Beyond the Trap of Yesterday - Chapter 38: Chapter 38
You are reading Beyond the Trap of Yesterday, Chapter 38: Chapter 38. Read more chapters of Beyond the Trap of Yesterday.
Zara's pov
After admitting to Enzo and showing him my scars he's been so sweet about making sure i know that he thinks I'm beautiful, and its working little by little i never thought someone could make a insecurity feel not ugly but he somehow does.
It's been a couple of days that we have been here, Ava and matt went out one day while we watched mia and they got to have some alone time in Hawaii, when they came back Ava was freaking about about the flamingos and talking nonstop how cute they were
Obviously, I didn't tell Enzo the full truth about my cuts well more importantly the fact that only one of them was made by me... I will just not in Hawaii
Last night I was in our room looking at my scars in the mirror and I didn't see Enzo walk into the room and he hugged me from behind wrapping his arms around my waist and whispered "your beautiful Zara stop looking at them like that" he could tell I felt deflated about it and he kept picking me up helping me feel beautiful with my scars, he ended up throwing me on the bed and kissing each scar twice, i cried through it closing my eyes memorizing the way his lips felt over my scars
I never thought someone kissing scars could fix a insecurity...i guess it just matters about who's doing it, when Enzo is doing it i feel him saying he loves me through it without using words, and he really does truly make me feel beautiful
And he's right my scars don't define me, they don't make me look hideous they show that I lived through my parents shit and that I survived...HELL YEAH I SURVIVED, they can rot in hell for all I care
he makes me feel so beautiful and loved , and i forever will cherish his love for eternity
And I feel loved by him, he hasn't said it but I can tell with the way he looks at me, the way he talks to me, the things he does
After he kissed my scars that night he said he's gonna do it however many times it's gonna take for me to put a new meaning to them
And that meaning will be that I am strong and of course I can't help but smile a little now looking at them because I can still feel Enzo's soft lips kissing them when I look in the mirror
He's a big sweetheart I don't care what anyone says, sure he's intimidating on the outside but its nothing compared to the big teddy bear he is on the inside
And I love him for both
I talked to Enzo and I realized it's time to tell Ava about my scars...later on somewhere after Hawaii I will tell Enzo, Ava, and Matt about the abuse and everything but for now I feel like she deserved to know at least that I was suicidal before, yes she wont know most of the details until later but its a step in the right direction
We're all going to the pool now and after avoiding it the past couple of days I realized I want to swim and I am gonna swim Damn it!
So here I am sitting on the couch Enzo holding my hand as support and Ava and Matt sitting on the couch across from us with a confused look plastered over there faces
Mia is eating a sandwich in the kitchen while we talk
I take a deep breath and I feel Enzo squeeze my hand showing he's here for me and I squeeze it right back before talking
"Ava I want to start by saying how incredibly sorry I am for not telling you this after 4 years of friendship," I say taking a deep breath and starting again
"I just didn't want you thinking I was some broken flower and that you needed to be careful around me..." I say
She looks so confused and I can't blame her
"I was suicidal when I was a child up until I left for New York really....and I have Ummm scars on my stomach and thighs," I say eyes starting to tear up
I feel Enzo's hot breath on my ear "take your time and breath I'm here okay?" Enzo whispers and I squeeze his hand and nod
"Zara wha..." Ava whispers as she starts tearing up
"I'm sorry I didn't tell you...it's not that I didn't trust you I just.." I sigh
"It's okay" Ava whispers and nods
But its not okay
She doesn't say anything for a minute as she thinks and that minute feels like a hour
"I get it" she nods tears flowing down her cheeks
"I know you're wondering why I was suicidal but I don't think a Hawaii Vacation is the time for deep depressing shit...I just wanted to tell you before we go to the pool" I say my voice cracking
Enzo is wiping tears flowing down my cheeks as I speak
"I promise to tell you all everything...just not now and here," I say
"You tell us when your ready" Matt says hugging me
He's so sweet
"Thank you" I whisper
"Come here you dummy," Ava says full-on crying now
We hug "I understand why you didn't tell me...but I wish you did because I could've told you that you are a bad bish and that no scars are gonna change that Zara, you are like the strongest person I've met, and the fact you think some scars are gonna change that is crazy to me...
