Are You There - Chapter 26: Chapter 26

Hyungwon sighs, the hand on his wrist feather-light as the fae looks over his brand carefully. "I cannot remove it," she murmurs, her dark brow furrowed. Hyungwon can see so much of her son in her face, and he wonders if when younger she had been as beautiful as Minhyuk is today. "I can dim the hold the Counsel has on it," she says after a long moment. Her dark eyes, appearing darker now beneath graying hair, find Hyungwon's in the damp den he has called home for too long now.
He sighs again, pulling his hand from her light grasp. "I don't want you to do anything about it," he mumbles, lifting his hands to his hair in frustration. "I want you to see your son before I turn you over, and that's all."
Lee Seonhae, never a woman to take orders lightly, only rolls her eyes and takes his hand in her two small ones again. "I've got nearly three weeks to spend loving my son before I'm gone. You can at least let me do something about this thing-"
Hyungwon snatches his hand back, suddenly furious. He is not angry with her, or perhaps he is. Perhaps it is her disobedience mingled with his Counsel orders. Everything seems to be crashing around him, and it is of course his fault. He wants to kill something and let it all end. He wants to be the one turned over and killed.
"I can hide you," Hyungwon murmurs, standing up to glare down at the frail woman. She stands as well, waving him off in that motherly way of hers. She has never been one to listen well, and takes her own advice before any other's. "Seonhae, I can hide you and break the Claim on Minhyuk-"
"Don't you do any such thing." She lifts a hand as if to swat at the vampire, parenting him though their ages could not be more opposing to their appearances. "He's safe under your Claim, if you even think about releasing him, I'll kill you myself." She takes his hand in her grasp once more, fussing over the brand like an everyday scrape on a child's knee. "You know I'm not afraid to kill if need be."
Hyungwon nods, lifting his free hand to his temple as the stress of the day settles too low on his shoulders. "I don't want to turn you over," he admits quietly, tilting his head back to stare up at the dark ceiling above. "They'll kill you."
Lee Seonhae shrugs her small shoulders, dropping Hyungwon's wrist with a sigh of finality. "You'll finally be rid of your most dangerous burden," she jokes, forcing a smile onto her still cherubic cheeks. Hyungwon does not see it, but he can feel her energy from where he rests beside her. She radiates life, and always has, something the fae tend to do naturally. A light of guidance and protection, healing and love.
"I haven't told Minhyuk," Hyungwon admits softly. In his long life, he has shed tears for only six fleeting moments. Once for each of his parents, once for his first Claim, once to beg for death, and once to beg for life. Today marked his sixth strike of tears against his cheeks; even he must admit it was a wasted effort. He has never felt so heart-breakingly useless as he does now, and he hates that Seonhae cannot simply blame him, hurt him, kill him for letting her be taken from right under him.
"I'm sure he'll find out soon enough. He reads you from even miles away." Seonhae has made it a point never to read from Hyungwon, careful with their contact and always locking his mind before grasping for him. She does not want to know what goes through the poor soul's head. "I think my son is the only one who can read you without even touching your mind."
"What does that mean?" Hyungwon asks, dropping his gaze again to meet Seonhae's. "His ability is reading the mind, what else would he read of me?"
"Everything else," she replies vaguely as she stands. Her clothes, what Hyungwon can scrounge up from thrift shops on his vacant dollar, are dirty and torn. He wishes she would let him just steal proper clothes for her, as he does for all his other pledges that choose to live under his care. "Don't say a single thing about my dress," she chastises him without need.
"How'd you know-"
"I know that stupid look." She huffs, smoothing out a wrinkle in her skirt before walking off towards her cell of sorts. Truly, all the pledges that live in the warehouse are given free reign to leave their small rooms as they please. They just choose not to. They are dependent on the drug that is a vampire's bite, and Hyungwon can easily say this is his biggest regret. Never living the life of a human had made him immune some time ago to their silly needs, but in his most recent decades, he has hated more and more how he comes to live.
