An Unheard Voice - Chapter 42: Chapter 42

It snowed this year, too. I like the snow.. or, watching it pile up. I remember something like this last year. Not on this exact day, of course.
It feels like I'm hopelessly waiting on someone that won't even come back.
"Pumpkin!" Someone kicks open my door with a loud voice. Wait-
"M-Mother?!" I turn around quickly, still a bit startled.
"You left me! How could you?!" She sobs, running up to me and hugging me tightly.
I didn't mean to...
"I-I'm so--"
"I'm kidding! I'm glad I made it on time! Merry Christmas, Toya!" She squeals, quickly changing her mood and squeezes me tighter.
Did she get stronger or something..? I can't breathe..!
"Where are.. t-the cats?"
"Oh! I hired a cat sitter. Or, she offered.. isn't Honami the sweetest~?" She rubs her cheek against mine. It burns!!
"Mother, please calm dow--" Tobia walks in and attempts to have her settle down but instead gets attacked.
"I haven't seen you in years! Look at how grown up you are!"
"I'm an adult!" He protests, unable to escape her grasp. Woah...
Yasunori must still be asleep, they're making too much noise... It's way too early. Then again, it takes a lot to wake him up.
"Merry Christmas, Toya- huh?" He tries to surprise me, but gets surprised himself. Shocked, he stands at my door with a box in his hands.
"My other baby!" My mother attacks him as well, but instead of struggling he quickly matches her energy.
"Oh, right.. Toya." Tobia calls to me, rubbing his neck.
"Yes?" I ask, and he gestures me to come closer.
I stare at him in confusion, and to my surprise he goes through a bag and pulls out a box.
"Here. I didn't really know what to get you, and you seem to forget dinner time." He says, handing me a watch with a red bow on top. How.. creative.
"T-Thank you." I smile, and he nods. My heart throbs at the sight of it, and I look down at what's around my neck. I'm really selfish for keeping this one.
"You guys suck at decorating." My mother scoffs, looking around as the three of us follow her.
"Decorate?" Yasunori asks, genuinely confused.
I was wondering why they didn't put anything up around the house. But then again, my father practically lives here, so...
Still, it surprises me that they live together. But it would get lonely living in a house like this by yourself.
"Today is just regular day for us. but we usually get someone something they wish for. I don't see the appeal in in celebrations in anything other than successful concerts." Tobia shrugs, completely stunning my mother.
That's.. actually really sad.
"I have a lot to speak to your father about.. speaking of him, where is your father? I need to let him know I'm here." She pinches the bridge of her nose, walking up the stairs with us following her again.
"At least one of us bothered visiting for the holidays..." She grumbles, irritated.
"He usually stays in his room until noon, he plans out our rehearsals thoroughly."
"Rehearsals..? Wait, you don't mean-"
She goes up to Tobia and Yasunori to whisper, so the three of them have a private conversation.
After that, she looks at me with the most worried expression ever. Huh?
"I-It's nothing.."
She stays silent for a moment but takes a deep breath, then huffs.
"Today is Christmas! We're going out and spending time together!" My mother exclaims, grabbing my hand and dragging me to get my jacket and scarf on.
"I-I can.. dress myself..!" I protest, squirming in embarrassment.
"Won't everything be closed today, though? Christmas may not be something we celebrate, but others certainly do." Tobia asks, and my mother nods.
"Shops and cafès should be open, but let's just look for whatever catches our eyes." She smiles, as to which both of my brothers leave to get dressed.
Perhaps I should get everyone in my family something.. especially my brothers for allowing me to stay with them.
I owe them for their hospitality and kindness.
"Is it too cold? I can lend you my earmuffs." Tobia offers, but I decline. It isn't that bad. Just a bit chilly.
We walk in silence for a few moments, but he starts up another conversation.
"Are you doing okay with Father's lessons? Both in music and education. He should be continuing to teach you the same things they did in your high school."
I nod, it is true. But I'm being homeschooled again, which feels like imprisonment...
"Good. If you need help with anything in particular, just ask me."
Why does it feel like the more we speak the less we have to talk about?
"Let's go in there!" My mother shouts, walking into the cafè as Tobia and Yasunori try their best to keep up with us. They'll eventually get used to it...
Wow, this place is beautiful! It's really decorated.
Come to think of it, this isn't much different from the weekend garage. If you compared the two, it would just be locations as the difference.
This place is lovely. The atmosphere is very welcoming. I wonder if Akito would like it here.. wait, crap. Never mind.
As I follow my mother, I notice the eyes on me. Is it because I'm not from here..? Are these all locals to this place? When I look at a few of them, they start whispering.
"Uh, excuse me!" She says, but the woman at the counter doesn't seem to understand. Oh, right. Americans speak English.
My mother and I stare at each other as she speaks. We can't really understand. This is the same person who offers to help with my homework.
"Talk to us before you go into places where you order stuff..!" Yasunori huffs, opening the door.
Tobia steps in front of us and beguns to speak in English, which seems like he's apologizing for my mother. Wow.. his accent is so natural! Maybe I can ask him for help with my English.
My mother says I sound like a robot.
"What do you guys want?" Tobia hisses, seeming embarrassed.
My mother and I attempt to read the menu, then each other. I whisper to my mother, who nods.
