Can You Hear the Ocean? - Chapter 50: Chapter 50

Leila paced around her bedroom, once again repeating the same interview questions that she'd been rehearsing all week. Fuji was sleeping in the corner, unbothered, but Leila felt like her heart was ready to explode out of her chest. She seized with worry when she realized that the next morning, she would be flying out to Connecticut for her panel interview. She'd practiced her answers to questions dozens of times, had a mock interview with Helen, and yet, she still felt insanely nervous. As much as Leila wanted to do well on the interview, a part of her wondered what would happen if she didn't.
I'd stay here then, and nothing would change. In the moment, it sounded wonderful to her, but Leila stared at her reflection in her window and shook her head. No, she had decided to take a risk and go for this job. She couldn't back down now. She wouldn't.
Staring out the window, Leila suddenly noticed white wisps floating outside her window. She suddenly pressed her face close to the window in excitement.
"Snow," she breathed. The first snow of winter. She had been expecting it, what with the way the temperature had grown so cold lately. There was always something magical to her about the first snow of the season. She watched as the snow fell quietly and was reminded quickly of warm winters cozied up by the fire in her parents' home.
A knock came at Leila's door. "Leila? It's snowing," Mia said.
Leila quickly walked over to her bedroom door to met Mia in.
"I know! I just noticed myself!" Leila exclaimed. She returned to the window to continue staring at the snow.
"You seem excited," Mia said with a chuckle. She walked over to stand beside her, and together the two gazed out the window at the snow cascading down from the sky. "Do you think it'll stick?" Mia asked.
Leila nodded. "Though I don't know how much there will be."
Mia laughed to herself.
"What?" Leila asked.
"Nothing," Mia said, giggling some more. "I'm just happy to see you not practicing for your interview. I could hear you through the walls all morning. It's nice to see that you're taking a break to look at the snow, that's all."
"Well, I can't break for long. I need to get back to practicing," Leila said.
"You've been practicing all week. You're going to lose your voice at this rate if you don't take a proper break," Mia said. She walked over to Leila's bed and suddenly stole the notes off her bed covers. "I'm confiscating this."
Leila's eyes widened. "No! You can't! Give it back!" Leila said as Mia continued moving the notes away from her grasp.
"You need a proper break. I'll return these to you later this evening. Why don't we take a walk on the beach before the sun goes down?" Mia suggested.
"A walk? It's snowing out," Leila said.
"Yeah, but you clearly need to get outside," Mia said. "We don't have to stay long. We can just walk for a little bit."
Leila stood in place, contemplating Mia's request. Her eyes kept fixating on the notes in Mia's hand, but deep down, Leila knew Mia was right. She'd been thinking of the interview day and night. Her brain deserved some proper rest.
"Okay. But as long as it's a short walk," Leila said.
"Great," Mia responded. "I'll go put a coat on." She walked out with the notes still in her hold.
So she really is confiscating them, Leila thought disappointedly.
With a sigh, Leila knelt down and scratched Fuji's chin. "I'm heading out," she told him, "but I'll be back before dinner."
Fuji merely shut his eyes and returned back to sleep in response. Leila turned to her closet and began rummaging through until she found her usual heavy winter coat. She placed it over her shoulders before beginning to lace up her snowboots. In her drawer, she found her warm pair of gloves, and on her nightstand, she reached for her scarf.
Leila paused as she held her scarf in her hand. It was the same one she had let Mia borrow the night they went out for icecream. Leila's face turned flush as the memory came flooding back to her. For a moment there, it seemed...it seemed like she and Mia might kiss.
But that's absurd, Leila thought. Even if my feelings for her are the same, she clearly doesn't like me that way. We've simply rekindled our friendship, that's all.
And yet, Mia had seemed content letting her do whatever she wanted that evening, and hadn't Mia been the one to initiate the handholding?
Well, I was the one who said my hands were cold, Leila thought. She was just holding my hand to warm me up.
Either way, Leila decided not to dwell on her thoughts about Mia long. Her mind was at war with itself already with trying to remember her answers to all her interview questions. Leila checked herself out in the mirror quickly to make sure her outfit looked decent and met Mia in the kitchen.
"I'll drive," Leila offered. "You haven't driven in the snow in a while, after all."
"Hey, it snowed in New York!" Mia argued as they headed out the front door.
"Yes, but I'm assuming you took the subway more than anything," Leila said.
"Maybe," Mia grumbled.
