brooks & hale - Chapter 19: Chapter 19

THE EVENING WAS GOING well until Luke Zhang showed up.
For starters, they were in Manchester. Hale loved his city during the day, but it was at night when it truly came alive. All the clubs were booming with pounding music and flashing lights, and the crowds came out in floods where you were guaranteed to meet weird and wonderful people who would probably be strangers again by morning. The shadows and dark sky only made the atmosphere more lively.
And then there was the fact that he got to enjoy Manchester with Brooks by his side. Apparently, they reached town earlier than Brooks had expected - because Hale still didn't have a clue as to what they were doing, and his curiosity was increasing with every passing minute - so they had a bit of time to kill. And as it turns out, Brooks had little experience with Manchester at night, so Hale took it upon himself to act as the designated tour guide by introducing him to all his favourite hangouts.
"I can't believe this place is a thing," Brooks said in awe, staring up at the small glass cafe tucked away into the corner between a Chinese restaurant and printing company. "A cafe...filled with cats? Why did no one tell me it exists?"
"You just haven't been talking to the right people," Hale said wisely, pleased by his reaction. Brooks got so easily excited by all the sights and places that Hale considered the norm, and Hale realised he'd been unconsciously looking for that glimmer of childlike wonder with every new location, silently savouring it.
Brooks looked at Hale with a smile. That fucking smile, which made it impossible to look away and only ever made an appearance when he seemed to feel entirely comfortable. "I'm definitely coming back here," Brooks said, peering through the darkened windows. "I mean, when it's actually open. You really get to play with the cats?"
"Yeah, as much as you want." Hale couldn't help but laugh and Brooks shot him a quizzical look. "You make no sense, Brooks. You're scared of Maxy, who would literally never hurt a fly, but you like cats? They have claws, you know. And sharp teeth. Not to mention they don't even like humans that much."
"It makes perfect sense," Brooks said reasonably. "Dogs can be big and can rip your arm off, if they wanted to. Cats are all generally the same size and just...sit there. There's none of that crazy jumping or barking or licking."
"Licking is loving. That's what she said," Hale added, as an afterthought. Will would have been proud of that one.
"Seriously, Hale?" Brooks flushed and did a bad job hiding his red cheeks. "I'm not even going to say anything to that."
Brooks' phone went off, and he dug it out of his pocket. Hale took the opportunity to check his own phone for the first time since leaving the house. Unsurprisingly, it was blown up with texts and notifications; he was ditching a party to be here tonight, thrown by Hudson Carraway, another guy in their year. His parties were meant to be unmissable, because his uncle was so chilled and didn't care what shit he got up to, and yet Hale was missing it.
Not that he particularly cared. When Brooks had asked him if he was free, it hadn't been a difficult decision about which one he was going to choose.
Hale flicked quickly through them, barely reading as he skimmed the words.
alec :
dude you are missing out on fuck loads of girls here
kara :
hahaha im drunj
elliot :
ur srsly ditching us again??
elliot :
whatever more alcohol for me
elsie :
wish you were here!
will :
hey i think i crashed my car
That one got his attention. Hale paused his absent scrolling, because knowing Will, he most likely had crashed his car. Hale was about to call him to make sure he hadn't gotten himself arrested, or accidentally killed someone, when the next text came in.
will :
oh nevermind i was just playing gta
will :
man these graphics are realistic as fuck
hale :
will did you take drugs because wendy will kill us both
will :
nahhhh im just wasted it's all good
Hale rolled his eyes. For a drunk person, Will's texts were surprisingly legible and that was a good enough indication that he'd somehow get himself home in one piece. He believed Will when he said he hadn't taken drugs because a) Will knew his sister would absolutely fuck him up if he even thought about it and b) as unbothered as he acted towards life, he wasn't an idiot.
"Alright," Brooks said, pocketing his phone with an expectant look. "All ready to go? Time to discover yourself."
Hale looked at Brooks, at his warm bluish-green eyes and openly trusting smile, and thought that maybe he'd already discovered himself without even meaning to. "Hell yeah," he said instead. "I was born ready. Am I allowed to know what we're doing now?"
"As soon as we find Luke, yeah," Brooks said, too busy craning his neck as if searching for someone to notice Hale had stopped in his tracks. "He's the one who actually knows where we're going so - "
"Hold up, what?" Hale interrupted. "Who the hell is Luke?"
