|: Cigarettes and Candy :| Carlisle... - Chapter 29: Chapter 29

Declan's POV.
The sun was beginning to set as I sat on the couch while eating leftover pizza with Charlie. He's watching the tv while I'm texting Simon about bands I've never even heard of from the eighties.
Over the past few days, things have been looking up. Since meeting Simon, I feel a lot better. It's nice to have a friend in the area. Bella spends every free second with Jacob Black, and I never get invited so we don't really hang out anymore.
I get it though, it's okay for us to have our own friends, but I also think we've been avoiding each other. Avoiding the questions we both have now that the Cullens are gone for good. We both have been abandoned out of nowhere so maybe it's just too hard to make things go back to normal. It's almost too hard to act like things are fine around Bella.
She's the only one that knows how close we all were. People knew I was close with Jasper and that we spent a lot of time together but it was so much more then that.
It was cooking with Esme and Emmett, and watching in amazement as Rosalie rebuilt a car engine. It was sitting alone with Jasper at school when he needed a break from all the people. It was Alice and I making fun of Edward while he was sitting in the room with us and of course it was so much more with Carlisle.
I had something with him that I'd never thought I'd get to have and I know I will never have it with anyone else. Not after what he did. I don't think I want to care for someone like that ever again. It will just remind me of what it was like with him. I'd just be hurting myself at the end of the day.
When Bella and I are alone and trying to act like it wasn't that serious or we weren't planning on being with the Cullens forever, we both get quiet and sad. The realization hits us both. Bella will remain human, which I'm not gonna lie, thats how it should be. I will continue to live as everyone I care about around me grows old and dies.
However, I met Simon. Wether I end up wanting to be alone after it becomes to much to hide what I am or I decide to join others like me, I'll have an in. Simon can introduce me to the others he knows and educate me about who and what to stay away from.
He's already told me that next time we get together, he'll start teaching me things I need to know. History, how to fight, who these abusive covens are, and ways to meet other genetic vampires. He promised next time he knows when his friends are coming to visit that he would introduce me to them.
I can't help but to be excited, I've been waiting to meet people like me. It seems so much better to be surrounded by people like you, I want to be around people who understand me.
Did I feel like the Cullens didn't understand me? I don't think so.
Not that it matters. I remind myself. They're gone and they're not coming back.
I honestly don't even know if I want them to come back, things wouldn't be the same. I never thought they would do something like that. I never thought Carlisle would hurt me so bad.
I'm thinking myself into a bad mood, maybe I should go somewhere or do something. Before I could talk myself out of it I quickly texted Simon and asked him if he was busy tonight.
I put my phone down next to me on the couch and waited. Only a few minutes later my phone buzzed repeatedly as Simon texted me multiple times.
I shifted my sitting position as Charlie looked over at me.
"Is that Adam?" He asked.
"Uhm, no." I admitted. "It's this guy, Simon. We met recently."
His brow furrowed as he thought, "does he go to your school? I don't remember anyone named Simon."
"He's in Port Angeles, and he's out of school." I tried to come up with a cover story but I decided I could at least explain where he lives.
There was a comfortable silence for a few moments, so I picked up my phone to check the messages.
He seemed to put it together that I wasn't busy tonight and was asking to see if he was available considering his excited response. He offered to come to me if I didn't feel like flying to Port Angeles again, but I don't think I'm ready for this man to know where I live.
"Why are all your friends older than you?" Charlie asked. "The Cullens we're closer to your age but I think jasper is older than you."
I wanted to laugh, Jasper is older than Charlie thinks.
"I don't know, I mean sometimes it's easier. Plus I feel like most people my age are always kinda mean to me. Especially the boys, teenage boys suck." I answered.
I thought for a moment before continuing, "Jasper and the rest of the Cullens were different. They were raised different."
Charlie grunted. "That makes sense, I guess. Though I worry about what kind of trouble these older men might get you into."
This time I did laugh causing Charlie to send a annoyed look my way.
"I'm serious, I don't want them pressuring you into anything." He added.