Thankfully, the ground was only covered in a thin layer of snow, which made driving a breeze compared to some of the winter storms Leila was used to experiencing in Maine. They chatted amongst themselves on the drive. Leila was quick to notice that Mia wouldn't bring up any topic related to the interview, but she was grateful for it, as talking with Mia finally allowed her brain to rest. When they reached the parking lot, Leila embarrassingly realized they were the only ones at the beach.
"Guess we're just crazy," Leila said, glancing around at the empty parking lot. Some snowflakes were still drifting down, but in the distance, there was a portion of clouds that had broken, allowing the sun to cast a pale orange glow on the ocean waves.
The seabreeze air made the beach especially cold, but Leila didn't mind. The cool air felt good against her skin, and with Mia by her side, she was reminded of their memories in the summer coming down to the beach. She thought excitedly to the next time she would be able to visit the beach in the summer with Mia, but then her heart sank as she remembered her interview the next day.
I had no idea how little time we'd have together earlier in the summer, Leila thought sadly. She supposed there was always the possibility that she wouldn't get the job, but Leila knew it was silly to pray that she wouldn't get it, not after she'd been preparing so long and had told so many people about it. Besides, Mia was currently one of her largest supporters. She couldn't let Mia down.
For a while, she and Mia walked silently along the beach, listening to the gulls cry in the distance. The waves were choppy, and the wind was cold, but the sunset glistening off the water made Leila realize how much she would miss Maine.
"What things are there to do in Connecticut?" Mia asked.
"Not sure," Leila responded. "Why?"
"Well, when I come visit, I'd like to know what we can do," Mia said.
"You'd visit me?" Leila asked.
"Of course," Mia replied.
Leila turned her gaze from Mia, trying to hide her blush. "Well, we won't know if I'm even going to move there...not until I see how the interview tomorrow goes."
"Come on, Leila. You know you'll get it," Mia said, her voice suddenly growing serious.
Leila stiffened. She knew. Of course she knew there was a strong possibility she'd get the position. Helen had been pulling some strings behind the scenes, and from what she'd heard, she was only one of two candidates being pulled into final interviews.
"You're stupid if you don't think you'll get it," Mia continued when Leila didn't reply. "So I hope when you do get the role and move to Connecticut, you'll make a good life for yourself out there. You're so talented. I know you'll do great things."
"What about making friends? And meeting new people?" Leila asked quietly. "There's going to be so many new experiences. I'm scared."
"Don't be," Mia said. "You're one of the most friendly, charismatic people I know. You'll make friends in no time, and I'm sure you'll meet a nice girl out there, too."
Leila's heart broke at the latter half of Mia's comment, but she tried not to let it show.
"Thanks, Mia," Leila said. "What will you do once I'm gone?"
"I'm going to try to see if I can get a position as an art teacher, I think," Mia said. "And then I'll move into a different apartment. Maybe I'll get a pet. I don't know. I don't want to move too far. I want to make sure my mom's grave is looked after."
"Of course," Leila said.
We really will be separating soon, she thought sadly. She opened her mouth, ready to tell Mia that even if they'd only been able to be friends for a short period of time, she was going to miss her. However, Mia was the one to speak first.
"Leila. Thank you," Mia said.
"What for?" Leila asked.
Mia fumbled with her fingers. "For everything," Mia said. "I don't think you realize how much you've done for me. When I moved here I was so confused what I was doing with my life. I've spent so much of my life running away that when I moved back home, I didn't know what to do with myself. I thought I needed to get into a relationship and find a job right away just for some semblance of stability. But you were there to guide me every step of the way."
"Mia—"
"No, hang on, let me try to get this all out. You've done more than enough for me. You gave me a place to live when my roommate kicked me out, you made me realize how shitty of a relationship I was in, you taught me what it was to love Maine again," Mia said, "but most of all, you made me remember how close we were. Leila, I'm sorry I ended our friendship all those years ago."
"It wasn't your fault—"
"It was. I'll take full responsibility," Mia argued. "I stopped writing, and I let the friendship die. I never should've because being here with you now, I realize how much I missed you and all of this," she said, gesturing to the ocean beside them. "So, I guess what I'm saying is, I'm grateful. Thank you for helping me get back on my feet. I want to support you as best as I can after you've done everything for me. So I hope you'll do your best tomorrow."
Leila's eyes watered. She gulped; her throat was chalky with tears. Slowly, she nodded. "I-I will," she stammered.
Mia bent down between them and dug her fingers into the sand.
"What are you doing? You're going to give yourself frostbite," Leila said.
