Bird of a Nest - Chapter 33: Chapter 33

"You left him behind," Ryraso repeated, his eyes furrowed horror filling him. Flashes of what had happened to Cai'ress running through his mind. All that he had seen and what he had not. "You have to go get him," Ryraso demanded, trying to sit up but Dyn'ad kept him pinned. "Gods know what they have done to him by now if he's even still alive!"
"Ry "
"Don't you dare! Find him, now," Ryraso roared the word, anger trembling in his body.
"He almost killed you," Dyn'ad tried to calm the man down, keeping Ryraso pinned in place. "You can't move! You're still injured!"
"Because Tai'ray got jealous, kicked him out of court, made him useless to his family who sold him a slaver! Cai'ress has been beaten, tortured and raped. You are the cause of this Dyn'ad. You! Now go do your fucking duty for once and get Cai'ress out of there before I list in detail just why it is your fault loud enough for the whole court to hear," Ryraso yelled, his voice practically turning to a screech.
Dyn'ad looked at Pol'ar with an uncertain expression. The healer pointed to the door. "I.."
"Go," Ryraso commanded, forcing himself to remain still. Dyn'ad was right; his torso was in bad shape. He couldn't think for a moment, slapping Dyn'ad away as the man tried to kiss him. He glared at him. Dyn'ad looked suitably cowed and left, Ryraso's heart beating fast. The idea of how he kissed each of the royals made bile rise and his head spin slightly. He'd wanted more.
They'd left Cai'ress behind.
"Ry," Nel'os appeared in the doorway.
"You can fuck off too. I don't want to see any of you until you find Cai'ress safe," Ryraso growled with a low rumble. Each of the Royals had their part to play in this. Each of them had contributed to what had befallen Cai'ress, including himself. Ryraso's eyes watered, and he gripped the blankets under his fingers, trying to stay still for Pol'ar. He would be no good to anyone if he was hurt. Otherwise, he'd been running to get help himself. The warrens would be hard, but there must be a way to break through the link blockers. Tai'ray had done so before.
"Ryraso, he stabbed you in the stomach. I saw it myself. He was going to kill you," Nel'os countered, anger filling his voice at the idea that Ryraso wanted to help this man. "You can't be expecting us to save him. If anything if they kill him, it saves us the trouble."
Ice.
Cold filled Ryraso's heart, and he sat up, ignoring Pol'ar trying to keep him down. He stayed sitting and looked at Nel'os. "Did you even look at him?" Ryraso asked, all emotion gone from his voice. "Did you even look at the man you claimed to love?" The demand echoed in the room. Nel'os had moped over Cai'ress. He had cried and struggled to deal with the mention of his name. Yet, now? Now it was gone.
"Enough to see your blood covering him," Nel'os sneered.
"Enough to see he was naked?" Ryraso challenged, holding his top-up for Pol'ar as the head healer reapplied the bandages. "Enough to see the handprints on his wrists and thighs? The caked makeup mocking his former status crumbling from his cheeks? Did you look at him?"
"I " Nel'os faltered, a strange look passed over his eyes. He hadn't noticed. Ryraso wanted to throw up. Nel'os hadn't the state his former lover had been in. "He stabbed you.." he tried to justify.
"In a room where the link would not work. What else could Cai'ress have done to get help?" Ryraso questioned. "They had us trapped with no way out. Even if you truly thought he was trying to kill me, you should have brought him too," he shot back, pushing his shirt back down."You shouldn't have left him there with those monsters!"
"Excuse me if my greater concern was the person I loved bleeding out in front of me!"
"I thought you loved Cai'ress too?"
"I was not going to let that betrayer kill you. You almost died. He was the one who stabbed you—end of story. You are far more important than he will ever be, and I will not risk your life," Nel'os declared with an angry passion. "I saved you."
"Thank you," Ryraso stated more than thanked. "For saving my life. Excuse me while I go clean up your mess." Ryraso strode out of the room, pulling out of Nel'os' hands as he tried to grab him. Nel'os almost looked confused as Ryraso didn't meet his eyes. A low sound was coming from Nel'os. It sounded almost hurt.
"I saved you... This should have been..."
Ryraso ignored him, not about to deal with Nel'os' mental breakdown while Cai'ress was still in the hands of people who would destroy him. He wanted to punch something. He needed to find Captain Par'nast and let him know what he remembered. Tai'ray was already searching for Cai'ress in the link, he could feel it. He muttered a prayer to the Goddess to keep the man alive. As he stumbled, his torso not healed enough to deal with this, Pol'ar was at his elbow helping him walk.
The healer's greying wings guided him through the palace, a hand remaining on his back. "He did what he thought was right, Ry" Pol'ar pointed out, a paternal edge to his voice, able to feel Ryraso's rage rolling off him. He didn't try to stop Ryraso in his angry stride but was reluctant to leave Ryraso's side. "You must understand what it would have looked like? Seeing you lying on the ground surrounded by blood?"
"I do," Ryraso snorted, thinking back to the dream. It had not been a pretty image. "Even if I accept the initial moment was traumatic, just how long has it been? None of them went to find the people who did this to me? They didn't think that something else was going on?"
"A jealous former lover tried to kill a current who had upset his position? It would not the first time not the last."
