|: Cigarettes and Candy :| Carlisle... - Chapter 18: Chapter 18

Declan's POV
The months ticked by perfectly unconventionally. Each day was a normal one, well as normal as you could get when your friends are vampires. There was lots of races and the occasional play fighting when Carlisle wasn't around. He always gets nervous that I'll get hurt, he always nervous in general I've learned.
Summer was just days full of endless fun with the Cullens and Bella. I nearly spent everyday at the Cullens house with my favorite people in the world. I am grateful Bella was able to come along too.
Esme and I grew very close with our shared love for art. We would work on our projects in the same room and just talking for hours at a time. Lots of trips to the hardware stores and the local craft store and penalty of finished projects to use for college applications.
I often went hiking with Carlisle, he took me to some of the most beautiful sights I've ever seen. Waterfalls flowing down high cliffs and hills covered in wildflowers. We never stayed in one place for long, I was always eager to see what else he could show me.
Each day was better then the last, until school came back. I mean, school isn't that bad for me. It just I can't see Carlisle throughout the day, and that's saddening but not impossible to deal with.
I still have a few classes with Jasper and Alice in the new year, but I hardly ever get to see Rose and Emmett now. We used to see each other at lunch, which now is always a wild time of ten people all talking at once.
Since Rosalie and Emmett graduated, Bella's friends starting sitting at the Cullen table for lunch. Jasper sometimes skips lunch and I'll join him outside or in the halls so he's not alone.
Charlie was happy that Bella and I made so many friends but he's still quite upset about her relationship with Edward. Which I've got to admit, I understand.
From what he knows, Edward took her on one date then Bella ran off and landed herself in the hospital. That's all he knows, why would he be excited about them being together. Charlie is more approving of my relationship with the Cullens, not that he knows the real story.
He thinks that I'm always going over there to hang out with Jasper, which is half true. I am friends with Jasper and I do see him when I visit but I'm also there to collect my forehead kisses from Carlisle.
I don't think he'd approve of that in any way, he'd hate my relationship with Carlisle more than he'd hate Bella's relationship with Edward. At least Edward and Bella's relationship is somewhat legal, only if you think of Edward as a teen rather then a century old gross man.
I mean, is our relationship illegal? We haven't done anything like kissing or anything further. Can it be illegal if there's really nothing there?
It's not like anyone knows, I haven't told a single soul. Not even Adam, and I tell him everything.
I feel bad, keeping things from Adam like this, it's something I'm not used too. I've never had a secret to keep away from him before.
My phone vibrating in my pocket shocked me out of my thoughts. I tore myself away from my window where I was staring aimlessly and pulled my phone out of my pocket.
Without even checking the contact, I pressed the answer button.
"Hello?" I answer in the usual way.
"Declan!" Esme cheered, "I won't keep you long but I just wanted to wish you good luck with your first testosterone shot today! Yay!"
I smiled at the reminder, I didn't need it but it's appreciated.
"Thanks Esme." I chuckled into the phone.
"I'll see you at Bella's party tonight!" With that, she hung up the phone.
With a laugh I slid my phone back into my pocket. I stepped down towards my bed and laid down on my back.
I'm getting my first hormone shot today. I'm getting my first hormone shot today. I'm getting my first hormone shot today.
My mind repeated the words constantly. As each day passed the countdown was lower and lower and I couldn't wait. Now it's here, it's finally here.
Once I get on these shots every two weeks, I'll finally start looking more male. My voice will deepen, my body hair will darken and thicken, my face will change along with my body. It's about time, I've needed this.
With the help of Carlisle and his doctor friends, Charlie and I were able to navigate the world of medical transition. Charlie agreed to let me go on testosterone because he knows how much I need this,
Today, after school, Carlisle is giving me my first shot in his office. Then Charlie is driving me to the Cullens house for Bella's birthday party that Alice insisted on throwing. Sadly for her, she couldn't convince Alice that a party was a bad idea.
I climbed down the ladder to the hallway below my room and looked around for Charlie and Bella. I heard the them in the kitchen downstairs and rushed down to tell Bella happy birthday.
When I reached the kitchen I saw Bella at the stove cooking and Charlie sitting in his seat at the table. I slid up to Bella and pulled her into a hug.
When I pulled away I grabbed her shoulders and shook her, "happy eighteenth birthday!"
She groaned and went back to her eggs on the stovetop, "don't remind me."
"Oh cmon." I moved to sit on my usual chair. "I just got here, you can't be like this yet. It's just going to get worse when we get to school."
