Begin Again | ongoing - Chapter 19: Chapter 19

It's late enough that the roads are quiet, and it's only twenty-five minutes before Sylvia pulls up outside number 3, Jupiter Court and Sunny is back in her top floor flat looking out over the world below. The sky is several shades darker now, though the lights of Black Sands and the pier's illuminations give the sky a flickering glow. She doesn't have a sea view from any of her windows – the south-facing windows of her bedroom and the sitting room look over the square of garden belonging to the house on the other side, and the tiny kitchen window looks over Jupiter Court – but when she cracks it open, she can smell the salt in the air. On a clear day she can hear the excited screams of kids on the rides at the end of the pier.
Fenfen isn't home. Sunny has the place to herself but that's not what she wants. She wants to make a plan to prove herself to Viv but she has questions and she needs answers, so she holds the kitchen phone between her ear and shoulder as she dials Ravi's number from memory. She keeps seeing adverts imploring her to invest in a Nokia 3210 but she can't see the point in splashing a week's wages on a mobile phone when she has a landline and she knows all her friends' six-digit numbers off by heart – and she doesn't have to remember to charge her landline every few days.
"Fraser Adams," Fraser says when he answers the phone. It makes a lot more sense to answer that way, rather than Sunny's habit of saying hello in a questioning tone to whoever calls her.
"Hey, it's me," she says. "Are you guys home?"
"We most certainly are. Does that help or hinder?"
"Depends if I can come over or not. It's not too late is it?"
"It's not even nine, Sunny," Fraser says. "How old do you think we are?" He chuckles and says, "Come on over, Lil Ray. See you in a minute."
Sunny has timed it and the quickest she can make it to number 21, Jupiter Court is ninety-four seconds, but only if she sprints so hard her legs and lungs burn, and she risks catastrophic injury at the speed with which she descends the two flights of stairs between her flat and the pavement.
She doesn't run today. It takes her four minutes to head downstairs and walk up the gentle slope to the other end of the road, and Fraser lets her in within five seconds of knocking. The powerful aroma of Murghanu Shaak almost knocks her out when she steps into the flat to see Ravi standing over the hob, stirring potato chunks into a sauce of chopped onion and garlic with grated ginger and garam masala – and, knowing Ravi, a generous amount of chili powder.
"Hey, Sunny!" He waves the hand that's holding a wooden spoon and splatters the rich, oily sauce on the counter. Fraser rolls his eyes and tears off a square of kitchen roll, getting rid of the mess seconds after it's made. Sunny could do with someone like that in her life.
"Hiya, guys." She drops her bag from her shoulder to her elbow. "I didn't realise I was interrupting your supper."
"You're not – I've only just put the rice on so that'll be another half an hour at least." He pulls the pan slightly off the hob and puts a lid on it. "You all right?"
He sits first. Sunny takes a place opposite him at the table. Fraser nudges the lid off the pan to taste the sauce. He lets out an orgasmic groan in appreciation – his boyfriend can cook.
"What's up, buttercup?"
"I haven't treated Viv very well since this whole business of, you know, travelling through time," Sunny says with a sigh. "She's upset and I need to make it up to her, but that's kind of hard when I don't know her as well as I'm supposed to."
"That does pose a problem," Ravi says, nodding sagely.
"She does know, right?" Fraser asks. "You're not trying to act like nothing happened, are you?"
"God, no!" She pulls a face. "I can't act to save my life. She knows everything."
"Does she understand?"
"I don't even understand."
"Is she understanding?" he asks, adjusting the wording. Sunny folds her arms on the table and nods, taking off her cap to run a hand through her hair and tuck it behind her ears. She clutches the cap in both hands, her fingers fidgeting with the velcro strap at the back.
"She's very understanding. Way more than I deserve her to be."
"Don't say that," Ravi says. "It's not like you asked for this."
"Except I literally did." She smiles; she can see the funny side.
"Oh, shit. Yeah. Yeah, you kinda did."
The sauce bubbles. It smells so good that Sunny's stomach rumbles even though she already had supper with her parents at seven. The grumble doesn't miss Ravi's eager ears. He nods at the pot.
"Plenty for three, if you want to eat with us?"
Pushing away the little voice that tells her two suppers is greedy, Sunny says listens to her hunger – and Viv – and says, "That'd be nice. If you're sure."
