|: Cigarettes and Candy :| Carlisle... - Chapter 6: Chapter 6

Declan's POV
The last few days of the school week Bella was once again the talk of the town. Everyone needed to hear it from her personally that she was okay. I could tell the constant attention was wearing her down, her eyes started looking pissed off almost always.
I'm torn between feeling sorry for her but also feeling happy that she has so many good friends. She was worried about being a outcast or not making any friends and now she has dozens of people asking her how she is everyday. It's nice to see her having more friends than me. Now I understand why Adam wanted me to try to make friends.
The Cullens haven't asked me any questions about the whole "I'm not human" thing. They haven't forgotten but I think Alice told them that I'd tell everyone when I'm ready. Which I will but the problem is that I don't even know where to start. How will I explain everything to everyone at once? That's impossible. I'll tell everyone individually most likely.
Overall, things have been going so well for me that I'm getting that anxious feeling. Y'know that feeling where you're waiting for something bad to happen. Things have been too good lately, I don't trust it.
It's Friday night and I'm working on restringing my guitar while a layer of paint is drying on my most recent piece. I'm the most impatient person I know yet I will sit for hours watching paint dry. There not enough time in the day to make as much progress on paintings as I always want to. So I end up staying up all night working on them.
I sat for hours painting individual water droplets and now I feel like if I look at that canvas again I'll lose my mind. My posture could be better, how I was sat has left my shoulders aching. I need a cigarette and maybe some RedBull.
I sat on my floor trying to stay concentrated on stringing my guitar but that cigarette wouldn't leave my mind. Neither would the other odd feeling I'm having.
It's like waiting for a sneeze, I feel like something or someone is coming. It's like a tingling in my chest and a buzzing in my brain. How do I make it go away?
Finishing the string I was working on, I stood up from my floor with a heavy sigh. I walked to my coat hook and took my cigs and lighter out of the pocket. I left my door unlocked as I walked down the hallway to the stairs.
I left out the back door and sat down on the stairs. I held my cigarette between my teeth and brought my lighter up to it. I wonder what Charlie would say if he saw me smoking.
He thinks I quit. He knows I used to smoke whatever I could get my hands on. Weed, tainted cigs , cigars, anything. There were times when I was so desperate for the sensation of smoke filling my lungs that I'd smoke tea leaves.
What kind of pathetic loser smokes tea leaves? Me I guess.
Seriously though, smoking is a nasty habit, I'm aware of that. However I'm not human, I won't die because I smoke cigarettes. Things like terminal illness isn't a problem for me.
Suddenly, I heard a sound from the trees to my left. It sounds like someone is here, but who? I told Alice she could stop by, but I doubt she would come over without letting me know.
I stared into the trees and I felt a threatening sound rise in my throat. Since when have I been able to make those sounds? I didn't think I was that far along in my transformation yet. Fucking slow down please I'm not ready yet.
Dr. Cullen stepped out of the trees with a shy smile and a wave. What? What is going on?
"Hello. I hope I didn't startle you." He spoke softly as if either of the sleeping humans would hear him.
"Hey? Are you okay? Why are you here?" I questioned, not wanting to admit my fear to him.
What is he doing here? Is this where the Cullens kill me? Did they send the kind one to get me away from my house so they could ambush me? No. No way. We're all friends.
Carlisle stopped about ten feet away from me. "Everything is fine, there's no need to worry." He assured. "My family wanted to speak to you but Alice thought it'd be best if you and I spoke alone."
I narrowed my eyes in thought. I could just spill my guts to Carlisle and have it all be over. No more anxiety about them figuring it out, no more anxiety about whether or not they will accept me.
"Okay. I feel terrible about this whole secret thing so I'd rather just let you know everything. Whatever you need to hear, I'll tell you." I paused. "Maybe somethings we can keep to ourselves though?"
I slid over and pat the step next to me offering a seat to Carlisle. I took another drag from my cig as he sat.
"Hey," he said and I looked over at him. "You don't need to tell me anything you do not wish too. This isn't an interrogation, Declan. You don't have to say anything at all if you want too."
I looked at his eyes briefly, just to check to see if he's being genuine. All I found was these soft kind bright gold eyes staring back at me. I bit my lip ring and looked away from him and back to my cold hands.
Sighing another breath of smoke I giggled. "What would the people think? Good ol Dr. Cullen sneaking into Chief Swans house to see a teenager."
He chuckled, "I'm sure people already think odd things about me. This wouldn't be the worst I've heard, and we're still outside." He stated matter-o-factly.
