Can You Hear the Ocean? - Chapter 44: Chapter 44

Leila never thought she'd see that the day where she was excited to go to work. While she and Mia had been nothing but cordial to each other since Leila's return, the awkwardness that seeped through the walls was becoming unbearable. The distance Leila had thought existed between them before paled in comparison to now. Meals were filled with silence, and interactions between her and Mia were few and far between. While they still greeted each other and sometimes had surface-level conversations, neither sought each other out in their free time.
It stung Leila to know the friendship she had so delicately re-crafted was slipping through her fingers, but what was done was done. Leila had said things she shouldn't have, and so had Mia. Leila wasn't sure they would ever be able to recover from what had transpired between them that one fateful evening.
It doesn't matter much now, Leila thought as she gripped her steering wheel. If I end up moving, I assume our friendship will just fade again.
Once Leila had arrived at her cubicle, she glanced around briefly and brought up her cover letter for the role she was applying for on the desktop. She began to make a few edits. Footsteps behind her made her jump in her seat. Leila turned around, seeing Helen. She let a faint squeal escape her mouth.
"G-Good morning!" she exclaimed, quickly exiting out of her cover letter document.
Helen chuckled. "No need to hide it from me. I know you're applying to the job anyway. Obviously just make sure you're still getting your normal projects done."
Leila nodded her head vigorously. "Of course! I will!"
Helen smiled. "I came to tell you I finished writing your reference letter. The employer should have it. When are you submitting your application?"
"I was hoping by the end of today," Leila said.
"Good to hear. I think you'd really excel at this position, Leila. I'll be sad to see you go, but I know you're going to do great things," Helen told her.
Leila nodded and for once, felt slightly excited. Never before had she made a decision like this all on her own. For so many years she'd relied on others to make decisions for her. Her mother had suggested the university that she had gone to, and her father had been the one to alert her about the job opening of the position she currently was in. Moving frightened Leila. Her heart increased just at the thought, but she knew life was not without risk and that the future could be equally as exciting as frightening.
"Let me know how it goes," Helen said, winking.
"I will. Thank you," Leila said, returning to her computer screen.
By mid-afternoon, she'd compiled together everything she needed for the application. Once, twice, three times Leila checked and read through all her materials again. However, when her finger went to hit the submission button, she hesitated.
Is this what I really want? Moving? Leaving Mia here alone? Her fingers began to tremble the more she thought about it.
Leila grit her teeth and quickly hit the submit button. She couldn't let the intrusive thoughts win this time. What was done was done. Either she'd hear back or she wouldn't, and maybe in the new year, she'd have a new job, a new apartment, a new life.
Good. I don't feel like I regret it, Leila said once she closed the tab and returned to her normal work duties.
That evening, Leila met up at a nearby bar for drinks with her friends. Leila had personally invited them, needing to tell them about the job application as well as everything else that had transpired. For some reason, during the chaos of the past few weeks when Leila had been at her parents, she hesitated telling her friends about the situation. She knew they would've offered nothing but support and comfort, and possibly even their couches to sleep on, and yet, Leila felt like it was something she had to handle alone. She expected they'd nag her today once she revealed all that had transpired.
Sighing, Leila pulled out her phone and shot a quick text to Mia before getting out of her car.
Hey, just reminding u I'm going out tonight. I know it's my normal cooking night. I'll cook tomorrow, she wrote.
Mia responded a few moments later. Ok. Have fun.
Leila's fingers hovered over the keyboard, but she gave up and put her phone away. What else was there to say? Besides, her friends had texted that they were already inside, waiting for her.
Seaside Sips was a small bar located along the beachfront. It stood out against the rest of the shops with its teal blue awning and bright blue furniture on the patio. Leila had been before with her friends, though it had been quite some time since they'd gone out for cocktails at this bar. Quickly, she found her friends standing outside at a tall table under a heat lamp, drinks in hand.
Leila waved to them as she approached, and quickly, they flagged down a bartender to get Leila a beverage.
With a cocktail in her hand a few minutes later, Leila sipped slowly.
"It's so good to hang out on a weekday like this!" Ashlynn exclaimed, already onto her second drink of the evening.
"Slow down. I know I'd said I'd be your driver, but I don't want a repeat of what happened senior year of high school," Elena warned.
Leila giggled, remembering the circumstance all too well. They'd had a sleepover one evening and Ashlynn had thought it would be fun to break into her parents' liquor cabinet while they were away on vacation. She and Elena were too scared to drink anything, afraid of getting in trouble with Ashlynn's parents, but Ashlynn had guzzled away and ended up throwing up all night.
