Are You There - Chapter 21: Chapter 21

Changkyun wanders into The Fourth Wall at just before eleven, having missed about an hour and a half of work time only. Hyunwoo sits behind the counter, staring hard at a novel through thick glasses that Changkyun rarely gets the chance to see. He thinks his older friend looks quite fetching in glasses, but he knows Hyunwoo absolutely detests the way he looks in them. So the younger just keeps quiet about it as he approaches the counter.
"Where's the red carpet to welcome me back?" Changkyun asks snidely, rapping an annoying beat against the counter. Admittedly, he still cannot get past what he had done while at home for only fifteen minutes. It hurts deep in his gut to think about, but he must try his hardest to act natural. Maybe then it will hurt just a bit less.
"It's hiding in the break room," Hyunwoo replies without looking up from his story. Changkyun recognizes it as an older novel he had been made to read in his school years, no illustrations to be found on the pages of Times New Roman.
"What do you mean?" Changkyun asks in confusion, rounding the counter towards the break room. "We don't actually have a carpet."
"Your boyfriend has been pacing around the store for over an hour asking me what happened to you and why you ran away out of nowhere." Hyunwoo glances over his shoulder at his younger coworker, too tired to really be bothered by any of it. "I told you not to have sex back there."
Changkyun feels the tips of his ears burn as he glares over his shoulder at Hyunwoo. "We didn't," he hisses in a quiet fury. The older only raises his eyebrows accusingly before turning back to his book. "We didn't have sex," Changkyun repeats halfheartedly, knowing it is a battle he will not be winning.
He sighs, shoving open the door to the break room and shutting it again behind him. Jooheon is lain face down across the sofa, his legs up over an arm, his feet kicking about dramatically in the air. The blonde seems to have found an old CD player somewhere, and is pleasantly surprised to see that it can also play radio when plugged in. Changkyun can hear an upbeat track from some popular girl group coming from the device beside Jooheon's head.
He hopes the music is too loud for the blonde to hear Changkyun's approach, and he finds it to be true when he crosses over the space to kneel beside his best friend at the sofa. Reaching over his head to dial the volume down, Changkyun leans away in case Jooheon flails out in fright. Instead, the blonde only lifts his head from the cushion to turn his eyes towards the younger.
"Hey," Changkyun says quietly, cringing a bit at how plainly ignorant he must seem. "Sorry I kinda bolted earlier."
Jooheon only plants his face back into the sofa's cushion, despite Changkyun's sound of protest. The younger does not know how old this sofa is, and he does not know when it was last taken apart and cleaned, but he is not about to grab for Jooheon to lift him up. Surely the older is in no mood to be soothed.
Changkyun can tell just by the stiffness in the blonde's shoulders that he is angry. Frustrated, surely, both physically and emotionally. Changkyun knows he still is. Though for more reasons than one, he must admit. Changkyun tells himself that he is not still a bit hot and bothered over the way Minhyuk's blood coursed into his body just over an hour ago. Though it was intoxicating, it does not make him want to tear into Jooheon right now.
It doesn't.
"I just kinda got a call and had to run." Changkyun cannot think up a good enough lie to tell, so he gives the vaguest half of the truth that he can. He could easily explain that he had almost killed his new friend, had quite possibly ruined his friendship with Hoseok, and learned a bit about coping with what he was; but none of that really sits right as a topic he should broach so casually.
Jooheon turns his head again, staring hard at the younger with those impossibly dark eyes. "When did you manage to take a call? Before or after your tongue shoved its way into my mouth?"
Changkyun's cheeks flush this time, his eyes dropping to avoid Jooheon's heavy glare. He know not how to answer. Of course, it was not a phone he had answered. But how exactly is he to explain that it was a physical demand that ached into his chest? A tickle at the back of his mind that begged him to answer. Jooheon cannot understand that, he knows.
"It was from earlier. And I forgot about it when you came in. I wanted to hide you from Kihyun and forgot all about the call."
So he tells a lie. Or half, at least, but it cannot be avoided. It is either give an altered truth, or tell the blonde the entire truth and deal with the consequences. I'm not looking for a year in the mental institution, Changkyun tells himself as he regards his best friend carefully.
"I really am sorry. I feel like shit."
Jooheon, despite the anger that threatens to boil over, bites his tongue. He does not want to start a needless fight. He and Changkyun have already not been in good standing as of late, and perhaps starting something anew after whatever happened on this sofa is not exactly something they need. Maybe he should forget the whole day has happened altogether.
"Hyunwoo said you were pacing the store," Changkyun states quietly, tugging at the lace of his sneaker. "Why didn't you leave?"
Jooheon blinks, his anger washing out like a candle in an instant. Changkyun realizes he has said the wrong thing, and opens his mouth to correct himself. Jooheon is already pushing off the couch however with a muttered response. "You're right, sorry. I should've gone home."
