Cloud - Chapter 23: Chapter 23

I was sitting on the couch in the living room, not moving. Silence surrounded me. I was like lost with myself in my own little world. I lowered my gaze to my hands and turned them into a fist. I could not believe what I was about to do a few minutes ago. I was going to kill him. I wanted to kill Cale.
In that particular moment, I did not feel any fear, for the first time, I felt strong, I was the one who had power over somebody else, somebody who was weak and defenseless. Somehow, I could feel his pain as I forced him to choke himself and that just made me happy.
I was happy at the fact that I was causing him pain.
But now, like always I wanted to cry, because this wasn't me. I wasn't like this. I was becoming someone I didn't want to become. God, I almost killed someone! I couldn't get that thought out of my head. I almost killed one of my friends. Yeah, he tried to kill me first but that wasn't a reason for me to want to kill him. I wasn't even angry at him now, I was angry at myself. I hated who I was, what I was slowly becoming.
I was becoming a monster...
"Hey," I felt someone touch my shoulder and I jumped in surprise. I looked to the side and saw Nicolas who was now sitting on the couch beside me. I was so lost in my thoughts that I did not feel him approach me. "How are you feeling?"
I did not reply to him, it was not because I did not have an answer to that question, I did but the answer was too horrible for me to say it out loud. It would become more real then and I didn't want it to be real.
After my little attack on Cale, I left the room in a hurry, Cloud did not stop me and he just took care of the victim. I wanted to get out of here but I bumped into Nova in the way and she just seemed to know what happened without me actually having to tell her. She took me into her arms and I just felt nothing. Emptiness was one of the worst feeling that I ever felt. It was only when she brought me in the living room that I was struck hard by all sorts of thoughts and feelings.
"It's something crazy that happened up there," Nicolas tried to make conversation and he started to eat his nails nervously.
I was still wondering what he was doing here. A few minutes after I came here, Nova left the room and in came Nicolas. He seemed to be lost but I did not mind him. I just guessed that Cloud let him go walk around freely or maybe he was too busy with Cale to worry about Nicolas.
"Why did you try to save me?" I asked the human/guardian boy and he stared at me.
"Natural instinct, I think," he replied and he let out a sigh, "And you protected me multiple times. I owed it to you...even though, I wasn't of much help."
I nodded and I didn't say anything else. Now that I thought of it, I should have let Cale kill me. I shouldn't have fought back. He was right. If I could only die, everything would be better for everyone. No more Vins, no more original, no more worries, no more tears, just peace and sweet death for me.
I was a monster and I needed to die.
Something or someone needed to stop me. Those powers were too dangerous. I didn't want to hurt anyone but still, I ended up almost killing Cale and worst was that I did not have all of the original's powers yet. I just received part of it and I was already getting out of control. Now I just had to imagine what the other soul inside of me was going to do with all of his powers reunited. He seemed to be already evil, and me I was becoming just like him - someone dangerous who needed to disappear.
"Luffy," Nicolas said and he went to touch my shoulder once again but I instantly grabbed his hand, making him, this time, jump in surprise.
"Don't touch me," I ordered him firmly. "Please, I don't want to hurt you."
His eyes softened, it was like if my words touched him somehow and I slowly let go of his hand. He hummed while glancing around before looking back at me.
"What are you thinking about exactly?" He asked me.
"Dark thoughts," was my simple reply. He didn't need to know more. Nobody needed to.
Where was Rain and Frederick again? Oh yeah, they went at my house early this morning to check on the damages caused. Apparently my dad got home and he nearly had a heart attack when he saw the state that the house was in and Rain and Frederick quickly went to deal with him. These two were really inseparable lately. I did not know what they planned to tell my dad. Whatever it was, it would have to be really good and convincing.
I was supposed to go to the high school today but I preferred to stay here to help the twins with Nicolas. Maybe it was a good thing that I didn't go. Instead of Cale, I could have ended up hurting someone else at the high school. I needed to avoid any physical contact with everyone. I didn't want to put more guilt on my conscience.