Not killing, but taking away another's will to live. He cannot tell now if he is the addict, or the humans he feeds from.
"I'm going to start saying goodbye to the others," Seonhae calls out to Hyungwon before wandering into her room and shutting herself in.
Hyungwon is left alone with his thoughts, and he hates that more than most anything else. The evening is late, and his sleepless state gives him nothing but time to think. He wishes desperately to be given any valid distraction. Anything to silence his mind.
He can only groan in distress when the perfect distraction walks his way into the warehouse. Hyungwon can recognize those long strides easily, walking several floors overhead at a brisk run. Down the flights of stairs, around the corner, and into the main room. Hyungwon can hear Minhyuk's breathing, ragged from the run and tears sure to be striping his face.
Sure enough, when Hyungwon stands from his place to turn and face the blonde, the young man is wracked by shaking shoulders and shifting eyes. "Why didn't you say anything?" He demands of his Master, fists shaking with energy as he forces himself to stand in his place. If he strikes out at Hyungwon, no good will come of it. He will either be flung aside and killed, or he will land a hit and break his own fragile and mortal bones.
Hyungwon gives no answer. He does not know what to say. Surely Seonhae has heard her son's outburst from the other room, but she leaves the men to dispute alone. She knows that they, though neither could ever admit it, are dependent on one another. Her son, having spent most of his life without those of his kind, had never been taken in and cared for. She had tried her best to care for him, but she could never nurture his abilities that developed so differently from her own.
Hyungwon, who she knew had lived a long life alone, had never Claimed someone before Minhyuk. He had tried, she knew from the few snippets of tragedy she had stolen from him upon their first meeting, but the two vampires he had turned and Claimed in his life had died before him. Minhyuk was his chance to finally care for something and protect it. Not just a pledge, or another of his own kind. Someone living, breathing, and with a soul.
Hyungwon realizes all this too. And as soon as the weight of how important Minhyuk is to him hits his chest, he crumbles.
[ x ]
Changkyun and Hoseok remain at his small apartment all night, both ignoring texts that come through in the early hours of the morning from Jooheon. They can both feel a dull ache in their chests, surely from their Master.
Changkyun sheds a few tears for the emotions that wash over him, a foul sensation that sends shivers down his spine and lights his nerves on fire one by one. He lies on the carpeted floor of his living room, Hoseok on the couch beside him, both staring awake at the ceiling.
"I'm sorry," Changkyun murmurs sometime past three in the morning. Hoseok has been slipping in and out of sleep every so often, and he stirs at his younger friend's voice. Since the evening had ended, and Minhyuk had run off to leave them alone, the pair had regained some semblance of understanding. Though they have been left in silence for most of their time together, they have spoken more than ever before. Memories, words, pain, and every other wave of emotion have passed between them in the hours that they lay cold in the den. Spoken words have not been necessary, but Changkyun cannot sit in silence any longer.
"I'm sorry," he repeats when Hoseok only breathes in response.
"Me too," the older whispers, lifting a hand to the Mark across his heart. He can almost feel the buzz of electricity that connects him to his Master, less palpable than the connection he has to Changkyun, but still there. "I'm just scared," he admits.
"Me too." Changkyun, with both his hands folded atop his stomach, holds his breath. He does not know where he is meant to turn. His Master, a hopeless wreck of sorts, has little to no guidance for the young man. Minhyuk, with too much knowledge and too many stressors, is lost in his own mind now. Hoseok, with no help and nothing but shame, cannot even muster the courage to truly forgive Changkyun for changing. "It wasn't my choice," Changkyun whispers as the accusatory thoughts drift from Hoseok's head to his.
"You chose," Hoseok replies, turning onto his side to stare down at the younger. "You chose to live. I can't blame you for that, but you chose it."
Changkyun does not look at the older man, too hurt by the last week to fight any longer. Perhaps if Hoseok had experienced first hand, rather than through the transfer of memories, he would understand just how painful this all was for the younger. "If I could, I'd just go back and have him kill me."
