into the man's hand.
"Thank you, my lord," the servant said, ducking his head in a quick bow before leaving.
Tannix settled down on the chair again and put the bucket down between us.
"Most Telts wouldn't pay a servant," I said.
"I'm not most Teltans." Tannix dipped one of the cloths in the water. Without any prompting I offered him my arm again. I liked the way he held my arm steady as he carefully wiped my raw skin.
"The ring?" I prompted, still needing a distraction.
"Right. Well, it's called a champion ring. It's awarded to people who have done a great deed for the kingdom. The marble is from the Cliffs of Loth. Honestly, you deserve it more than I do." He dipped the cloth in the water again. "There was a whole ceremony. The king made a speech about how I saved his life. Even the princesses spoke. The whole time I just thought about how you deserved it. Without you the king would have died. Princess Esmeranda actually took quite a liking to me after that. There were a few rumours that I was going to break off my betrothal with Lady Mayah. Not that I would have. Not for..." He trailed off and glanced up. "Not for Princess Esmeranda, at least."
I understood what he hadn't quite said, but I didn't know how to reply. So I settled for something easy. "Was she disappointed?"
"Esmeranda? No." Tannix shook his head and went back to cleaning my wrist. "She evidently decided that Tandrin was a more interesting suitor." He let go and I held out my other arm. "I hate how this all happened, but I couldn't get you out any sooner. I thought about you all the time. I was terrified that I'd finally find a way to free you only to find that you'd wasted away and died."
I shrugged, watching as he dabbed at my wrist with a new cloth. "I'm tougher than that. At least in jail I got a steady supply of food, even if it wasn't much. And I was in a solitary cell, which was boring but at least it was safe. All in all, the conditions weren't much worse than what I've always lived in. Really it was just the thought of dying at the end of it all that scared me."
"Are you trying to make me feel better?"
"A little, yes. But it's true, too."
"Well, it's working. A little." He finished and tossed the cloth aside. From his pocket, he pulled out a little jar I thought I recognized. "Here, put this on. It'll protect the cuts from getting infected."
"No," I protested immediately, without a second thought. He looked as confused as I felt. "I... um... I want you to do it. Please."
Tannix smiled as he popped off the lid. As carefully as he had cleaned them, he rubbed the salve over my wrists. "I missed you constantly."
I wasn't quite ready to admit that I had imagined him constantly. Whatever this was between us that went beyond friendship still felt fragile, and I was too tired to think about it. So I quietly watched him, and when he was done with the bandages, I gave him back his champion ring.
I didn't have to say anything. Tannix nodded towards the bed. "Go ahead. You can sleep as long as you need to."
The bed clearly wasn't very nice, but it felt like the most comfortable thing in the world as I curled up under the blankets. I closed my eyes and let the sounds of Tannix cleaning up lull me to sleep.
A gentle hand on my shoulder woke me up. For a moment I forgot where I was and I sat up suddenly, half expecting a guard to drag me to my feet and out to the gallows. Instead, Tannix was sitting on the edge of the bed beside me. I could barely make out his silhouette against the dark window behind him. It was well past Lothian Dusk. I had slept the whole day and I was still exhausted.
"You can go back to sleep," Tannix said quietly. "I just wanted to ask you to move over."
I shuffled to the other side of the bed before I really understood what he meant. "I can go to the mattress," I said.
Tannix shook his head. "The bed's big enough for both of us, isn't it?" The blankets rustled as he pushed them back and slid into bed. "I asked for it just so people wouldn't ask questions. Unless you're uncomfortable sharing. In which case I don't mind using the mattress."
"No." No, I couldn't let him sleep on a thin mattress when he deserved the best. No, I wasn't uncomfortable sharing. The bed was big enough for both of us, but I realized I didn't want to sleep on opposite sides.
He was still moving around as he got comfortable. In the dark, acting on my feelings felt easier than talking about them. I shifted closer to him, and once he had stilled, I burrowed myself under the sheets beside him.
"Finn." He nearly whispered my name. It was easy to imagine him thinking, trying to untangle his complicated thoughts. Not knowing what was going on in my head. We had both spent the year thinking about this, but we still hadn't really talked about it. Maybe we didn't know how.
Tannix was never nervous in my dreams. In real life he was more complex.
"It's silly," he finally said, just as softly. "But I think... I think I would like to hold you. So I know you're safe. If you don't mind."
"I don't mind."
It took him a moment to move. When he did, he rolled onto his side to face me, and draped an arm over my waist. I took that as an invitation to nestle closer. For a moment we were quiet, just getting used to touching each other.
I was starting drift back to sleep when he spoke. "I take it you meant what you said this morning, about not lying to me?"
"I'd never lie to you," I mumbled.
"You did. The first time we met."
"I had to."
He paused. "So... you do like me, then?"
"You're my favourite Telt," I promised through a yawn.
"Finn, I want to talk about this."
All I wanted to do was sleep. I felt safer in his arms than I had in a long time. Even before being arrested, I had never really felt safe. But if he needed this, I could give it to him. "Remember when we were talking about the princesses and I said I liked perfect people? I was talking about you. I didn't understand it at the time, but I was. You're perfect. There's always been something different about you. I always wanted to be with you, I liked hearing you talk and watching you. I loved the feeling I got when I was with you—like I was safe, even while walking around the upper city in full view of all the citizens. You're perfect, and I'm not. I don't understand why you like me, but I'm grateful. Every day in prison I thought about that kiss, and I never once doubted you were going to come save me."
"But I had to buy you to do it."
"I don't care about that. My status in life means very little to me. I'd rather be your slave and stay with you than be a free thief and never see you again."
"Please don't call yourself a slave. I don't see you as one."
"But that's what other people need to see," I said. "I can act, I'm a good liar. I'll convince everyone that I'm a perfectly polite slave."
He laughed quietly. "I like that you're not perfectly polite."
"Well, I won't be when we're alone. Can I go to sleep now?"
It took Tannix a moment to reply. "We have all the time in the world to talk about this. But first, you need to know something."
"Hmm?" It was getting harder to stay awake.
"I'm not perfect. Wealth just makes it easy to pretend I am."
"I wasn't talking about wealth. I was talking about your personality," I said. Then, because I was almost asleep and I wasn't thinking, I added, "And your body."
If he heard me, he didn't act like it. "I had advantages you were never given. And despite that, you're still one of the smartest, bravest, and strongest people I have ever met. You're endlessly fascinating. And that's why I like you." Then, taking me completely by surprise, he kissed my forehead. "Now you can go to sleep."
So I did. Warm and safe in his arms.