Yeah, you used to cut but...that doesn't make you weak, and We don't think your a broken flower Zara, your actually so damn strong, and I don't even know how you don't realize that " Ava says muffled with her hugging the life out of me and crying
"Thank you, Ava...I'm really sorry I never told you" I cry
"It's okay plus it's not like we ever went anywhere in new York that you could flaunt your damn body for me to see them anyway," she says trying to calm down
"Yeah I know but I still should've told you, your my best friend and what I count as a sister" I cry
"Yeah but even sisters are scared to tell each other their secrets sometimes, it's okay Zara okay...Of course I wanna know why but we can wait till your ready" she says wiping my tears off while I wipe hers
"Thank you, I love you Ava" I hug her
"And I love the shit out of you Zara and nothing will change that...and I really mean it like if you murder someone tell me where and when so I can help you and shit if ya get my gist" she laughs
"Thank you Ava...and Ive read my share of mafia romances so i know how to hide a body so just call me up when you need help" I laugh while crying
I hear Matt choking or something behind us, i turn around to see Enzo shoving Matt's shoulder
Huh, guys are so weird
"Well, now that we have established that y'all are murders and that Zara is strong as shit can we go swimming?" Matt laughs
Ava and I look at each other and start laughing
"Yeah yeah..." I say
"Okay asshole and we haven't killed anyone i just enjoy watching murder documentaries while Zara likes reading mafia and killer romances" Ava laughs
As we walk to the backyard I feel hands pull me into a room
"Wha...?" I say
Enzo pulls me into a hug "I'm so proud of you la Mia Regina" Enzo says kissing my forehead hugging me tightly (my queen)
"Thank you Il mio re" I smile (my king)
He looks shocked and confused with his brow raised in amusement
"what? I remembered you saying that, and I sprinted to google translate and then learned how to say my king so i can say it if you say my queen ever again" I say laughing
And he laughing shaking his head cupping my cheeks kissing the tip of my nose
"Also don't stop calling me cute nicknames in Italian I love it" I smile
"As if I'd ever stop" he laughs kissing the tip of my nose
"But I'm really proud of you Zara...I know that was difficult for you to say" he says engulfing me in a big hug
"Thank you Enzo...I truly wouldn't have been able to do it without you" I whisper
"You would have ...you're strong, but I'm glad I was by your side" he smiles down at me
"And remember for as long as I live I'll be there for everything you need, got it?" He says
"Deal as long as I can be there for you and Mia," I say
"Deal" he whispers pecking a little too close to my lips
I come outside after changing into a bikini and Ava and Matt are looking at me
"You look pretty dope zar not gonna lie they look like battle scars," Matt says grinning
I laugh "thanks"
"Zara you look beautiful" Ava smiles
"And also I wouldn't have even seen your scars unless I looked really close and hey! That one looks like a heart" she points to one
I laugh "yeah I guess it does"
I remember that scar father carved on ribs, he tried but failed with making a heart and said no one would love me so that would be a reminder
But now being with the most important people in my life I'm starting to realize my parents were lying pieces of shit
"CANNONBALL" Matt screams
"MATT YOU GOT MY HAIR WET" Ava screeches
Mia giggles "you look pretty mommy" she smiles up at me
She doesn't even notice the scars or even glances at them it's almost like she's not aware that they are there...
"Thank you sweetie you do to" I smile
Suddenly I'm being thrown over someone's shoulder
"ENZO PUT ME DOWN" I yell
"Put you down? Alright" he laughs before throwing me in the pool and then jumping in after me
I get to the surface and slap his chest "you asshole"
He laughs "hey I didn't do anything" he raises his hands up
"Sure you didn't" I roll my eyes laughing
He pulls me close to him, i wrap my arms around his neck smiling at him
"Thank you" i whisper
"For throwing you in the pool? No problem " he laughs
"No you big idiot, for being there for me and making me feel less insecure about the scars" i laugh
"Well i don't think you have anything to be insecure about" he places a quick kiss on the top of my head
"Well you made sure of that" i laugh as I remember his lips all over me kissing the scars
He smirks "are you thinking about me kissing them?" He asks raising a brow
I laugh "maybe" i shrug
"Glad to have put a different memory to them then" he smiles
"But i wont stop kissing them, even when your one hundred percent confident with them" he smiles a little
"Fine with me" i smile and shrug
"Good" he grins
After a while of swimming, I hear Mia yelling "MOMMY I WANT CHOCOLATE CAKE"
I laugh "alright I guess I can make some"
After admitting to Enzo and showing him my scars he's been so sweet about making sure i know that he thinks I'm beautiful, and its working little by little i never thought someone could make a insecurity feel not ugly but he somehow does.