"Toya wants coffee and I want something sweet." She grins.
".. What?"
After Tobia read us the entire menu and let us make our choice, we sit down at a table and keep silent.
"Wow.. working on Christmas? What kind of people make their workers do that?" My mother sighs, looking around. Huh? They don't seem to be unhappy to me.
And it's so lively in here. It's really almost as if this actually is the weekend garage...
The more I realize my surroundings, the more homesick I become. Have I messed up badly..?
It was all on my own accord. I acted out on my own cowardness and was heartless enough to leave without actually saying goodbye.
I was too panicked to think straight. It's not entirely my fault, is it? Running away.. it doesn't sound like something I wouldn't do. I miss the warmth of being around him, though. I screwed up.
But why do I get the feeling I want to go back.. I already know it's too late. I should stop thinking about this, it'll just make me even more depressed.
What's wrong with me? Feeling bad for myself, as if someone is going to reassure me. Why am I feeling sorry for myself when I did all of this?!
"Toya, are you okay?" My mother asks, taking my hand. I flinch, snapping out of it. Right, I'm not alone...
I nod, sighing. What is up with me these days...
"Here you go." Tobia comes back to our table, handing us all our drinks and my mother her cake.
Wow, it's really good..!
After staying in there for a while, we leave and walk around until something catches my mother's eye.
"How about ice skating? Oh, and we can go to the mall! I've been meaning to check out shops in America! Tobia, let's go!" She chuckles, grabbing his arm and running off. Oh, gosh.
I have a feeling this is going to be a long day.
We arrive back home at around five in the afternoon... I'm so exhausted.
"I had so much fun today!" My mother squeals, opening the door for all of us. We're all so drained.
"Yes, but.. it seems Toya's reached his physical limit in walking." Yasunori laughs, lending me his shoulder.
We went ice skating, walking around a park for no apparent reason, multiple different shops and the entire supermarket.
Most of it wasn't even walking, I was running everywhere trying to find the others because we constantly lost each other!
How is she carrying all those bags, anyway? Well, Tobia is also helping, of course.
"Okay! Time to make dinner. Do you two mind setting up the table? I bought a few decorations, so just place them around! Toya, you're helping me!" She winks, but I simply stand there and stare at her.
"D-Do you.. remember the p-pie--"
"Yes, vividly..." She sighs, shivering.
"Doesn't matter. That's all in the past. Gotta focus on the fun you have in the present, right?"
".. Right." I shrug, going to wash my hands.
"I'm kicking you out." My mother scolds me. Nodding, I walk out of the kitchen and sit down. She has powder and batter all over her face.
I made a mess again...
"How did you even manage to bring it to life..? That was disgusting." Tobia crosses his arms, scolding me about being reckless.
I should have been doing anything to begin with.. is this a curse?
He sighs, and pats my shoulder.
"Before I forget to tell you, I want you to know that you can open up to us whenever you want. I can tell when you resist, you know."
I blush, embarrassed, and nod. I don't really want to think about that today...
"Go wash up before dinner. You're practically covered in batter as well. How do you mess up that badly..?"
I have no idea.
"Thank you for the food." My father says, and heads upstairs already. The rest of us do the same, but Tobia stays to help my mother.
Before finishing my plate, I did give Tobia and Yasunori their gifts. I got them tiny keychains of cats who looked similar to the ones back home. They were confused, but thanked me anyway.
As for my father.. I couldn't bring myself to give him his. He wouldn't like it, anyway. That's fine.
"Merry.. Christmas." My brothers say, and I nod in response.
They said they had something to talk about, so I went to my room.
After my father came out of his room, we all kept quiet and didn't really do much except have dinner and be quiet. Things are still pretty tense with my father, but it seems like he's calmed down.
Of course, my mother decided to sleep in my room.
"What happened. Why. Akito. Tell me something." She whispers, staring at me with the most disturbing eyes ever. I knew she had a motive behind this...
But if I tell her why, she might grow even more pissed. She was there when the cause happened, wasn't she..?
"C-Can this wait for another day..? I-I..."
"That's okay. If you promise it's going to happen. I won't pressure you. Merry Christmas, Toya." She hums, lying back down and quickly falls asleep. What is she made out of..?
I'm alone with my own thoughts again. Staring at the ceiling, I sigh, unable to fall asleep. I hear some people talking outside, and sit up to look outside the window.
What time is it..? It's a bit late for people to be out.
I see a group of people outside, but this one man stands out. He looks familiar...
Wait, is that-?!
But once he turns around, I feel disappointment. He just had dyed hair as well. What am I doing, waiting for Akito? Some nerve I have.
This is pathetic. I'm pathetic. Why can't I realize that I'm never going to see him again?!
When am I going to face reality? Of course I can't tell anyone about this, it shouldn't be something I bother anyone else with.
This was for the best. To keep my father.. from seeing me as a disgrace. He was just looking out for me!
My brothers must think the same. If I went back now, it would be extremely disrespectful.
After all, it's not like the others need me. It's been months, I wouldn't be surprised if they stopped caring at this point. Especially Akito. He should have moved on by now.
Just before the tears come out, I think of something.
Maybe he didn't care for me as much as I did? Maybe I've finally come to my senses.
That's right.
What Akito and I had was nothing but a passing cloud. It's okay. There's no need to see him again.