"I'm fine!" Ashlynn assured her. "I built up a tolerance during college."
Leila sure hoped so at the rate Ashlynn was drinking.
"Why'd you invite us out tonight?" Elena wondered. "You usually avoid weekdays."
"I just wanted to see you all sooner," Leila admitted. "There's been...a lot of things that happened lately."
Elena grew quiet, then spoke in a more serious tone. "I saw your mom at the grocery store a few weeks ago. She said she was cooking for you since you were staying at home. I didn't ask you about it because I didn't want to make a big deal, but...what happened Leila?"
"Mia and I got in a fight," Leila murmured.
Both Elena and Ashlynn gasped.
"It's fine! I went home for a few weeks, but I'm back living at the apartment now."
"Was it really that bad?" Elena asked.
"Yeah? What did she say to you to make you take off?!" Ashlynn exclaimed.
"It was nothing she said. It was stuff I said," Leila murmured.
Elena gasped. "You didn't!"
"Didn't do what?" Ashlynn questioned, clearly buzzed enough to not infer what Leila was implying.
"I confessed to her," Leila said. She clutched her arm with her hand and glanced away from her friends, not wanting to see their reactions. "And it wasn't received well."
"Aw, Lei," Ashlynn said, reaching out and touching her shoulder.
Leila shoved Ashlynn's hand away. "It's fine. It doesn't matter. I shouldn't have said it. We were arguing because her boyfriend was over again. Julian locked Fuji away in my room, and I just...I lost it. I'd been upset with Mia for weeks, and it was just the final straw. So I kicked Julian out of the apartment. Mia obviously wasn't happy and kept digging at me about why I disliked him so much, and then...it just sort of slipped out."
"She said she didn't like you back?" Elena asked.
"No."
"She said she liked you then?!" Ashlynn exclaimed.
Leila shook her head. "No. She chewed me out about it not being appropriate for me to tell her that when she was in a relationship with someone else. And she's right."
Elena was smirking.
"What?" Leila asked.
"Well, it's not like she didn't say she didn't like you."
"No. But she pretty much implied it," Leila murmured.
"So there's still a chance!" Ashlynn exclaimed.
Leila shook her head. "I went home for a few weeks and did some thinking, and...I'm going for that job in Connecticut my boss talked about. I can't stay here forever. I need to make more decisions for myself. I may not get it, but..." She let her voice drawl off.
Suddenly, her friends had wrapped her in a hug.
"Leila, that's great!" Elena exclaimed.
"You're going to do so well!" Ashlynn shouted.
"You guys aren't upset I might be moving?" Leila wondered.
"We'll be sad to see you go, but at the end of the day, if it's what's best for you, then we'll support you no matter what," Elena said.
"And plus we can always visit," Ashlynn added.
"Thanks, you guys," Leila said, squeezing them tighter. As they pulled away, she smiled at them, happy to know at the end of the day, even if she lost Mia, she still had her two closest friends.
As Elena and Ashlynn shared their own stories from their lives, Leila's mind wandered to Mia at home. She knew it was wrong for her to think of Mia still, but it was like an illness she couldn't cure. If she didn't keep herself occupied, her mind always wandered into that territory.
Later in the evening, her friends parted ways, and Leila returned home. Fuji came out to greet her, as always, but the door to Mia's room was shut. Leila wondered for a moment if Julian was over, but she heard no voices and didn't see his shoes by the doorway. Leila was tempted to simply head into her bedroom and go to bed, but for some reason, she hesitated.
If I gathered the courage to apply to this job, I need to gather the courage to still be able to talk to Mia, she told herself.
After taking a few deep breaths, Leila quietly knocked on Mia's door.
"Yeah?" came a quiet voice inside. Leila slowly opened the door to find Mia sitting hunched over her desk. She could hear pencil hitting paper and realized Mia was in the middle of a drawing session. Normally she'd walk over and see what Mia was drawing, but Leila suddenly felt badly for disturbing her.
"Sorry, I didn't want to interrupt—"
"No!" Mia said rather quickly. Her voice made Leila stop in the doorframe. "I mean, no, you're fine. What's up?"
"Oh. Um. I just wanted to say good night. That's all," Leila said.
"Oh. How was your thing with your friends?" Mia wondered.
"Good," Leila said. "Um, I don't want to get in the way of your drawing, so...good night."
"Okay. Good night," Mia responded.
As Leila shut the door, a shiver ran down her body. She hoped the more they spoke, the more they could move on, but it seemed the awkwardness only continued to grow. With a sigh, Leila headed into her room and shut the door, letting the silence invade her room.