An Unheard Voice - Chapter 19: Chapter 19

They all get their stuff set up, and what  I mean by 'everyone' I mean Tsukasa and I. Saki is too energetic to do hers, An is just lazy, and Azusawa offered to help. "This is an emergency! What did he do?! I swear, I'll-!" Tsukasa huffs, and I shake my head.
"It's not that. I just.. started overthinking about something and wanted you guys here."
"Aww!" Saki laughs, and hugs me.
"What were you thinking about..? If that's okay to ask." Azusawa tilts her head, and An falls to the ground.
"Oh my god.. that's so much cuter when my future wife does it..." An says, and Azusawa grows red.
"It's someone Akito talks to. It's.. I don't know. I think.. I feel some sort of envy from this girl he talks to. I know he said they're just friends, but I think she likes him." I look at the ground, and they take a moment to look at me, and reread it.
"WHAT?! Who is it?! I'll beat her up!" Saki punches Tsukasa, who smiles through the pain.
"Uh.. Toya, how long have you liked Akito?" Azusawa asks, and I blush.
"M-Months, I think.."
"Then maybe.. you're jealous of this girl that is with Akito.. Like stealing your best friend? What you're feeling is romantic, right?" She smiles, and I look at her. I nod, and my heart begins racing. Am I actually just.. scared she'll make him drift away from me.?
"I.. Y-Yes.." I ask, and their faces light up.
"You're seriously not going to confess?! Akito, you pussy! You'll give Toya a panic attack!!" An shouts, and my mother stares at her through the door. She sits down, and clears her throat.
"What's a p-"
"Don't ask." She sighs, and my mother tries not to burst out laughing.
"Huh.. You like Akito.. well, if he makes you happy, I approve of him. I just don't want you to get hurt by him. There's a time and place for everything, so don't rush it. You'll build more confidence over time, and if he's really right for you he'll wait." Tsukasa pats my head, and I nod. He's very good at giving advice.
"Yeah, don't worry about it if you're not ready!" Saki hugs me.
"Well, let's discuss some stuff I took notes on our 'Akitoya Nation' meeting.. Hm, he keeps most of the cute photos of you, even has one on the back of his phone stated by Azusawa, who saw it once." An sighs, and Azusawa laughs. He does--?!
"He tracks down anyone who bought photos of Aoyagi, gets jealous a lot, says it himself wants to keep Toya to himself according to An.."
"Aww, that's so cute hearing it for the second time~!" Saki squeals, and Tsukasa's jaw opens.
"My child.." He says, already in the corner. "What has he done to you..?"
"Calm down, big brother!"
"Didn't he throw away all of the love letters Aoyagi received?" Azusawa asks An, who nods. I thought a raccoon ate them. "You did kiss him before, too. On the cheek, but I still think that counts." I did. And I still get embarrassed thinking about it. "He usually takes off any matching thing he got with An and I, Ena, or anyone! But he didn't do that with you."
"That little.. he's clearly so in love with you." An whispers, but I didn't quite hear what she said.
".. Can we give big bro and Toya a makeover-"
"Yes."
No..
"Wow, I look beautiful! Leave it to Saki to make me look gorgeous!" Tsukasa laughs looking at the mirror, and Saki giggles. Tsukasa can confidently pull off anything, since he doesn't get embarrassed a lot.
"damn, I messed up, we gotta go bald." An says, I look at her in horror. WHAT?
"Stop teasing Aoyagi, An." Azusawa pouts.
"My baby is so gorgeous! Isn't he, Smudge?" My mother hums, putting my cats in tiny dresses. Smudge had to battle with my mother.
"Aw, you got another cat?!" An goes to touch Spot, but smudge scratches her, and hisses. "Ouch!"
"I'm sorry! Smudge doesn't like it when anyone but Toya touches Spot. Come to think of it, he doesn't like me very much. Silly guy." My mother hugs him, who struggles to break free.
Spot sees Tsukasa, and jumps on him, rubbing against him, purring. Smudge gave up, and let my mother squeeze him to death. I stopped her before that.