Changkyun stands from his place on the ground, shocked by the blonde's reaction. He reaches out for Jooheon's pale hand, clasping the man's warm skin with his darker tones. "That's not what I meant," Changkyun whispers, an edge of plea in his tone.
In truth, though he has wanted nothing more than to avoid his best friend in these last few days, Changkyun knows that Jooheon is the only person that can calm his fragile nerves right now. Changkyun does not want to be alone. "I'm really sorry I left you, okay? Just please don't leave me right now."
Jooheon's hand, still clasped between Changkyun's, goes slack. He has never heard his best friend beg him for anything. Not even during the worst of their fights; Changkyun had never begged for a single thing, yet here he is begging Jooheon to simply stay with him. Platonically or otherwise, Jooheon is not sure, but he can tell that whatever the reason, it is important.
Changkyun takes a step towards the couch, his hands tugging Jooheon along so the blonde will sit with him. He wishes for Hyungwon's ability to control others with just a thought. He could truly use that right now. He can tell that Jooheon only wants to leave, his ego hurt and raw after being left in the dust, but Changkyun refuses to let the blonde escape. "Please," he whispers again, sitting himself down and leaning forward to keep hold of Jooheon's hand. The blonde gives in with a heavy sigh, shuffling down beside Changkyun on the lumpy sofa. He pulls his hand away from the darker man, cradling it against his chest as if it has been burned by a flame.
"Changkyun." Jooheon does not sound as if he will continue to vocalize his thoughts. He is stuck on his best friend's name. It sounds weird in the quiet room, just the sound of the soft radio to keep things barely above silence.
To Changkyun, he cannot believe that the man has used his full name. It happens sometimes, when they are angry with one another, or trying to get the other's attention. But he is almost always Kyun to the blonde. He does not like hearing his name on the older's lips, not in such a sour tone.
"Changkyun," Jooheon repeats with a sigh, leaning his head back against the top of the sofa. "You're my best friend. My closest friend. The dumb ass that convinced me to get a tattoo on my head."
Changkyun almost smiles at the memory, Jooheon's bald spot from where he'd been tattooed a hilarious recollection. "It took you three months to grow that patch long enough again," Changkyun mutters, though Jooheon is not in the mood to reminisce.
"You realize that we're closer than anyone, but you've been hiding all this shit from me for so long. I don't get where we stopped talking, or sharing things, but I don't like whatever we are."
"We're still best friends," Changkyun replies carefully, not at all keen on hearing that they are anything else. Despite what had happened earlier, there is not much else they can call one another. They are closer than brothers, they know everything about one another. If one were to leave, the other would be exposed to the elements, and neither is prepared for that.
"Are we?" Jooheon runs a hand through his damaged hair, cringing at the rough texture. He has not treated it well lately, stressed over random things in his life, worried over other things and ignoring far too many others. "Changkyun, you're gay."
Changkyun blanches, knowing as much, but hurt by Jooheon's blunt statement. "So? Since when was that an issue for you? You're gay, Jooheon."
Jooheon shakes his head, his point not coming across clear enough. "I mean, you're gay, and you never even bothered to tell me. Your apparent best friend. You went up out of nowhere, kissed me, blurted that you were gay, and then totally cleaned house and left me with my thoughts." Jooheon folds his arms over his chest, suddenly cold in the break room. "How am I supposed to take that?"
Changkyun has not a clue. "I didn't want to tell you," the vampire admits slowly, twiddling his thumbs in his lap. "Partly because it hurt to see you with so many other people. Men, women, didn't matter, and I was jealous of that. I wanted that."
Jooheon glances at the darker man, finding no trace of tension in the younger's face. Changkyun is an open book, speaking the truth as he stares nervously at his hands.
"And I didn't want to tell you because if I did, I'd probably end up telling you that-"
Changkyun stops, the sudden realization that someone is listening in hitting him like a truck. He can feel Hoseok's presence in his mind, the seething anger of the older man settling deep onto Changkyun's mind as he attempts to block the fae out. Jooheon looks closer at Changkyun, surprised that he would stop talking so abruptly. He is not one to beat around the bush, quite direct most times.
"Kyun?"
Changkyun takes a moment to collect his own thoughts and build up a wall, as Minhyuk and Hyungwon had taught him. It is not sturdy, and he knows it will tumble down in no time, so he rushes out what he needs to say before Hoseok can distract him again with his palpable emotions.
"I didn't wanna tell you that I was gay because then you'd try to set me up with other guys but I'm in love with you and I've been in love with you since we met." Changkyun tugs in a breath, putting his teenage rap skills to the test just as he can feel his block fall in his mind.
Jooheon shifts in his place beside Changkyun, turning so his whole body faces the younger on the sofa. The older tucks his legs beneath him, pretending not to appear shocked by Changkyun's confession. Admittedly, he had dreamed of something like this happening more than a few times. He had always hoped that maybe his feelings for the younger could be mutual.