As my laughter died down I waved a hand in his direction, "do you really think I'm the type to let peer pressure get to me? After everything I've been through?"
Charlie shrugged, "I just worry about you kids."
I quickly typed out a response to Simon telling him I'd meet him around midnight. I hesitated over the send button. Am I putting myself in a bad situation? Is Charlie right to be worried?
Biting my lip, I hit send.
"I know." I mumbled.
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Finding the address Simon sent me was difficult, as I knew it would be considering I am not a GPS. He did send me directions and told me about what is near the apartment building he lives in.
Eventually I did find the right building, but I stood outside for a few minutes trying to gain the courage to go in. I knew the door was locked and I needed someone to let me in, Simon told me to text him when I arrived so he could.
I'm sure he knows I'm here, I bet he heard me flying around and eventually pacing outside the building. There's still a part of me telling me to run, to cut off all contact and avoid all people.
It's not even that I'm afraid that Simon is actually a bad person, it's more so that I don't want to put myself through this again. What if he leaves just like the Cullens did?
Growling softly to myself, I took out my phone and texted Simon a quick message.
I sat down on the step in front of the door and put my head in my hands. I can't believe I let myself be traumatized by the Cullens leaving. How could I, after everything I've already gone through, let something as simple as my friends leaving mess me up so bad?
I jumped as the door behind me was pulled open.
"Hey Dec- oh. You okay, kid?" I heard Simon say, his tone changing after seeing my tense form.
"Yeah, yeah." I stood and turned towards him. "I'm fine, just thinking."
He looks weary. I watched him look me over as if my mental wounds would show themselves physically. I adjusted my shirt as I felt uncomfortable under his stare.
Simon held the door open for me, and I quickly stepped inside the building. I followed him up the stairs as he lead the way. I watched him unlock his door and nearly trip over the edge of the carpet.
"Watch out for that." He pointed down at it. "It hasn't been fixed yet, it's been like two years."
I made a show out of stepping over the worn carpets edge, "two years and you still trip over it?"
"Ha ha," he faked a laugh at my teasing.
I looked around the living room of the small apartment, it's comfortable and organized, not at all like I was expecting.
There's magazines stacked in a neat pile on a polished coffee table, throw pillows perfectly fluffed on the couch, and even small coasters that match the colors of the paintings. The room was spotless and everything seemed to be placed with intention. It doesn't look lived in which is making me feel out of place.
I looked down to make sure Simon had shoes on, I'd hate to walk on the carpet with mine if he prefers his guests not to.
He locked his apartments door as he closed it behind him, I wondered if that was a bad sign. He's locking me in, or I guess, locking others out. My switchblade in my pocket seemed to feel heavier for a moment, a reminder of the protection it offers.
My mind briefly went back to the last time I had to defend myself with it. Bella and I walking alone, a punch to my face, Edward's car speeding over to us, Carlisle's cool fingers on my nose.
"I wasn't expecting your apartment to be so clean," I admitted as I felt Simon watching me. "You don't seem like the neat freak type to be honest."
Simon smiled and his eyes crinkled, "my mom used to say I got it from her sister."
At the mention of family, I looked around again. I didn't see a single picture of any people in the room. Even the Cullens had some current family photos around, ones that were taken in the last ten years.
My body went cold as I realized that Simon probably doesn't see his family anymore, most of them are probably dead. Of course there wouldn't be pictures of him with his family.
"Go sit." Simon gestured to the couch, "want something to drink? Coffee or tea?"
"Just some water, please." I answered as I watched him walk in the direction of the kitchen.
I ignored the part of me that wanted to snoop around now that Simon is distracted for a moment. Choosing just to sit on the end of the couch instead of poking my nose into someone else's business.
It's moments like this where I miss Alice's gift. She could've told me a while ago that I would meet Simon and she could've told me if he was dangerous. At the same time, there's a part of me that hopes she's still watching out for Bella and I. If there's something bad on the way, I'd like to think she'd send a warning or something.
That belief along with me trusting my gut is the main reason why I'm still around Simon. If he was going to kill me or worse, I'm sure Alice would see it and help me somehow.
