Beats of the Heart - Chapter 29: Chapter 29

The sounds of the club were drowned out as Miles wrestled with his thoughts. Shawn leaned toward him and softly called out to him. "Miles."
Miles flinched when he heard his voice. Shawn had been so silent during this conversation. He then realized he had revealed almost too much and cursed his careless words. But as he looked at Shawn, he couldn't find it within himself to regret it. He instantly sought comfort from his gaze.
He took a deep breath and turned back to Jay. "If I'm honest, I may always resent you."
Jay nodded. "I know. I understand."
"However, I am grateful for what you're doing in this neighborhood. I'll look into your youth center, and if there is something I can help with, I will let you know."
Jay's mouth fell open, and he visibly trembled. "What? But why help me?"
"We both know the government and the school systems won't do shit to help the kids in these parts. People like us have to step up instead." Miles shrugged and then stood, ready to put an end to this night. Shawn stood with him, and Miles instinctively intertwined his fingers with his.
Jay's eyes focused on their hands momentarily before he smiled with relief. "Circumstances aside, I'm glad you stopped by."
Miles nodded in response, feeling the same sentiment.
He checked his phone, seeing Phase's message telling him they brought Trickshot through the back door and had him in the car.
Shawn led him back outside, and they quickly slipped into the car and took off.  Trickshot was asleep and reeked of alcohol. Phase and Juse had mirrored expressions of disgust.
"What happened when you picked him up?" Miles asked.
Phase huffed. "He was babbling nonsense."
Miles looked back in the rearview mirror with a raised eyebrow.
Phase groaned. "He was talking shit about Requiem... I also think he was secretly meeting with Eclipse."
Miles tensed. "Why do you say that?"
Phase glared at Trickshot's sleeping figure. "He kept saying something about Brian being right."
"Fuck," Miles sighed.
Phase kept a dark gaze on Trickshot. "Do you think he told him about... um... Requiem's identity?"
Miles knew that Phase was trying to be vague about Requiem because Shawn was in the car. However, when Miles glanced at Shawn, he noticed he was equally upset as Phase.
Suddenly the look Shawn had after their shower made sense. Too many things have hinted at his dual identity, and Shawn connected the dots. The gig was up.
Shawn knew who Requiem was.
"You know, don't you?" Miles asked.
Shawn looked at him and gave him a coy smile. "What do you mean?"
"Playing dense is unbecoming, Mr. Pierce." Miles sighed playfully. "How did you find out I was Requiem?"
Shawn was silent for a moment, contemplating his answer. "I didn't know for sure, but I had my assumptions. Especially when I got a good look at your tattoos. Were you trying to keep it from me?"
Miles lightly laughed, ignoring Phase's stuttering in the back seat. "Maybe? It's just become a habit after all these years."
Shawn reached over and interlaced his fingers with Miles'. "I'm not proud about how long it took me to figure it out, but I was bound to notice, don't you think?"
Miles flushed a little and nodded. He knew the closer he got to Shawn, the less likely he would be able to hide his identity as Requiem; however, the apprehension he felt before seemed laughable. In fact, he felt a weight lifted off his shoulders. He should have just told him long ago.
"Wait..." Phase clasped a hand over his mouth and turned to Juse. "Are they together?"
Juse rolled his eyes. "It's a bit obvious, isn't it?"
"That's cool, and I absolutely support it," Phase said but still had a questioning look. "Would that cause issues with our possible merger with Aura?"
A wave of anxiety rushed through Miles when he heard the question. He didn't think about the complications of their romantic and business relationship.
"Scott is in charge of anything Dirge related to ensure that Aura is unbiased when drafting the contract," Shawn explained.
Phase and Juse had relaxed around Shawn considerably and asked him other questions about Aura and the artists he represented. Shawn was cordial and answered everything he could, but Miles was silent. He would occasionally look back at the sleeping Trickshot, and his gaze would become increasingly darker.
Flux and the others were already outside when they arrived at the townhouse. They kept their voices down, but Phase quickly explained Trickshot's situation. There were a slew of curses as they dropped Trickshot on the couch. Quake stayed with him to ensure he didn't slink out in the middle of the night, and the others retired to the other rooms in the house.
Miles clasped Shawn's hand and led him downstairs to his room. As they reached the bedroom, Miles sunk into the bed, and his shoulders sagged.
"What do you need?" Shawn asked.
Miles gave a broken laugh. "I have no idea."
Shawn caressed his cheek and then led him to the bathroom. "I'm going to draw us a bath."
Miles nodded numbly as Shawn started the water and undressed Miles. His movements and touches were not sexual but highly comforting. For a moment, amid his chaotic thoughts, he felt some sense of calm.