She put down three plates of eggs, "ugh, I know."
"Wait why are you making breakfast? It's your birthday." I looked between her and Charlie.
"That's what I tried to tell her." Charlie spoke into his mug of coffee.
"I like cooking breakfast, it's gives me something to do." Bella answered as she sat down across from me.
I shrugged and began eating the breakfast Bella made and doing the usual morning small talk with Charlie and Bella. Talk about school, the weather, and the morning news.
After breakfast Bella and I got in here truck to head to school. She has the same worried look on her face that she had the first day of school. Her eyebrows knitted and lips in a hard line.
I didn't even bother telling her that she doesn't need to be so stressed. I mean, I don't know what Alice has planned at school. Or her other friends, they all know it's her birthday.
I didn't have to really worry, I'm not as popular as Bella. I'm sure everyone at the school will tell her happy birthday, she's extremely well liked.
Edward met Bella at her car and the two shared a grossly long kiss. Do they really do that shit in public? No one wants to see that.
The three of us walked through the halls as I followed Bella to her homeroom looking for Jasper. I figured he was with Alice somewhere, see those two are cute together. Jasper just follows Alice around like a little puppy, it's really sweet.
When Alice finally came into view she was hopping over the railing of the staircase and I winced as she did something so nonhuman. Jasper, thankfully, walked down the stairs normally.
"Happy birthday!" Alice hugged her and handed her a neatly wrapped gift.
"Shh!" Bella hugged her back awkwardly and tried to hide the present against her chest.
"You don't need to open it now, I already know you love it! You'll wear it tonight." Alice smiled at me sweetly before turning back to Bella. "You're still coming over right?"
Bella gritted her teeth slightly before sighing, "yeah, Alice I wouldn't miss it for the world."
She clapped with a squeak of excitement. "Declan, you're coming too right?"
I poked her shoulder, "I've been looking forward to this for weeks, I can't wait."
She smiled and turned to looked at Jasper. "You two should get to class," she reached over to hug me quickly then pushed me towards Jasper.
I stumbled from the push and Jasper grabbed my arm to keep my upright. "Thanks Alice." I grumbled.
"Let's go, and Bella?" He looked at her, "happy birthday."
Bella's eyes narrowed, "thank you, but shhh."
Jasper and I laughed and headed off in the direction of our shared class. I like that I still have classes with Jasper. We've gotten really close over the months and it means a lot to me that I can still see him during school hours.
I only have two classes with him, which makes my schedule quite odd. I'm technically a junior but I'm taking senior classes, next year I might not even need to come to school for the whole day.
We walked the hall together, talking about the party and Jasper was reassuring me that it wasn't going to be too crazy. For Bella's sake of course. Even though I like seeing Bella annoyed for some reason, I don't want her to be unhappy.
I skipped lunch with Jasper, we sat on the stairs outside. I understand how hard it is for him to be so close to Bella's friends, he can only take so much. Some days are harder for him than others but I'm always happy to join him when he needs to escape.
"Are you nervous about your testosterone shot today?" He asked me after a long silence.
I shook my head, "not really, I've wanted this for years."
He nodded and watched me take a bite of my apple, "are you nervous about what it's going to do to you? I don't know everything, but I read about hormones and some of it seems," he paused, trying to think of the right word. "Intense."
I chewed on my apple and thought for a moment. "I guess some of it is kinda unwanted, like acne and back hair and shit. Plus bottom growth is kinda nerve wracking. But I really need this, I don't know what kind of future I would have if I couldn't have it."
He looked down at his shoes and fiddled with the shoelace, it's odd to see him acting so human. He's even fidgeting like Carlisle does. When did he start doing that, I didn't even notice.
"How did Bella take the news? About what you are, you told her last weekend right?" He's full of questions today.
"She didn't freak out, she wasn't very happy though. I think she liked it more when she thought I was human. She doesn't like being the only human, I guess. Then I told her she's not the only human and she got frustrated because that's not what she meant." I explained in between bites of my apple.
He laughed, "I mean, I wouldn't like being the only human surrounded by vampires either. I've been there before and as you can tell, it didn't end in my favor."
"Yeah I've heard the story," I chuckled. "It's just, she seems like she cares more about her being human then all of us suffering because we're not human. She has this romantic idea that being immortal is this prize rather than a burden.
"I don't even know what's going to happen to me, I'm not even done transforming yet, I've still got growing to do. But she's just thinking about herself." I vented to my friend.
