Bird of a Flock (Bow 2) - Chapter 48: Chapter 48

Morning broke and Ryraso had a new perspective on life. Noticeably anger had filled him, making the royal triad flinch away from him as it drifted over to them. Still, Dyn'ad and Nel'os went with him to pray. If nothing else, the previous day had proven Ryraso needed to follow the Goddess' desires to be worshipped properly. He would have dragged Tai'ray along, but someone needed to watch Fetmar. The younger man wasn't trusted yet.
They prayed with him and Ryraso felt the Goddess fill him with warmth. Whispers in his ears that she will keep her promises. Ryraso let it fill him and took a deep breath. Some of the anger dimmed but didn't fade.  What they had done... Ryraso shook his head and walked out of the room, unsurprised when Dyn'ad followed him.
"Ryraso," Dyn'ad called softly. "Please talk to me."
"Quite frankly Dyn'ad. I don't think you'd like what I have to say at the moment," Ryraso said curtly, pausing as Dyn'ad caught his arm to stop him. Dyn'ad's expression was almost unreadable. Ryraso wondered, darkly, what his expression had been that day as he had taken Tai'ray. Dyn'ad sometimes retreated into himself and it was almost impossible to tell what was going on behind his eyes.
"I don't care if I'll like it or not. I care about you," Dyn'ad said neutrally.
Ryraso shuddered and looked at Dyn'ad in the eyes. He was sincere. Dyn'ad cared. Ryraso shifted and rested his head on Dyn'ad's shoulder. Dyn'ad's grip on him changed and Dyn'ad was hugging close and tight. "I know," Ryraso promised. "But you lied to me," he said softly.
"We didn't lie to you," Dyn'ad argued, his lips rough against Ryraso's forehead.
"A lie by omission is still a lie. You always said the three of you fell in love," Ryraso pointed out, letting Dyn'ad rock him into a corner. This wasn't going to be fun. Still, he couldn't find it in himself to pull away.
"We fell in love, eventually. We just had a rocky beginning," Dyn'ad admitted, leaning back and cupping Ryraso's face. "This was never going to be secret forever from you. I swear it. We would have told you sooner but things have been so hectic. Once you were in the bond you would have learned all of our secrets regardless."
"And been unable to leave if I did not like them,"  Ryraso challenged, pulling out of the hands on his face. "You know the sad thing Dyn'ad?" He looked the dominant k'nairi in the eyes. "I genuinely thought you were all truly in love and happy. I thought the damage within Tai'ray's mind was purely from the separation of so many caw from the flock. That this war caused it but now I see the underlying cause. He was damaged from you and Nel'os."
"He recovered from it. He's not broken. Fifty years is a long time," Dyn'ad defended, almost angrily at the idea Ryraso thought Tai'ray's mind was damaged beyond repair at what had happened. Tai'ray needed reeling in occasionally because he could be unstable sure, but he wasn't broken beyond repair. The war had harmed him far more than them.
"Clearly, he is not," Ryraso growled back, "You did not see his face Dyn'ad. You did not see the look in his eyes. No wonder he doesn't know how to court me properly. He has never been courted. Or had the chance."
"Ry, I love him. He Loves me. We love you and Nel'os. What happened, it was wrong what we did. But it's history. We have had fifty years together which have been happy, if not for the war," Dyn'ad said seriously.
"Don't call me Ry!" Ryraso said bitterly, "You all lost that right years ago."
"Except you gave it back to us!" Dyn'ad snapped back. "We all have called you that multiple times now. Do not drag us back. We have come so far since the warship Ryraso."
"I," Ryraso paused, looking away. He moved away from the alcove to the balcony and looked at the city outside, wondering when he had started letting them call him by that nickname again. Dyn'ad was right. He had let them for far too long now. How long had it been now? Days, weeks? Ryraso wasn't even sure anymore. It felt like so long ago and yet Ryraso knew it hadn't even been a full month yet. He had been focusing on Eyeri but now Eyeri was safe, the wider picture was starting to come down on Ryraso again and it made his heart ache.
"You love us. You always have and the past four years of fighting against us in person have been hard," Dyn'ad stated as if it was the gospel truth. In some ways it was. Dyn'ad put his hand on Ryraso's back and the outline burned. Ryraso shuddered.
"I'm beginning to forgive you for siding with those who killed my family," Ryraso whispered, the thought almost terrifying, but he also knew that the men responsible for the attack were long dead. The attack hadn't been approved by Loror. He knew that now but the D'mar were still the cause of it.
"Not that simple," Dyn'ad argued.
"Isn't it?" Ryraso scowled. "How can I trust you all? Tai'ray does what he says and always has. You two admitted yourselves, he tried his best to win Nel'os over. He tried his best to make the best of a bad situation. He never harmed Nel'os. Sure, he didn't tell me either but he was the victim in this. You, on the other hand, I had thought you to be... What you did Dyn'ad, it's almost unforgivable."
"I love Nel'os more than anything in the world. I just wanted to be with him," Dyn'ad exhaled. "What we did was wrong but there is nothing we can do now to change it."
"Notice you don't love Tai'ray nearly as much. Let me guess, he got his strength back and beat your ass up?" Ryraso growled. Then he paused as another thought bubbled up in his mind. "You don't want to do it to him again," he murmured softly.
"Of course not," Dyn'ad nodded. "I don't want to do that to anyone ever again."
"He won't look at Cai'ress," Ryraso mused, as pieces of the puzzle fell together. He had already learned from Nel'os that Tai'ray wouldn't look at Cai'ress until Ryraso was bonded and safe with them. "You are hoping that by accepting me, Tai-ray might let you court who you want."
"That's a lie and you know it," Dyn'ad snapped back without hesitation. "We have loved you far longer than we have loved Cai'ress."