And right on cue - speak of the devil, more like - Luke Zhang appeared out of nowhere. Hale recognised him instantly, the Woodway football player, although he'd traded his kit for regular clothes. Hale made the split second, somewhat irrational, decision that he didn't like him. He looked too friendly, too nice, to earn Hale's trust. People like him were always hiding something.
"Hey," Luke said, smiling at Brooks in greeting before turning towards Hale with a friendly nod. "We've never properly met, right? You must be Hale. I'm Luke."
"Yeah, I gathered as much." Hale acknowledge his gaze with narrowed eyes to make it clear he wasn't impressed by his presence, and turned his attention to Brooks. "And what exactly is he doing here?"
Brooks looked a little baffled by his cold tone. "This was Luke's idea," he explained. "He came up with it after I told him about your...er, dilemma. So technically, we're the ones tagging along on his night out. Uh, that's not a problem, is it?"
Hale would have gladly voiced his opinions on why it was a problem (although he wasn't exactly sure why), but Brooks was looking at him with his wide eyes, like one of those puppies with the droopy ears pleading with you not to throw out it's favourite chew toy. Yes, Hale had been reduced to dog analogies and yes, Luke was the chew toy in this case. Brooks liked this idiot for some reason and Hale couldn't bring himself to say anything against it.
"No," Hale finally sighed. Before Luke could think it had anything to do with him and make a mistake in thinking he was wanted here, Hale pinned him with a flinty look. "Besides the fact he's from Woodway. The enemy school."
Brooks rolled his eyes. "Hale - "
"It's fine, I don't mind," Luke said, with a chuckle. Who the hell laughed at being called an enemy? Hale certainly hadn't meant it as a compliment. "But hey, we should probably get going so we don't keep Jules waiting."
Hale might have asked who the hell this Jules was, another stranger he hadn't been informed about, if it didn't require unnecessary interaction with Luke. As it was, Hale had a point to make and sour mood to uphold, so he settled for trailing after Brooks and Luke with a scowl. The two of them certainly seemed chummy, chatting like old friends. Or boyfriends. They were acting like they were in a relationship, anyway, and it was starting to bug him.
Hale couldn't give less of a shit - Brooks could date whoever the hell he wanted - but he didn't fancy playing the third wheel. He might have outright asked whether they were dating it was just Brooks, but he didn't want Luke to be under the impression he cared. So he kept his mouth shut and refused to join in their conversation, even when Brooks made more than a few attempts at getting him to take part. And when Brooks started shooting him worried glances, Hale had to look away so his resolve wouldn't crumble.
"Are you okay?" Brooks whispered, when Luke paused to check his phone for directions or whatever, quietly enough that only Hale would hear the question.
"Just peachy," Hale said. "Why?"
"You're not talking much. And I guess I'm not used to it, because you usually never shut up."
Hale wasn't sure whether that was supposed to be a compliment or insult. Judging from Brooks' earnest expression, it was intended as the former and he was going to take it as that. "I didn't realise you liked the sound of my voice so much," Hale teased.
"Well, uh...I don't - " He glared at Hale when he started chuckling, his cheeks pink. "Shut up. Moron."
"Okay," Luke said, cutting off the conversation before Hale could see just how much he could make Brooks blush. "Here we are."
Hale stared up at the building they had stopped outside. Huge neon letters hanging over the door declared the place as GINGER'S, and seemed to glitter under the dark night sky. Faint music drifted out of the open double doors, with figures stumbling in and out. Hale could just about make out a silhouetted couple making out against the wall.
"This is more like it," Hale grinned, perking up a little. He'd never been to this particular one before, but he recognised a club when he saw one. "I mean, I don't see how clubbing will help me figure out if I'm into guys, but I'm certainly not complaining."
"This one should help more than the usual ones, seeing as it's a gay bar. Alright," Luke said casually, as if he hadn't just dropped a bombshell. "Jules is around here somewhere, so I'll try and hunt him down. You two wait here."
Hale whirled on Brooks the moment Luke disappeared into the crowd surrounding Ginger's. "Sorry, I must have misheard," Hale said, shaking his head as if to clear his ears. "Did he just say gay bar? He didn't say that. Tell me he didn't say gay bar."
"Um...he did?" Brooks grimaced and offered him a sheepish look. "Okay, I can tell you're not very happy about this, but just give it a shot."
Hale shook his head in disbelief, not trusting himself to speak without saying something he'd probably regret. He liked surprises, sure, but never this kind of surprise. He liked surprises that involved new pet puppies and birthday cake, not being surrounded by guys with sparkly pink pants and high voices and whatever the hell it was that happened at gay bars.