Shawn helped him into the tub, and he sat between his legs, leaning against Shawn's chest. Shawn ran his fingers up and down his arm, watching the droplets of water run down his tattoos.
"Who was Jay?" Shawn asked tentatively, aware that Miles' past with Jay could be sensitive.
Miles released a slow breath. "He was someone you avoided. A gangster, murderer, all around bad motherfucker."
"Is that why you almost took the gun with you?"
Miles sunk back into Shawn. "Yes and no. Part of me wanted to defend myself in case he was the same man I knew... the other part wanted revenge."
Shawn didn't say anything, letting Miles work out the words. After a few ragged breaths, Miles revealed what happened at the warehouse—the parties, the warnings from Jay he never knew about, and his friends dying in front of him.
When he told Shawn about being shot, Shawn's hand fell to his side, his fingers brushing on the scar from the gunshot wound.
"I can't believe I let you confront him," Shawn whispered, kissing his shoulder.
"It turned out surprisingly alright," Miles said with a chuckle. "Which is something I never expected."
"But to face your past... dammit. How old were you?"
Miles shrugged. "16, I believe."
Shawn's arms wrapped tightly around Miles, and he buried his face in Miles' neck.
"We've all got skeletons in the closet," Miles said. "Mine are just a little more violent than others."
Shawn sighed. "Don't do that. Don't trivialize the things you've been through."
"Sometimes you have to. Trivialize and compartmentalize the bullshit so you can function, you know?"
Shawn shook his head. "No. I could never fully understand the pain you've lived through. I'm so sorry."
Miles had heard many people pity him or placate him with apologies for the shit he endured, but this was different. He used to be so angry at the people who said 'I'm sorry' because it was so hollow. He would wish they would experience an ounce of pain he suffered so they could relate—so they could take their empty words and shove it.
But not with Shawn. It wasn't empty sentiment. It wasn't an 'I'm sorry your childhood was shit.' He felt Shawn's words were more frustration at his own ignorance and not knowing how to support him.
"I'm happy you don't know," Miles whispered. "But it could have been worse."
"Still, the things you have experienced..."
Miles lifted his hand behind him and played with Shawn's hair. "I know. I shouldn't compare my experiences with anyone else's—trauma is still trauma—but there are worse things in the world. I didn't end up shooting up poison on a street corner, dead in the gutter, or sent to prison. My skin is pale enough to pass as mostly white, so I avoided most of the racial bullshit that others can't escape. I even dodged most homophobic attacks because my mom was one hell of an ally. I have good friends, a found family, a brother I'd kill for... and you."
Shawn kissed up his neck. "You'll always have me."
Hearing these words made the breath catch in Miles' throat. It wasn't quite 'I love you,' but it was close enough.
Shawn released a long breath and tucked his head in the crook of Miles' neck. "Tell me something else about your life. Something that makes you smile."
Miles was quiet for a moment and then grinned. "I learned how to play the piano in the back of a second-hand music shop. My mom would take me there every day after school when she was healthy, and we would play on a beat-up upright piano that was out of tune half the time. When I was 14, I bought that same piano for $200 bucks. It was a total impulse buy, but that piano has followed me everywhere."
"That's the piano in the other room," Shawn recalled the worn piano with the mismatched wooden bench. His voice filled with a sense of admiration.
"The very same. I had to rebuild the bench, replace the keys, and gut the inside, but the foundation is still there." Miles laughed. "It's no Steinway, but it holds a much greater value."
Shawn kissed his neck, enjoying his laughter.
"Your turn," Miles urged Shawn.
Shawn chuckled. "You told me your first investment, so I'll tell you mine."
"Please tell me it's something innocent like a lemonade stand."
Shawn laughed. "No. Nothing like that. My dad gave me money to try my hand at something when I turned 16. I overestimated myself and wanted to play the stock market. I did little to no research and trusted my luck."
"Oh no," Miles said with a laugh.
"Unsurprisingly, it was a bust. My dad thought it was the funniest thing he had seen and made sure to give me shit about it. But he sat me down and explained what went wrong. Then he taught me how to research to make knowledgeable decisions. I'm smarter with my investments now."
Miles leaned his head back. "Looking at your successful business, you definitely took that lesson to heart."
They continued to trade stories of their childhood until the water turned cold. They both climbed out and dried each other. It was well past midnight, so they curled up against each other and fell asleep.
Miles woke up when the sun was rising, the light just starting to steam through his high windows. He bit back a groan from the throbbing in his head. All the shit he dredged up from Jay and Trickshot took a toll on him, so the morning headache was fierce.
