CALL ME • MYUNG JAEHYUN - Chapter 14: Chapter 14
You are reading CALL ME • MYUNG JAEHYUN, Chapter 14: Chapter 14. Read more chapters of CALL ME • MYUNG JAEHYUN.
JAEHYUN
She told me she called me.
And I didn't pick up. Not even once.
That one sentence has been ringing in my mind like a shriek in a cave, echoing off the walls until it loses all form and sense but still hurts just as much. I didn't pick up.
I told myself I was finished with her. That I didn't care.
But I can't help but hear her voice from that hospital room. The shake in it. The way she sounded like she was still trying to smile even when everything was obviously falling apart.
I departed before she could say anything else.
Because if I had remained, I would've collapsed. And I wasn't sure if I deserved to cry when I was the one who walked away first.
But all of this - all the guilt, all the pain - none of it really started today.
It started yesterday.
The school bell had just tolled, and the hallways were filled with people, their laughter, the scuffing of shoes against tile floors, and the faint hum of talk about weekend plans. I wished I could just go home. I didn't even look around as I jammed my books into my bag and slung it over my shoulder. Earbuds in. Volume up.
I headed down the corridor, sidestepping people as I always did.
Until I felt someone step in my way.
I glared up, irritated. A girl I didn't know stood in front of me, eyes fixed on me. She didn't back down.
"You're Jaehyun, aren't you?"
I pulled out one of my earbuds. "Yeah?"
"I have to tell you something," she said rapidly, urgency lacing her voice.
"I'm not interested."
I began to walk past her, but she moved again - standing in my way like she had something she desperately had to say.
"It's about Eunhye."
At the mention of her name, something in my chest constricted.
But I sneered, like it was none of my concern. Like I was over her already.
"I don't care what she's doing either," I told her, walking away. "She left. She made that decision."
This was the lie I'd been telling myself for weeks. It was easier to be mad than to wonder why she vanished.
But the girl was not letting up.
Do you always act so hard that you don't care? Is that how you treat people who need you?"
I froze, half-turning to regard her once more.
"What the hell's your problem?"
She moved closer. Her eyes were keen - but they were glassy as well. She seemed to have been holding back a storm.
"You. You're my problem.
She shook her head as if she couldn't believe what she was seeing. "She called you, Jaehyun. She sent messages. Long ones. Desperate ones. Dozens of them. She was terrified out of her mind, and you didn't answer once."
I blinked, my throat drying up.
"What... what are you talking about?"
"You think she left because she didn't care? Because she was 'ashamed' of you or whatever nonsense you made yourself believe?" Her voice cracked now. "She was dying."
I stood still.
"Blind. Scared. In pain. Alone. But all she ever wanted was you. Every time her vision faded more, she reached for her phone. She memorized the feel of the keypad just to text a number that would never reply."
I did not want to hear this. I couldn't.
"Stop-"
"No!" she yelled. "I won't. Because you don't get to play like this is all her fault. You ghosted her when she needed you most. She'd wake up in the middle of the night in that hospital bed, calling out your name and hoping that if she could just hear your voice, the pain would just stop."
My chest was thumping. My fists were clenched. I felt as though I couldn't catch my breath - as though I was submerged underwater and someone had just withdrawn the surface farther.
"Why are you telling me this?" I whispered.
The girl looked at me for a really long time.
And then, with a voice as soft as it was charged with fury, she said-
"Because I'm her nurse."
Everything in me broke apart.
I felt like the air was sucked out of the hallway. Like the world had tilted on its side.
"She waited for you, Jaehyun," she went on, softer now, almost shaking. "Even when she couldn't see anything anymore. She still waited for you."
I was unable to speak. I could not even move.
"She tried," she said. "Over and over again. And when you never replied, she still found things to forgive you for."
And then she turned and left.
And I was left there - paralysed by everything that I didn't know. Everything that I missed. Everything that I chose to ignore.
I believed she left because of me.