"Oh, hello there!" Tsukasa says, and Saki pets him.
"He's so cute~!" She begins bawling. Oh--
"We were just talking about how Akito hates Toya being with anyone! Hey, Smudge is Akito, and Spot is Toya!" An giggles, and Azusawa sees it. I blush.
"PUT THEM IN DRESSES, TOO!!" Saki throws her hands in the air, and Tsukasa and I get alarmed.
"I prepared for this moment! My dream has come true!" An goes through her bags, and I try crawling away. Tsukasa has already accepted his fate since he can't say no to Saki..
After An dragged me by my ankles, she forced me to go change. I should sleep in the tub tonight.. seriously, this is unnecessary. Why am I always going through this... Why me..?
After they all left the next day, my mom decided to give me some space. I barely got to sleep... Mostly because of them, but.. I remember telling Kusanagi she should go for the person before it's too late.. Should I listen to my own advice?
Otori said if I made Kusanagi happy I should have her. I don't want to date Kusanagi, I.. I don't think I'm attracted to females that much.
.. I'm only attracted to Akito? My heart begins thumping, and I turn over on my bed. My face feels hot. I keep thinking of Akito, why can't I get him out of my head!?
.. What if he thinks I'm weird and sees me as a friend? Does he like Momoi romantically? If he rejects me, it'll be awkward for the rest of the year. Would I also stop being friends with Ena?! Is it too soon to tell him?! Should I keep waiting? But if I do, he'll be with Momoi in no time! She likes him! Is Momoi better for him? She's a sweet and kind girl, so of course she would be. I'm a guy! I literally can't talk without forgetting how to breathe. Why do I keep talking about Momoi?! I'm spiraling, I'm spiraling! I get the water from my bed, and drink it in five seconds.
I'm calm now. I'm just.. afraid of rejection. I really do love Akito. But if he doesn't love me, what then? Is it too soon to even be thinking about this? Why does he do this to me..? He offered to hold my hand, hugged me, complimented me, says I'm pretty?! Does he like me? I don't know. I hope so.
I don't know why, but I just feel like it's been too short for me to do this. I'd probably abandon the plan before I even did it. I won't tell An, because she can't keep secrets very well. I sigh, and hold Smudge closely. Spot is still sleeping, so I don't want to disturb him. He still has to get used to sleeping where he's supposed to, he tries going on the counters and stuff. I didn't realize he was in the shower because I was half awake, and I turned it on..
Back to Akito.. I'd hate to see him with Momoi. Or even kiss her--! I don't want to think about it!! The school year is almost over. But Tsukasa said.. there's a time and place for everything.
I'm glad they're my friends. I don't know what I'd do about this without them, I'm grateful I talked to them about this. I'm also thankful it's the weekend. I have more time to think about this. He texted me he's hanging out with Momoi again.. they've been awfully close lately. She sent me a picture of them in a photo booth. I'm jealous.
I put on my coat, I've decided to take a walk. Before I close the door, I look down. There's a mouse looking up at me. We made eye contact. It's the longest I've ever had. Oh my god.
So I passed out. Great. I'm lucky my mother came home before the news came, since there was a huge crowd..
"The school year is almost over, huh?" An sighs, and Momoi nods. ".. Anyways, want to tell each other humiliating stories of your significant other or if you've tried?"
Everyone sighs, knowing they can't escape her games.
"Alright! Whoever tells the most embarrassing thing will receive anything they want from yours truly!" An flips her hair, pulling out a bunch of cash. I have that amount in my bag, so I won't need it. But it would be fun to participate.
"I'll go!" Akiyama waves, and clears their throat. "When I had a crush on Ena, I got so flustered when I blurted out 'I like you' and left the call, then I copy and pasted the 'honestly, can we edate?' thing... She thought it was real and I typed it myself just for her and I don't have the heart to tell her I didn't write that." They sigh, and An bursts out laughing.
"Seriously? One day she came into my room, stared at me while being so red, when I pointed that out she walked away without closing my door." Akito chuckles.
