Cloud - Chapter 35: Chapter 35

I woke up to an horrible headache. I was laying on something soft and comfortable and a warm blanket was placed on top of me. My vision was slightly blur but it did not take long for me to realize where I was, or to be more precise, to realize in whose bed I was currently in.
I immediately sat up straight but I did it a bit too quick and I groaned at the pain that I felt. I grabbed my head, looking around while wondering why the hell I was in Cloud's bedroom. What struck me really hard was the fact that I was only in my boxers and there was no sign of my clothes nearby.
What the hell had happened?
The last thing that I remembered was going to the party with the others so how the hell did I end up here? I remembered walking around with Nicolas. I saw Cloud dancing with some guy, I drank a bit too much because of that and then Frederick called me. I got the want to pee and after I had relieved myself, I saw Cloud again.
At that exact moment, my eyes widened as I remembered exactly what I did after I saw Cloud for the second time and my entire body heat up immediately. Oh my god, I kissed him! I freaking kissed him! What the hell had gotten into me? He brought me into a room, then we got on the bed, then I-
"Damn it," I exclaimed out loud, feeling completely humiliated, and the door to the bathroom opened just then to reveal Cloud. Just like me, he happened to be only in his underwear and he smirked when he saw that I was awake. "What the hell happened, Cloud?" I asked him before he could say anything. "Why am I half-naked in your bed?"
"Well, we fucked," he simply replied and my eyes widened in horror. He laughed soon enough. "I'm kidding, I'm kidding. You should have seen your face though." I glared at him as he walked to the bed and sat close to me. He grabbed one glass of water which was placed on the nightstand and handed it to me along with what looked like an aspirin. "Drink, it will make you feel better."
I looked at him hesitantly before taking the glass in his hand. I did not drink it immediately though and just watched him. He seemed to realize what I wanted then and a smirk made its way to his lips once again.
"We sucked each other," he told me suddenly without any tact  and I gasped, blushing madly. "You moaned a lot, pretty loud moans. You came twice. You begged me to fuck you but I did not. So then I brought you back home and took you to my bedroom, removed your clothes and let you sleep."
I wanted to disappear into a black hole at that moment. What the hell was wrong with me? Instead of staying away from him, like any normal person would normally do, I let myself get dragged into a bed with him. That was final; I would never drink again.
I placed the glass of water still full back on the nightstand and tried to get away from here but Cloud was not going to let that happen so easily. He grabbed me and forced me back on the bed. I tried to fight him but he got on top me, blocking any possible way of escaping for me. I groaned angrily.
"Let me go, Cloud," I ordered him. "You got what you wanted. I let you play with me for one more night but now it's over and it will never happen again. Just-"
"Shut the fuck up," he snapped at me and I looked at him in disbelief. "You are not going anywhere because now we are going to have the talk that we are supposed to have. Everything will be said here and now."
"There is nothing to say," I told him and he huffed, rolling his eyes.
"What about Eden then?" he asked me. "You have nothing to say concerning him? Nothing that you would like to share with me?"
"No, let me go," I begged him as I continued to try to push him away but in vain.
"Please, stop lying to me," he said. "We need to make things right between us."
"Make things right for what?" I retorted, glaring at him. "Don't you get it? There will always be something wrong with you and I. How many times had we talk in vain? How many times had we fight already? We always get back to square one one way or another. It's useless to continue like this when we both know that it will never work out."
"Just tell me what you really want," he said and I was confused for one moment, "This is it, it's your final chance to tell me what you want me to do. If you want me to leave you alone, I will do it from the second you walk out of here but there will be no turning back after this. I won't try again. Now tell me, Luffy, what do you decide to do?"
He could not do this to me. It was not fair of him. He made me seem like I was the one running away when in fact, it was him. I still couldn't understand him, I still did not know what he wanted, I still did not know what he felt for me. Did he even feel anything at all? I wanted to be able to trust him, all of him.
I tried many times to make things right. I always let myself get convinced that somehow him and I could work together but I always ended up being in the wrong. I wanted it to stop. I wanted the pain and tears to go away. I wanted him to see me and only me without anyone hiding in the dark.
"What do you feel for me?" I asked him at last. "Do I, in any way, matter to you? Do you want me, like really want me, or are you just playing around until all that remained of me is a broken heart?"
"Do you think that I would still be here if I did not care for you?" he asked me in response. "Yes, I do want you and no, I'm not playing."
"Then why were you at that party kissing that guy?" I exclaimed, my voice breaking near the end. "Why did you let me go when Eden was mentioned? Why can't you do something to show me that you care? You are always forcing your way on me and I don't feel special about that. I just feel used...like always."
He sighed and let himself fall to the side on the bed beside me. I got my chance to run away then but somehow, I did not take it and remain here with him. Right, we were going to have the talk and hopefully, it would be the last one of the sort. I needed to make everything clear between him and I once and for all.