"Not for long." I stood up and put out my cig. "I need to go back upstairs, so unless you want to sit here all night you should follow me."
I turned and opened the back door, ready to climb back into my room and finish what I was working on. Maybe Carlisle can do it for me so I can be lazy and not do it. I'm sure he'd try if I asked him too.
"Wait!" He grabbed a portion of my sleeve between his thumb and forefinger, it's as if he's trying not to actually grab me. "I can't go in there! That's very, very wrong." He softly stressed.
"Why not?" I grabbed his hand and loosened his fingers from my shirt, trying to get him to relax. "I'm inviting you in, and it's not like you're there to watch someone sleep."
"You know about that? You know he's been here?" He questioned.
"Yes. Now don't change the subject. If you want to hangout then come inside, if not then maybe tomorrow I can go to the hospital or wherever you are." I explained.
I moved to hold the door open and I watched as he thought about coming in. He looks so human, compared to the other Cullen's he looks much more natural. It's like he's not even trying, it's like he is human.
I watched him furrow his eyebrows and sigh before nodding and stepping through the open door without a single sound. He's not small, how can his footsteps be so quiet?
I quietly lead him up the stairs and occasionally looked back to make sure he was still there. He's walking through the usual creaky house like a ghost, not a single floorboard or footstep indicating he's here.
I climbed up my ladder and picked my guitar up from the floor and laying it across my desk. When I turned back to Carlisle he was closing and latching the small door.
"I didn't think you lived in an attic, are you a bat?" He joked, his voice so soft it was like he wasn't even there.
I put a hand over my mouth to quiet my laughs, "I could be, that would explain a lot."
I went to my small closet and unlocked a small chest, pulling out the books and envelopes inside. I carried them to my bed and put them down. Carlisle was still standing by the attic door, his hands in his pockets and he's looking around my space.
"Do you ever look comfortable? Or are you always so tense." I teased.
Those eyes flicked back to me, wide and embarrassed. "I don't want to cross your boundaries."
I rolled my eyes playfully and walked to him and pulled him by his wrist to my bed. "Sit and read this stuff, it has everything you need to know and more. I need to finish stringing my guitar, we can talk then. Is that okay with you?"
He looked between me and the small pile of paper, "are you sure? I don't want to read anything private of yours."
"It's fine," I promised and I sat down on my desk chair. "This stuff was written to be read by whoever needed it, except the letters, those are from my grandfather."
He stared at me for a moment, making sure that I'm serious and in a stable state of mind probably. "Okay, you do what you need to do. I'll be quick enough with these."
"That's not even all of it." I smiled and turned to my guitar.
We silently did our own thing and I couldn't help but to feel happy. I'm not nervous around Carlisle or nervous about his reactions to what he's reading. I don't know what it is about him but he has then energy around him that's so soothing and positive.
The fact that the both of us are together but doing our own separate things is making my stomach feel all tingly again for some reason. The only other person I have that type of experiences with is Adam.
Carlisle and Adam would get along, I'm sure. I know nothing about Carlisle really but he has the same attitude that Adam has had for the past few years. The same kind eyes and carefree and joyous laugh.
If Carlisle is a book nerd then him and Adam would be a match made in heaven. I should get Adam to come to Forks for a visit, see if the two actually get along.
I was quietly tuning the guitar when I noticed I wasn't hearing pages being turned anymore and I tensed.
"It's okay, we are okay." Carlisle spoke, his voice very soft and breeze like.
This is it. He knows now. He's read it, he's seen the pictures and the violence. What will he think of me now, I'm not a monster but I feel pretty close. Closer then he could ever be at least. Taking a deep breath, I turned to look at him.
His expression was one of sympathy, gold eyes being clouded by sadness. He held a book in his hands, still held opened on a page.
He held the book up for me to see the illustration of a genetic vampire skull, fangs and all. "You don't look like that."
I chuckled. "There's a man in New York, he files down fangs for my people. He also sells the tools to do it yourself." I moved to sit on the bed next to Carlisle. "I need to do it to look normal. It makes feeding harder but I try to keep a knife with me."
Did I really just admit to cutting people? God, I'm such an idiot!
Carlisle blinked at the book then looked at me. "Does it hurt?"
"I'm sure people don't like being cut just as much as they'd prefer not to be bitten." I narrowed my eyes in confusion.
"No, not that." Carlisle looked back at the book, trailing his fingers along the sketched fangs. "Filing down your teeth, does that hurt?"