"I understand your feelings, maybe you should tell this to her. Tell her that we all wish we could be human, that you shouldn't wish to be inhuman." He offered.
I nodded as I put my apple core next to me on the stair. "I was thinking that, I'll probably talk to her again soon."
The bell rang and I stood up to toss my apple core in the trash, and walked back into the school with Jasper following behind.
The rest of the day went by so slow, each minute ticked by felt like an hour. I just wanna leave to get my shot. Right after school, Jasper is going to drive me to the hospital and I'm going to meet Charlie there.
Then Carlisle will take me to his office and will give me my first dose of testosterone. After a few shots he's going to teach me how to do it myself so I can do it at home.
I'm so eager to get this first dose in me, plus I'm especially happy that Carlisle agreed to do it. It means even more to me knowing that Carlisle supports my decision, after all I care about his opinion the most.
Everyone is supportive, thankfully. All the people who didn't support me after I came out are people I'll never see again so I don't have to worry. It's a gift to be surrounded by so many supportive friends and family.
When the final bell rang, I nearly cheered in my art class. I rushed through the halls to get to Jasper's car, I bumped into a few people but I couldn't find it in me to care. I'm getting my shot today that's all I care about.
I'm getting my shot then I'm going to the Cullens house and I get to see my favorite people. I can't wait to see Esme, it's been nearly a week since I've seen her last and that is far too long.
When I reached Jasper and his car I eagerly climbed into the passenger seat and yelled for Jasper to hurry up. I swiftly put my seatbelt on as he got into the drivers seat with a chuckle.
As he pulled out of the school he asked, "are you excited?"
The windows were rolled down and I ran my fingers through my wind blown hair, "I'm so fucking ready for this, Jasper, you have no idea."
The ride to the hospital was full of the radio playing my favorite songs and Jasper and I laughing. The ten minute ride was better then my whole day at school.
When we reached the parking lot, Jasper parked next to Charlie's police cruiser and I sighed heavily. I leaned back against my seat and relaxed my shoulders for what feel like the first time in hours.
"You ready?" Jasper reached over to pat my arm.
"It's crazy, I feel like I've waited for this for so long. Now it's finally happening and I can't believe it." I sighed again and rubbed my temples. "This is wild."
He smiled, "I'm happy for you, now get inside. I'll see you later."
With a nod, I opened the passenger door and grabbed my backpack before rushing out. I practically ran up to the hospital doors and looked around frantically for Charlie.
When I spotted him I went to his side, "okay I'm here, now where's Dr.Cullen?"
Charlie took his hands from his pockets and put a hand on my shoulder to start leading me forwards. "At the pharmacy getting your testosterone."
In a very Alice like gesture, I clapped and squeaked slightly. Not that I'd ever admit I did that to another living soul.
We headed down the hallways and turned the corner and I instantly spotted Carlisle at the pharmacy counter. He stands out quite a lot with his golden hair and tall height.
Just as we reached him, the pharmacist handed him a small bag and he turned to face us. I noticed he's wearing my favorite color on him today, a pale blue shirt with a dark grey nearly black tie to match. I wonder if he did that on purpose.
"There you are," he greeted with a familiar beautiful smile.
"Dr. Cullen." I tried to hide my smirk. "Are we ready to do this or?"
His smile widened, "I have a room ready for us."
He led Charlie and I to an empty exam room and instructed me to sit on the bed. He explained that the injection will be in my thigh muscle so I undid my pants and shimmied them down my legs a little bit. After my thigh was exposed I payed more attention to what Carlisle and Charlie were discussing.
Something about bears or some large animal that people have been spotting in the Forks area. My immediate thought was Emmett in a Bigfoot costume but the confusion on Carlisles face is genuine. That is what makes me worry.
Opening up a syringe, Carlisle glanced at me. "Would you like me to explain what I'm doing or do you just want to get it over with?"
"Just do it please, I'm ready." I stopped swinging my legs like a child.
With a nod, he put on his gloves and wiped the spot on my thigh with an alcohol wipe.
I looked at Charlie, "did you sign all the paper work already?"
Carlisle took the small bottle of testosterone out of its box and inserted the needle into it. I watch it fill the syringe and I couldn't help but to bounce my feet excitedly.
"Yeah, we have nothing to worry about." Charlie answered.
When the correct amount of testosterone was in the needle Carlisle turned to me. "Since this is going directly into your muscle you can expect some soreness in your leg."
He looked at me, "shall I begin?"
