|: Cigarettes and Candy :| Carlisle... - Chapter 25: Chapter 25

Declan's POV.
We arrived at Adams apartment building after about a forty five minute drive. We busied ourselves with conversation about my travel day, more so the lady who sat next to me on the plane who didn't understand that I didn't want to talk to her. She kept talking to me even after I put my in ear headphones in. I stayed polite though, as I was taught.
Adam insisted on taking all my bags himself, which made our journey to his apartment take longer than expected. I stayed quiet and let him drag my luggage behind him as we exited the elevator on the third floor. Following him down the hall, he stopped outside what must be his door considering he's unlocking it with his key.
I watched amusedly as he pushed the door open and struggled to fit through the door with my luggage. Waiting until he was inside to step in, I looked around the room as Adam turned on the light.
The front door leads you into the kitchen, it's about the size I expected it to be. There's old appliances and cabinets but Adam keeps it clean and has a ton of plants on the windowsill which makes it look homey. I haven't eaten in hours but I decided I'd let Adam show me the rest of the apartment before I eat his entire fridge.
He put all my bags down and held out his arms, "kitchen."
"Yeah, give me a tour." I reached down to yank off my boots.
With a nod he walked through the nearest doorway, "the living room is through here,"
I rushed to follow, leaving my boots by the luggage.
The living room is perfect size, it fits a couch and a recliner and some book shelves along with a small coffee table. I walked over to the bookshelves and looked at the framed photos he had put there.
There were pictures of his mom with his sisters, a few of me and him, and one of me with his family. I never really saw them much before but I always got along well with his sisters. His mom was always nice to me which I appreciate.
The last bottom shelves were filled with books, and I honestly don't care which ones they are considering I know that his favorites are in his room.
"Oh! Let me show you your room!" He smiled excitedly.
We went down a small hallway, passing a bathroom and his room along the way. He opened the door and stepped aside to let me in after turning on the lights.
I smiled at him while I stepped past him.
Inside was a queen sized bed tucked into the corner with dark green colored bedding and a few pillows in grey pillowcases. Next to the bed was a small nightstand with a lamp on top. The walls are a simple white color, and there's a large window. Much like the windowsill in the kitchen, there's small plants lined up in front of the glass.
"I know it's not much, but I figured once your ready to move in we'll get more." Adam began as he pointed to a corner. "A large desk there for your art and school work, maybe a bookshelf over there or a table for your record player."
"I love it!" I stepped over to the windowsill and inspected the plants. "These are so cute and tiny! Plus the window is huge, I bet there's a lot of natural light."
As I was looking out the window at the parking lot below, Adam moved to stand next to me.
"Both bedrooms are about the same size, I took the one with the smaller window. You'll need the natural light for when your working on paintings and such." He explained waving his hands in front of the window.
I turned around, "I wanna see your room, show me."
He grabbed a handful of my sweater and pulled me out of the room and down the hallway. I was yanked into the room and stumbled over my feet as the light was flicked on.
Adam extends his arms out much like he did in the kitchen, "my cave."
His walls are the same white as most of the apartment but unlike my room his bed is in the middle of the room. Yaknow like an adults bedroom. He only has the one nightstand though cause we all know that no one is sharing that bed with him.
The room was next to empty besides the bed and the three bookshelves across from it. The headboard and the wooden bookshelves we the same dark finish.
I walked over to the shelves and ran my eyes over the hundreds of books he has. A few titles I've seen before in the Cullens house, specifically Carlisle's office.
There's a mix of what looks like regular novels and then textbooks and books on photography and things like that. Adam is the type of guy who reads everything, much like another guy I knew.
"Cmon, lets get you something to eat, then to bed." Adam left the room and turn in the direction of the kitchen and living room.
I eagerly followed after him at the promise of food, once I made it to the kitchen I sat at the small kitchen table. "You're not my dad, you don't have to take care of me."
He turned from the fridge and looked at me with his jaw dropped dramatically, "I've been taking care of you since day one and I have zero plans to stop. Deal with it."
I rolled my eyes and watched him make me a quick sandwich. I began to devour it as he set the plate in front of me along with a glass of water.
Adam day across from me and chuckled, "slow down before you choke."
