|: Cigarettes and Candy :| Carlisle... - Chapter 24: Chapter 24

Declan's POV.
Charlie and I were able to contact the doctor and book a date for a phone consult within the day which was faster than I expected. The phone consult wasn't until a week later but to at least have an appointment with a surgeon was an achievement.
As the week went by, I saw very little of Bella. I would have to seek her out if I wanted to see her then talking to her was nearly impossible. She was like dead woman walking, she looked like it too. She mostly just sits in her room and waits until it's time to go to school or to bed. She is losing her friends and refusing to accept any form of comfort from anyone.
When the phone consult finally came, I was nervous as all hell. Mostly about the fact that I was waiting for Dr.Wilson to deny me as a patient even though I couldn't think of a valid reason for her too.
The phone call lasted about an hour with all the questions she had for me and with all the questions we had for her. I learned about what I need to do to get approved for surgery like getting two letters from medical professionals stating that I have gender dysphoria and that I'm mentally stable.
I had lots of questions about her double incision results since that's the surgery I'm pretty sure I'll be getting. Double incision leaves you with two large scars on your chest but it's in my opinion the surgery that gives you the best results when your chest is my size.
After the phone consult, I emailed her photos of my chest so she could confirm what surgery I would be getting. I'm not even going to explain how uncomfortable it was to take pictures of that part of my body then send them out.
Then, finally, I got my surgery date.
January 13th.
As it's the end of September, my surgery will be here before I know it. Time will fly by through the holiday season, and then I will be flying to New York to stay with Adam and get my chest chopped the fuck off. It's about damn time.
Charlie really wanted to go with me, he wanted to be there to help look after me and he wanted to be there to support me. It doesn't make sense though, first of all he needs to stay with Bella. That's assuming she isn't recovered by that time. Second, Adam will be more than enough to take care of me and Charlie knows that.
So we booked my flight a week before my surgery so I'll have time to see Adam and settle in before. Then, the week directly after surgery I'll mostly be in bed or on Adam's couch receiving before I have to go back to the doctor to get my drain tubes out and dressings off. Then I'm staying one final week to recover before I have to travel.
There was a brief moment where I was worried about missing school, but Dr.Wilson offered to write me a doctors note so I have a legal reason to not go for a few weeks. Plus, once I get back I'm going to take a week or so and do nothing but catch up on the work I missed so I won't fall behind.
The last thing to do was wait. My travel arrangements had been figured out, my surgery date planed, and Adam even got me a proper bed for the room in his apartment he saved for me.
Waiting was the hardest part though to be honest, especially in boring old Forks. If you had asked me before if I thought Forks was boring, I would've said no. However, after my friends left there wasn't really much to do.
There was a few times when Bella's friends asked her and I if we would like to join them to see a movie or go shopping, but Bella always said no and I wasn't about to go alone. So, everyday was just going to school then staying at home. Alone. Cause Bella was no fun to hangout with anymore.
I'm torn between being understanding and being pissed off. I understand the pain she's in because I was abandoned too. I know the shock of having to figure out your whole future after you thought it was all figured out. At the same time though, I wasn't nearly as dead as she was. She barely eats, hardly talks, and screams in her sleep.
Don't get me wrong, it's hard as hell to move on from this. I miss the Cullens more and more everyday, my anger was slowly turning to desperation and sadness. There's some moments where I'm ready to call Carlisle and beg him to come back. Where I'm ready to offer him whatever it takes to make him come back to me.
However, I'm no where near screaming in my sleep and spending all my free time staring out of the window. Maybe it's because my life has fallen apart before. There's been times where I had less than I do now, times where I was laying in a hospital bed all alone. Now, I have people to stay alive for so I can't just disappear.
This is Bella's first real heartbreak, that's what makes me understanding. This is her first rock bottom and probably not her last if my life has anything to show for it. All I can hope for is that soon she can see past this and she can learn from it and move on.
I thought that by the end of December she would be in a better place after the months to get used to her new life. I was wrong I quickly learned as New Years Eve, came and she still wouldn't leave her bedroom to celebrate with the few people who came over.