Simon entered the room again, holding two glasses of water.
"If I don't use a coaster are you going to kill me?" I hoped the amusement in my voice hides the anxiety.
"No." He said quickly. "At most I'd have to ask you to leave. You'd be a terrible guest."
I took a careful sip or water and hoped it wasn't poisoned. "Well, let's hope my mom taught me better."
It was nice to be able to make a joke about my mother without pity filled eyes being the only response. Everyone I know pretty much knows the abuse I was dealt, I'd like to have some people in my life who don't.
"Did you fly here again? Is it a long trip?" Simon asked as he sat on the opposite end of the couch.
I reached across the table for a coaster and raised my eyebrows at him as I placed my glass on it.
"It's not extremely long, only like fifty miles or so." I answered. "It's not that hard to fly that far anymore."
His eyebrows raised, "fifty miles isn't that long?"
I shrugged, "I'm used to it now. I used to have a friend who would sometimes drop me off or pick my up but..."
"But?"
"I don't think we are friends anymore." I explained vaguely.
Carlisle and I definitely aren't friends anymore, I don't know why I can't verbally admit it. It's too painful to acknowledge the truth.
My shoulders slouched as I thought about my old friends and everything they did to help me. They didn't have to do anything for me, they should've just ignored me and my vampirism. Instead they dedicated themselves to making me feel safe and welcome.
I didn't deserve it. Maybe that's why they left.
"God, I haven't flown that far in" Simon paused. "Years. Maybe almost a decade."
I chuckled at his shocked expression. "It's really not that bad, it feels good. You get a runners high."
His eyes got even wider, "you're crazy!"
"How else am I supposed to get around?"
Finally his eyes narrowed, "you don't drive?"
I scoffed and laughed loudly. "No, gay people don't drive."
Simon blinked a few times, "I feel like I've missed something. What's happening?"
My laughter was dying down but now I was back to doing a full hand on your stomach laugh. He continued to watch me with a confused expression.
After a few moments of me trying to settle down, Simon held up his hands in mock defense.
"Fine, whatever you say." He pointed at me, "but I know a gay couple and both of them drive."
My jaw dropped, "no way!"
He nodded and crossed his arms over his chest, "find a better excuse, kid."
Simon and I talked casually for a few more minutes, mostly him insisting that I'll need to learn how to drive eventually. A few times I almost slipped and explained that my friends drive me everywhere I need to go, but then I remembered that my friends are gone.
Bella still drives me to school and I'm sure when I move back to New York with Adam he'd take me wherever I wanted to go. Still though, Simon is right. I don't want to be so dependent.
After a moment of silence Simon chuckled, "I can't believe you fly everywhere."
I rolled my eyes, "I don't go anywhere or really do anything. I go to school and then I go home and wait for time to pass."
He frowned, "you really don't have any friends?"
I looked away from him and looked at my hands. I wound my fingers together nervously.
"I have one friend, he's in New York. Everyone else is kinda gone." I answered.
Simon's eyebrows furrowed to show his confusion, "what do you mean kinda gone?"
"Everyone I cared about either physically left or they're just these empty shells of who they used to be. I mean, that last one is barely getting by and she never really wants to be around me anymore." I stopped myself from sharing anymore.
He slouched back against the couch his face still showing nothing but confusion. "I have to ask. What the fuck happened?"
I sighed, "I don't even know how to explain it cause it would sound stupid. It sounds like not that big of a deal, but my life fell apart. Many times."
Looking at me, Simon's eyes filled with pity.
"Stop." I started. "Don't look at me like that."
He blinked, "what?"
I crossed my arms over my chest defensively, "I'm not telling you things to make you feel bad for me. I'd rather you laugh in my face than look at me like I need help."
Simon looked at me in shock, an amused expression covered his features. "Seems like to do need help, not gonna lie."
My jaw clenched.
"Needing help isn't a bad thing, bud." He added.
I sat silently as I wound my hands together again. Why does this feel like therapy?
Simon's patient and let me think about things for a few moments. I could feel him keeping an eye on me, watching my face. He's probably waiting for me to cry.