It's been a couple of days that we have been here, Ava and matt went out one day while we watched mia and they got to have some alone time in Hawaii, when they came back Ava was freaking about about the flamingos and talking nonstop how cute they were
Obviously, I didn't tell Enzo the full truth about my cuts well more importantly the fact that only one of them was made by me... I will just not in Hawaii
Last night I was in our room looking at my scars in the mirror and I didn't see Enzo walk into the room and he hugged me from behind wrapping his arms around my waist and whispered "your beautiful Zara stop looking at them like that" he could tell I felt deflated about it and he kept picking me up helping me feel beautiful with my scars, he ended up throwing me on the bed and kissing each scar twice, i cried through it closing my eyes memorizing the way his lips felt over my scars
I never thought someone kissing scars could fix a insecurity...i guess it just matters about who's doing it, when Enzo is doing it i feel him saying he loves me through it without using words, and he really does truly make me feel beautiful
And he's right my scars don't define me, they don't make me look hideous they show that I lived through my parents shit and that I survived...HELL YEAH I SURVIVED, they can rot in hell for all I care
he makes me feel so beautiful and loved , and i forever will cherish his love for eternity
And I feel loved by him, he hasn't said it but I can tell with the way he looks at me, the way he talks to me, the things he does
After he kissed my scars that night he said he's gonna do it however many times it's gonna take for me to put a new meaning to them
And that meaning will be that I am strong and of course I can't help but smile a little now looking at them because I can still feel Enzo's soft lips kissing them when I look in the mirror
He's a big sweetheart I don't care what anyone says, sure he's intimidating on the outside but its nothing compared to the big teddy bear he is on the inside
And I love him for both
I talked to Enzo and I realized it's time to tell Ava about my scars...later on somewhere after Hawaii I will tell Enzo, Ava, and Matt about the abuse and everything but for now I feel like she deserved to know at least that I was suicidal before, yes she wont know most of the details until later but its a step in the right direction
We're all going to the pool now and after avoiding it the past couple of days I realized I want to swim and I am gonna swim Damn it!
So here I am sitting on the couch Enzo holding my hand as support and Ava and Matt sitting on the couch across from us with a confused look plastered over there faces
Mia is eating a sandwich in the kitchen while we talk
I take a deep breath and I feel Enzo squeeze my hand showing he's here for me and I squeeze it right back before talking
"Ava I want to start by saying how incredibly sorry I am for not telling you this after 4 years of friendship," I say taking a deep breath and starting again
"I just didn't want you thinking I was some broken flower and that you needed to be careful around me..." I say
She looks so confused and I can't blame her
"I was suicidal when I was a child up until I left for New York really....and I have Ummm scars on my stomach and thighs," I say eyes starting to tear up
I feel Enzo's hot breath on my ear "take your time and breath I'm here okay?" Enzo whispers and I squeeze his hand and nod
"Zara wha..." Ava whispers as she starts tearing up
"I'm sorry I didn't tell you...it's not that I didn't trust you I just.." I sigh
"It's okay" Ava whispers and nods
But its not okay
She doesn't say anything for a minute as she thinks and that minute feels like a hour
"I get it" she nods tears flowing down her cheeks
"I know you're wondering why I was suicidal but I don't think a Hawaii Vacation is the time for deep depressing shit...I just wanted to tell you before we go to the pool" I say my voice cracking
Enzo is wiping tears flowing down my cheeks as I speak
"I promise to tell you all everything...just not now and here," I say
"You tell us when your ready" Matt says hugging me
He's so sweet
"Thank you" I whisper
"Come here you dummy," Ava says full-on crying now
We hug "I understand why you didn't tell me...but I wish you did because I could've told you that you are a bad bish and that no scars are gonna change that Zara, you are like the strongest person I've met, and the fact you think some scars are gonna change that is crazy to me...