Deciding that he was right, I slowed and took a few sips of water. I pointed in his direction as I cleared my throat a few times.
"Can you take me to the store to get hair bleach and help me do it?" I asked after I had swallowed.
With a nod he pulled out his phone, "let me look up where the hair supply store is. What color are you gonna do now, GreenBean?"
Shaking my head at the dumb nickname I took another sip of water to get the food down. "I wanna go white blonde. Like, I wanna get my hair as light as possible without melting it."
He hummed as he typed on his phone, "not surprised, you've always had a thing for blondes."
My mouth popped open, "I do not!"
"Yeah!" He put his phone on the table, "every guy you've ever had a crush on has been a blonde!"
There's no argument against that.
"My friends dad was a blonde." I mentioned.
Adam raised his eyebrows, "what are you saying, was he cute?"
I widened my eyes and nodded around a bite of my sandwich while humming.
He laughed loudly, throwing his head back and slapping his hand over his chest. I smiled at the sound, making Adam laugh is one of my favorite things cause he laughs with his whole body.
"You're gonna develop a crush on yourself." He said like a warning.
I shrugged around my last bite, "it's time for me to be my own daddy."
Adam buried his face in his hands with a groan causing me to choke out a laugh of my own.
After I finished my food, Adam cleaned up my plate. Then he helped my carry my bags to my room. I unpacked a few things but decided I'd leave most of it for tomorrow.
Adam followed me to the bathroom so I could wash my face and brush my teeth before bed. He wrote down the address to the hair supply store and promised that he'd take me after breakfast tomorrow.
He also promised that we'd go to the grocery store and buy all the foods I like and would like to have before surgery. He started writing out the list of foods I was telling him as I applied toner to my face.
"Should we buy a wig for you to wear after you burn your hair off?" He joked as I went back to my room and pulled the blankets down on the bed.
I scoffed and looked at him as he stood in the doorway. "It'll be fine, I know what I'm doing. I've been working with bleach for years."
"Alright, I trust you." He said. "Now give me a hug and then go to bed."
I rushed to bury my head against him once again, "goodnight Adam."
He pressed a kiss to my hair, "night, Dec."
With that he left the room and closed the door behind him and I was left alone. I quickly stripped out of my binder and jeans and climbed into bed. I haven't been this tired in a long time.
I used to wear myself out a lot everyday with flying and running around outside in the woods. Sometimes alone, most of the time with a Cullen or two. I was always too nervous to go too far away on my own in fear that I would get lost.
Even though, I'm sure Alice would see if I was lost and send someone to go and find me. That'd be embarrassing though. Poor Carlisle would have to come and find my dumbass wandering in the woods probably crying out of fear. Maybe it's for the best that they left before something like that happened.
Being here with Adam makes the hurt in my heart lessen. Not only the abandonment from the Cullens but everything else too. I'm not so scared of my future because I know that I'll be here with him and he knows me in a way that no one else does. Except that whole not human thing, I doubt he'll ever know that side of me.
Carlisle was a close second to Adam, I will admit. He was caring and understanding and even though I only knew him for a few months he started to know me really well. He listens and asks questions, he actually wanted to know more about me. We would talk for hours about our pasts, but I know for a fact that we both kept some things private.
We both have some traumatic things that have happened and we both like to be each other's rock. We were fools. We constantly tried to seem strong for one another, blowing off our trauma like it was nothing. Dumb bitches.
However we did help each other, he helped me open up and trust for the first time in years. Yet, look how it turned out for me. I was abandoned and left to fend for myself seemingly without a care.
Actually I'll admit, "without a care" is me being a bit dramatic. Carlisle did look very tortured and pained to have to leave, but he still did it. He let Edward control our future and for that I can't forgive him.
I rolled onto my back and looked at the ceiling with a frown. Sometimes I miss my Cullen crest necklace, but I knew from the night I received it that I didn't deserve it.
As much as I tried I'll never be a Cullen, I'm too different. It was nice while I had them, it was nice to live in their perfect fantasy.
Whatever, I'll make my own vampire family one day. Except they'll be like me. Wings and all.
With that, I rolled onto my stomach and carefully released my wings and hoped that Adam wouldn't come barging in. I relaxed and let my wings lay out by my sides. It's much easier to fall asleep and stay asleep with my wings out.
