|: Cigarettes and Candy :| Carlisle... - Chapter 26: Chapter 26

Declan's POV.
Adam and I are seated in his car, parked outside of a hospital, and drinking coffee. We were here yesterday afternoon for my pre op appointment and now today is the day. Today is the day of my surgery.
I'm fighting to stay awake considering it's not even light out yet and I barely slept last night from my excitement. Adam on the other hand, is bouncing his feet and tapping his hands. His nerves are obvious.
At my pre op appointment yesterday he was nervous too. He was asking lots of questions about my safety and how he will need to take care of me. My doctor was very patient with him and explained everything he needed to know in detail. I'm grateful that Dr. Wilson tried her best to calm Adam but he's always been a nervous guy. That's something we have in common.
As excited as I was to get surgery and be here with Adam, every so often my mind would drift away. Bella and the Cullens consumed my mind even when I was going through one of the biggest moments of my life.
I haven't heard from Bella yet, Charlie said she'd call me, but of course she hasn't. Nothing matters to her anymore, not even her family. I thought I'd feel better to not be around her, to not have to look at her all lifeless and empty. However, not being able to see her makes me wonder how she is getting by. I don't want to ask Charlie because if she was doing better he would've told me.
He and I talked on the phone last night for about half an hour, mostly I was explaining everything I learned at the pre op appointment. He had many of the same questions Adam did so I did my best to calm his nerves as well.
As for the Cullens, I'm not surprised I'm still so focused on them. They used to be so important to me and I'd be lying if I said I didn't love them all. I always thought that when I woke up from surgery that I'd have at least one Cullen with me.
I wanted Carlisle with me when I woke up and there's a irrational part of me that still hopes he'll be there when I do. I used to be excited to grow with him with me. I wanted him to see me grow into the person I always wanted to be but instead he had to abandon me while I was still the worst version of myself. It hurts me to know that he will always have to remember me as that person.
I was brought out of my thoughts by a heavy sigh coming from my friend. Looking over to him I caught him rubbing his eyes out of stress.
"You alright?" I mumbled tiredly.
He nodded quickly. "Yeah, yeah. I'm just trying not to freak out."
"Everything's gonna be fine," I attempted to comfort. "I know that. I can feel it."
Adam nodded again, "I know, I know. You're not gonna die, I know that. But, I don't like seeing you in pain."
I reached over to rub his shoulder, "I'll be on painkillers and all that shit, I won't be in much pain."
He didn't seem any less stressed by my words but I did feel some tension leave his shoulders. I knew that this would stress him out and it only make me even more appreciative that he was willing to do this for me.
After a few more minutes of comfortable silence, it was time for us to start heading into the hospital. We went to the right floor and Adam helped me fill out the last few sheets of paperwork. Then Adam and I were brought to a room and I was told to change into a hospital gown and then wait for a nurse to come and set up my IV.
Once I was laying on the hospital bed in the gown and special hospital socks, everything started to feel real. Up until this moment, I've been waiting for something to come up. I've been waiting for there to be some reason why I wouldn't be able to get this surgery.
I watched Adam as the nurse put the IV in the vein on the back of my hand and I only winced when I saw Adam cringe. Needles don't freak me out, I've never been scared of shots or blood tests but I don't like to look at them. That makes doing my own testosterone injections hard sometimes.
Keeping my eyes on Adam until I heard the nurse walk away, I sighed. "Everything's starting to catch up to me."
He frowned and rubbed his palms on his jean covered thighs. "Feeling nervous?"
Finally looking at the IV, I nodded. "A little. But, at the same time it's- it's weird. I guess I never thought I'd make it this far. I thought I'd be dead before I ever got the chance to medically transition at all, now I'm getting surgery."
I didn't want to see the look on his face. Whenever I mention anything regarding me being dead, Adam gets these sad puppy eyes that break my heart. Of course now death seems so far away for the both of us, it's not like when we were both at rock bottom barely making it by.
"I knew you'd get here, I wouldn't let it happen any other way. I'd never let you die on me, we have so much more to do." He promised while brushing his curly hair off his forehead.
I glanced at my phone to check the time. We were promised that I'd be in the operating room by the end of the hour. As each minute passes the feeling of anxiety grows larger in my chest.
"It's normal to be nervous," Adam said after looking at me for a while. "If you weren't nervous I'd be worried about you."
I nodded, "I'm mostly nervous about how it's gonna look. I know Dr. Wilson's results are amazing but I seem to have the worst luck. I just don't wanna look fucky."