"Of course. Always space for you here, Sunny. So, what exactly happened to upset Viv? Did you say something?"
She grimaces. "I told her that we went to Lickety Split. She was upset that I didn't ask her 'cause apparently she's wanted to go for a while – well, she's not necessarily upset that I didn't ask her, more that she didn't even cross my mind. I'm still getting used to the whole being in a relationship thing. It doesn't come naturally. You guys make it look so easy."
Fraser bumps his shoulder against Ravi's and says, "Probably because we've been together for six years, and neither of us has ever forgotten the entire relationship. That makes a difference, I'd have thought."
Ravi nudges Sunny's foot under the table. "You said you want to make it up to her, yeah?"
"Yeah. I thought ... I know this is going to sound stupid, considering I'm in this position precisely because I wanted to avoid dating, but I thought maybe I could recreate our first date." Her eyes are wide, her lips curving into a smile at the thought. A smile. At the thought of a date. She never thought she'd see the day. But there's this tug in her heart, this pull towards Viv.
Fraser claps and gasps his glee. "Oh my god, that's too cute. Lil Ray wants to date."
He has called her that since they met at university. The three of them were randomly assigned as flatmates in their first year, along with three others none of them have kept in touch with. By the second night, Ravi, Fraser and Sunny had realised they were kindred spirits and after a night of drinking, Fraser had dubbed Sunny 'Lil Ray' because, as he'd tipsily declared, you're such a little ray of sunshine, Sunny!
Not because of her personality, because Sunny's not exactly the bright and engaging extroverted type, but because she had accidentally dressed in all yellow.
"I am dating," she says, "I'm just doing a really fucking shit job of it because I made my girlfriend cry on Tuesday and now it's Thursday and we haven't spoken since, so I need to fix this. But I can't remember anything, so that's where you guys come in." She pins the boys down with her stare, her hands flat on the table. "There's no way I went on a first date with a fucking beautiful girl and didn't immediately tell you all about it, so I'm going to need your help. Please cast your minds back to last year and tell me what we did."
"Was that when you went to the pier?" Fraser asks, the question half-directed at Ravi because Sunny won't know.
"The pier was the third date," she says. "She told me about that one, the one where we went to your show and we kissed on the pier. The one you painted."
"Oh, yeah! Okay, so what was the first?" He taps the stubbly bristle on his chin, the hair there a slightly darker shade of orange. Sunny's in awe of the miracles of modern medicine – before Fraser transitioned, he had the smoothest, softest cheeks; now, he shaves in the morning and has a shadow by the evening, his jaw squarer and more defined. He laughs and says, "I'm not gonna lie to you, Sunny, I can't even remember our first date, let alone someone else's."
Ravi throws a hand over his mouth, eyebrows rocketing up to his hairline. "You don't remember our first date? Oh my god."
"It was a long time ago. I was a different person then," he says with a wink. Ravi softens and takes Fraser's chin in his hand to kiss him. It's sweet, but Sunny huffs.
"Help me, guys. I don't wanna fuck this up again and I don't want to go and ask Delilah, even though she'll definitely remember, because that curry smells too fucking good and I don't want to miss out, even this is so fucking late for you to only just be having supper."
"Okay, okay"—Ravi holds up his hands—"your first date with Viv. Sunny and Viv's first date. Hmm. What did you do?"
"Come on!" she cries out. "I must have told you. Please dig deep in that beautiful brain of yours so I can fix the crumbling relationship I lost fourteen months of my life for." She holds her hands together, resting her elbows on the table and her chin on her steepled fingers, and she pouts. "Please."
"I'm just messing with you," Ravi says, his socked foot bumping her shin. "You were so nervous and excited, we had to psych you up before you met up with Viv, and then you came here straight after and spent, like, three hours telling us every detail."
When the sauce bubbles louder and the lid rattles, he gets up to stir it. "You went to the crazy golf course by the beach and even though you fucking suck at crazy golf, like, you really suck at it—"
"I know that." When it comes to sport, Sunny has no chance. Her hand-eye coordination leaves a lot to be desired and there's no better way to make her swear to the high heavens than to put a club in her hand and tell her to get a ball in a hole.
