Can You Hear the Ocean? - Chapter 37: Chapter 37

Leila tapped her pencil repeatedly on her desk as she sat at her cubicle. She grumbled to herself as the prior evening came to mind. She finally had gathered the courage to once again ask Mia what was wrong, but Mia had quickly ducked, and Leila had foolishly let her. Perhaps Leila was still the same coward after all.
Leila sighed and stared at her computer screen. She wondered if Julian would be lounging on her couch when she came home. It felt like he had been over every day recently. He'd already spent the night twice in the past week, and Leila assumed it wouldn't be long before he spent the night again. She had made little comments here and there to try to suggest Julian spend less time at the apartment, but Mia wasn't around often enough for Leila to bring up her concerns about Julian in more detail.
Though Leila was beginning to feel like a stranger in her own home, Leila still couldn't help but love Mia. She knew something was troubling Mia. She wished Mia would speak to her. Hadn't she promised to that evening she came crying to Leila?
Mia had always been difficult to read, ever since they were children. Her communication had always been lackluster, but somehow or other, Leila had always been able to sense when something was wrong. Now, after a years-long separation, Leila couldn't quite pick up on those signals as well. Mia's attitude completely alluded Leila.
I guess I'll try again tonight, Leila thought. Perhaps Mia was more stubborn than her, but Leila could also be persistent as well. Mia was a fool if she thought she'd be free from refusing to talk to Leila forever.
She made a promise to herself that she'd talk to Mia no matter what, even if Mia tried to use Julian as an excuse to get away.
Later that evening, Leila walked up the stairs to her apartment, her hands trembling. She'd never been good at confrontation. She hadn't even been able to be honest with Helen about the fact she was most likely not going to apply for the job in Connecticut, but Leila cared about Mia too much. She had to make sure Mia was okay.
Outside of the door, Leila heard laughter. She froze, turned the key, and slowly opened the door.
Just as she suspected, Julian was lounging on the couch, which was practically his permanent residence at this point. Mia was sitting beside him, her hand on his arm, laughing along with him.
Leila let the door creak open slowly and stood, staring at them. She had not received any word from Mia that he would be over, and judging by the duffel bag she saw in the hallway, it seemed Julian also would be spending the night.
"Oh! Leila," Mia said, seeming surprised.
Leila wondered if she actually looked intimidating. She certainly felt that way. Looking at Julian had always made her want to hurl, but tonight, his very sight made her blood boil. What was worse, Fuji wasn't there to greet her at the door. Strangely enough though, she could hear yowling in the distance.
"Where's Fuji?" Leila asked.
"Shut him in your room. He kept trying to claw at me," Julian said.
Leila immediately rushed down the hallway. As soon as she opened her bedroom door, Fuji sprang into the hallway. Though he began his usual cries for dinner, Leila scooped him in his arms and glared at Julian.
"Get out," Leila told him.
Julian looked at her, seeming surprised. "Huh?"
"You heard me. Get out," Leila repeated.
Julian slowly stood from the couch, but Mia held out her hand in front of him to stop him.
"Woah, hey!" Mia exclaimed. "What's wrong?" Mia asked Leila.
"I don't appreciate guests who lock my cat in my room. Get out," Leila repeated to Julian.
"You're not serious," Julian said. He chuckled slightly and looked at Mia in disbelief.
"This isn't your apartment," Leila said, holding Fuji close to her.
"Yeah, but Mia—"
"Mia's name isn't on the lease," Leila barked back at him. "I'll say it again. Get out."
Mia interjected now, apparently finally having found her voice. "Look, I'm sorry I didn't text you—"
This time Julian broke her off. "No. It's fine," he grumbled. His glare seethed its way into Leila's soul, and for just a moment, she was frightened, but she stood her ground. "I'll leave," Julian announced at last. "It's clear I'm not wanted here."
"Julian," Mia argued, but he had already crossed the room to grab his duffel bag. He stared at the two, then made his way to the door. Mia ran toward him. "Julian, don't go," Leila heard her say.
"I'll talk to you later," he said. He glanced at Leila and narrowed his eyes at her. "Sorry," he grumbled.
The door slammed behind him.
Mia turned to face Leila. Though she looked furious, Leila was also immediately aware of how glossy her eyes looked. Slowly, a few tears began running down Mia's cheeks.
"What's your problem?!" Mia exclaimed, jabbing her finger at Leila.
Leila hadn't meant this to turn into an argument with Mia, but if this was the only way they would be able to talk, so be it. Leila set Fuji down on the ground and turned to face Mia directly.
"We made a rule. You said you'd text me when he was over," Leila said.
"That's no reason to throw him out!" Mia exclaimed.
"You two locked Fuji in my room?! Can't you understand why I'd be upset about that? He was locked up in a shelter for two years! He doesn't like enclosed spaces!" Leila exclaimed. She paused. "You used to feed him before I got home. I trusted you to take care of him while I was out of the apartment. But now you lock my cat in my room and have Julian over 24/7. This is my apartment too!"
"Okay, so I'll make sure to start texting you again. You didn't have to throw Julian out. Now he's going to be mad at me," Mia complained.