It didn't take long for my exhaustion to overpower my frantic mind and depressing thoughts.
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When Adam and I parked in the apartment buildings parking lot, he insisted on taking all the bags again. He was hooking them up his arm and over his shoulder, trying to figure out how to take all of our groceries in one trip without my help.
"Don't be a hero, Adam." I said as I pulled my cigarette case from my pocket.
I put the cig between my teeth and lit it with my lighter quickly. Before puffing our a small breath of smoke.
Adam stepped to my side and set a handful of bags on the ground. With a huff, he pulled the cigarette out of my mouth and tossed it to the ground.
He stomped it out under his shoe, "cmon dude. If you get lung cancer and die you won't have any time for me."
I stood their with my eyes on the small mess of cigarette on the concrete. "I guess."
He picked up his bags again and started off in the direction of the apartments. "Seriously, I really wish you would stop. It wasn't even cute when you started but I didn't think it would last this long."
I followed behind him feeling small as I was scolded by the most important person in my life. "I'm sorry."
"You don't have to apologize, just stop." He called behind him.
We went inside Adams apartment and I helped put away the groceries and learned where everything is supposed to go. Once that was finished Adam decided to read the back of the bucket of bleach with a furrowed brow.
"You said you trusted me," I said with amusement.
He smiled, "I don't want to be the reason your hair burned off."
I rolled my eyes and took the bleach from him along with the other things we bought to do my hair. Adam helped me pick out a nice toner to keep my hair looking white and not yellow and then we found some purple shampoo to do the same.
Adam went to the closet in the hallway to grab some old towels and I took off my jacket and shirt. I pulled out a kitchen chair and sat down in my binder and jeans. I looked down at my favorite jeans for a second before deciding to go and change into a pair of old sweats I brought with me.
Adam and I met back in the kitchen as he was looking for a bowl to mix the bleach in. I sat down and pulled a towel over my shoulders to protect my skin and binder.
"Do you know how to mix it?" Adam asked with a confused expression.
Within minutes Adam was wearing gloves and using the brush to paint the bleach onto my faded green hair. The smell was familiar and filled me with excitement. A new hair color! What's more fun then being gay and sad and changing your hair?
After a minute of silence, Adam spoke up. "Charlie told me that you've been having a bit of a hard time since your friends moved away."
I took a sip of cinnamon herbal tea, "are we really gonna gossip while you do my hair?"
"Yes." He answered.
I sighed, "I miss them a lot, to be honest. But, Bella's doing worse. You know, Edward was her boyfriend."
"Can't you call them? Don't you all keep in touch?" He sounded concerned.
I decided to lie, I don't want Adam to think that it's as serious and sad as it really is. I don't want Adams view of the Cullens to be tarnished and I don't know why.
"Yeah, but you know how hard it is to keep in touch. We have a unique situation cause we've know each other for almost a decade, but these kids I haven't even known for a year. It's just hard." I lied and picked at my fingers.
It didn't take long for all my hair to be covered then Adam took of his gloves and set a timer on the oven so we would know how much time had passed.
I watched him walk into the living room for a moment before coming back with his photo album.
I groaned at the sight of it, "Adam! Cmon!"
"We have to look at little Adam and littler Declan!" He pulled a chair close to mine.
I shook my head with a smile as he sat next to me and opened the photo album.
The first few pages of the album were filled with pictures of the neighborhood Adam and I used to live in. I'm thankful that nothing pictured brought me back to a bad place.
When there was a particularly embarrassing picture of my when I was 10, I looked away with a choked laugh. I kept my gaze out the window as I heard Adam laughing.
"Shut up, you were the cutest kid." He patted my back.
I only turned my head back to the album when I heard him turn the page. My eyes instantly traveled to a certain picture that held an element that made my breathing stutter. The memories flooded back, and not good ones.
Adam didn't seem to notice my attention was focused on a certain photo.
It wasn't unlike many other photos Adam and I have taken together, except when it was taken was when both Adam and I were at rock bottom.
His arm was around my shoulders and I was hiding my face in my long black hair and you could barely see the scars around my hand and arm. His other arm however, was visible and the flash of the camera made the bruises on his inner elbow stand out even more. Those were the only real evidence of his addiction that photos could show.