But the reality is. I left her first.
EUNHYE
The light coming through my eyelids today was gentler. Or perhaps I had simply adjusted to the dark.
I didn't cry this morning. Not at first, anyway. There's a sort of numbness that comes after all the tears have dried. I experienced it as the nurse brushed my hair, her fingers guiding mine over the comb as if I had to learn it all over again.
My world was quiet. Softer. It frightened me.
I felt a knock later in the morning, around lunchtime. I had thought initially that it would be Hyejin again to check on my medication. But the footsteps were heavier. More hesitant. And then I heard him.
"Hey."
The voice. So low. So familiar. It pulled at something in me that I thought was already dead.
"Jaehyun?" I said, skipping a beat with shock.
He was nearer. I could feel the crinkle of plastic, the heat of his breath as if he knelt beside the bed.
"Food," he said. "My mom cooked it. She still... she still wants to see you."
I could make a small laugh. It was weak, papery. "I don't know if that's going to happen at all."
There was a silence. A sort of heavy silence in the air.
Neither of us said anything for a while.
But he remained.
He gave me a little of the food. Not much. Just enough to make me feel like a normal person for a second. He even lectured me mildly when I wouldn't take too much rice. I smiled, or at least attempted to. His voice had not changed, but something in the way he was speaking was gentler now. Cautious. As if I were delicate glass he was afraid to tap too insistently.
We didn't discuss the past. Or the texts. Or the calls.
Perhaps we were both too scared to confront it yet.
The afternoon crawled along in quiet silence. I was dozing and waking, sleeping and waking. I could sense the heaviness of him sitting on the chair by the bed. Every so often, I would wake just to ensure that he hadn't departed. I think he knew this. Because each time, I sensed his hand lying beside mine. Not touching. Just present.
By the time night rolled around again, I couldn't resist the tiredness. I grumbled something like "thanks for waiting," before the medication sucked me into dreams that weren't in colors anymore.
JAEHYUN
Later that evening.
She slept with her hand lying close to the edge of the blanket. I stared at her chest rising and falling-slow, irregular. I kept looking just to be sure she was still alive.
I looked around her room. Sterile white walls. Faint beeping in the background. Her phone sat quietly on the bedside table.
I reached for it.
I don't know what made me do it. Guilt, maybe. Or curiosity. Or something darker.
There was no passcode.
It opened to the home screen. A single chat pinned at the top.
I clicked it.
And everything inside me shattered.
Sent to Jaehyun's number
•••
2 days ago
Eunhye [12:03 AM]:
Are you there?
I know you probably still hate me.
But I… I didn't know who else to speak to.
Eunhye [12:05 AM]:
They said something to me today.
I tried smiling and nodding like it was all right.
But it's not.
Eunhye [12:07 AM]:
Jaehyun, I'm afraid.
I'm really, really afraid.
Eunhye [12:10 AM]:
I wanted to tell you at that time,
on the rooftop.
I wasn't trying to evade you.
I wanted to see you.
So desperately.
Eunhye [12:12 AM]:
I didn't come because I was trying so hard…not to die.
Eunhye [12:14 AM]:
But I guess that sounds melodramatic, huh?
You'd likely roll your eyes if you read this.
Eunhye [12:16 AM]:
Anyway,
even though you won't respond,
even though this is just me speaking to nothing—
can I pretend I'm reading to you?
Eunhye [12:18 AM]:
It's silent here.
Too silent.
I detest this place.
The lights never switch off.
The machines beep as if reminding me I'm still alive.
Eunhye [12:20 AM]:
I miss your voice.
I miss how you used to rumple my hair when I smiled.
You said it suited me.
No one says that anymore.
Eunhye [12:23 AM]:
There's a woman in the room.
She's older. She prays before she sleeps.
I tried.
But I think God forgot about me too.
Eunhye [12:25 AM]:
If you're out there,
even if you're with your friends,
even if you're laughing—
I hope you're okay.