Maybe Hale was gay, he had to admit that to himself, but he wasn't that gay. And now that he was looking closely, the two people kissing outside the club were wearing dresses, and were also definitely guys.
"It's not that big of a deal," Brooks insisted, when Hale remained silent. "You go to clubs all the time, right? It's just like those, except with a few more of the LGBT community. If you're confused about your sexuality, this is the opportunity to talk to other people with the same problems."
"Pretty sure no one here's going to be confused about anything," Hale scoffed, gesturing towards the gay couple. "They seem pretty fucking secure about what they're into. And how are you okay with being here, anyway? Aren't you supposed to be in the closet?"
Brooks eyebrows furrowed. "What's that got to do with anything?"
"What if we see someone we know?" Hale demanded. "I know not everyone at Lexus is as smart as you, but it won't take a genius to put two and two together if we're seen together in this place. Not everyone is as willing to be outed as your buddy Luke."
"Seriously, Hale?" For the first time since Hale could remember, Brooks' expression was entirely unreadable but his eyes betrayed his irritation. "First of all, going to a gay bar does not make you automatically gay. Plenty of straight people can enjoy themselves here. And do you really think anyone from our school would be seen dead here? Half of them are homophobic and the others are uneducated to the point they don't even understand what it is to be gay."
"That's besides the point, and you know it," Hale snapped. "This place is for people who are, you know - " He broke off with a frustrated gesture, at Brooks' annoyed frown and his own inability to even express what he was trying to say. "Just because I might like guys doesn't mean I'm gay gay."
"What the hell does that even mean?"
"I'm not that gay, the one who wears dresses or loves shopping or whatever shit it is people are into here. I don't even know if I'm gay!"
"That's the whole point!" Brooks snapped back. "How the fuck are you going to figure it out if you won't even try? Do you really think acting like a cool straight guy in front of everyone will change the facts?"
Hale blinked, momentarily stunned at his unexpected outburst. "That's fucking hypocritical," he scowled, quickly collecting himself before he could let on just how true the accusations rang. "Tell me that isn't exactly what you do everyday, pretending to be straight because you're too damn scared to do anything else."
Brooks shook his head in disbelief. "What, would you rather I let you use me to experiment on? Kiss me a couple more times so you can sort your head out, and then ditch me the second you get bored? Well, I'm not interested in being your toy, Hale," he said coolly. "Feel free to go in there and find a couple more compliant toys to play with. Maybe one of them can reassure you of the masculinity you're so desperate for while you're at it."
Hale's hands curled into fists, feeling a rush of heady rage more intense than if anyone else had said it to him, because it was Brooks saying it and it hurt more than he expected it to. More than he wanted it to. If it was anyone else who'd insulted him like that Hale wouldn't have hesitated to punch them in the face, but even now, with how pissed off he was, he couldn't bring himself to hit Brooks. He settled instead for words as barbed and cruel as possible.
"You know what?" he growled. "Fuck you, Brooks. I'm not going anywhere near that place filled with fucking queers and fags, although I'm sure you'll fit right in."
Hale shouldn't have said it. He knew it was out of line, that in the heat of the moment the anger buzzing through his veins had overpowered everything else, and that anger immediately faded away when Brooks flinched back at the words. For a moment, his expression hid nothing; his eyes were wide and filled with hurt, and Hale felt a sick twist in his chest that he was the reason for it.
"Shit, I'm sorry, Brooks," Hale blurted out, reaching out as if he could somehow take the words back. "I didn't mean that. It wasn't - "
But he'd already withdrawn, taking a step back as if to ward Hale off, his face closed off and his eyes so distant it was impossible to read anything in them. "It's fine," he said shortly, and it was such a blatant lie that Hale felt a pang in his chest. "You're right. This was a stupid idea. I'm sorry."
The apology was so out of place that it felt like an accusation, the two simple words like hooks under his skin, dragging the guilt to the surface where it was impossible for him to ignore it. Hale had to apologise but he didn't know how to do it, not without coming off pathetic and lame.
At that precise moment, Luke reappeared with a blonde-haired stranger in tow. Hale couldn't decided whether he was relieved or pissed off at his entrance. He knew he had to apologise to Brooks without Luke getting in the way, but at the same time, Hale didn't think he could bear to meet Brooks' blank gaze as if they were nothing more than strangers. Then he got a proper look at Luke's guest, and his pity party was momentarily put on hold to stare.