I couldn't take my eyes away from it. The scars, the bruises, how pale Adam looked, all of it was making me feel nauseous.
Finally Adam seemed to notice my stare and he swiftly turned the page. "You can't focus on the bad, Dec."
I looked at him quickly seeing how much he's grown, how much better he is. All for me, he told me years ago, he wanted to get better for me. Then I agreed to get better for him.
I felt sick, knowing the things I used to do to feel control. The things I did to feel anything other than panic and depression. Manic episodes were more common then as well and the behavior I had during those might have been worse. Or more dangerous at least.
"Do you ever miss it?" I regretted the words as soon as they left my lips.
How could I say something so disgusting?
I was prepared for Adam to snap at me, to scold me for asking such a horrible question. He didn't though, like I would rationally know he wouldn't. He never does.
He was still looking at the photos in the album, "no. Not anymore."
I thought back to those old behaviors and addictions I had, do I miss it?
"In the beginning, I did. I mean, for the first couple of years, I did. But now, I'm doing so much better without it. My life improved when I stopped using." He continued.
"Yeah, things really started coming together for you as soon as you got out of rehab." I agreed.
When Adam returned home, clean and happy, I wanted the same for me. I quit my bad habits, smoking too much weed, sneaking alcohol, and self harm. I asked Adam what things he learned in rehab that helped him figure things out and make things better.
So, I tried most of it. I tried eating healthy and exercising, I tried meditation and journaling. Yet, as it turns out, maybe I wasn't the problem. Nothing that I could do would've saved me from my mother.
Seeming to have read my mind, Adam patted my shoulder. "You'll get there. Don't worry. After you get out of high school and can finally start living your own life, you'll be happier. I know everyone hates to hear this, but it does get better."
I wanted to smile at him but I know he would realize it was fake. I can't play those games with him, he knows me too well.
"Cmon," he patted me again, "it's almost time to rinse your hair."
I was glad to change the subject, things got really heavy too fast for me.
Adam stood up and placed the photo album on the kitchen table, then left to gather more towels from the closet.
Standing, I resisted the urge to touch my hair. Bleach can be itchy and irritating but the feeling tends to fade the longer you have it on. It's a familiar and exciting feeling for me though.
Adam came back and directed me to the kitchen sink, and he turned it on and felt the temperature with his hand. "Alright, my blonde guy, lets get you rinsed."
After a few minutes of rinsing and another few minutes to apply then rinse the toner, I was a blonde bitch.
I towel dried my hair roughly and rushed to the bathroom, "I'm that bitch!" I called out to Adam as I left the room.
I heard his laughter echo down the hallway, and a smile formed on my face.
I turned on the light as I stood in front of the mirror and my smile grew as I began to laugh myself. My hair was exactly what I was going for, a super white shade of blonde. With my white hair and pale skin I look like snow owl, but in a cute way.
Adam appeared next to me, "well? What do we think?"
I brought the towel back to my hair to continue to dry it, "I mean, I think I'm cute as hell even though I look like a stick of chalk."
"We should've bleached your eyebrows." He mentioned with a smile.
I giggled and looked at myself in the mirror again, and yes my eyebrows were still a shade of black. "Where's your razor, I'll just shave them off."
His hand went to my arm and he pulled me out of the bathroom with a chorus of "no no no."
Together we cleaned up the kitchen as my hair continued to dry. Adam washed out the bowls we used before deciding to never eat from them again. He kept all the things together so if we ever dyed my hair again we'd already have everything we needed.
After we finished cleaning and my hair had dried the rest of the way, Adam pushed me in the direction of the living room, "go change, we're going out for dinner."
I returned to him within minutes in proper clothes instead of my sweats. "Where are we going?"
"Chinese?" He asked while tossing me my jacket.
I nodded. "Sounds perfect."
Pulling on my jacket, I reached for my cigarettes in the chest pocket. I tossed them to Adam, "take them, I don't want them anymore."
He smiled as he crushed them and threw them into the trash can. Wordlessly he opened the door and I followed him out.
It's time I grew into a better person, it's time I gave up the things that make me hard to love.