It was just Charlie and I, then Billy Black and his son Jacob came over. I thought that when more people came over, Bella would feel like being polite and at least coming down to say hi. She got along with Billy's son in the past, I figured she would like to talk to him but once again I was wrong.
I wanted to have the assurance that once I leave for surgery, she and Charlie would be fine together. I don't know if I can leave without knowing that she will be okay. Now I have no choice considering I'm packing for my flight that leaves in a few hours.
As I folded another shirt to pack it in my suitcase, I bit my lip nervously as I thought. If Bella needs to talk to someone, I won't be here. She'll have no one who she can tell the truth to.
On the other hand, maybe it's foolish of me to think she'll talk about what happened. She can't even bare to hear Edwards name, let alone talk about what happened between them.
I shook my head and gathered my last few things to jam into my suitcase. I've already packed a smaller suitcase full of things I'll need in the next few weeks. Mostly it's warm clothes and flannels and a few sketchbooks for when I get bored.
I zipped up my last suitcase and grabbed my backpack I decided to use as a carry on. It's almost empty but it has the few things I need to travel with like my phone charger and gameboy.
The last thing I need to do before I head downstairs is change into proper clothes instead of my old sweats. I quickly changed into black skinny jeans and my favorite binder and a long sleeved shirt before I searched for a warm sweater to wear.
At the thought, my eyes instantly traveled to the corner of my room, on the floor still lays Carlisle's old sweater and scarf. I miss him and I miss his soft fucking clothes.
I wish he was coming with me, I wish he was going to be here to see me get surgery. I always wanted him and Adam to meet each other too. My heart aches to know my two favorite boys will never meet.
That sweater and scarf have been sitting there since September when the Cullens left. I haven't even moved them from the floor because I don't know what to do with them.
Sighing in defeat, I walked to the corner of the room and bent down to pick up the clothing. I felt the soft fabric and decided it was coming with me. I placed it over my shoulder to carry it downstairs and grabbed one suitcase.
After finally making it to the bottom of the stairs with both of my suitcases and my backpack, I walked to the laundry room. Tossing the sweater and scarf into the dryer, I threw in a dryer sheet and set the timer for five minutes just to freshen them up.
I walked back to the kitchen where Charlie was sitting at the head of the table with a beer in front of him. I opened the fridge and grabbed a bottle of water before sitting up on the counter.
Charlie looked up at me, "all packed?"
I nodded, "Yeah, I already brought my suitcases down."
He nodded in response and I tried to understand the emotion on his face. It wasn't sadness but it wasn't comforting, he almost seemed hesitant.
"You okay?" I asked shyly.
He brought his bottle to his lips and hummed, "just thinking."
Well that's good, I thought.
"You nervous?" He continued.
I thought about that for a moment, "no. I'm mostly just excited to see Adam. It's been over a year since I saw him last."
Charlie smiles at that, "yeah, you don't need to be nervous. You should be excited."
I smiled back a took a few sips of water. I'm almost sad that I won't see Charlie for a few weeks, I've grown so used to seeing him everyday. It's not right that my favorite people have to live on opposite sides of the country.
I couldn't shake the giddy feeling I have from knowing I'll be with Adam before the day is over. I'll finally get to see his apartment and my future bedroom and he can show me all around town. Then after surgery we'll get to sit and watch movies together and just talk about everything in person for the first time in so long.
When the dryer beeped to signal that my clothes were done, I hopped off the counter and went back to the laundry room. I opened the dryer and grabbed the warm sweater and quickly tugged it on, sighing in delight at its comforting temperature. I grabbed the scarf and put it over my shoulder and welcomed the familiar feeling of the fabric brushing my neck as I walked away.
"You ready?" Charlie called as I heard him stand.
I turned the corner and looked at him, "yup, but I'm going to go say bye to Bella first." Or try to at least.
I headed up the stairs and paused outside her closed bedroom door to knock. After a few silent seconds I knocked again a little louder, I don't want to just walk in without her saying it's okay.
I heard the soft, "come in", and opened the door slowly.
She was seated in he usual spot, a chair by her windows. I walked in and stood awkwardly with my hands behind my back.
"Charlie is taking me to the airport now." I explained. "I just wanted to say bye."