It does not hurt to admit, one of the few things Changkyun can say that feels easy.
Hoseok can see the honesty plain on the younger's face. From the set in his broad jaw, to the unwavering stare in his dark eyes, Hoseok believes Changkyun completely. The protective instinct switches on, and he fights his own bleak tears as he slips from the couch to lie beside his young friend. He has been flooded with Hyungwon's pain from across the city for hours, and with the surmounting emotional onslaught of his own body, he knows he too will sob soon enough.
Tugging Changkyun into his chest across the carpet, Hoseok weeps quietly into the younger's hair. Changkyun lets him, listening to his heart beat pressed against his cheek. The broad man's shoulders shake, and Changkyun can tell that he has been holding more in than he has let on. "I could have killed you," the younger whispers during a lull in Hoseok's whimpering. "I could have killed you, and Minhyuk, Jooheon- So many people."
Hoseok holds Changkyun tighter, scared more than anything. He is scared for Changkyun. Scared for what he is, and what he could do. He is scared for Minhyuk, and his mother. Scared for Jooheon. For himself.
Changkyun can feel that fear through their bond, pressing into him through their skin. It is cold, and sharp, and it hurts like a knife to his chest. But he bears it for Hoseok. "I don't want to kill anybody," he says with finality. "I don't want a pledge, and I don't want to kill."
Hoseok's hand runs across Changkyun's dark face, drying tears the younger had not even felt spring from the corners of his eyes. "I'm going to help you," Hoseok whispers, blowing out a hot breath as he tries to fill his lungs through his thick tears. "I'm going to be with you, and help you. Minhyuk and Hyungwon too."
"I don't want to hurt him," Changkyun murmurs, almost dizzy from the ache that turns to a throb in his chest. Hoseok does not need to even hear Changkyun's thoughts to know who he means. "I'm scared I'm going to hurt him more as just as his friend than as this thing I've become. I'm scared he's going to hurt because I can't be beside him. Be with him. Love him."
Now Changkyun finally lets his own pain hit him. Not just Hyungwon's. Not just Hoseok's. Not even Minhyuk's, or Kihyun's, or Jooheon's. He lifts his hands to hide as his body shakes from the agony of what could become. "I don't wanna!" He cries into his hands, his shoulders bunching up around his ears as his throat closes up.
Hoseok holds the younger as close as he can, silently begging it all to just end. He knows of only one way to protect Jooheon from Changkyun, but he cannot imagine going forward with it. Changkyun, reading the thoughts as they fade from Hoseok's mind, stills in a moment of shock.
"You could-"
"No." Hoseok's voice is thick from tears, his head shaking against the carpet.
Changkyun pulls his head back from Hoseok's chest, looking up at the older man through blurry eyes. Hoseok's features are red and blotchy, his lips parted as his bated breath fans out against Changkyun's cheeks. "Hoseok. If you can do it, you have to. I can't be in his life anymore. Not until he's safe. Not until I can promise at least myself to keep him safe from me."
Hoseok shakes his head again, but Changkyun's hands lift to grip the front of his shirt in a panic. "Changkyun, you don't understand what you're asking me to do. I can't delete you from everyone's existence. You're still here-"
"Just his." Changkyun's wide eyes stare pleadingly up at the older man. "Take me away from him. Erase me."
[ x ]
It is the early hours of dawn when Jooheon yanks the door to his apartment open. He is shocked to see Changkyun waiting on the other side, Hoseok looming dark and imposing behind him. "Kyun-"
The blonde is engulfed in a warm hug, Changkyun's arms strong yet so gentle around his middle. Burying his face in Jooheon's neck, Changkyun allows himself one long breath in. Caramel.
"Changkyun, what're you doing here?" Jooheon's hands are on the younger's shoulders, trying their hardest to push him back and give him a glance. The blonde's eyes find Hoseok's as the older rounds the pair into the apartment. "Hoseok, what's going on?"