I blinked in surprise, why does he care?
"I guess so. I think it hurts more while they're growing back though. The actual filing is just uncomfortable, mostly because of the sound." I explained still sending him a surprised look.
"Then why do you do it? I'm sure you don't like too." He questioned.
I shrugged, "I know that some people get fake fangs or sharpen their teeth, but I guess I'm scared of being found out. I don't know how other vampires would react if I revealed what I am. There's no rules but there's still others who feel like there should be."
Carlisle nodded while flipping a few pages, his eyes trailed over a few sentences before turning the page again. "Is all of this true? Some of it seems so", he paused. "Odd."
"Yeah, but you haven't heard the crazy stuff yet. That stuff isn't even in that book." I stood and walked over to my desk. "My spit can heal people's skin, my blood kills all matter it doesn't naturally produce, and my wings of course."
Carlisle looked up from the book and looked at me wide eyes. He straightened and cleared his throat, "would it be rude of me to ask for a blood sample? If so, I'm sorry, I am just very curious and I've never met anyone like you. At least, not that I'm aware of."
I gazed at him with a amused expression in my face, I leaned back against my desk. "Wow. I mean, wow. You're a dork, like a huge nerd. Amazing."
He laughed and quickly covered it with his hand. Golden eyes squinted and his giggle was muffled. He could be centuries old and here I am thinking he's a big cutie. Is that wrong? Well, how could thinking someone is cute be wrong?
"I am. I definitely am." He chucked. "I apologize if-".
"You can have a blood sample, I don't care you can have whatever samples you want. I'm sure you'll be able to answer some questions I have." I interrupted before he could apologize.
"Wait." His smiled vanished and he closed the book, "did you say wings?"
I felt almost embarrassed as he looked at me with these curious eyes. It's the same feeling I get when I show people my art work. This anxious self conscious tingle in my head and chest.
"Yeah, I have wings." I shrugged like it was no big deal.
"Wh- What? Where? I'm-" He stuttered. "How?"
"A few days after my fifteenth birthday, I started having really bad back pain. A few weeks later, wings just tore out of my back. Now I can let them out when I want too." I thought for a second, moving back to sitting beside him. "I honestly don't know how it works. If it's science or magic or what. I don't know."
"That is amazing, truly remarkable." Carlisles eyes are shining with his amazement. "I had no idea that your kind have wings."
I tried to ignore my face heating up, at his look. I never blush what is this bullshit? Im fine he's just really pretty and he's looking at me like I put the stars in the sky. Who wouldn't be blushing?
"It's not that special, at least I'm not. I've just got feathers. Others have bat wings, I've even heard of people having butterfly wings. My wings are hardly special." I mumbled as I tried to make my face cool down.
"That's how you got on the roof of the hospital!" He hissed pressing a hand on his forehead. "That's been driving me crazy. I've been wondering how you traveled around so far without leaving much of a trace."
"I could've ran but it would've taken longer." I fiddled with the lose string on sweatshirt.
"How fast are you? What about strength, sleep, and eating? What about-?"
I cut him off. "We'll get to all of that soon, this was just about the really important stuff."
"You're right," he nodded and placed his hand on my knee drawing my attention. "I just need to let you know that, I accept you and even though we are different I am here for you if you need anything. This all must've been so hard to go through alone, you don't have to anymore."
I stared at him, he doesn't even know half of what I am or what I've been through. Why is he so quick to take me in like I'm one of his own? I could be a fucking killer for all he knows and he just wants to be my friend. Do people take advantage of his kindness? If they do I swear I'll beat them up.
I shook all the emotional reactions away. I wanted to cry and hug him because he's right. I've been alone in this and it's so scary. I'm so scared.
"Thanks, dude." I patted his hand that was still on my knee. "You don't know the half of it but, thank you for being so kind to me. I'm practically a stranger but thanks."
He pulled his hand away and cleared his throat again. "Now, I'd love to hear more about your magic healing saliva, if it's not to much to ask."
"Wanna see my barbed tongue?" I stuck out my tongue at the man.
"Barbed tongue?" He spoke in shock, he gasped a quick laugh. "It's like a cats tongue! I can't believe it!"
I brought my tongue back into my mouth with a laugh. "It used to be really uncomfortable, but it's very helpful. After all you can't have magic healing saliva without a special tool."
He smiled and I swear my heart stopped. What? I'm gay aren't I? Shit. Gay for a vampire dad, that's just what I needed.