He was, to put it lightly, gay. The kind of gay that Elliot would find a hundred and one ways to take the piss out. His eyes were a clear slate grey accentuated by the glittery eyeshadow he was sporting, and framed by mascara-coated lashes. His lips were painted a shade of red Coralie would be envious of and his white rhinestone studded jeans were so tight they left nothing to the imagination. His hair was artfully messy and threaded through with what looked like tiny braids.
To top things off, as if things weren't obvious enough, his shirt was printed with the words I CAN'T EVEN THINK STRAIGHT in rainbow font.
"Hiya!" he chirped, misinterpreting Hale's stare at his bold clothing choice as admiration. "Cool top, huh? My mum made it for me, along with one for herself. She's a lesbian," he added, at Hale's uncomprehending look.
"How...interesting," Hale said, glancing at Brooks from the corner of his eye. He was watching him with narrowed eyes and Hale knew he had to tread carefully here. "The font is very eye-catching indeed. Out of curiosity, does your dad know? That your mum is a...?"
"A lesbian? Oh, honey, I don't have a dad," he said sunnily. "I'm a test-tube baby, delivered straight to both my mums. Of course, one goes by mum and the other mam! Things would just get confusing otherwise, don't ya think?"
"Of course, you wouldn't want it to get confusing," Hale agreed seriously, nodding his head along with the blonde guy's enthusiastic nods. "As enlightening as this conversation is, I have to ask...who exactly are you?"
"Oh, sorry, I should do introductions." Luke slipped his hand into Jules' with a smile. "Jules, this is Brooks and his friend, Hale. Brooks, Hale, this is my boyfriend, Jules."
Hale failed to keep the incredulity out of his voice. "You have a boyfriend?"
"Should I be offended that you sound so surprised?" Luke asked, amused.
"He's just jealous 'cause that means you're mine, and totally off-limits," Jules said flirtatiously, already tugging Luke closer for a kiss before he'd even finished his sentence.
Hale scoffed. "Jealous? Of what, exactly?" His words were wasted on deaf ears, because Luke and Jules were too busy exploring each other's mouths to spare either Hale or Brooks a second glance. Hale might have been concerned they were going to run out of oxygen from the way they were going, but it seemed the more likely cause of death would be one of them choking on the all the tongues shared between their mouths.
Hale finally looked at Brooks. He was staring studiously at the ground as if his trainers were suddenly fascinating, and it was a painful reminder of that lacrosse practice that felt so long ago, talking to Calla and pretending he wasn't sneaking glances at Brooks the entire time. Brooks wouldn't look at him then, either, but he knew it was for an entirely different reason this time.
Hale took a deep breath. "Brooks - "
Luke and Jules extracted themselves from each other's mouths, the former looking embarrassed while Jules was wearing his same cheery smile, like he hadn't just smudged his lipstick making out with someone in front of two near-strangers. Hale glared at them. Couldn't they have sucked face for a little longer? They'd just interrupted what would have been a sincere and heartfelt apology.
Hale's glower didn't go unnoticed "Wow, sorry," Luke said sheepishly. "That was so rude, and we only just met. We must have made a terrible first impression."
He'd misunderstood the real reason for the dirty look, but Hale was happy enough to go along with it. "Pretty much," Hale agreed, deciding it would probably be a bad idea to add that the terrible first impression had formed a while ago. He doubted that would get him back in Brooks' good books quite so quickly.
"Anyway, what are we doing standing around like lepers?" Jules gestured excitedly towards Ginger's. "Let's go and get our party on! I hear they do free shots on the house at midnight. It's probs bullshit, the waitress who told me is such a flake, but only one way to find out!"
"Actually, there's been a change of plan," Brooks said quietly, before Hale could say anything. "Me and Hale won't be joining you guys, but feel free to go ahead and have fun."
"What?!" Jules gasped. He looked so flabbergasted, you'd have thought Brooks had just told him the summer holidays had been cancelled. That was the only thing Hale could think of that could warrant such shock. "No way! I just got here, and now you're bailing on us?! But the night is still young!"
"Why do you even care?" Hale asked, genuinely puzzled. The guy was acting like they were long lost brothers reunited after years apart, rather than strangers who had literally met ten minutes ago. "You don't even know us."
"Exactly! How will we ever get to know each other if you leave now?"
Hale was saved from having to reply to that by Luke. "Are you sure?" he asked, his forehead creasing in concern. "It's your decision, of course, but it seems a little premature. Is everything okay?"
"Fine," Brooks assured him, with an unconvincing smile Hale didn't believe for a second. "Don't feel obligated not to go in just because we're not. I don't mind, and I can guarantee that Hale doesn't."