He chuckled at my choice of words. "That won't happen, Dr.Wilson is one of the best surgeons in the east."
A few minutes later, Dr.Wilson came into the room and told me it was time. The nurse followed her in with a wheelchair to wheel me to the operating room. I stood up and wrapped my hospital robe around myself.
Adam quickly stood up and wrapped me up in a tight hug and pressed a kiss to my hair and a kiss to my forehead.  "I love you and I'll be here when you wake up."
I wrapped one arm around his back and mumbled an answering "I love you too."
I sat down in the wheelchair and Adam patted my hair before the nurse started pushing me away. As we started down the hallway, Dr.Wilson walked next to me and explained the surgery process one last time. Although, I didn't really want to hear about how they're going to cut me open.
"Once you wake up, you'll feel a bit foggy but you should be aware enough to function. You also might feel a bit dizzy and sick but we will give you medicine for the nausea." She explained as we entered the doors to the operating room.
"So, I'm not going to be a handful for Adam right? He's not gonna have to carry me around for a week?" I smiled slightly.
Dr.Wilson patted my arm with a smile of her own. "No, you will be able to walk by yourself."
The nurse helped me onto the operating table and helped me arrange my arms so they were out of the way for the surgeon.
Next thing I knew I was being counted down and my vision was going fuzzy.
/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/
I tried to open my eyes but they felt so heavy. I heard Adam talking to me, saying that everything was okay and that it was time to wake up. I could feel him rubbing my hair and running his fingers over the back of my hand.
When I managed to open my eyes, I hissed at the brightness of the room. Mild panic filled my mind at my inhuman sounding hiss but Adam just laughed as if it was a normal sound for a person to make.
I blinked rapidly before I realized my eyes were watering, a warm tear ran its way down my cheek. I attempted to move my arm to wipe it away but my limbs felt heavy and Adam beat me to it.
He wiped my face with a tissue and I made a noise of confusion.
"I'm crying?" I mumbled but it sounded rough and slurred.
He wiped my other cheek as tears continued to fall, "anesthesia makes people cry all the time, remember Dr.Wilson said that it might make you cry and it might make you sick."
I tried to hum in response but my throat is too dry and sore for any noise to come out. I wiggled my toes and flexed the muscles in my legs to try and my my body feel real again. I was able to pick up my arms to stretch them out slightly.
"Careful, bud." Adam pushed my arms back down gently, "you still have to sit still for a little while."
"I wanna go home," I whined. "Sleep in a real bed, with no stupid IV."
He smiled and reached up to pet my hair again, "just a few more hours, then I'll take you home. Okay?"
Finally, I was able to hum as an answer.
I looked around the room now that the lights didn't seem as bright, "water?"
He looked in the direction of the doorway, "a nurse said she was bringing you water and crackers."
Just as he finished the sentence, a nurse walked in carefully balancing two cups of water in his hands. He smiled at me then Adam as he placed the plastic cups on the little tray by my bed. He pulled a package of crackers out of his shirt pocket and set them on the tray.
"How are you feeling Mr. Derrick?" The nurse asked.
I looked at Adam and waited for his answer.
"He's talking to you, Dec." Adam chuckled.
I raised my eyebrows in surprise and blushed as the two men laughed. Adam patted my hand and reached for a cup of water before handing it to me and making sure I had a good grip on it.
Grateful for the straw, I sipped a small amount of water and said, "I'm fine."
"He wants to go home soon." Adam explained to the nurse as I drank more water eagerly.
The nurse nodded in understanding, "well, after I take out his IV, Dr.Wilson will be back to explain this weeks aftercare."
I handed Adam my now nearly empty cup and looked at the nurse as he watched me carefully. I hope I don't look disgusting, yet I'm sure the staff here is used to seeing people looking less than their best.
"Would it be alright for me to take your IV out now, Mr. Derrick?" He asked as he put on rubber gloves he had in his pocket.
I nodded and watched him walk towards my side, "it's easier if you call me Declan. Less confusion, I guess." I tried to joke even though my voice still sounds bad.
I heard Adam snicker at my other side.
The nurse smiled as he peeled the tape off my IV. "Okay, Declan. I'm Josh. Are you two brothers?"
I looked at Adam as Josh started pulling out the IV from my hand. It stung more going in, I can actually barely feel it coming out.
"That sounds about right, yeah." Adam answered.
"He's more like my mom," I mumbled.