"When Kohane was walking with me, she wanted to hold my hand to show to my father we were in love, which he accepted but she felt as if she wasn't approved, she was just paranoid.. She announced it to the cafe like 'THIS IS THE GIRL I'M GAY FOR! I'M A PROUD LESBIAN DATING MY USED TO BE BEST FRIEND BUT NOW WE ARE ROMANTIC BEST FRIENDS!' she shout, and I got so nervous I was sweating. She apologized so much after but my dad found it funny. He likes her even more now, saying she's the right one for me." An giggles, I can actually see Azusawa doing that.
"That's hilarious!" Momoi laughs, and I stare at her. She should laugh more, in my opinion. That even made my day?! Is that an idol's power? No wonder why Akito would want to love her.. I'm starting to think I should keep my feelings hidden..
"Well, once I was feeding Emu when she got sick. Her face was red, she couldn't even move her body! Her fever was horrible, I felt so bad for her. But then her sister randomly came in and I accidentally got it on her face.. I couldn't even look at her for another week because of the guilt." Kusanagi sighs, and I giggle. She blushes, and covers her face.
"Aww, poor Nene~!" An pats her head, and she grumbles. "Toya, you wanna go?" She asks, and I nod. I make a group chat, and add all of them there.
"Take your time!" Airi smiles. She's so kind.. why do I envy her? I should just leave her alone.
"When Akito and I met I was cleaning the classroom, and I thought he ditched me. When he came back I started panicking, I couldn't breathe and my vision was getting blurry. I couldn't even see his face, it was like I was looking at a picture with it's face ripped out. That's how I saw everyone. I started to back away, and he pushed me away from the erasers falling and he got all messy after that. I apologized so many times and when he forgave me I felt like.. I felt something I never did before. And when he gave me a notebook, I was so relieved and confused. So relieved I got confused?"
They all share glances, and I continue typing.
"And then when he said he wanted to be my friend, I felt happy. The most happy I've ever been. It's like a light came into my dark life. I'm glad I met Akito. He's the best thing that ever happened to me, I'm glad I went to this school for my first year of high school and it's almost over. I'm glad you are all my friends, too." Once I send it, I smile. Really corny, but I really do mean it. An bursts into tears, and Kusanagi sniffs.
"Aww, is- is Airi crying?" Akiyama tries to hide the fact they're sobbing, and Momoi shakes her head.
"No, I- I'm allergic to cats and Akito told me Toya has a cat so there's probably fur or something!" She wipes her tears. I should get a lint roller, in that case. Everyone around me is crying..
"You win." An says. What? I don't want money. "We'll- sob we'll get you something great." She cries, and everyone nods. Huh?? I look at Akito, and see his face completely red.
"I--" he gets up from his chair, and we all look at him. "I- Um- Ena wants me home for- something! I can't walk you home today Toya, sorry--!! Walk him home, An!" He rushes out the door, and we look in confusion. I wonder what that was about.
"Huh?? I'm supposed to walk Kohane home-! Eh, that means more time with her. Okay!"
Why did he leave in such a hurry?? And why was his face so red? I should probably ignore it. Our play is soon, that's good! Wait our roles are getting changed-
When I return home, I start thinking again. My mother is out picking my father up from the airport. I just want someone to tell me it'll be okay, and.. I'll get over Akito soon, I just want him to be better off without me. I can't talk without stuttering, most people hate that.
He's too nice to me.. he's too kind, I don't deserve that. I shouldn't be with Akito if all I do is cause problems for him and make him worry.
I'm sorry I'm too much of a pushover, and you have to protect me from weirdos. I'm sorry Akito, I can't make you as happy as Momoi does. I'm sorry you have to put up with me and my father yelling at you.
I look down at the counter, but my vision is getting blurry. A tear drops onto it. Why am I crying? I don't deserve to be in pain right now. I just want to disappear. Everyone would be better off without me, I'm just a burden to them.
Akito, I.. I'm sorry.
I'm sorry that I like you.