Bird of a Nest - Chapter 27: Chapter 27

Feeling lost, Ryraso walked back to the royal quarters. The dirt under his fingernails was beginning to itch. The flowers and herbs were already starting to dim around him, his awareness of his surroundings shrinking to just what he needed to see to walk safely. The desire to cry, scream and break his hand again all rolled through him and he stopped at the wall, leaning against it and glaring up at the blue sky.
He kicked the wall and walked off again, this time in a different direction. He could feel eyes on him. He exhaled. "1, 2 ..." he breathed, rolling his shoulders to try to shake the stiff feeling. As he reached 10, it was like a gunshot went off. He ran.
He ran. And ran. And ran some more, jumping over obstacles and flat out dodging when someone tried to stop him. He ran through his muscles screaming at him to stop. He ran through his panting. He ran through Dyn'ad and Tai'ray calling to him through the link concerned. He ran until he could not run anymore and fell to knees on the ground panting. Hunched over and letting his hands sink into more mud.  He was trembling.
Fuck. Not again.
"Ryraso, my love,"  Dyn'ad whispered over the link as Ryraso was coming to the realisation of what had just occurred.
"I'm here," Ryraso breathed, still trying to get his breath back. He shifted, looking around and relieved to see that he didn't have any watchers. He crawled over to a nearby tree and collapsed, sitting so he was leaning against the tree and continuing just to try to breathe. Breathe and ignore the tears starting to roll down his face. He pushed his back against the tree until it hurt slightly, needing to feel something solid while the rest of his senses were floaty. "Still a little fuzzy but here."
"I'm glad," Dyn'ad replied, relief flowing through the link closely followed by warm bubbly feelings that didn't help Ryraso feel better in the slightest. Tai'ray and Nel'os were also nearby, blatantly listening in. If Ryraso had the energy, he would have been embarrassed but he was in the numb phase of this. "Are you hurt?"
"Can't tell at the moment. Probably won't be happy tomorrow. My legs are burning. Nothing serious, I think, physically," Ryraso catalogued, doing a brief once over of just what he was feeling in that moment. His chest burned. His throat burned. Every breath was cold and he could almost taste blood in it. His eyes itched, his hands ached and his legs were on fire. Not just burning but screaming. From his muscles to his ankles and knees. But nothing to suggest he'd broken bones or anything particularly important.
Looking up, Ryraso realised he wasn't exactly sure where he was. Slowly, he pushed himself to his feet, still leaning heavily against the tree. Dyn'ad was talking to him again, or trying to but it was starting to sound underwater. Quite possibly because it wasn't a true bond and as much as the Royals like to take advantage of the fact they could use the link with him anyway, there were limitations.
Slowly, Ryraso did some stretches. His muscles making their complaints painfully known but he knew better. They needed to be cooled down. He'd already risked too much damage in that display of lack of control. He needed to stop any more complications.
Stretches down, and still trembling, Ryraso slowly began walking. Not towards the palace. He was outside. He knew it. He could feel it in his stomach and being outside meant one thing.
Ryraso was finally alone.
Somehow, somewhere, he had escaped all his guards and watchers and was finally free. After a mild breakdown. The healer in Ryraso knew he should go back to the palace. Bathe, change, sleep off the comedown and talk to Pol'ar again. Doing anything but was irresponsible and wrong. Everything else in Ryraso was telling him to take advantage of this limited time. What he was suffering from wasn't going to disappear even if he did go back and it was time to focus on something else for a while. Anything but the helpless feeling that he was slowly drowning it.
And there was one place he was desperate to go. Unclenching his fists, Ryraso squared his shoulders and strode forwards. Or tried to. His legs almost buckled and his next step had to be more ginger. Closing his eyes, Ryraso wiped his face with his arm and tried again, more carefully this time. That worked more.
"Come on, you can do this." Saying the words out loud hurt. He swallowed a few times and fought forwards. Repeating the mantra internally, Ryraso pushed on. Stomping through the thin layer of mud and towards what he was hoping was the cemetery.
Luck was on his side. With the time of day, most people were at their respective jobs, which meant the human paths on ground level were deserted. No one to bother him. Or out where he was to the Royals. It was reassuring to be truly alone. Even with him moving back into the consort rooms, he was still constantly with people. The boys left him alone now that the three of them were on solid ground and settling into the community. A little too well with Fetmar in Ryraso's opinion but he couldn't judge too harshly. Sometimes it wasn't until later that things started hitting wrong.
Not to mention. A flutter of wings. Hands clutching tight. Just because he was sleeping in his own room, didn't stop the royals from joining him. The first night they had left him alone. The third, Ryraso knew Nel'os had transported there. On purpose or not, he wasn't sure. What he was sure of was he woke up to Nel'os gripping on to him tight. Ryraso kissed him back with enough strength and assurance that the death grip had loosened before snuggling with him the rest of the night.