"Okay, okay, well, you've met your match because Viv is equally shit, even though she radiates this air of competence and capability." He wiggles his fingers and tastes the sauce. "You were both so bad that you got the same terrible score and your competitive side kicked in."
"Oh, no." Her head drops into her hands. Sunny's competitive side can be an ugly, snarling little beast. It has no place on a first date. Her face colours at the thought alone. "Please say I didn't throw a golf club."
Fraser guffaws at that. "I can so see you doing that."
"That's what I'm scared of."
"Ha! No, not quite. According to your breakdown of events after the date, you challenged her to a new game and said that the loser had to buy supper."
"Ravi, I cannot do sports to save my life. Like, not a single one. There's no way I challenged her to any kind of match."
He holds up a finger and takes a seat opposite again. "Not a match – a game. You went to the board game café on the boardwalk and challenged her to the mother of all board games, renowned for its aphrodisiac qualities."
Sunny wrinkles her nose and tries to think what game that could possibly be, until she realises—"Oh, you're joking."
"I'm joking." He bops her on the nose. "You made that poor girl play Monopoly. On your first date. Monopoly."
"Fuck."
"God knows why she agreed, but you were there for hours."
"Did I win?"
"Yeah. Though I wouldn't be surprised if Viv lost on purpose just to put an end to the game. I guess that means she bought supper? I don't know what you had, I just remember the golf and the Monopoly because I thought she'd never want to see you again after that."
"Jesus, I hope competitive Sunny didn't come out in full force," she mutters, biting her lip. "She's such a twat, I hate her."
"Aw, no. I love competitive Sunny," Fraser says. "She's so spunky and she swears so much." Hand over his heart, he says, "I'll never forget the time I bankrupted you with a hotel on Park Lane and you called me a, ahem, greedy fucking carrot-headed whore of a cock-sucker and I was like"—he pretends to wipe the corners of his mouth—"couldn't agree more, babe."
Sunny's covering her face with both hands now, emitting a low groan like the whir of a distressed engine. "Oh, god. I'm so sorry, Fraser. I lose all sense and reason when Monopoly comes out."
"Oh, don't you dare apologise." He's grinning so wide that his freckles merge together in the creases of his cheeks. "Some of my favourite memories of the three of us are from times you've lost at a board game. Endless entertainment."
"Ugh."
Ravi raises his eyebrows. "Sure you wanna recreate your first date?"
She laughs under her breath and inhales deeply as she sits straight, her back cracking. "Yes. I need to show her that I want this to work. I ... I care."
That, she finds strange. Because she has only known Viv for six days, but she already cares about her. She wants to make this right, even if it means embarrassing herself at crazy golf and Monopoly, even if it means losing a game and risking her competitive side shining a little too brightly.
"I'm glad." Ravi rubs her arm and gives her a closed-lipped smile. "I know I've said it already but it bears repeating – you two are perfect together. She's perfect for you. You've been so much happier since she's been in your life." Backtracking, he says, "Not that you were unhappy before, but ... you know?"
"Yeah. I get you." She sighs and flops over the table, resting her cheek on the cool cover of a magazine. Fraser flicks her forehead.
"Hey, you're getting your face oils all over Matt."
She lifts her head and laughs when she sees Matt Damon on the cover of last month's issue of Gay Times. Fraser takes the magazine away from her to protect it, revealing this month's copy of Men's Health underneath. Fraser blushes deeply. Neither he nor Ravi have ever been to a gym or put much thought into their diet, but they do appreciate the bevy of shirtless men between the pages.
Sunny's eyebrows twitch. She taps the shirtless guy in question and reads off the cover. "Bed-busting sex?" A snort escapes. She tips her chair back to balance on the back legs, one hand on the table. "Last longer in bed. You paid three quid for straight sex tips and a quiz to tell you if you married your mum?"
"No. I paid three quid to learn how to add an inch to my arms, obviously." Fraser flexes his arm, the barest hint of a bicep tensing, and he can't keep a straight face. "I don't want to look like that. I want to look at that."
"And you're gonna have to keep buying those mags because this chubby brown belly"—Ravi grabs a handful of his tummy and jiggles it—"is never going to look like the kind of white guy's protein-punch six-pack that ends up on the cover."
Fraser's eyes go all gooey with love as he slips an arm around Ravi and says, "If your chubby brown belly was on the cover, I'd buy every copy."