Her head slowly turned so she could look at me. With a nod she said, "bye, Declan."
Knowing I wouldn't get anything better out of her, I nodded and turned back to her door.
"I'll see you in a few weeks." I said as I closed the door behind me with a frown.
I pouted as I walked back down the stairs and tried to straighten myself out before Charlie saw me. I should be happy but the weight of Bella's depression is holding me back in a way.
"Okay, I'm ready to go." I said as I reached Charlie by the front door.
"I'm sure she'll call you the day of the surgery to wish you luck." Charlie comforted, easily seeing my mood.
"Yeah," I tried to smile but it didn't seem to reach my eyes based on Charlie's answering expression.
When we were in the police cruiser, I turned on the radio to prepare for the long ride to the airport. I'd be on an even longer flight but it's all worth it.
First I have to take a small plane to Seattle then I can get on a normal plane to fly to New York. Next I'll meet up with Adam and he'll be driving us back to his apartment about thirty five miles away. It's going to be a long travel day but I'd do whatever it takes to be there with Adam in New York.
When we finally parked at the airport, Charlie rushed to get my suitcases out of the trunk as I pulled on my backpack. I watched him close the trunk and run his hand through his hair before looking at me.
"Alright," he began. "Give me a hug then get going, I don't want you missing your flight because of me."
I chuckled and hugged him for a moment and he patted my back like he always did when we hugged. When I pulled away he ruffled my hair in the annoying but playful dad way  and I scowled. It's not like it matters my hair is always a mess anyway.
"I'll text you when I'm with Adam, then I'll call you tomorrow." I promised.
He pointed at me, "you better call me everyday."
I nodded, "I will, Charlie."
With a nod of his own, he pulled up the handles on my suitcases and pushed them to me. With a final and quick goodbye, I started off towards the airport doors.
The airport is small and never busy so checking my bags and getting through security took less than half an hour. I was left sitting and waiting for my flight for about the same amount of time before the small group of passengers boarded the plane.
I listened to music through the flight to Seattle, I tried to listen to Queen but I was reminded of many nights spent with Carlisle. Often we would both be doing completely separate things and just enjoying each other's presence. One thing we always did though was listen to my queen albums over and over again.
Most of the songs hit differently now, it's hard to enjoy them the way I did when him and I would quietly sing them to each other in the dead of night. I guess that was our idea of a good time, having some alone time with some good ass music.
Since the flight from Seattle to New York is much longer, I decided to break out my gameboy and busy myself with that. The six and a half hour flight rushed by as I lost myself in Pokémon and music by Fleetwood Mac.
The last hour was a bit rough, my patience was running low and the flight was bumpy causing me to feel slightly anxious. My added exhaustion isn't making me feel any better.
It's been harder to sleep now more than ever, I constantly have so much on my mind. Most of the things are important like schooling and top surgery. Sometimes I spend countless hours worrying about Bella. Other times my mind grows busy with thought of what the Cullens are up to.
Is Edward just as depressed as Bella is? Does Alice still watch our futures? Do they know what's going on in our lives? Is Jasper blaming himself? Is the family still together or did this break them apart?
I have lots of questions and concerns about Carlisle, which isn't a surprise. Even when I saw him everyday I still had concerns about him and his well being.
I've never met a person who feels things as deeply as he does but then chooses to hide it behind a confident and stable front. He's very sensitive and worried about everyone and everything.
Some times is was cute and a simple movie like Toy Story would make him nearly cry, and other time his worrying drove me crazy. Mostly because he drove himself crazy. Always worrying about me, about his family, about his patients.
It doesn't seem healthy for him to be a surgeon who performs high risk procedures and also worry so deeply about everything. That's an odd combination.
I was shocked out of my thoughts when the plane touched the ground and we landed. Instantly any thoughts I had focused on the Cullens instantly went to Adam. In a few more minutes I'll be able to see him.
I impatiently tapped my fingers as I waited for the people ahead of me to get off the plane. I grabbed my backpack from by my feet and pulled it on when it was my turn to get out of my window seat.