The fae gives no reply, tired and visibly pained. Dark circles ring his eyes, and his muscles, though overused in the last few days, are taut. Stress rolls off him even to the mortal eye, and Jooheon worries more at the sight. "Changkyun," Jooheon repeats as he allows only a few more seconds of contact with his best friend. He fights away from the younger's grasp soon enough, and holds the man at an arm's length away.
"I love you," Changkyun blurts out. "Too much. So much that it scares me." The dark man is not crying, but he may as well be. Jooheon can feel the younger's shoulders shake as he holds him in place. "I just want you to know that, okay? Know it, and remember it."
Jooheon does not understand where this is coming from, but he nods anyhow. It is a shock of sorts to hear Changkyun say it. Love. They have used the word many times before, in many different ways. As best friends, as jokers, as bantering material, and to make others jealous even. But not like this. Before yesterday, it had only been a dream to hear it like this.
"What's wrong-"
"Know it." Changkyun stares up into Jooheon's tired eyes. The blonde clearly has not slept all night, and though Changkyun does not know why, he has to force his concern away for now. "Remember it."
Jooheon's lips remain parted, his fear of whatever seems to be digging at Changkyun far more important than some confession of love. Changkyun is still shaking, his eyes never wavering from Jooheon's face, and his hands reach out to grip Jooheon's own shoulders. They stand at arm's lengths, content in that space, until Hoseok speaks.
"Jooheon, please sit down, okay?" Jooheon glances towards his kitchen table, a small strip of wood set for only two, to realize that Hoseok has stationed himself at one of the chairs. The older motions to the other chair, and Changkyun struggles out of Jooheon's grip so the blonde can sit. The youngest has to turn away from his best friend, his eyes brimming with burning tears that he does not want Jooheon to see. The blonde stares at his best friend's hidden profile for a moment before settling into the other kitchen chair. He wants to reply to Changkyun's confession. He wants to tell him that he feels the same. That he is so hurt by the younger. So in love with him.
He would be anything for Changkyun.
The younger stares hard at the apartment door, and Hoseok's thoughts hit his mind easily. You can wait outside if you need to.
Changkyun shakes his head, squeezing his eyes shut and letting a few tears escape his burning eyes. Jooheon glances over his shoulder at the younger, wondering why he is only standing there in silence. "Guys, really. If this is some kinda game, I'm too tired to play-"
"Silence." With a hand suddenly pressed to Jooheon's temple, Hoseok ends the spiral of thoughts in Jooheon's mind. Everything that passes his fingertips is of Changkyun, each terror and instance of joy leads back to the dark man stood in the corner. Jooheon stills, his breath locking up in his throat as Hoseok holds his own.
Changkyun hates the silence, and he glances over his shoulder to find Hoseok watching him. "I'm not gonna be able to undo this," Hoseok warns, his hand held away from Jooheon's skin to keep from accidentally wiping what he should not. "You've got one chance to stop me."
Changkyun lets out one broken sob before shaking his head. "Do it," he whispers, clenching his teeth as he turns toward the door again. His face burns as he holds his breath, hot with the effort of trying not to crack under Hoseok's watching eyes. "Erase me."
With one single second of pause, Hoseok nods. His skin, cold with the flow of an electric current, presses again to Jooheon's temple in unwavering concentration. One by one, starting from the very beginning, Hoseok plucks the petals from Jooheon's mind. Each are a shade of beige so beautiful, individual all on their own, and ringed around with thorns ready to prick the fae's fingers. Jooheon's mind, gripping to the memories of his only love like children to their mother, fights Hoseok as best it can. He does not want to forget Changkyun.
But in only a few minutes, four years of learning, knowing, and loving Changkyun are gone. He is Lee Jooheon, a man alone. He loves his friends. He loves his family.
He has absolutely no idea who Im Changkyun is.