"You'd deprive the world of my magazine debut? That's just mean."
"I just wanna keep you all for me."
Sunny looks away, feigning disgust when they kiss. They are pretty gross, all loved-up and soppy, but she's used to it by now. She's been their third wheel for more than half a decade, after all.
Ravi's curry is delicious. It always is. He learnt to cook from his mother, and she is an absolute goddess in the kitchen who has the kind of intuition with spice and flavour and texture that can't be taught. Once they're stuffed and sprawled out on the sofa – and Sunny's torn between regretting eating a second supper, and wishing she had space for a second serving – they rehash Sunny and Viv's first date, so she knows exactly what to plan, and Fraser rolls off the sofa to choose a video to end the night with.
"Notting Hill or Toy Story?" he asks, holding up two cases.
"Two very different films, babe," Ravi says, punctuating himself with a yawn. It's late to start a film when they both have work in the morning, especially considering Fraser wakes up at seven to get ready to teach a bunch of eight-year-olds – when he's not painting in every moment of his free time, he's a Year Three and Four teacher – but the vibe is right.
"Okay, Toy Story or Toy Story 2?" He digs around and finds the second Toy Story video and Sunny sits up so fast her head spins. She has to dig her fingers into the sofa cushion to anchor herself.
"Wait, there's a sequel?"
"Oh, my little sweetie pie," Ravi says, "you've missed so much! Decision made – we're having Toy Story 2."
Fraser puts it on and roots around for the remote when the menu comes up, asking if they want the film or the special extras. He takes the ratty armchair as his throne, leaving the sofa for Ravi and Sunny. Ravi slouches into the cushions and pats the space next to him. Sunny crawls into it and rests her head on his shoulder, breathing in the comforting smell of her best friend. Yes, she has multiple best friends. No, she doesn't care about the meaning of the word best. Ravi and Delilah are utterly different people and she loves them equally as much.
"Have I seen this before?" she asks as the film starts. Ravi's hand is warm on her shoulder and she could fall asleep like this, lying against him.
"We all went to the cinema when it came out a couple of months ago, with Delilah and Viv. There were a lot of kids there. We got a lot of dirty looks from parents with their snotty little children. Apparently it's, like, weird for a bunch of twenty-somethings to go on a quintuple date to watch a long-awaited sequel to an incredible animated film?"
"No, what was weird," Fraser interjects, "was that you cried when Woody's arm got ripped off."
"Hey!" Sunny slaps her hands over her ears. "Spoiler alert, thank you very much!"
Fraser sighs a wistful sigh. "I wish I could wipe my memory and get to watch my favourite films for the first time again."
"You don't." She fixes him with a scowl. "It's fucking weird and nauseatingly disorientating. Now shush. The film's starting."
They shush. Fraser turns off all the lights so they are illuminated by the glow of the TV. Twenty minutes in, he ends up the sofa too, his feet tucked under Sunny's thigh. By the end of the film, Ravi is fast asleep and Sunny's head is on his chest, her tears soaking his t-shirt.
"That was so good," she whisper-cries.
"You can't beat a bit of Pixar," Fraser agrees. "Is he asleep?"
She glances up. "Mmhmm."
Fraser smiles fondly at his dozing boyfriend and to Sunny, he says, "Wanna stay the night?"
Sunny thinks of her empty flat. She thinks of walking the four minutes to the bottom of the round and dragging herself up the stairs. She thinks of pulling a blanket over herself and falling asleep right here.
"Is that okay?"
"Of course it is, Lil Ray. I wouldn't offer if it wasn't." He unfolds himself from the sofa, touching Ravi's shoulder as he passes to gently wake him, and finds an extra duvet in the boiler cupboard. Ravi rubs his eyes behind his crooked glasses when he comes to with another enormous yawn.
"Hey, Ravi?"
"Mmm?"
"Any chance you know what Viv's days off are?"
"Saturday and ... Wednesday, I think? Maybe Thursday – one of them is the same as yours. The other is definitely Saturday."
Saturday. The day after tomorrow. Sunny takes the duvet from him and wraps it around herself, plumping up a cushion under her head. That gives her a day to plan. A day to find Viv and ask her out. A day before she goes on her first date for a second time.
i would give anything to have the kind of friendships sunny is surrounded by!