"It's a cat tongue, and you have feathery bird wings. What's next? Webbed feet? Eight eyes?" He joked.
I scoffed and looked away from him to start my heart again. "Yeah, y'know it's really funny when it's not happening to you. Maybe you could help me out and buy me some new boots for my new webbed toes."
"You make me so happy, I'd buy you the whole world, Declan." He said between laughs and fuck my heart just exploded.
What is happening? Is he just as into me as I am to him? I'm just a kid, it's not right for us to be into each other. I'll be a grownup eventually though, would he wait for me?
What is going on in my head? Fuck, the guy says I make him happy and I start planing dates? What is wrong with me?
"I don't need the world, I need a warm coat." I hoped I didn't take to long to come up with a response.
He laughed again, almost loud enough to make me worry about waking someone. "That can be arranged, trust me. Alice and Esme would love to take you to get one."
"Who is Esme? I've heard that name but no ones told me about her." I asked.
"Esme is my sister, but to humans she is my wife." He noticed my questioning expression. "It makes more sense for us to present as a young couple with adopted children. Rather than two siblings who adopted children."
"Is she your sister like Rosalie is Alice's sister or is she your biological sister?" I brought my knees up to my chest.
"We are in no way related. She's hundreds of years younger a then me." He explained.
Hundreds? Jeez how old is this guy, how old are any of them? At least I know he isn't from anytime soon, but I feel like Alice is pretty young. She's still has this youthful energy that Carlisle lacks.
"How old are you? I can't imagine being hundreds of years old." I bit my lip and tried not to freak out at the thought of all that time.
"Well, I guess we can talk about that another time." He stood from my side and placed the books on my desk.
"What? But- I don't want you to go." I whined like a spoiled child.
He scoffed, "you need to rest and we could be here all night if we kept talking. I'd hate to be the reason you're not feeling well tomorrow."
I nodded. He's right, I need my four hours and I can't sleep with him here. I'm not Bella, well actually I don't think she knows Edward's been here. If she did I'm sure she'd be embarrassed about the whole sleep talking thing, she'd never let him keep watching over her.
"Okay, but I still have a lot of questions. Plus you still don't know a lot about me." I stood up and moved in front of him.
"I do not have work until tomorrow evening, would you like to come over to our house. I'm sure everyone would love to have you over, and Esme has being wishing to meet you." He adjusted his jacket on his broad shoulders.
I pressed my lips together in thought. I want to, but the anxiety that fills my chest at the very thought of going over to their house keeps me from saying yes.
"Can I think about it? Alice will see my decision." I crossed my arms defensively. What am I defending myself from?
"Of course, and I'll leave you my cell number. You can call me and let me know in the morning, I'll make sure to let everyone know you're coming over." He took the pen from my desk and grabbed my hand, writing on the back of it.
"O-Okay." I couldn't get any other words out of my mouth.
He's writing his number on my hand. This is such a cliche but my heart is still hammering. It doesn't help that I know he can hear it beating so hard and fast it might burst.
"Maybe we can get you that warm coat soon." He chuckled.
I lead him back down the stairs and to the back door and onto the porch. He apologized for keeping me up, placing a firm hand on my shoulder then he left. He disappeared back into the trees and I quickly made my way back inside.
When I made it to my room I paused with a heavy sigh. Looking at the number on my hand I bit my lip. My fingers we still shaking and they felt cold.
What am I going to do? I can't feel this way about Carlisle. It's not right or healthy. He is a grown man who is centuries old and I am a kid who is sixteen and still scared of the deep end of a swimming pool.
I cannot deny the pulling feeling in my chest that wants me to go out and find him. It's terrifying but it's there. It's more of a yanking feeling as I get more and more worked up.
Does he feel it too? Is he having the same internal battle I am? Is he running away from me right now because he can feel the ache?
Why does everything have to be so complicated? The world couldn't give me a break could it? The only person I've ever had a crush on is god knows how old and legally married.
He's married! Fuck he's married! He said it's not a real marriage but technically he is married.
I sighed again and went back over to my painting to keep my mind off this whole thing. I'll paint for an hour or two then try to sleep. I still need to decide if I'm going to the Cullen's house, I feel like I have too. One way or another I'll end up there, Alice will make it happen.
Squirting some crimson paint on to my palette, I noisily pick out a brush. Frustratedly, I finished my painting and worked my way into my bed sheets. I tossed and turned for hours before my mind was settled.
Carlisle Cullen will be the death of me.