"I assume he will be taking care of you while you recover then?" Josh asked while he put a bandaid on my hand.
Once my hand was released, I reached for my cup of water again. "Yep, he'll do a good job too."
As I spoke, Adam handed me my cup of water and started opening the package of crackers.
"I'm sure he will," Josh smiled at Adam again and gathered his things. "It was nice meeting you two. Maybe I'll see you again in a week when Declan's bandages come off."
He waved once to Adam and I and then he was walking away. I watched until he was out of sight and I could hardly hear him anymore.
"He was cute, you should go for it." I mumbled, looking back at Adam.
His eyes squinted as he laughed, "you know I don't like guys."
I scrunched up my nose, "how do you not like guys, I mean, look at David Bowie."
He mimicked my actions and scrunched up his nose while shaking his head.
I laughed before wincing, "shit, don't make me laugh. You don't like girls either though. You don't like anyone."
After handing me a cracker, he leaned back in his chair, "exactly, now eat."
I took a bite out of the cracker, "but don't you want kisses and cuddles?" I managed to get out around the food.
"Ew no." He frowned.
Quickly covering my mouth as I laughed, I began coughing as I struggled to get the cracker down.
Adam sat up quickly and handed me his cup of water. I drank until I was able to breathe again, but my laughs didn't seem to quiet down much at all.
I eventually let the pain from the laughter convince me to calm down, wincing as I tried to take deep breaths. Once I had stoped and caught my breath, I looked at Adam who was leaned back again. He raised his eyebrows as if he expected me to lose my shit again.
I just smiled, "I know you don't like romantic relationships, but I don't want you to be alone."
He smiled softly, "I'm not alone, I'll always have you. When you get older and marry a beautiful man, I'll live in your basement."
I scoffed, "like the rat that you are."
Dr.Wilson entered the room then causing our conversation to be put on pause. She explained to us how the surgery went which was basically her telling us that everything went perfectly.
I didn't even really notice the drain tubes until she pointed them out. The tubes are inserted right under my armpit and they hang out enough that I can hold onto them with my hands. Right now they are hooked to my post op binder, and they are slowly filling up with blood and fluid.
They're kinda gross and irritating considering that Adam needs to empty them every few hours for me. The drain tubes are going to be taken out five days from now when I have my first pre op appointment. Until then I have to deal with them hanging out of me for a week.
We already booked an appointment for a week from now and until then I can't shower which is gross. I might have to have Adam wash my hair in the sink so I at least wont look like I haven't showered for a week.
After Dr. Wilson's repeated speech about the after care we have to do, she wished me a fast recovery and told us we could leave.
Adam had to help me get dressed considering I couldn't button my flannel myself. Next he helped me into my boots and tied them quickly since I couldn't bend over to reach the laces.
"There you go, all set to leave." He said as he stood. "Do you feel sick? I don't want you throwing up in my car."
I shook my head, "you don't need to worry, I feel fine. I'm still kind of out of it."
He looked me over with his bright hazel eyes, "hopefully you'll stay that way until it doesn't hurt anymore."
Adam gathered our things and packed them in our backpack we brought. All of our paperwork was filled out by the time I woke up so all we need to do is sign out then we can go home. Well, we have to go to the pharmacy first to get my painkillers. Then we can go home.
A nurse who isn't Josh brought in a wheelchair again and I groaned, "I can walk, I'm fine."
"Dec, just sit down." Adam guided me to the chair with a hand on my back. "You need to let us take care of you."
Adam and this new nurse made small talk as we headed to the front desk to sign out. My eyelids still felt heavy as I sat in the wheelchair waiting for Adam to sign us out. I glared at the back of his head as he started a conversation with the woman behind the desk.
"Adam?" I interrupted.
He looked over at me with a smile, "Yeah?"
I blinked slowly, "can we go now?"
He quickly said goodbye to the woman at the desk and started pushing me out of the front doors. I was hit with the cold New York winter air and I attempted to shrug my coat farther up my shoulders to cover my neck. When we reached the car, Adam quickly started it before carefully helping me inside.
He shut the passenger door and wheeled the chair back into the hospital and I took the free moment to see how much I could manage to move my arms. Unsurprisingly, I couldn't reach very high or very far without feeling an uncomfortable stretch.
I leaned my head back and closed my eyes when Adam returned to the car. He turned the heat up even higher and started backing the car out of the parking spot.
"Once we get back to the apartment, I'll make you something to eat then you can go take a nap. Sound good?" He said.
