Beyond the Trap of Yesterday - Chapter 37: Chapter 37

Zara's pov
I don't understand how a man can make me feel this happy
That moment in the bathroom we had will forever be imbedded in my memory.
We confessed that the other has stolen our heart and that's one step closer to me admitting I love him
And the intimacy we had shared in the bathroom wasn't the sexual kind...more emotional
I was feeling insecure about him seeing my scars and he made me feel better about myself without even knowing that they are there
I love him
It's now several hours later we have eaten breakfast, and relaxed outside while Mia was in the pool, after a while i went upstairs to get ready for my date with Enzo
I decided to wear a simple blue bikini
I then decided on wearing a summery dress as a cover up
(Her dress looks something like this^)
Now I'm getting my tote ready, I'm excited but I know we will end up having some sort of talk about my cuts
I'll tell him that I was suicidal I'll just tell him that I will talk to him about the details when I'm ready and that I want this vacation to be a happy one, not one where we talk about deep dark scary past shit
"You ready to go?" Enzo asks stepping into the room as I put the sunglasses and sunscreen in my bag
"Yes" I say walking over to him smiling
"You look beautiful" h smiles down at me, he grabs my hands and gently places a kiss on my knuckles
I feel the heat on my cheeks, i try composing myself when i speak "thank you, you look nice" i smile
He chuckles and says a thank you and then we head downstairs
Ava and Matteo are gonna take Mia to a cool park near here and get some lunch together while Enzo and I are gone
And then tomorrow we will watch Mia while Ava and Matt go on a date, i am sure they will go see the flamingos as well because Ava has been talking Matt's ear off about it even though he already said he would take her the first time she mentioned it.
We drove in a car for a bit until we get to a helicopter?
I look over at him confused
"We have to fly to an island over here to see the flamingos, I had the whole island rented out so there won't be annoying people in the way and scaring the flamingos off," he says shrugging nonchalantly
While i was over here choking on thin air, how does someone get to a point where they can simply rent out a dang island?
I try keeping my composure but fail, and clearly Enzo notices cus he laughs shaking his head
"You rented a whole island" i ask shocked
He shrugs "yeah"
"Why are you acting like all you did was rent out a chair in a room or something" i fake cry out
"Its not that big of a deal to me Zara, plus i want you to have a good time, so your gonna except it or all the money goes to waste your choice" he smirks
Evil evil man
after we get out of the car I hug him "thank you, but please don't spend so much money on me" i whisper
"You're welcome and I'm gonna pretend i didn't hear you" he smiles
I roll my eyes, the man is so stubborn
"You know you're the only guy I have ever gone out with but I can confidently still say you either really like me or just have too much money, I don't know anyone who would put this much effort into some boring girl," I tell him
"First of all let's keep it at you only being ever with me and no other guy..." he says
And I immediately get butterflies
"Second, I absolutely do like you a lot" he says looking deeply in my eyes
I think i died on the spot, i tried not freaking out to much
I couldn't help but grin at him "i like you a lot too" i nod my head
He looks down at me smiling "good thing were on the same page then"
I think to myself that were not because I absolutely love him, there's no liking him, i am fully in love with that man, but i have no more time to overthink about me possibly liking him more because he continues talking
"Third, you are NOT boring...I could listen to you talk about anything all day and not get bored" he says kissing my nose
"And lastly I love seeing you happy and the fact that me just renting out an island with damn flamingos make you happy is pretty cute" he laughs
And I knit my eyebrows together
"Your acting like you doing this isn't costing you too much money, I mean all this is too much for a present for Christmas or a date" I say flabbergasted that he thinks this isn't a big deal
"It's just all the girls I have Been with expect me to buy them mansions after mansions and spoil them rotten with ugly ass shit that should be illegal to be that much...but you, you get excited when i give you my hoodies and my rings" he smiles
"I would give you anything and everything yet your content with hoodies and shit...so let me for once at least spoil you a little alright ?" He says cupping my cheeks
"Hey your hoodies and rings aren't shit I absolutely love them," I say slightly mad
He laughs "I'm sorry there great,"
"Yeah they absolutely are" I grin
He shakes his head while smiling
"And fine you can spoil me with your flamingo island but no buying me mansions and ugly expensive shit.." I tell him laughing
"Deal" he laughs
We head to the helicopter and go to the island
I see a cute picnic set up and immediately smile
He knows exactly what I like and that's the simple cute stuff
Yes almost every girl including me has dreamed to live the bougie life but down to the heart we all want the cute sappy simple romantic stuff
The things that men have to put thought and time into feel the most special
We head over to the picnic and sit down
We talk about random shit for a while and eat the fruits and sandwiches
Then I take a deep breath cus we're about to go see the flamingos and that means taking clothing off to be in swimsuits
And that means scars...
"Enzo I need to tell you something before we go in the water okay?" I say
He nods
"And I don't want you interrupting me in any way while I'm talking," I say
"Alright," he says slightly confused
"Okay...I don't want this to turn into some sad depressing shit so I don't want to talk about the details right now but when I'm in my bikini you will see my scars on my stomach and upper leg and thigh area and I will tell you that I was suicidal when I was a child up until honestly like 17 years old and I would cut...