Yeah, you used to cut but...that doesn't make you weak, and We don't think your a broken flower Zara, your actually so damn strong, and I don't even know how you don't realize that " Ava says muffled with her hugging the life out of me and crying
"Thank you, Ava...I'm really sorry I never told you" I cry
"It's okay plus it's not like we ever went anywhere in new York that you could flaunt your damn body for me to see them anyway," she says trying to calm down
"Yeah I know but I still should've told you, your my best friend and what I count as a sister" I cry
"Yeah but even sisters are scared to tell each other their secrets sometimes, it's okay Zara okay...Of course I wanna know why but we can wait till your ready" she says wiping my tears off while I wipe hers
"Thank you, I love you Ava" I hug her
"And I love the shit out of you Zara and nothing will change that...and I really mean it like if you murder someone tell me where and when so I can help you and shit if ya get my gist" she laughs
"Thank you Ava...and Ive read my share of mafia romances so i know how to hide a body so just call me up when you need help" I laugh while crying
I hear Matt choking or something behind us, i turn around to see Enzo shoving Matt's shoulder
Huh, guys are so weird
"Well, now that we have established that y'all are murders and that Zara is strong as shit can we go swimming?" Matt laughs
Ava and I look at each other and start laughing
"Yeah yeah..." I say
"Okay asshole and we haven't killed anyone i just enjoy watching murder documentaries while Zara likes reading mafia and killer romances" Ava laughs
As we walk to the backyard I feel hands pull me into a room
"Wha...?" I say
Enzo pulls me into a hug "I'm so proud of you la Mia Regina" Enzo says kissing my forehead hugging me tightly (my queen)
"Thank you Il mio re" I smile (my king)
He looks shocked and confused with his brow raised in amusement
"what? I remembered you saying that, and I sprinted to google translate and then learned how to say my king so i can say it if you say my queen ever again" I say laughing
And he laughing shaking his head cupping my cheeks kissing the tip of my nose
"Also don't stop calling me cute nicknames in Italian I love it" I smile
"As if I'd ever stop" he laughs kissing the tip of my nose
"But I'm really proud of you Zara...I know that was difficult for you to say" he says engulfing me in a big hug
"Thank you Enzo...I truly wouldn't have been able to do it without you" I whisper
"You would have ...you're strong, but I'm glad I was by your side" he smiles down at me
"And remember for as long as I live I'll be there for everything you need, got it?" He says
"Deal as long as I can be there for you and Mia," I say
"Deal" he whispers pecking a little too close to my lips
I come outside after changing into a bikini and Ava and Matt are looking at me
"You look pretty dope zar not gonna lie they look like battle scars," Matt says grinning
I laugh "thanks"
"Zara you look beautiful" Ava smiles
"And also I wouldn't have even seen your scars unless I looked really close and hey! That one looks like a heart" she points to one
I laugh "yeah I guess it does"
I remember that scar father carved on ribs, he tried but failed with making a heart and said no one would love me so that would be a reminder
But now being with the most important people in my life I'm starting to realize my parents were lying pieces of shit
"CANNONBALL" Matt screams
"MATT YOU GOT MY HAIR WET" Ava screeches
Mia giggles "you look pretty mommy" she smiles up at me
She doesn't even notice the scars or even glances at them it's almost like she's not aware that they are there...
"Thank you sweetie you do to" I smile
Suddenly I'm being thrown over someone's shoulder
"ENZO PUT ME DOWN" I yell
"Put you down? Alright" he laughs before throwing me in the pool and then jumping in after me
I get to the surface and slap his chest "you asshole"
He laughs "hey I didn't do anything" he raises his hands up
"Sure you didn't" I roll my eyes laughing
He pulls me close to him, i wrap my arms around his neck smiling at him
"Thank you" i whisper
"For throwing you in the pool? No problem " he laughs
"No you big idiot, for being there for me and making me feel less insecure about the scars" i laugh
"Well i don't think you have anything to be insecure about" he places a quick kiss on the top of my head
"Well you made sure of that" i laugh as I remember his lips all over me kissing the scars
He smirks "are you thinking about me kissing them?" He asks raising a brow
I laugh "maybe" i shrug
"Glad to have put a different memory to them then" he smiles
"But i wont stop kissing them, even when your one hundred percent confident with them" he smiles a little
"Fine with me" i smile and shrug
"Good" he grins
After a while of swimming, I hear Mia yelling "MOMMY I WANT CHOCOLATE CAKE"
I laugh "alright I guess I can make some"
End of Beyond the Trap of Yesterday Chapter 38. Continue reading Chapter 39 or return to Beyond the Trap of Yesterday book page.