I opened my eyes to look at him, "can't I just go to sleep?"
"You haven't eaten since last night, I'd rather make sure you get something in you first." He answered.
After we reached the pharmacy, Adam went inside but he left the car running for me. I struggled to get my cell phone out of my pocket, I promised I'd call Charlie after surgery.
I pressed his contact and put the phone to my ear and waited.
After a brief conversation with Charlie, I learned a few things. First, he was more worried then he let me believe. Second, he's been telling people that I'm away for a surgery. Third, Bella doesn't seem to care about me at all.
I'm tired of being understanding, I'm tired of making up excuses for her. She could've at least called me for a second, the Bella I knew would've cared. I hate what's happened to her, all because of what? Her boyfriend dumped her?
We've known each other nearly our whole lives and she doesn't even seem to care about me or my well being. For months I've been helping her and making up lame excuses to Charlie and Renee and even her friends. She couldn't even call me before or after my surgery.
Am I being selfish?
I mean, I get her sadness. What happed to her sucked, it was probably what she believed to be the worst thing that could happen to her. However, she needs to move on. I can't keep coddling her and letting her get away with being some sort of zombie.
As soon as Adam got back in the car, he noticed my annoyance.
"What's wrong?" He questioned, putting a bag by my feet.
"Bella is pissing me off. She doesn't care about anything anymore, especially me." I explained.
He frowned before pulling onto the road, "that's not true. She loves you, she's just in a bad place right now. We've all been there."
I was torn between being understanding and being annoyed. I feel like I've been so patient with her and I've been waiting for her to get out of this funk she's in but I'm tired. She hasn't shown any sign of getting better or returning back to her normal life. Maybe being gentle with her won't help. Maybe it's time for tough love.
Within a few minutes we were parked in front of the apartment complex. Adam rushes around to the passenger side and opened my door.
I carefully stepped out of the car and Adam kept a hand on my back to steady me. Once he was sure I wouldn't fall over, he grabbed our pharmacy bag and closed the car door.
Thankfully, the apartment building has an elevator so I don't have to try and climb three flights of stairs. I leaned against the walls as Adam unlocked the door to the apartment.
"Sit down at the table, I'll heat you up some soup." He told me as he opened the door.
I followed his ordered and pull out a chair and sat down. I watched Adam quickly put some soup on the stove and then pull my pills out of the bag.
"It says you can have your first dose of pain meds before bed", he explained. "Hopefully you won't be hurting much anyway."
I attempted to lean back in the chair but when I'm not  slouching my chest feels like it's stretching. "I'm sure I'll feel fine, also I'll be sleeping anyway so I won't be a bother."
"You're never a bother," he stated
I looked at the clock for what feels like the first time in a while and it read that it was 1pm. It feels like so much more time has past mainly from waiting at the hospital. The actual surgery time felt like seconds for me.
"How long was I in surgery?" I asked after a few silent minutes.
Adam thought for a second, "about three hours. Maybe a little less."
I nodded even though he wasn't looking at me.
After I ate, Adam helped me get up and walk to my room. I sat down on my bed with a sigh and looked at my pillows. I really wish I felt more comfortable, I feel like I won't be able to sleep even though I'm so fucking tired.
Adam kneeled in front of me and began unlacing my boots. "I'll help you prop up your pillows, Dr. Wilson said you shouldn't lay down flat."
I groaned, "but I wanna be comfy."
He pulled both my boots off and set them by the nightstand, "you'll be out like a light as soon as you get under your blankets. Trust me."
I watched Adam situate all the pillows we brought into my room, "once I wake up can we watch doctor who in the living room?"
"Whatever you want, my guy." He promised.
I shuffled up to the pillows and leaned back, "you're too nice to me."
Adam laughed as he covered me with a few blankets, "you have a boo boo so you deserve it."
He pet my head for a second before standing up and closing the thick curtains to block the sunlight. When he reached the door, he clicked off the lights.
"I'll wake you up for dinner in a few hours," he said.
Picking my head up to nod at him I said, "thanks Adam."
"There's no need for a thank you, but I appreciate it anyway." He smiled, "I'm proud of you."
With that he closed the door and I was left staring at it.
I could feel myself getting emotional again, so I decided to try and relax to fall asleep. I really don't have the energy to get all emo about my life right now. Plus, that definitely won't help me recover faster.
After a few minutes of being tucked under Adam's softest blankets, the warmth made my tiredness turn into sleepiness. I felt my body relax despite the discomfort I am in and I slowly drifted off.