Some peace, even from the link at the moment was like breathing fresh air. If only doing so didn't physically hurt at that moment.  Slowly, his shoulders loosened. While he was still walking with a noticeable limp, he didn't have to be so careful stepping. The scenery started coming into focus again.
A slight smile danced on his lips as he saw a small set of statues decorating the base of a tree. He spotted several ladders up to the treehouses above, some with names carved on. There was a playground crafted in and around some of the tree bases. Signs of the humans who had remained here and remained here happily. They were maintained and cared for not obsolete and abandoned.
Not everyone had left when the war had started. Not everyone was able too. Ryraso hadn't really thought too hard on the friends he had left behind. The human ones. Well, the k'nairi ones too. They had all been Dmar and therefore, thinking about them on the opposite side to him had felt wrong. Had felt too hard to deal with. A bit like now, only with the humans who remained, it had been theoretical. His Namya friends were very much Namya in practice which meant he couldn't push away the guilt about abandoning them this time.
The k'nairi were not Dmar first. And many were not Dmar at all. It was simply the side Tai'ray had chosen out of one of the few stubborn traditionalist pride things he had. The humans still here, they were just likely to be neutral as Dmar.
Eventually, he came to the cemetery. The blue skies stretched out again and RYraso felt the urge to yell again. He swallowed it however and moved into the area. The cemetery contained the last vestiges of a k'nairi after death. The k'nairi burned their dead, letting the ashes fly into the wind as a symbol of a person's last flight. A small portion of the ashes was left to be placed in a stone tablet, however. A place where the survivors could come to more. The stone tablets were placed in columns, each column no taller than a human so even flightless k'nairi could come to mourn. The columns were marble and formed a strange almost maze-like structure, with plants growing around them.
Umin would be easy to find. His former mentor had been a priest once, and even removed from the service, in death he was entombed with other priests. The priesthood insisted on it. It felt spiteful to Ryraso. Umin hadn't had a nest after being disrobed, but others had.
The ground was paved carefully here. No mud, ignoring the occasionally smears he left. The plants were well-tended too. Allowed to grow unless the interfered with the columns. The area sung with magic, magic placed to protect the k'nairi in death. When he brushed against a column, the hairs on his arm stood on end with the power of it.
Then he turned the corner and found the priest column, already with a k'nairi in front of it. A woman with brown wings and dark brown hair that was cut short. She was on her knees, a prayer echoing through the columns. Ryraso stood still as she spoke, it felt wrong to interrupt her.  He looked up at the column, eyes reading of the names of those who rested there. And there was Umin's name. His title reading 'Healer' not priest.
Bonded.
Ryraso tensed his protesting legs muscles to stop himself walking forward as he read that simple gylph. No name, but priests weren't supposed to bond so that stood to reason. Bonded priests typically were bonded with other priests and their devotion to the goddess came before all else including the bond.
The woman stopped and stood. She turned and looked at him, wrinkled eyes widening as she saw who he was. "Healer Ryraso," she murmured, her eyes darting from him back to the column and back again. "Here to talk to your mentor?"
"Stands to reason. May I ask who you are?" Ryraso inquired, not knowing this woman and feeling uncertain. She didn't look old enough to be in her final century, but she was older. No longer baring eggs most likely and able to enjoy more freedoms. The female conclave had less restrictive rules of conduct for older ladies. It came with having provided generations.
"Um," she hummed, tilting her head. "Say'enth," she greeted, walking over to him and looking at him intently. "People have always said you have Mafith's eyes, but I'd say you have more of her father's nose and chin than that," she mused, her hands moving up to cup his face. Ryraso was frozen in place as she inspected him. "The colour is certainly from him. But then. That's who she got it from," the woman chuckled. "Shame Lor'zen didn't get it, it is a beautiful colour."
"Lorzen," Ryraso correctly, having too many questions at once. Lorzen was his father's name. The click the k'nairi had in their names felt strange in a human one, but she only frowned and shook her head.
"No. I played with that child. I babysat that child. His name was Lor'zen," she said firmly. "Even if he rejected us all in the end, Mafith named him that for a reason."
"He was my father. He called himself Lorzen," Ryraso repeated, again not just how to respond to this woman. Her frown deepened but then a bell rang through the garden. A summoning bell. She looked over in its direction and nodded to herself.
"Until next time, Healer Ryraso. Hopefully, we will be able to have a proper conversation. Away from people who might try to derail it. The priests do hate to acknowledge wrongs they have committed in the past," Say'enth sighed, before kissing his cheek suddenly and disappearing into the sky. Ryraso just watched her go, the place where she had kissed him warm from a strangers touch and his mind reeling.