And now that he has it, he is not exactly sure what to do about it. Changkyun has just taken a huge risk, and Jooheon can feel the weight of it settling between them in an instant. "I'm sorry," the younger blurts when Jooheon does not give a reply quickly enough.
Changkyun tries to stand, his nerves on fire, but Jooheon's pale hand on his arm stops him from rising. "Gimme a sec," Jooheon mutters, hoping the younger will just sit still and let him think for a moment longer. He does not know what to say, or where to start, but Changkyun settles back into place beside his best friend. Fear is clear on his face.
Hoseok's own sudden interest pokes at the back of his mind, but Changkyun tries his hardest to ignore the fae across the city. He wonders if there is a distance they can reach that will keep them from infiltrating one another's minds. He would like to be there in this moment.
"Kyun," Jooheon mutters after a long few moments of quiet. The radio has switched to something slow, a calm melody that gives Jooheon some kind of confidence to say what he has wanted to say for too long now. "Honestly, I don't think we should be friends anymore."
Changkyun's heart hits his stomach, and he forces his head to turn away from the blonde so he cannot see the tears suddenly burning at the edges of his vision. Go away, Hoseok, is all he thinks for a moment, hurt not only that Jooheon would say it, but that someone else is listening without even meaning to.
Sorry, comes the fae's reply, though Changkyun knows that Hoseok cannot exactly abandon his post in the younger's mind. Changkyun is not even sure if the older can ignore it at this point. A drama has just started up, and Hoseok, still angry as far as Changkyun can tell, surely wants to witness his pain firsthand.
The vampire takes in a breath that he does not exactly need, and Jooheon can hear the waver there. He is surprised to hear it, and grasps for Changkyun's chin to turn the younger's face towards him once more.
"What the hell are you crying for?" Jooheon glares down at his best friend's face, shocked to see tears on the dark man's cheeks. Changkyun whimpers, knocking the blonde's hand away so he can swipe at his damp face.
"I knew you'd push me away if I told you," the younger mumbles, pressing the heels of his hands against his eyes to stifle the burning tears. "I shouldn't have said anything."
He can feel the overwhelming sense of heartbreak hit him all at once. Though they are not together as a couple, they are still a unit. They have been closer than anyone for years, which makes the pain far more visceral. The things they have been through are not things anyone can just move past alone. They need one another. Or at least Changkyun needs Jooheon. Now he is not sure how the blonde feels.
"I take it back," Changkyun blurts, sniffling dramatically as he reaches out to grab at Jooheon's arm in terror. "I don't love you. Okay? Just don't push me out like that. I'm sorry-"
Jooheon, unsure of what to do with the blubbering mess before him, takes just a breath before doing what Changkyun had done to him earlier. Leaning forward only the few inches of distance between them, Jooheon presses his soft lips to Changkyun's rough ones, eager to silence his friend's whimpering immediately. He was not expecting that sudden reaction, and Changkyun certainly is not expecting this kind of contradiction, but he relishes in the kiss for the two seconds it lasts. Soft, damp lips melt against his and stifle the tears for a moment, Jooheon's scent overwhelming him as the blonde presses too close for comfort.
When Jooheon leans back, taking in Changkyun's shifting expression, he has to fight back a giggly grin. "I didn't mean that we should stop being best friends," Jooheon mutters. He lifts a soft hand, running the pad of his thumb over Changkyun's temple. He cannot believe he can do that, and he cannot believe it when Changkyun leans into his touch. His heart swells at the feel of the younger's skin beneath his fingers, slick with old tears yet still smooth and dark.
"Well what else would that mean?" Changkyun still does not know what to make of what has just happened. He has confessed to Jooheon, he knows that much. And Jooheon has now kissed him twice. Thrice, if you were to count the kiss Changkyun had initiated himself.
"It means that I don't want to only be friends anymore." Jooheon, lets his fingers trace down Changkyun's jaw, across the smooth skin there, before lifting to follow the curve of his bottom lip. The subtle grace of his fingers sends shivers down Changkyun's spine long before the younger can register what has been said.
"Wait- What?"
Jooheon stifles a chuckle, leaning forward to whisper against the skin at Changkyun's throat. The younger's dead breath catches before leaving his lungs at the feel of the blonde's lips gently nipping his skin when he speaks. "I've been waiting for you to step up for years. And it's honestly far hotter than I thought it would be."
The sudden change in Jooheon's usually soft demeanor has Changkyun thrown for a loop. He wants to lean back and stare his best friend in the face, but the older turns them a bit so the younger is pinned between Jooheon and the couch. "Jooheon-"
Jooheon's hot breath against his pulse point stops Changkyun cold, and the younger feels both trapped and free. "Kyun, I'm going to be really blunt." Lifting his face from Changkyun's neck, Jooheon cannot help but grin at the nervous, melting mess he has turned the dark man's expression into. "I haven't had sex since Kihyun, but I'm not about to strip naked on this break room couch."
Changkyun is not about to be told twice.