"So what? Why's that my problem?" Leila questioned. "And if he's going to be mad at you, then maybe that's something you two need to work out between yourselves."
Mia stared at her strangely. "What's that supposed to mean?"
"Nothing," Leila murmured, looking away. She stared at Mia once more, finally ready to address what had happened that one evening. "What's wrong?"
"Why the hell are you asking me what's wrong?! What's wrong with you? You just threw my boyfriend out!" Mia exclaimed, her voice rising.
Occasionally Leila and Mia would fight as children. It was never anything substantial; usually it was just them fighting over the last popsicle or choosing who got to go down the slide first. Never once had Leila found herself so angered with Mia, and never had they stood raising their voices at each other like this. But Leila refused to back down.
"You came to me crying and then never told me what happened!" Leila exclaimed. "What was I supposed to think?! I've been trying to talk to you about it but you keep shoving me away."
"I'm not!" Mia argued.
"As if I haven't felt like I've been walking on eggshells around here," Leila said. "I'm sure you've felt it too!"
"Whatever! This has nothing to do with me!"
"Yes it does! Why have you been inviting Julian over so often? Why are you ignoring me?"
"I'm not ignoring you," Mia grumbled. "And it's none of your business what happened that night. Aren't I allowed to have my boyfriend over? You said you were okay with it."
"Not every night!" Leila exclaimed.
"Why does he bother you so much?! I got the sense you never liked him, but I never thought you'd kick him out. What'd he ever do to you?"
Leila shuffled her feet awkwardly. "My thoughts on him don't matter. We made a rule—"
"Yes, it does matter! What's your problem with Julian? He's done nothing to you."
"He just locked my cat in my room," Leila reminded her.
"Besides the point, you have no reason to hate him," Mia argued.
"I never said I hated him," Leila argued. "He just...gets on my nerves."
"I'm sorry you don't like him, but that's no excuse to treat him like that! He's a part of my life, whether you like it or not. You agreed he could come over when I first moved in. I'm not willing to negotiate. If you had someone over I didn't like, I'd respect your decision to bring them over."
"He's awful for you, Mia! I wish you'd wake up and see that!" Leila exclaimed.
"Why the hell do you care so much?!" Mia practically screamed.
Leila froze. She clenched her fists and ignored the sound of Fuji meowing quietly at her feet. Slowly, she took a breath in and out and stared directly at Mia.
"I'm jealous of him—"
"Jealous?!" Mia exclaimed. "That doesn't even make sense—"
"You're an idiot," Leila grumbled. "I love you."
Mia's eyes suddenly widened. "Wha—"
"I've liked you ever since we were kids," Leila continued, the words slipping out quickly. "Those feelings never really went away. Once you returned, well, they resurfaced pretty easily. The more I got to know you again, and especially after we started living together, the more I found myself falling in love with you. Can't you understand why I don't like Julian?"
The shouting at last subsided. Quiet took its place. Mia stood across from Leila, staring down at her feet silently. Even Fuji, who had been meowing for food only moments before, had gone quiet as well, as if he also noticed the tension in the room. Suddenly, the reality of Leila's confession hit her.
"Mia," Leila said, not sure what she meant to say afterwards. Thankfully, Mia spoke before she could find any words.
"No. I don't want to hear any more," Mia said. She finally looked up and made eye contact with Leila once more, and in Mia's eyes, Leila could see fire staring back at her. "Listen," Mia said, refusing to break her gaze away from Leila, "I'm not a cheater. I don't know what you meant to accomplish by telling me that, but it wasn't appropriate. I'm in love with Julian. I'm staying together with Julian. You need to find a way to get over your feelings for me."
Leila's heart shattered into pieces. She knew it was a possibility, but she hadn't expected Mia to react so cruelly to her confession. Leila hugged her body with her arms and stared forward at Mia again, holding back tears.
"You know," Leila said. "I thought at the very least maybe our friendship was becoming stronger. I was really enjoying our time together, but...but maybe I was wrong about you. Maybe we shouldn't have reunited. I-I can't do this right now," Leila said.
She scooped Fuji up and quickly headed into her room. Mia didn't follow her, not that Leila expected her to. After enticing Fuji into his carrier with a treat, Leila hastily threw some clothes and other essentials into a duffel bag, wanting to get out of the apartment as quickly as possible. She reached for her phone to send a quick text, then quickly grabbed her things and walked back out of her room.
Mia was sitting on the couch, her arms crossed. She said nothing, merely staring ahead at the blank wall ahead of her. Leila wondered what she was thinking, but she didn't let her thoughts wander long. As Leila's shoes echoed on the hardwood, Mia turned her head.
"I'm going home for a bit," Leila said. "You can have the whole apartment yourself. Have Julian over as much as you want. I don't care."
"Fine," Mia said, clearly sulking.
Leila grabbed ahold of her things, ignoring the way that tears stung her eyes. She opened the door to the apartment and stared back at Mia once more.
"I'm sorry," Leila murmured.
Mia said nothing in return. Leila let the door slam behind her.