"I'm not good with this sort of thing," Cloud started and I glanced at him. "I shouldn't have kissed that guy and I probably shouldn't have done most of the things that I did to you. I know that it seems like I'm manipulating you but no, I'm taking you seriously. Really, for the first time since so long, I care more than I thought was even possible. I want to prove it to you but this is just not how I work."
He paused and that made me curious. He turned his head in my direction and leaned closer to continue, "The darkness has always controlled me. I can always hear a little voice in my head telling me what I have to do. It tells me to kill, to hurt, to break and I listen to it each time because I feel good when I do. That's the only thing that makes me feel alive. I'm used to the pain, to the loneliness and I'm scared of feeling something else."
"So you feel something for me?" I asked him in a whisper and we stared into each other's eyes.
"What do you think?" he asked me back and I averted my eyes. "Do you feel anything for me?"
"I thought that I already made it clear to you yesterday," I replied to him.
"Yeah, right," he said and I let out a sigh.
"So, we both feel something for each other but we both won't admit it," I concluded and he nodded in agreement.
Basically, if I understood everything right, he was scared of what he was feeling for me while me I was scared because it was him, it was Cloud. He was unexpected and still a mystery to me. There would always be a part of him that I would never understand and I just wanted to be sure, sure that I could trust him.
I opened my mouth and told him about what was holding me back. I told him about Eden and about what he made me see. I told him about what I felt at that moment, about what I had been feeling for so long, about how weak and insecure he made me feel. I told about everything that I wanted to tell him and in the end, he was speechless.
We remained side to side in silent until I suddenly felt him touch my hand. I looked down as he took my hand in his and brought it to his lips to place a soft kiss on it. I was startled by this but I slowly got used to it as he continued to kiss my hand.
"I'm not sweet and I will probably never be sweet to you," he said at last and I listened to him attentively. "I'm not romantic and I won't do any romantic things for you. My horrible past will always interfere with my present life. I'm bad, I accepted that, and I will surely continue to be bad for the rest of my life but can you accept it and most importantly live with me knowing all of that?"
This looked like an ultimatum. I knew that what I would reply to him would be my final decision and there would be no turning back after this. I needed to be sure of myself. I knew what was the best choice to make. The only way for me to be really happy would be to get out of this bed and to forget any possible feelings for him.
Though, making good choices weren't one of my things lately. The bad would always be there and I guessed that accepting the little bit of bad in his life would not do me any wrong.
"I'm willing to try if you promise to do the same," I told him. "I want you but you need to promise me that there will be no more lies, that you will always be yourself with me and that I will be the only one you will look at in any sexual way. You will always be with me."
He let out a chuckle and touched my cheek. He pressed our foreheads together, murmuring the words that I wanted to hear, "I will forever be with you, Luffy."
"Perfect," I said and I kissed him. I placed my hands at the back of his neck, pulling him closer to me so that I could savor his lips even more.
This was it. I did it. I was going to be with Cloud. God, I would most likely regret this choice. Everything could go wrong at any time but I was willing to try. I was willing to accept all of him because only him could make me feel this indescribable feeling.
***
Some hours later, I was still in Cloud's bed and his arms were wrapped around me. He was sleeping peacefully, his constant breathing touching my skin softly. I was watching him closely and I was wondering how things were going to be now between him and I.
Were we boyfriends?
That seemed too unbelievable to be true.
"Damn," I whispered in frustration and I slowly pushed his arm off me as gently as possible so that to not wake him up. I got out of bed, being thankfully still in my boxers. Earlier I thought that he was going to take off the only piece of cloth that was on me but no, we simply kissed and my chest was surprisingly the only zone that he touched.
Was I dreaming? Yeah, that was probably it.
I walked into the bathroom and went to wash my face with cold water. I let out a sigh and looked at myself in the mirror, water dripping down my face. Then, suddenly, something appeared in the mirror behind me and I immediately turned around to face him.
"Eden," I said slowly, "What are you doing here?"
Of course, he needed to appear now. Just when I made things up with Cloud. Did he do it on purpose? Or maybe he was jealous? Could the dead get jealous? That was the real question. Though, whatever was his reason for appearing right now, I was not going to let him drag me down.
"I'm not letting you get him," I told him when I realized that he was not going to reply anything. "You were right. You will forever remain in Cloud's heart but you can't have him. I do and I'm not letting him go. He's mine from now on so leave me alone."
He gave me a disapproving look and shook his head. I did not look away from him and kept my strong posture and hard gaze. He advanced towards me and I took a step back only to be stopped by the sink. I watched him as he continued to come closer until he disappeared from my sight without any warning. I let out a sigh of relief.
I went out of the bathroom and went back in bed next to Cloud. I touched his cheek before leaning forward to place a soft kiss on his lips.
Yeah, maybe I would be forever with him.