"I don't doubt you love me. It doesn't make the situation any less true," Ryraso challenged. There was a tense silence between them as Dyn'ad couldn't look at him. A cold feeling settling in Ryraso's bones. "I see," he said calmly, dangerously. Cai'ress would not be accepted until he had bonded with him. Nel'os and Dyn'ad had more reason than just love for wanting him in the bond.
Those two words cut into Dyn'ad. "Ryraso..."
"No, I know where I stand now. No wonder you didn't want to tell me about Cai'ress," Ryraso muttered, refusing to let his eyes water. Finally, he had found out the truth about why Dyn'ad and Nel'os accepted Tai'ray's decision to reclaim the caw and him personally. It wasn't out of respect for him, nor for Tai'ray. But for their own benefit. He turned and walked away, Dyn'ad following again.
"We love you," Dyn'ad said sounding almost like he was pleading. "We only hid Cai because we didn't want to hurt you."
"I'm sure that's what you told Tai'ray as well," Ryraso snapped.
"He can feel our love for him, can't you feel ours for you?" Dyn'ad demanded, catching Ryraso's arm and pushing up against the stone wall. He kissed Ryraso, all fire and teeth. Ryraso struggled, making Dyn'ad grab his hands and pin him. When Dyn'ad finally backed off, Ryraso's lips were bruised and there was a dribble of blood from where Dyn'ad teeth had accidentally nicked him. Ryraso glared up at him.
"I don't want to," Ryraso snarled, "Who wants the love of someone who would blackmail them to get what they want under the guise of love? Who wants the love of someone who would use them to get someone else entirely?"
"More like someone who won't be accepted," Dyn'ad countered, having grown tired of Ryraso constantly doubting their love for him. "Why are you so afraid of letting us in Ryraso? We made mistakes. We all have. But that doesn't change how we feel about you. Yes, we had our own motives for agreeing to accept Tai'ray's sudden decision to reclaim you. But Ryraso we care about you and it was about time you came home. You're ours. Our stubborn healer who cares far too much for his own good."
"If that's supposed to make me feel better about you..." Ryraso challenged, trying to yank his hands out of Dyn'ad's grip but it wasn't budging.
"No, it's not," Dyn'ad leant down and kissed Ryraso again, this time as furious as the first. Passionate and hot, trying to put every feeling he could into the kiss, pressing the man against a wall. His love and care, frustration and anger, it all came out in that kiss. Ryraso found himself kissing back by the end of it. This time as Dyn'ad released his lips, he pressed their foreheads together. "We love you," He whispered on Ryraso's lips, "Please, don't leave us again." He held Ryraso to his chest, pulling him off the wall and into his arms. "Demand it and we will give up Cai'ress as sad as that may be, but you are ours first. Please stay," Dyn'ad asked, speaking into Ryraso's hair.
"I'm not going anywhere. I can't, can I?" Ryraso rumbled back, pressing into Dyn'ad chest. "I'm trapped here forevermore at your side." Ryraso's stomach twisted as he said the words. Dyn'ad immediately picked up on it and frowned.
"Why are you so afraid of us?" Dyn'ad asked, pressing their foreheads together. "Is it because we are forcing you to accept courting. Because you don't trust us? Why?" he pleaded.
"You broke my heart and my trust a long time ago, Dyn'ad. All three of you did. As much as I am trying to get over that, trying to forgive you and move on. Every time I find a justification or somehow to overlook what happened, something happens to prove I can't trust you. I thought I knew you, Dyn'ad. I knew the things about which the public would never know. But this only proves I know nothing," Ryraso said bitterly, pushing on Dyn'ad's chest to pull away.
"You do know us better than anyone else Ryraso. Our secrets, our everything. No one else knows," Dyn'ad whispered, "No one. Even the things you don't know, and there are things though nothing as bad as this, you can learn during the courting period. And we can learn your secrets." And then the first half of the sentence kicked in. "We broke your heart?" He sounded so much like a lost hatchling, it hurt Ryraso's heart. He looked away almost ashamed at having admitted that.
"You watched me break Dyn'ad. When the Dmar destroyed my hometown. You watched me cry for weeks, mourning my family and the friends I lost. You knew. And you still picked the Dmar over me," Ryraso said softly.
"Loror was not responsible for the attack," Dyn'ad defended weakly.
"We did not know that at the time and you know that," Ryraso growled, wiping his eyes, "Bloodkin is everything to the K'nairi but apparently the bloodkin of a human, even one you theoretically care for, does not matter. Everything shattered at that moment, Dyn'ad. You said you had intended to tell me before I left? If you hadn't joined the Dmar, I would have gone to your bed willingly. I loved you. I loved you all," He looked up, tears starting to run down his face. "And I still do. But I can't do this Dyn'ad. I just can't."
"Why? We love you, you love us. We are all hurting. Why can't we just be together?" Dyn'ad asked, taking Ryraso in his arms again.
Ryraso buried his nose in the crook of Dyn'ad's shoulder, clinging to the man. Why indeed? Was he just being stubborn now? Looking for excuses.  Even the goddess had warned him not to hold back over things long in the past.
"Please don't hate us," Dyn'ad begged.
"Don't hate you," Ryraso murmured, "Angry and hurt. But I don't hate you." He refused to say another word, just let Dyn'ad carry him back to his private room. They passed a still sleeping Fetmar and Tai'ray reading a book in the room, watching over him. Tai'ray's eyes were sad as he watched him but he didn't get up and join them.
Dyn'ad was reluctant to leave his side and as Ryraso curled up on his bed, Dyn'ad sat next to him. It didn't take long before Dyn'ad gave up the facade and curled up next to him. Ryraso not fighting this time. Maybe it was time he just, gave in.