Mia stood back up and reached for Leila's hand. Slowly, she uncurled Leila's fingertips and dropped a blue seashell, still damp from the sand, into Leila's palm. Leila stared down at it, then looked at Mia.
"When you go to Connecticut, I hope you'll keep this," Mia said. "I still have the seashell you gave me all those years ago, so I hope you'll hold onto this one. Then we'll each have reminders of each other...and Maine..."
"Mia," Leila said, tears beginning to fog her vision.
I don't want to leave her. I don't want to, Leila thought miserably. The quickly setting sun made it hard to see, but Leila swore she could see Mia's eyes glistening with tears too. The clouds parted suddenly, allowing the sun to cast its final rays of evening sunlight on the two of them.
Mia gently grasped ahold of Leila's forearms. "You'll do great," Mia assured her.
Leila stared down at her. That same feeling, the one that had taken over at the Christmas tree suddenly came over again. Staring into Mia's hazel eyes, all Leila could think about was how badly she wanted to kiss her. So she did.
Leila's lips came down onto Mia's slowly. Beneath her, Mia stiffened, and for a moment, Leila pulled back, afraid she'd done something wrong. But slowly, Mia closed the gap again, and her soft lips moved against Leila's. Leila had kissed a few girls before, but this kiss felt the most special. Mia tasted sweet, like honey. It was a taste Leila thought that she could get addicted to. Her hand moved to grasp Mia's shoulder, and gradually, Leila deepened the kiss. Mia's hands moved toward Leila's waist, where she scrunched up the fabric of Leila's coat as her lips molded against Leila's. In her other hand, Leila's hand was still tightly grasping onto the seashell.
As the sun finally descend behind the sea, taking the remaining sunlight with it, Leila pulled back, out of breath. Mia's hands slowly removed themselves from Leila's waist and returned to her sides. Leila stared down at her, feeling flushed but more exhilarated than ever before in her life.
"Sorry," Leila said, noticing what appeared to be a look of surprise on Mia's face. "Sorry. I know I shouldn't have done that, but before I went I—"
"It's okay," Mia said quietly in response. She looked deep in thought. Leila decided not to say anymore. "We should get you back. You have an early day tomorrow," Mia said.
Leila nodded. She kept quiet, still embarrassed from what had occurred only moments before. Leila slipped the seashell into her coat pocket and reached in the other for her car keys. Suddenly, she felt Mia grab for her hand. Leila stared at her in curiosity, but Mia looked straight ahead, not saying a word.
Even if she did like me, even if that kiss meant something to Mia right now, there's no point in talking about it, Leila thought. We'll be apart soon.
Hand-in-hand, they returned to Leila's car. When they arrived back to the apartment, Mia kept her promise and returned Leila's notes back to her. After a quick dinner, during of which neither mentioned the kiss, both of them retreated into their rooms for the evening. Though Leila couldn't get the memory of Mia's lips on her own off her mind, she forced herself to go over her interview answers one last time before falling asleep.
The next morning, Leila flew to Connecticut. The flight was short, and in her hotel room, she paced intensely until her interview. During the cab ride to the firm, she couldn't stop shaking her leg and tapping against the interior of the vehicle. When she finally made it to the office and checked in with the secretary, she shakily downed a cup of water and rehearsed the answers to questions in her head once more.
"Leila."
Leila glanced up, finding a man in a business suit standing behind the counter. "We're ready for you whenever you are."
She nodded and stood, following them to a conference room in the back of the office. Though her nerves were high, once the interview had begun, Leila found her answers rolling easily off her tongue and felt encouraged by the interviewers' nodding heads and kind smiles. The office space in which they sat in was comfortable once Leila had gotten a chance to look more around it, and afterwards, as they shook hands and escorted Leila out, Leila glanced around and thought that she could feel at peace working here.
Once back in her hotel room after the interview, Leila stood out on the balcony, basking in the relief of her interview being over. However, as relaxed as she felt, she still felt like something was off. She was surrounded by busy streets and tall buildings. No longer was there an ocean only a few blocks away for her to wander down to on her lunch break. There were no rolling plains right outside her window or a calm chirping of birds to greet her in the morning. And most importantly, there was no Mia. Leila traced her fingers against her lips again, thinking of Mia's lips on her own the night before.
It was true Leila had felt calm in that office during her interview, but staring out now into the open, her stomach began twisting in knots, and she could feel a massive headache forming at the base of her forehead. Leila gripped tightly onto the patio railing. She hesitated, one, two, three minutes before she suddenly spun around and marched back into her hotel room with a ridiculous plan in mind.