He went to stretch but felt a pair of strong arms around him. He turned to his side to see Shawn peacefully sleeping next to him. He seemed younger and more relaxed. His hair wasn't styled and slicked back like usual, but soft and falling over his eyes. His lips were slightly parted and looked temptingly kissable.
The white in his hair matured him, and the laugh lines and soft crinkles at the corner of his eyes told a story of the joys he had in life. He was also taller and larger than Miles, so Miles fit perfectly in his arms, feeling safe.
Shawn had strength and power, not just physically but intellectually. His intelligence and cunning were off the charts, and there was something undeniably attractive about his competence.
He warred inside his mind, telling himself that Shawn was too good for him. However, he chose to ignore that voice in his head. He would just become a better man because there was no way in hell he would let go of him now.
Fate, god, destiny—whatever the fuck he believed in—gave him a second chance after 12 long years. Why waste what the universe gave him?
Miles gently grabbed the wrist resting on his stomach, letting his fingers rest on Shawn's pulse point. He was always seeking a new rhythm from Shawn. Somehow the heartbeat of Shawn sleeping next to him was the most beautiful yet.
He seared the beats to his mind, ready to make it into another song.
Shawn's eyes fluttered open, and smiled when he faced Miles's gaze. "You're up."
Miles hummed and leaned in, giving him a chaste kiss. "Just woke up."
Shawn shifted, and Miles winced from his headache. "Are you okay?"
Miles smiled. "Just a headache from all the shenanigans from last night. Nothing I can't handle."
He sat up and swung his legs over the side of the bed. When he sat up, he felt his head throb and winced again. "Maybe I should have some pain pills."
"Where are they?"
Miles rubbed his eyes. "The top drawer next to you."
He felt the bed shift behind him and heard Shawn move to the tableside drawer. When he heard a sharp intake of breath, Miles snapped his head around to see what happened. He saw Shawn staring at an old business card, his mouth slightly open in shock.
Miles flushed and launched himself over the bed to grab the card but cursed when he fell on his stomach, inches away from Shawn.
Shawn jumped back, still holding the card with one hand and covering his mouth with another.
Miles groaned and buried his face into the blankets. His embarrassment overwhelmed his pain.
"I haven't seen this card in such a long time," Shawn said quietly. He ran his fingers against his old business card.
Old logo. Old building address. Same cell number.
"I..." Miles didn't know what to say.
"You didn't lose it. I thought you did." Shawn's voice was heavy with emotion.
Miles looked up but couldn't decipher what he was feeling. He moved to sit in the middle of the bed and sighed heavily. His fingers rubbed against the scars on his wrist, a conditioned habit.
"It always stayed with me," Miles said quietly, his cheeks flushed. "It was in my wallet for years, but someone tried pickpocketing me once, so I moved it to somewhere safer."
"You didn't call me," Shawn said as he sat at the edge of the bed.
Miles shook his head and then bit his lip. The tremble in Shawn's voice made him feel like he betrayed him.
Shawn reached out and pulled Miles' lip from his teeth, then rubbed the indent with his thumb. "I'm not upset. I just didn't realize you held on to it."
Miles released a shuddered breath. "That night was more than just me recovering from losing my mom... I was still wearing the bandages for these," he held out his wrists, revealing his scars.
He wanted to reveal more about what was happening that night, but the words were stuck in his throat. He didn't want to mar Shawn's memory even further with talks of the bottle of pills he planned to swallow.
Shawn lowered his head and gently kissed each scar, then pulled Miles into a hug.
Miles sighed, his head falling against Shawn's chest. "I couldn't call you when I was battling something within myself... and when I was finding some semblance of normalcy, you were making a name for yourself, so I decided to wait until I did something with my life. But when I became successful, you towered over all others in this business. You were so... perfect. I watched you charm the world and then convinced myself that there was no way you would remember me."
Shawn kissed the top of his head. "I never got you out of my head. I thought I was going crazy for years because you had crawled under my skin. I kept returning to The Lunar, and if I wasn't in Nick's office, I was sitting on the same stool as that night, hoping you would sit next to me again."
"I'm sorry," Miles whispered.
"There's no need to apologize when I have you in my arms."
Miles relaxed content with the answer. He looked up and frowned when he saw Shawn smiling down at the business card in his hand.
"Don't be smug," he jokingly chided.
Shawn's smile widened. "I'm not. I'm happy."
He left Miles with another kiss as he placed the card back in the drawer where he had found it. He poured out a couple of pain relievers and handed them to Miles.
A comfort settled inside of him. Somehow, they were always clinging to each other.