I nodded, biting my lips to keep from laughing out of joy.
Carlisle gently inserted the long needle into my leg. He pressed down on the plunger as I believe it to be called and slowly the hormone flooded into my body.
The seconds ticked by silently, all I could hear was Charlie's breathing. I don't even think I was breathing, I couldn't. I was too overwhelmed with happiness.
When Carlisle pulled out the needle and placed a bandaid on my thigh, I beamed up at him. I haven't felt this happy in my entire life, I've realized.
With a warm, gentle smile, Carlisle patted my shoulder. "There you go, Declan. You're all set."
"Yay!" I clapped and reached out to shake Carlisle's hand in an attempt to lessen my urge to hug him. "Oh my god, I can't believe it."
Carlisle chuckled as he threw the needle away in one of those special boxes. As I fixed my pants and stood, Charlie came over and clapped a hand down on my shoulder.
"Congratulations, Declan. It's nice to see you so happy," his rough voice said.
"I'm so happy, Charlie." I wrapped my arms around his torso for a hug, "thank you so much."
He awkwardly patted my back and I tried not to tense at the touch, "yeah. Whatever you need, Declan."
I pulled away from the hug and peaked at Carlisle who was watching us and had that same warm smile on his face. He happy for me, knowing that makes me heart swell with love for him.
It was then when Charlie's police radio started going crazy on his shoulder. Multiple voice all speaking at once and Charlie grabbed it and spoke into it.
A single voice answered Charlie's call explaining that another animal has been spotted and the witnesses were at the station. They wanted to talk to Charlie as soon as possible. What did they see?
If it's enough to have Carlisle worried, then it's enough to make me terrified.
"I have to leave," Charlie spoke to Carlisle and I after putting his radio thingy back on his shoulder. "Declan, I can still drive you to the Cullens, but we should leave right now."
"Don't worry about it, Charlie." Carlisle's voice cut in. "I can drive Declan home with me. My shift ends in," he paused to glance at his watch. "Forty minutes."
Charlie looked from Carlisle to me. "Are you sure?"
"He can do his homework in my office while he waits." Carlisle nodded to me. "As long as that's okay with you, Declan."
"I'm fine with that," I looked at Charlie, "you should go."
He looked between us again, "yeah, okay. Thank you, Carlisle."
Carlisle handed me the bag of testosterone and shook his head at Charlie, "don't mention it."
With that, Charlie rushed away while rubbing his neck stressfully. I looked at Carlisle worriedly and he poked my shoulder with a shake of his head.
"Please do not worry, Declan." He soothed, "let's get you to my office."
I managed to finished my history homework in Carlisle's office, even though I barely worked. I mostly played with his medical tools and shit he had laying around.
I waited patiently for Carlisle to return, sitting in his desk chair with my socked feet on his desk. At least I was considerate enough to take off my boots. They're not as gross as my old ones since Alice and Esme got me a new pair last month.
It was a nice gesture that I greatly appreciated it since my old boots really were gross and torn apart. They didn't need me to go with them since Alice can see the future and all.
When Carlisle was finally off of work, I followed him to his car. I got into the passenger seat and as we pulled out of the hospital parking lot I grabbed his hand and held it firmly in mine.
"Are you happy? Having any second thoughts?" He asked after a minute of silence.
"Nope. I feel great, I just wish I could've done this sooner." I explained.
He nodded in understanding and his hand squeezed mine. "I'm happy for you, I can't wait to see you grow and change. HRT treatment is such a interesting thing to me, I find it fascinating."
"Soon enough we'll hear my voice getting deeper, so that's exciting." I stated. "Also, you're a nerd."
With a scoff, he pulled onto the dirt road the leads to the Cullen house. "If I'm a nerd, does that make you a jock?"
"Eh I'm less of a jock and more of a goth." I pushed my hair off of my forehead.
"Right." He agreed. "I always forget about goths."
With a laugh I turned to look out the window at the blur of green outside. Today has been such a big day for me.
I mean it's Bella's birthday so it's still her big day but shit man, I started hormones. That's pretty big. It's something that is going to change my life forever.
Knowing I have all these changes coming, it's kind of scary I have to admit. However having the support of the Cullens as well as Charlie and Bella is really important for me. I know this is right for me, I've wanted this for years I cannot stress that enough.
This is what's right for me, my life is finally on the right track. I got my Cullens with me for my immortal future and I've got Charlie and Adam for my present.
Everything is planed out and my future doesn't seem that scary anymore.