I even tried ending my life but an ambulance got called and they helped me, there's obviously a lot to it and I'm sure you want to know why I was suicidal but I don't really wanna talk about it when we're in Hawaii" I say all in one breath
I feel bad lying and saying I'm the one who made all the cuts on my body but I don't want him asking any questions about who did the cuts right now
He takes a deep breath before speaking "is this why you were crying in the bathroom?" He asks his face looks like it's holding hurt in it
I look at him but don't say anything and he takes that as a yes and then continues talking
"You should know that I don't care if you have scars, like I said I won't judge you, I care for you and I will continue thinking you're beautiful, scars won't change that
Those marks on your body are a reminder that you lived and survived Zara...don't think that I will ever think less and different of you because of your past okay? And you tell me when you ready not because you think I wanna know
Of course, I want to know all about you, but I will never push you to tell me things you are not ready for at the moment...you know I have things I still have to tell you but that's for another time just like the things you have to tell me in the future...
Promise me Zara that you won't think I'll ever judge you for your past, and I'll never judge you for some marks on your body either" He says all while wiping my cheeks from the tears I wasn't aware we're there
I immediately lunge at him into a hug, he hugs me back tightly
"You have no idea how much you mean to me Enzo" I whisper to him
I love you I love you I love you
I wanna say screw everything and tell him now but we haven't even kissed yet and I don't want him to think I only said I love you because he made me feel good about myself
"And I don't think you know how much you mean to me," he says stroking my hair taking deep breaths
"I will kiss every damn scar on your body until you know that I don't hate them" he whispers
Geez this man's gonna make me melt
"You haven't even seen them yet" I roll my eyes
He looks me in the eyes "can I take your dress off?" He asks
Well shit man this ain't the time for this buddy...Kidding
I nod
"Words sweetheart I need you to say it," he says
And here I faint goodbye
"Yes you can," I say
He slowly unbuttons my dress
And then I'm just in my bikini
God I've never felt more vulnerable in my life
His eyes rake my body and i feel so scared as I'm under his stare
I see a small smile on his face when he looks up at my face, he comes up closely and against my my forehead says
"So beautiful" he whispers kissing my forehead
"Lay down sweetheart," he tells me
damn man at least take me to dinner first
He takes in my reaction and laughs "not what your thinking sweetheart...not right now at least "
Well shit
I slowly lay down, with my breathing going one hundred miles an hour
And the man cages me in looks me in the eye and says "I'm going to kiss every scar I see on your body, and each time after this that you look at them I want you to think of them as marks of your survival and I also want you to look at them and remember my kisses and that I think you're beautiful with them...got it?" He says
Well crap this man's gonna make me cry
"Okay" I whisper
He then starts kissing every scar softly and slowly one by one going through them all
The man is telling me he loves me without words right now
After kissing every single scar he slowly comes back to my face and kisses my nose
And I laugh through my tears which I just realized we're there
"There's not a scar on my nose," I tell him
He grins "doesn't mean I can't kiss your nose..." and then he kisses it again
And he helps me up, and I hug him
"Thank you Enzo, I don't think I'll ever be able to look at them now without thinking of you kissing each one of them," I say laughing with tears streaming down my face
He wipes them away "good now they have a different meaning and memory behind them" he smiles kissing my temple
Just then do I really take in his body when he takes his shirt off
He smirks "like the tattoos?" He laughs
I laugh back "yeah but I don't think the tattoos automatically come with an 8 pack" I laugh
"Not an 8 pack sweetheart but nice to know you think of me as so ripped " he laughs
"And yes I love your tattoos" I wink before running over to the water to look at the flamingos
He reaches me and throws me over his shoulder
"HEY" I screech
"You can't just say that and run off" he laughs
"Well I did" I laugh
"Not cool Zara" he laughs
"Hey, what I'm very cool" I roll my eyes as he puts me down
"So very cool" he whispers kissing me on the neck
And we both laugh
We spend some time taking pictures with the flamingos, and with just us, then we swim and then talk
After about 5 hours on that beach, we start packing to leave and wait for the helicopter to come get us
"Hey, can you please not tell anyone about the scars..." I tell him
"It's just I haven't actually told Ava about them" I cringe
He has a shocked expression on his face
"Wait but...you've known her for 4 years, Zara" He exclaims
"Yeah but in new York, there's no hot beach or any excuse to wear a bikini...well maybe there is but I've avoided her ever seeing them, I just don't want people thinking of me as a broken flower" I sigh
"Sweetheart your quite the opposite...your so strong, and don't ever think otherwise, You fought through and are here right now, and I promise you I won't say anything but tell her when your ready" he says sighing kissing my forehead
"Your so strong ragazza Carina," he says (pretty girl)
"Thank you" I smile
And whisper a "Fichetto" while laughing (pretty boy)
"I'll let that slide this once," he says shaking his head while laughing slightly
"But seriously Zara, I want you to look me in the eye and tell me you're strong, and that you're not a weak little flower...because your not sweetheart," he says cupping my cheeks
"I'm a freaking strong queen and not a broken flower," I say joking a bit with the queen thing
"Damn right you are..." he says
And I hear him whisper a "my queen" to which I whisper in his ear a "and your my king" kissing his cheek and running off to the helicopter that's been waiting for us
He catches up throws me over his shoulder and walks to the helicopter the rest of the way
"Damn right I am, and stop running away when you say cute shit," he says laughing
"Fine I won't" I roll my eyes