Eunhye [12:27 AM]:
If I ever disappear,
just know it wasn't because I didn't care.
It was because I did.
Eunhye [12:30 AM]:
I love you.
Even now.
Even when it hurts.
Eunhye [12:32 AM]:
Good night, Jaehyun.
Sleep well.
My hands shook. My throat was on fire. I continued to scroll, even when it was painful, even when it made me feel like I didn't deserve to exist.
She had attempted.
She had cried out into nothing. And I never replied.
She needed me, and I was too busy pretending she was nothing.
Now, I didn't know how to look at her again without shattering.
Night, still lying by her side
The phone went dark, her last message still on display.
"Good night, Jaehyun. Sleep tight. Even if I never get the chance to tell you again."
I gazed at it.
And continued staring.
My hand on her phone relaxed, and I didn't even realize it fall out of my grasp.
My eyes became blurry.
Initially, I felt my eyes tired.
But afterward, I could feel it-
A quiet, warm tear running along the curve of my jaw.
I hadn't realized I was crying at all.
I gazed at her.
She used to occupy every volume of space where she moved in.
Now she barely filled up the space she stood in.
"I wasn't there..." I whispered, voice shaking as if my ribs were shattering from the inside out. "You called, and I wasn't there."
A tear dropped.
And another.
I didn't brush them away. I let them fall. Let them taint my shirt like apologies I should've made earlier.
"I told her once... 'Just call me,'" I breathed out, as if speaking now would rewind time.
"I said it like it was enough."
As if those words might save her.
But when she finally did-
When she was breaking, alone in the dark,
I wasn't there to answer.
I rested my elbows on my knees and clasped my hands together as if I was praying to a god I quit believing in years ago.
"I already lost someone," I told her, barely above a whisper.
My best friend. Lost. Because I failed to read the signs until it was too late.
And now her.
I was seeing someone slip away from me again.
Same hurt. Different face. Same helpless silence.
"I'm losing her," I whispered, staring at the IV by her bed.
"No. I already did."
She told me she called me.
And I didn't pick up. Not even once.
That one sentence has been ringing in my mind like a shriek in a cave, echoing off the walls until it loses all form and sense but still hurts just as much. I didn't pick up.
I told myself I was finished with her. That I didn't care.
But I can't help but hear her voice from that hospital room. The shake in it. The way she sounded like she was still trying to smile even when everything was obviously falling apart.
I departed before she could say anything else.
Because if I had remained, I would've collapsed. And I wasn't sure if I deserved to cry when I was the one who walked away first.
But all of this - all the guilt, all the pain - none of it really started today.
It started yesterday.
The school bell had just tolled, and the hallways were filled with people, their laughter, the scuffing of shoes against tile floors, and the faint hum of talk about weekend plans. I wished I could just go home. I didn't even look around as I jammed my books into my bag and slung it over my shoulder. Earbuds in. Volume up.
I headed down the corridor, sidestepping people as I always did.
Until I felt someone step in my way.
I glared up, irritated. A girl I didn't know stood in front of me, eyes fixed on me. She didn't back down.
"You're Jaehyun, aren't you?"
I pulled out one of my earbuds. "Yeah?"
"I have to tell you something," she said rapidly, urgency lacing her voice.
"I'm not interested."
I began to walk past her, but she moved again - standing in my way like she had something she desperately had to say.
"It's about Eunhye."
At the mention of her name, something in my chest constricted.
But I sneered, like it was none of my concern. Like I was over her already.
"I don't care what she's doing either," I told her, walking away. "She left. She made that decision."
This was the lie I'd been telling myself for weeks. It was easier to be mad than to wonder why she vanished.
But the girl was not letting up.
Do you always act so hard that you don't care? Is that how you treat people who need you?"
I froze, half-turning to regard her once more.
"What the hell's your problem?"
She moved closer. Her eyes were keen - but they were glassy as well. She seemed to have been holding back a storm.
