Can You Hear the Ocean? - Chapter 34: Chapter 34

As Mia watched Leila step through the door, she immediately noticed the way Leila's facial expression slowly transformed into one of shock when Leila noticed Julian. Mia had obviously never shared with Leila the details of the fight from the evening before, though knowing Leila, she must've been smart enough to figure out something had occurred.
Feeling Julian's hand tighten around her shoulder, Mia suddenly felt weak for returning to him.
After Leila had left for work in the morning, Mia had wrapped herself in the blanket on the couch and sat there, staring down at her feet. Fuji was brave enough to sleep on the couch cushion beside her, but she didn't attempt to reach out and stroke him. He was still frightened of her. Perhaps that was for the best.
I've become too attached and dependent on Leila, Mia thought. She'd thought long and hard the evening before, deciding that this attachment stemmed from her desire to fill the void in her life left by her mother's passing. Leila was kind and nurturing, and Mia had taken advantage of that kindness when she wasn't deserving of it.
"You're smart," Mia murmured to Fuji. He stared at her and flicked his tail. "You don't trust easily. You won't even let me pet you even though I've lived here for months. I know I come off as distanced, but the truth is, I become clingy too easily, and it usually leads to my downfall."
Fuji meowed in response.
"I'm sure you heard it all last night, but I don't know what I'm doing," Mia said, running her fingers through her hair. "I came back to Maine for a mental health break, but I didn't intend to stay. Even when I started dating Julian, I didn't intend to stay. But then I moved in with Leila, and now I'm looking at more long-term plans." Mia laughed to herself. "Look at me. I'm talking to a goddamn cat."
She wasn't sure why talking to Fuji felt more embarrassing than talking to her mother's grave, but it was comforting watching the animal slowly blink back at her. The marble stone Mia visited day in and day out could never give such a lively response.
"Leila shouldn't get attached to me. I can tell she has. Don't tell her this, but...I think she deserves a better friend, and better roommate for that matter, than me," Mia said.
Fuji didn't release a sound in return. Mia hoped that meant her secret was safe.
Mia sighed and reluctantly stood up from the couch. Her heart twisted as she put on a fresh pair of clothes for the day and stepped out the front door. Fuji stared at her, looking almost saddened that she was leaving.
"Sorry. It's for the best," she told the cat.
Oftentimes, she found herself gravitating towards the cemetery when she drove. Today, she passed by it without a single thought. Instead, her mind centered on someone else. Julian.
Mia pulled up in his front driveway, glad to see that only Julian's car was parked in front of the house. His parents must also be at work then, she thought.
Mia placed her hands in the pockets of her hoodie and shivered in the cold autumn morning air. She quickly ascended the steps to Julian's porch and rang the doorbell, desperate to get out of the cold. Then, she waited. And waited. And waited. Once again, she pressed the doorbell. And again.
Mia sighed and turned, guessing Julian was still asleep. She supposed she could call him later, though her courage might vanish by that point.
The door creaked open behind her. Mia turned, noticing Julian standing in the doorway. He was in the worn out t-shirt and boxer briefs that he wore to bed. Judging by how disheveled his hair was, she assumed he had just woken up.
"Hey," Julian said. The grogginess in his voice confirmed her suspicions.
"Hi," Mia replied. She stood, shivering as the breeze tickled her skin. "It's kind of a rude to leave a lady waiting out in the cold, don't you think?"
Julian stared at her, annoyed. "I thought you wanted space."
"There's plenty of room to spread out inside," Mia said.
Julian sighed and opened the door wider, inviting her in. Mia was happily greeted by the heater as she stepped inside. Immediately, she took a seat on the couch that she and Julian often liked to share when watching TV at his parents' house. However, Julian chose to sit on the armchair to the left of her. Mia turned her body to face him.
"I'm sorry," she said.
"For what? You sure didn't seem sorry last night," Julian said.
Mia glanced at the door. This was her last chance to back out. She briefly caught a glimpse of the homemade quilt Julian's mother had made laying folded at the edge of the couch. That broke her from her trance.
"You're right. Maybe I do spend too much time with Leila," she admitted. She stopped herself from biting her tongue as the words passed her lips. "I didn't realize you were feeling neglected. Sorry."
"You mean that?" Julian asked. "Because honestly, Mia, you're my world at the moment. And if you don't feel the same, then...then..."
He won't say it, Mia thought. Just like he was too afraid to call things off last night.
Mia moved off the couch and crawled into his lap on the armchair. She felt Julian stiffen in her grasp. She gently placed her hand on his arm and leaned up and kissed him.
"I love you," she said.
Julian's mouth came down on hers aggressively. "Thank God. I didn't know what I'd do without you," he said in between kissing her. He pulled her tightly toward his body, enough so that she could feel his heartbeat pounding beneath her fingers.
This is the person I deserve, Mia thought. I can live with his flaws.
Mia stared up at Julian. A familiar fire was beginning to glow in his eyes.
"My bedroom?" he asked.
Mia glanced back at the door. She blinked once, then turned back to face him. She nodded.
The memories from earlier that day replayed in Mia's mind as she sat on the couch with Julian. She felt embarrassed sitting with him while Leila was in the room. She knew Leila must be disappointed in her, but Mia only knew life in Maine with Julian. She wasn't ready to give that up. After all, he had been the only thing she could claim for herself. Every other experience she'd had in Maine had been the result of Leila.
I can settle for him, Mia thought. We get along well enough.
"That cat's so loud when he's hungry," Julian remarked. "He's been screaming for a half hour."
"You could've fed him," Leila murmured.
"We tried, but he ran off as soon as Julian stood up," Mia said. She giggled some and stared up at Julian. She didn't want to keep looking at Leila's disappointed face. As long as she was looking at Julian or kissing him, she would be distracted.
Mia listened as Leila prepared Fuji's dinner. Once the cat was eating away on the kitchen floor, Leila stared across the room at the two of them.
"You were going to make dinner tonight, weren't you, Mia?" Leila asked. The annoyance in her tone was not easily hidden.
"Oh. I forgot," Mia said. "Probably because I went out with Julian last night."
"I thought our rule was we'd at least be preparing dinner by the time the other got home," Leila grumbled.
She's mad. She's definitely mad, Mia realized. Though she realized suddenly that she could use that to her advantage.
"I didn't want to cook while Julian was here. We don't see each other as much lately," Mia said.
"I didn't know he'd be over," Leila said.
Julian had gone quiet and removed his hand from Mia's shoulder. Normally he always acted comfortable wherever he was, but the silence in the room was so loud, even he had sensed the tension.
"Well, what do you want me to do?" Mia asked. "I can start cooking right now, but I don't have enough ingredients for the three of us, and it probably won't be ready for a while."
"Just forget it," Leila said, walking into her room. The door slammed behind her.
Before Julian could react, Mia grabbed his wrist. "Come on. Let's go eat out."
"Where?" Julian wondered.
"Doesn't matter," Mia said.
She quickly gathered her things and left the apartment, immediately feeling the tension dissipate once she was outside of its walls.
"What's going on?" Julian asked.
"Nothing," Mia said.
"I've never seen the two of you fight," Julian remarked.
"Honestly, Julian, why do you care?" Mia asked, failing to hide her annoyance. "You said I spent too much time with her anyway, didn't you? We're getting along fine. I'm sure Leila's just tired or something."
"Okay," Julian said. "So tacos or Chinese?"