He seemed to notice something in me, "things are bound to get better."
I scoffed suddenly, shocking myself as I said, "don't give me the it gets better speech."
He reached over and nudged my shoulder gently, "it does. In all my years of life, I've watched things go from bad to worse then to better. That's just how life is, it's a constantly flow of unpredictable bullshit. You just have to stick around and let it happen."
I swallowed. "Is that why I have this nagging feeling that somehow things are going to get worse?"
I hate to admit it, to make this feeling real. I can't help but have this horrible anxious feeling that hasn't left me since I got back from New York.
You'd think that after getting surgery I would fee relived, but instead I feel almost sick with worry. I've done everything I can to ignore it, it's not going away.
"What do you mean?" Simon asked.
I shrugged one shoulder. "I don't know why, but I feel like somethings going to happen. It hasn't gone away, it's been weeks and I'm just waiting for things to fall apart even more."
He stayed silent, but he kept watching me. He and I looked at one another for a few seconds.
I felt my frown deepen. "Am I just being pessimistic?"
"Genetics don't really have powers like the X-men do, but they most of the time have some level of clairvoyance." He watched me wearily.
"The fuck?" I rubbed my face out of stress. "What are you talking about?"
He signed. "Some have it more than others. Most can only sense immediate threats, some feel things deeper."
I stared blankly at him for a while, I don't even know how long it took my to finally say, "are you saying I have Spiderman's spidey sense? What the fuck?"
An amused smile grew on Simon's face. "I guess that's a way to describe it."
"And that's normal? Why am I just hearing about this now?" I brushed my hair off my forehead and huffed out of frustration.
"Completely normal." He reassured.
I leaned back against the couch and tried to straighten out my racing thoughts.
I guess in the long run it's not too surprising, I mean I do have fucking wings. Another nonhuman trait isn't shocking. It would've been nice to know before.
"That explains a lot. This whole time I just thought I had anxiety, which I do but this is different." I explained.
All those times my anxious thoughts turned out to be true, it was just another part of my vampirism.
Wait.
I turned back to Simon, fear in my eyes. "If I'm feeling that anxiety now, does that mean that something terrible really is going to happen?"
That pity in his eyes was back, "I don't know."
My shoulders tensed and my hands clenched into hard fists as the anxiety turned into pure panic. "I have to leave."
I stood quickly and pulled on my shirt buttons to start to remove it. How the hell am I supposed to fly home like this? I can barley breathe through the panic.
"Declan, it's okay." Simon tried to comfort. "Don't leave."
I walked over to the door and started pulling on the handle. It won't open, I'm trapped in.
"I have to," I looked at him as I struggled with the door. "Please."
He stood and frowned as he walked over to me. I moved out of his way and watched as he unlocked the door.
Dammit, I forgot he locked it.
He pulled it open and stepped aside, "I'm sorry. I don't know how to help you."
I tried to force out words. I wanted to tell him I didn't need his help, I wanted to thank him for even being here to talk to me. I want to scream to leave me alone. I did none of that, all I could manage to do was rush out of the building.
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When I managed to calm myself down, I was already back in Forks. I had stopped flying to take a quick breather and checked my phone. I had multiple texts from Bella, leading up to a final message of we need to talk.
As if I wasn't already on the brink of a total meltdown, now Bella wants to talk to me. About something serious obviously, or she would've told me what she wanted to talk about.
When I first snuck back into the house, I had expected to see her sitting in the dark kitchen waiting for me. When she wasn't there, I hoped she was asleep. It is the early morning, she should be asleep.
However when I walked up the stairs and the third one from the top creaked, I heard her moving in her room. I stood still at the top of the stairs as she opened her bedroom door.
Wordlessly, she walked over to the attic door and let herself in.
I followed her up reluctantly, noting on how tired she looked. I'd do anything to have her get a full nights rest. She doesn't wake up screaming as often anymore, but she still tosses and turns most of the night.
When we were alone in my room, she bit at her bottom lip. "Declan, I need to tell you something."
I took a deep breath to center myself, "what?"
"Jacob's kinda a werewolf."