"I'm thinking about all that shit stuff that happened lately," Nicolas told me, even though I did not ask him for anything, "They are all hard to believe."
"Though, they are all true," I made it clear to him and he remained quiet for a few seconds.
"I know," he said slowly and he let out a laugh, "Some part of me know that it is all real but the scared side of myself doesn't want it to be true. I can't let that idea sink in. I mean, me, a guardian? Whatever Cale explained to me, I still can't understand what it truly means."
"You are a protector," I told him, "You were made to protect people who need help at some point of their life. You are from the good side."
"But who am I supposed to protect?" He asked me.
"According to Cale and Calum, it is Ken," I replied and he blinked.
"But isn't he in a bad state?" He questioned me hesitantly and I nodded. "So I failed to protect him then?"
"I don't know," I replied to him sincerely before adding. "But this is not your fault. Once again, it is mine."
I was part of the reason Ken was sent to the hospital after all.
Nicolas looked at me in confusion at my words and he was going to ask me about it when suddenly, someone entered the room.
Cloud.
My eyes immediately met with his and the hard look that he gave me was like receiving a hard punch in the face. I averted my gaze. I did not see him since yesterday when he left me at my house and now he just needed to reappear at the right moment when I was going to kill Cale. I was glad that he came and stopped me just in time but I would have preferred it to be somebody else.
I got angry at Cloud for killing people. I got angry at him because he was bad, because of his evil side. I didn't want to understand him but now things were different. I got a bit of a glimpse of what he might have felt when he took the life of someone for the first time. Even though, me I did not really kill anyone, the feeling was still the same. It was an absolute feeling, a sort of absolute want.
"You're still here," Cloud said, surprised, as he walked to Nicolas and I. His question was not for me but for the guardian boy beside me.
"I-I-I," Nicolas didn't seem to know what to reply, "I thought of running away but I don't remember where the door to get out of here is."
Cloud smirked and folded his arms over his chest once he was in front of us. He said, "Just so you know, if you had run away, I would have come and get you later."
"So I am trapped here," Nicolas concluded in disbelief. "You are not going to let me go."
"For now, you can walk around the house but you are not allowed to get out of here. You could have ran away earlier but you preferred to stay here so I am guessing that some part of you know where you belong," Cloud told him and he didn't answer back.
Cloud looked at me then, I didn't need to look up to know that he did. I remained silent, not knowing if I needed to do or say something in particular. What was there to say? What was there to do? I did not know. I seemed to not know a lot of things lately.
"Luffy," he said and I still didn't make a move to look at him. I did not need to. Maybe I understood his killer side now but it did not change the fact that for him, I was just a reminder of his dead lover. "What happened with Cale?"
I did not want to talk, specially to him. Though, Cloud did not seem to have enough patience to deal with me. Seeing that I was not going to reply to him, he grabbed me by my arm and harshly forced me to stand up on my feet.
"What the fuck!" I exclaimed angrily and he huffed.
"I am going to act like if I did not hear those words come out of your mouth," he said and I could not believe it. Why was he employing such scolding tone with me? I was not a kid. I could swear as much as I wanted to. He was not the boss of me.
"Let me go, Cloud," I snapped at him but it was useless. I got a sudden want to grab his hand and remove it around my arm but I was scared. I did not want to hurt him. I did not want to lose control once again.
"Let him go," Nicolas ordered him this time and Cloud glanced at the boy, making him gulp.
"Go back to your room," Cloud told him and he looked at me, "And as for you, Luffy, you are coming with me."
Of course, this was not a question but an order, an order that I did not want to obey to but that I was still forced to follow. Cloud dragged me out of the living room, in the direction of an unknown place. I protested the whole way but he did not mind me. It was only when we arrived in front of a familiar door that I knew where he was taking me.
His bedroom.
He opened the door and threw me inside without any care. The door slammed shut behind him and he grabbed me before pushing me against the now closed door, placing his hands at both sides of my head. I looked at him angrily.
"What the hell!" I exclaimed at his face and I was given a blank expression, "Leave me alone."