"You. You're my problem.
She shook her head as if she couldn't believe what she was seeing. "She called you, Jaehyun. She sent messages. Long ones. Desperate ones. Dozens of them. She was terrified out of her mind, and you didn't answer once."
I blinked, my throat drying up.
"What... what are you talking about?"
"You think she left because she didn't care? Because she was 'ashamed' of you or whatever nonsense you made yourself believe?" Her voice cracked now. "She was dying."
I stood still.
"Blind. Scared. In pain. Alone. But all she ever wanted was you. Every time her vision faded more, she reached for her phone. She memorized the feel of the keypad just to text a number that would never reply."
I did not want to hear this. I couldn't.
"Stop-"
"No!" she yelled. "I won't. Because you don't get to play like this is all her fault. You ghosted her when she needed you most. She'd wake up in the middle of the night in that hospital bed, calling out your name and hoping that if she could just hear your voice, the pain would just stop."
My chest was thumping. My fists were clenched. I felt as though I couldn't catch my breath - as though I was submerged underwater and someone had just withdrawn the surface farther.
"Why are you telling me this?" I whispered.
The girl looked at me for a really long time.
And then, with a voice as soft as it was charged with fury, she said-
"Because I'm her nurse."
Everything in me broke apart.
I felt like the air was sucked out of the hallway. Like the world had tilted on its side.
"She waited for you, Jaehyun," she went on, softer now, almost shaking. "Even when she couldn't see anything anymore. She still waited for you."
I was unable to speak. I could not even move.
"She tried," she said. "Over and over again. And when you never replied, she still found things to forgive you for."
And then she turned and left.
And I was left there - paralysed by everything that I didn't know. Everything that I missed. Everything that I chose to ignore.
I believed she left because of me.
But the reality is. I left her first.
EUNHYE
The light coming through my eyelids today was gentler. Or perhaps I had simply adjusted to the dark.
I didn't cry this morning. Not at first, anyway. There's a sort of numbness that comes after all the tears have dried. I experienced it as the nurse brushed my hair, her fingers guiding mine over the comb as if I had to learn it all over again.
My world was quiet. Softer. It frightened me.
I felt a knock later in the morning, around lunchtime. I had thought initially that it would be Hyejin again to check on my medication. But the footsteps were heavier. More hesitant. And then I heard him.
"Hey."
The voice. So low. So familiar. It pulled at something in me that I thought was already dead.
"Jaehyun?" I said, skipping a beat with shock.
He was nearer. I could feel the crinkle of plastic, the heat of his breath as if he knelt beside the bed.
"Food," he said. "My mom cooked it. She still... she still wants to see you."
I could make a small laugh. It was weak, papery. "I don't know if that's going to happen at all."
There was a silence. A sort of heavy silence in the air.
Neither of us said anything for a while.
But he remained.
He gave me a little of the food. Not much. Just enough to make me feel like a normal person for a second. He even lectured me mildly when I wouldn't take too much rice. I smiled, or at least attempted to. His voice had not changed, but something in the way he was speaking was gentler now. Cautious. As if I were delicate glass he was afraid to tap too insistently.
We didn't discuss the past. Or the texts. Or the calls.
Perhaps we were both too scared to confront it yet.
The afternoon crawled along in quiet silence. I was dozing and waking, sleeping and waking. I could sense the heaviness of him sitting on the chair by the bed. Every so often, I would wake just to ensure that he hadn't departed. I think he knew this. Because each time, I sensed his hand lying beside mine. Not touching. Just present.
By the time night rolled around again, I couldn't resist the tiredness. I grumbled something like "thanks for waiting," before the medication sucked me into dreams that weren't in colors anymore.
JAEHYUN
Later that evening.
She slept with her hand lying close to the edge of the blanket. I stared at her chest rising and falling-slow, irregular. I kept looking just to be sure she was still alive.
I looked around her room. Sterile white walls. Faint beeping in the background. Her phone sat quietly on the bedside table.