When I got off the plane I eagerly looked around to find my way out of the boarding area. I walked until I found a sign that pointed me towards baggage claim, that's where Adam and I agreed to meet.
I turned the corner, I spotted him instantly. He's around six and a half feet tall so he towers offer most of the people there. Especially the older woman he was talking to who must also be waiting for someone.
The moment he saw me, his smile widened and he waved enthusiastically. He was practically bouncing on his feet as I waved back.
He looks the same as he always has. His brown hair resting in messy curls on his forehead and his skin is always a bit tanned even though it's winter. Of course, he's tall as hell but he's not extremely muscular. He has a healthy diet but has the body of a guy who doesn't work out and who's main hobby is photography.
His eyes look brown but the longer you look at him the more you can see the green that's mixed in leaving him with a wonderful hazel color. What's more noticeable is the happiness and kindness always in his expression. He looks harmless with his big smile and freckles that are scattered across his nose and cheekbones.
He jogged up to me and pulled me into a hug as he laughed. "Declan! Oh, Declan! I missed you so much my guy!"
I wrapped my arms around his and hugged back tightly, burying my face into his warm chest. An overwhelming amount of emotions ran through me at once. I wanted to collapse into him and just let out everything but I resisted.
Instead I let myself soak in the comfort of his familiar hug and said, "I missed you more, Adam."
"Ha! That's impossible." His voice was muffled by my hair.
When he pulled away, I reluctantly let him go. Would it be odd to hug him for a few more minutes? Would the other people here laugh at me for being so clingy?
He looked me over and seemed to inspect me and my body before doing a thumbs up with his hands. "You look amazing!"
I scoffed, "You already know what I look like."
Adam tolled his eyes, "I mean, you look different. But it's good different. The hormones are doing their job."
"Oh." I could feel myself fill up with pride and my confidence instantly was boosted.
He put his hands on my shoulders, "look at how broad you've gotten, you're so buff! I already knew your voice was changing but I should've made you send me pictures."
I've only been on testosterone for almost four months but in the time a lot has happened. I got really good at giving myself the shots which is something I was worried about but now it's easy. My voice is the most noticeable change but my face is more squared and my body is starting to gain more muscle finally. Overall I'm starting to become happier with my appearance.
I blushed under his attention, "You and your pictures."
With a smile, he slid my backpack off of my arms and put it on his own back. "C'mon, lets go get your luggage."
As we stood by the conveyer belt with the luggage on it, I made sure my bags weren't coming before I hugged Adam again.
It was more of a side hug, my face going into his ribs, but it was still just as comforting as the first. His hand went around my back and rubbed soothingly up and down.
I pulled away a bit do he could hear me say, "We're gonna have a lot of fun before my surgery right? Well, after it to, I guess, right?"
"Heck yeah!"
I rolled my eyes at his words.
"I can't say bad words you know that," he defended after seeing my reaction.
I squeezed him tighter for a moment while I laughed, fuck I missed him so much. How did I manage to be away from him for so long?
After collecting my suitcases, Adam started pulling them in the direction of the doors. Leading the way, he brought us to his car. I don't speak car but I'm pretty sure it's nothing special, just a Honda. He needed a car and took the best but most affordable one he found first.
I climbed into the passenger seat as he put my luggage in the trunk. I put my seatbelt on and let out a exhausted breathe and waited.
In a moment Adam was sitting next to me and turning on the car, the radio turned on as well playing the classic rock station. Even under the streetlights in the dark parking lot, I could see the emotion in his eyes.
"You can't fucking cry yet, dude. I will start and won't stop until I leave." I said with an amused tone even though I was in no way joking.
"Okay, okay, I won't start." He put his hands up in defense. "It's just amazing seeing how much you've grown and changed since I last saw you."
I smiled sadly, "I wish you where there with me."
He put the car in reverse and nodded, "me too."
As we pulled out of the dark parking lot and onto the highway I couldn't wipe the smile off my face. I'm where I'm supposed to be, right next to Adam.
"I like your sweater by the way, it's soft." Adam mentioned.
Yup, this is where I'm meant to be. The Cullens were just a fluke. I appreciate the time I had with them and the thing I learned from them but this is where I'm needed and wanted.