"That's exactly what I did yesterday," he informed me and he let out a laugh, "I left all of you one single day alone and this is what happened. I come back here and see you ready to kill Cale. What the hell is happening?"
"Maybe if you took your phone when Rain called you, you would have knew," I snapped at him and he rolled his eyes. How dared he roll his eyes at me? "Where were you all this time?"
I really wanted to know the answer to that question. He disappeared suddenly without any warning and now here he was back with the same clothes as yesterday. Where did he go?
"Somewhere," he replied to my question but I did not have time for his games.
"I'm taking it that you were somewhere fucking someone," I told him but I could not guess the emotion on his face at my words. He leaned forward, his eyes plunged in mine.
"Yeah, Luffy, I went fucking and it was really good," he whispered and I gritted my teeth. I did not expect him to agree with me. Something told me that he did it on purpose, just to make me angry.
"Fuck you," I told him and he smirked. He touched my arm and I felt the rage building up inside of me. "Don't touch me." He did not listen to me. His hand went on my back and he lowered it until he reached my butt which he grabbed in a firm grip. "Don't. Touch. Me."
Was he deaf or what? He was really searching for it, he was trying to make me lose my mind. Seconds passed and he still did not remove his hand and I just snapped. I grabbed him by his shirt firmly and pushed him away, turning us around so that it was his turn to be pressed against the door. He did not see it coming and I did not know where I found the strength in myself to do that.
"Is it me or did you get stronger?" Cloud wondered, looking at me from up and down. "Is that right what Nova told me? You got powers."
"Shut up," I shouted at him, my hands still grabbing his shirt, "Leave me alone. I don't want to see you again. I don't want to talk to you nor know about your existence. I want to forget that you ever existed."
"It would be really hard since I live here," he told me and he placed his hands on mine. "You seem to be in pain, not a physical pain but an emotional one."
"Shut up," I ordered him but he continued to talk.
"Is it because you tried to kill Cale?" he asked me with a questioning look. Why wasn't he listening to me? "You lost control of yourself for a few seconds. How interesting. Tell me, how did it feel to hold power over someone's life? It felt good, I bet. You found it exciting. I saw the look you had in your eyes."
Why was he saying this? Did he want me to feel badder than I was already feeling? Did he really care about me so little that he did not worry about the effects that his words would have on me?
"Why are you doing this?" I asked him, my grip tightening.
"Oh, don't start to cry, Luffy," he told me as the tears fell down my cheeks. "Crying doesn't fit the new you."
"You don't know who I am," I made it clear to him.
"But I know how you feel," he said, "I felt like this before. My powers just unleashed without any warning. At first, I fought it, that feeling of pleasure that you get when you take someone's life, but soon, I realized that it was a lost battle so I just let everything in. I started to appreciate the company of death. I accepted who I was then, I accepted what I have become. It's time for you to do the same."
"No," I refused to listen to him. "I don't want to become a monster. Why did it have to happen to me? I can't live like this. I want everything to return back to the way they were. I don't want any powers, Cloud."
"If you continue to deny who you are, it will get you nowhere," he informed me. "You got powers, accept them, control them but you have to keep in mind that your powers don't form part of your light, they are the dark side of your soul."
I stared at him, the tears still falling down. Something told me that he was right but what he was asking from me was so hard to do. How could I embrace something so dark without losing myself in the way? I found that impossible to do.
"I'm scared," I admitted as I slowly released him and he watched me attentively. "I don't know what to do anymore. I can't even understand myself. I never asked for those powers."
"I know," he said.
"I can't control anything," I told him, "I didn't want to hurt Cale but he was trying to kill me, I could feel death coming and I did not want to die so I defended myself. I don't know how I did what I did though. It felt so natural to me at that moment, it was like if I always knew what to do. I'm a monster."
"You are not," Cloud protested and he, surprisingly, took me into his arms. I cried against his chest as his arms were wrapped around me. "It's alright. You're going to be okay. I'm here. I'm going to help you. I'm going to teach you how to control your powers."