I reached for it.
I don't know what made me do it. Guilt, maybe. Or curiosity. Or something darker.
There was no passcode.
It opened to the home screen. A single chat pinned at the top.
I clicked it.
And everything inside me shattered.
Sent to Jaehyun's number
•••
2 days ago
Eunhye [12:03 AM]:
Are you there?
I know you probably still hate me.
But I… I didn't know who else to speak to.
Eunhye [12:05 AM]:
They said something to me today.
I tried smiling and nodding like it was all right.
But it's not.
Eunhye [12:07 AM]:
Jaehyun, I'm afraid.
I'm really, really afraid.
Eunhye [12:10 AM]:
I wanted to tell you at that time,
on the rooftop.
I wasn't trying to evade you.
I wanted to see you.
So desperately.
Eunhye [12:12 AM]:
I didn't come because I was trying so hard…not to die.
Eunhye [12:14 AM]:
But I guess that sounds melodramatic, huh?
You'd likely roll your eyes if you read this.
Eunhye [12:16 AM]:
Anyway,
even though you won't respond,
even though this is just me speaking to nothing—
can I pretend I'm reading to you?
Eunhye [12:18 AM]:
It's silent here.
Too silent.
I detest this place.
The lights never switch off.
The machines beep as if reminding me I'm still alive.
Eunhye [12:20 AM]:
I miss your voice.
I miss how you used to rumple my hair when I smiled.
You said it suited me.
No one says that anymore.
Eunhye [12:23 AM]:
There's a woman in the room.
She's older. She prays before she sleeps.
I tried.
But I think God forgot about me too.
Eunhye [12:25 AM]:
If you're out there,
even if you're with your friends,
even if you're laughing—
I hope you're okay.
Eunhye [12:27 AM]:
If I ever disappear,
just know it wasn't because I didn't care.
It was because I did.
Eunhye [12:30 AM]:
I love you.
Even now.
Even when it hurts.
Eunhye [12:32 AM]:
Good night, Jaehyun.
Sleep well.
My hands shook. My throat was on fire. I continued to scroll, even when it was painful, even when it made me feel like I didn't deserve to exist.
She had attempted.
She had cried out into nothing. And I never replied.
She needed me, and I was too busy pretending she was nothing.
Now, I didn't know how to look at her again without shattering.
Night, still lying by her side
The phone went dark, her last message still on display.
"Good night, Jaehyun. Sleep tight. Even if I never get the chance to tell you again."
I gazed at it.
And continued staring.
My hand on her phone relaxed, and I didn't even realize it fall out of my grasp.
My eyes became blurry.
Initially, I felt my eyes tired.
But afterward, I could feel it-
A quiet, warm tear running along the curve of my jaw.
I hadn't realized I was crying at all.
I gazed at her.
She used to occupy every volume of space where she moved in.
Now she barely filled up the space she stood in.
"I wasn't there..." I whispered, voice shaking as if my ribs were shattering from the inside out. "You called, and I wasn't there."
A tear dropped.
And another.
I didn't brush them away. I let them fall. Let them taint my shirt like apologies I should've made earlier.
"I told her once... 'Just call me,'" I breathed out, as if speaking now would rewind time.
"I said it like it was enough."
As if those words might save her.
But when she finally did-
When she was breaking, alone in the dark,
I wasn't there to answer.
I rested my elbows on my knees and clasped my hands together as if I was praying to a god I quit believing in years ago.
"I already lost someone," I told her, barely above a whisper.
My best friend. Lost. Because I failed to read the signs until it was too late.
And now her.
I was seeing someone slip away from me again.
Same hurt. Different face. Same helpless silence.
"I'm losing her," I whispered, staring at the IV by her bed.
"No. I already did."
End of CALL ME • MYUNG JAEHYUN Chapter 14. Continue reading Chapter 15 or return to CALL ME • MYUNG JAEHYUN book page.