Ryraso paused and looked at Pol'ar in the eyes. "Except, unless I am missing some information, Cai'ress is not that type of person. He's a noble, yes. And that does tend to suggest ulterior motives. Yet, Cai'ress went out of his way to avoid causing trouble. Aw'endo sought him out for guidance. I saved him from being cornered by the nobles. He begged for safety when Tai'ray exiled him, not for Tai'ray to love him. He just wanted protection, and we failed him."
"Ryraso, you didn't fail him,"
"I should have done more for his defence,"
"You didn't love him."
"Nel'os did. Dyn'ad did. I was happy to see if something could happen, but I was too concerned with," Ryraso trailed off. His sons had concerned him too much to worry about Nel'os' pretty little plaything. Tai'ray exiling Cai'ress had been easy to accept and move on. He had no stakes other than not having to learn to love someone new who the Royals desired. It had just been simpler to accept and hope Nel'os' moping wouldn't last too long. It was over now. "I was too lost in my own world," he breathed, pausing as pain in his abdomen became too much to ignore.
"That's not your fault," Pol'ar pushed him to sit down on a ledge and rubbed his back. "I've already told you this once; you can't protect everyone."
"They sold his body to fuck so people could enjoy using the man who slept with the Royals," Ryraso spat to the side. Curling his fingers in the hair of the back of his neck, Ryraso closed his eyes and trembled. "I had another dream," he whispered. "I should have asked the moment I woke up. It didn't even occur to me that they wouldn't have grabbed him too. I was hoping the dreams weren't true."
Pol'ar exhaled. "Cai'ress has not lost his wings yet,"
"We don't know that," Ryraso hissed, standing up again, gripping his stomach as it protested the action. Pol'ar's hands supported him again, the older man smelling of one particular healing herb in particular. Ryraso leant on his shoulder. "We have to find him," he repeated.
"Ryraso!" a voice called. Zaro appeared, his feet skidding to a stop in front of them, looking at Pol'ar suspicious. "Shouldn't you be resting?" he frowned, hooking an arm around him too. "Captain Par'nast is going to meet you as soon as possible. He has people scoping around the red light district now. Already had after Nel'os came back without who attacked you. Herymi and Fetmar went with him," he noted, turning them back to where the consort rooms were.
"Royal Bonded Nel'os," Pol'ar coughed.
"I..." Ryraso paused and slumped. "I was heading to him but if he's coming here..." he drifted off. He didn't want to go back to those rooms. It felt wrong. A seed of doubt had been planted in his mind now. "Fetmar went with them?" Surprise hit him. He knew the Captain had been taking advantage of Herymi's abilities but when had Fetmar been yanked into the mix? Then again, it probably wasn't that surprising with Fetmar helping to teach the younglings. Fetmar and Herymi were spending a lot of time together with Zaro; it stood to reason that Par'nast was starting to hook them into his circle too.
"Yeah," Zaro looked distinctly annoyed by that. "He's a former commander after all. I'm just a grunt. Not to mention..." he trailed off, his body language shifting to more nervous. "Well, I'm not branded yet. I'm not supposed to leave the palace until I am."
"A fair reason," Pol'ar nodded, his human flawless. "Ryraso, if you don't want to return to the consort rooms, we could go to my office?" he offered.
"That would be preferable," Ryraso closed his eyes, tiredness pulling at him again. The idea of being in those rooms after what they had done. What they had all done, himself included.
"And I have you," Gar'kin commented, strong hands sweeping him up out of the hands of his mentor and friend. "You shouldn't be standing after an injury like that. Didn't your healer tell you?" he teased, as he carried Ryraso bridal style down the corridor. Zaro and Pol'ar following behind, Pol'ar snorting.
"Never try to get a fellow healer to obey orders. Its a nightmare," Pol'ar snorted before making polite talk with Zaro.
Ryraso leaned his head against Gar'kin's shoulder. Gar'kin was safe to be like this with. His arm ached a moment. It was not a message from the Goddess but certainly a mental reminder. Even if Cai'ress was dead, even if Nel'os abandoning someone he claimed to love brought about the death of that person, he was bound to them now. Not by the bond yet, and perhaps he would be able to avoid the thing for some time, but the Goddess had marked him. It was either be theirs or join the priesthood.
That seed of doubt grew more in his chest. He had felt Nel'os' love for Cai'ress. He had felt it in the man's mourning for the loss of his lover and his want for him to return. He had felt Nel'os' love for him, for Dyn'ad and for Tai'ray. It had been the same.
If Nel'os could love someone that much and feel nothing for them at the drop of a pin, did he truly love any of them?
Did any of the royals genuinely love him? He knew they loved him but now... If something happened that framed him, would they abandon him as fast as they had Cai'ress? Without thought, care or even consideration? The questions swam in his mind. Doubts about his relationship with him mixed with his guilt and shame about failing to help Cai'ress and possibly causing his death. Or worse.
"Ry," Zaro called, sounding worried.
Ryraso looked around, finding himself lying on the sofa in Pol'ar room. The three men looking at him concerned. It couldn't have been that long but the strange sensation of losing time filled him. He reached out and caught Zaro's hand and squeezed with a weak smile. Zaro sat on the sofa next to him and squeezed back.  His eyes found Gar'kin's. "If Cai'ress is dead..."
"He won't be," Gar'kin said firmly, his human a little more stilted and unpracticed.
"If Cai'ress is dead, I want to move out of the consort rooms,"