Hale frowned, unsure what exactly he was implying by that, and didn't get a chance to think on it any further when Jules suddenly grabbed his arm. "Let's do something else! It doesn't have to be the gay bar, if that ain't your kinda scene, honey," Jules said earnestly, and didn't resist when Hale quickly yanked his arm back. "I know a cool American themed diner just around the corner from here. It's cold as dicks out here, so whatcha say we hang out there?"
Brooks' eyes widened. "Cold as...dicks?" he repeated, looking scandalised just saying it aloud. "Is that really a saying?"
"Damn straight it is, honey. Or should I say, damn gay," Jules corrected, chuckling at his own joke. Hale had to bite his lip to stop himself from smiling because as witty as that might have been, he would be damned before he let himself laugh at a gay joke. It was way too soon for that shit to be allowed to be funny.
"Well, I'm down for the diner plan," Luke shrugged, looking towards Brooks and Hale. "What about you guys? Up for it?"
Brooks hesitated, and Hale waited for him to turn it down, the implicit means of letting Hale know he didn't want to spend anymore time with him. He wouldn't really blame him for doing so, and that's why he was so surprised when Brooks said, "Sure, sounds good."
"Yay!" Jules exclaimed, and Hale tried not to stare at him, because who the hell actually said yay? Clearly, people like Jules did, and it wasn't all that hard to comprehend when you took the rest of him into consideration. Hale was pretty sure the guy had abbreviated probably while he was talking earlier. "And you, Hale? You'll come too, right?"
Hale hadn't been planning on it, but things had changed now that Brooks was going. "Yeah, okay."
Hale thought maybe Brooks' agreement to go was an opportunity to redeem himself, but those hopes were soon dashed. Brooks didn't look at him even once during the walk to the diner, and it was impossible for Hale to get a word in edgewise with Jules chattering a mile a minute. Hale didn't know how to get a moment of privacy alone with him and it was obvious Brooks was avoiding just that.
Burger Bob's Diner was, admittedly, pretty cool. Neon tubing hanging up in the window declared the place was open 24/7, and the door gave a tinny little jingle to announce their arrival. The floors were checkered black and white tiles, and the long bar stretching at the back of the room was surrounded by booths of varying size that filled the rest of the space. Despite the relatively late hour, the place was nearly half filled, groups and couples tucked among the tables.
Luke headed over to the bar to place their orders, and Brooks was on his heels in less than a second, following him without another word. Hale watched him go with a sinking heart. At this point, he would have preferred being yelled at over the silent treatment. Hale wasn't used to being ignored, and he concluded it wasn't a nice feeling. For the first time, he felt kind of bad about all the girls he'd given the cold shoulder to get them off his case.
"So, what's the deal between you and cutie pie?"
Hale frowned at Jules. "What?"
"Oh, puh-lease." Jules propped his elbows on the table and set his chin in his palm, leaning forward with a hungry gleam for gossip in his grey eyes. Hale absently noted that his nails were painted green. "You're not fooling anyone, honey. The sexual tension between the two of you is so thick it's a wonder I'm not choking on it."
"Sure," Hale drawled, not interested in pursuing this line of conversation. "I don't even know if I'm gay or not."
The line felt worn out and tired, more of an excuse than anything. He'd abandoned a party with a guaranteed surplus of girls, the majority who would just be looking for someone to pull, in favour of sitting in a diner at eleven on a Friday evening with three gay guys. Even wilful denial couldn't save him now.
Like it or not, he was gay, and he couldn't change that.
It was almost a relief admitting it, even if it was just to himself. I'm gay. It wasn't as much of a revelation as he expected, because even while he always told himself he was straight, maybe he'd acknowledged the truth deep down the very first time Brooks had ever smiled at him and his heart had sped up in a way no girl had ever made it. Or maybe it went even further back, all those times he'd thought a guy was attractive and brushed it off as nothing.
At least now he knew why no girl had ever turned him on, and he had zero interest in taking any of them to bed. So there was nothing wrong with him, not in that sense.
Not feeling attraction wasn't the problem, as he'd originally assumed when no girls could get it up for him. Hale glanced at the bar where Brooks was stood, smiling at something Luke had said. He definitely felt attraction, that was for sure. Just not the kind he'd expected.
"Careful, honey," Jules said, with a smug grin. "Your gay's showing."
Hale realised he'd been staring and quickly looked away to glare at Jules. "Shut the hell up."
Jules just laughed and winked at him.