Comfy Closets - Chapter 24: Chapter 24

The anger wasn't what made my heart stop. No, it was far worse.
Her beautiful hazel eyes glittering with unshed tears as the heart-breaking pain shone so sorrowfully through; that was worse.
My mouth opened to speak, desperately attempting to erase the pain from her eyes. But it was almost like someone had a hold over my throat, as not a sound could escape. I didn't have the chance to explain.
It was when she started to turn away that I felt my functions come back into my control. There was no thought that stopped me as I snatched my hand back to my side and started my rush down the few steps.
"Leah, wait!"
She didn't spare a glance back as she pushed through the crowd with a hand covering her face.
I brashly shoved my way through as I tried to reach her, ignoring all the protests that barely registered in my mind. They didn't matter. She did.
Leah made her way out of the house through the back door, and as I was about to follow with, someone came into my way.
"Aly! Where you going? Let's take that shot!" Hayley enthusiastically suggested, blocking the doorway, oblivious to the situation.
I urgently looked around her at the direction Leah went. "Not- not now, Hayley."
Pushing past her, I exited the warm, crowded house and was welcomed by the freezing air. My eyes desperately darted around, scanning the backyard and the grove of nearby trees that the huge property contained. I spotted Leah's retreating figure there, her quick pace putting as much distance between us.
I ran in that direction, ignoring the looks the few people lingering outside had shot at me. The cool air rushing into my lungs reflexively made me cough, but it was soon ignored as I rapidly closed the distance. As she entered the treeline and went deeper, I quickened my pace even further, my legs moving into a sprint.
I only reached her when we were a couple of metres into the mini gathering of trees, away from the prying eyes of any possible onlookers.
"Leah!" I called, reaching for her arm and pulling her to a stop. The blonde gave up in her escape, turning around with reluctance as tears streamed down her face.
"What?" she whispered; her voice tight. "What explanation can you give me that will explain that?"
"Babe, it's not what it looks lik-"
"Don't give me that sh*t!" she exclaimed, shoving my hand off her arm. "It looked exactly like what you two intended to do. I've gone through this sh*t before, Alyssa, more times than I can count on one hand, so tell me, right now, that what I saw wasn't going to lead to you ch-"
Leah stopped herself like she didn't want to even utter the word out loud. I couldn't stand to see her so pained, my heart clenching in my chest at the knowledge that I caused that. I was the one who made her cry.
I decided to say the one thing that I knew to say at the moment.
"You know me."
Looking at her with all the sincerity I had within me, I repeated it again, but much softer than the last. Her puffy eyes that had focused on mine with such anger faltered in its intensity.
"You know about my past with Isabelle. You know that I wouldn't wish that pain on anyone else," I said, my voice breaking halfway through. "You know I wouldn't ever hurt you like that because that isn't me and it'll never be."
My throat felt stuck as I tried to push down the oncoming tears. All of me wanted to just reach out to her and pull her into me, to have her close and just be reassured that she was there. But I restrained myself, knowing that now wasn't the time.
Leah knew I was telling the truth. It was evident in her eyes, as the fire within them faded into the black dullness of smoke. The lines of anger on her face were replaced by creases of guilt. But the pain was still ever-present.
"I-I... I'm sorry I assumed. I just- I don't know why I keep doing it," she said, the frustration in her tone clearly directed at herself. "I keep expecting this to happen, and then when it does, it just reinforces the thought that it will happen to me again, and again, and again."
I never knew she thought that about relationships; about us. I realised now that it was why she was always so private, even to me. She was just protecting herself.
Then she voiced a question that broke my heart.
"Am I not worth being with?"
Immediately, I rushed forward to her, cupping her face in my hands. "Baby, of course, you are. There is no question to that, at all. Don't ever ask that question again, because all it'll do is eat you up," I expressed. "You are worth everything and more, Leah. I'm so lucky to have you, and I'll remind you of that every single day until it gets into that stubborn head of yours," I tried to joke.
She choked out a laugh, holding my hands over her cheeks as tears still streamed down. Relief was in her eyes, even if it was overshadowed by the dark self-deprecating thoughts that clouded her mind. It was still there, and at that moment, I swore to myself that I would foster that light until it shone brightly on its own.
Her arms went to wrap around my neck, pulling me into a soft kiss. I always craved her kisses, so it felt like pure bliss to have her lips on mine. I tasted the salty tears she shed and held her tighter, closer to me. Her teeth lightly grazed my bottom lip, leaving a tingly feeling in my heart as I wanted more. As she deepened the kiss and we let our tongues dance, her hands went to bury themselves in my waves, running her fingers through them with a delicateness that had me light-headed and wobbly on my feet.
We only stopped when a snapping sound akin to a stick breaking resounded through the mini forest. Our heads snapped up in that direction at the same time, scanning the area to only see silhouettes against the backlight of the house
Only a small voice could be heard. "What the heck..."
As the silhouettes walked closer, all I could register was the fast thumping sound I could hear my heart make. We couldn't see them, but they could definitely make us out with the light coming from the house. Nervous didn't even come close to the feeling I was experiencing. This could be anyone, and what's worse, they can tell everyone what they saw.
Leah was just as anxious, with a deer in the headlights type expression on her face, slowly retracting her hands from my hair.
Only when they were a couple of metres away from us, were we finally able to identify them and distinguish their features from the backlight.
"Hayley?! Olivia?!"
"Hey..." the former trailed off awkwardly. "We came to see what was wrong since you rushed off so fast... Should we just go?" she suggested, her eyes darting between the two of us.
I looked to my girlfriend to see she had the same panicked and unsure expression that I had.
"Um..."
"What is going on between you two?" Olivia was the one to boldly ask, gazing at us with an unreadable face as she crossed her arms.
"Liv," Hayley warned as she nudged her side.
"What? I just want to know what our friend has been keeping from us," she justified, looking back to us for an answer.
I felt trapped like I was cornered and made to confess. This wasn't how I wanted to come out to my friends, but what else could I say right now?
"I've been datin- Leah is my girlfriend, yes," I confirmed, looking to the said girl with uncertainty. She nodded her head in support, knowing that it had to be me to explain it to them.
"Damn, wasn't expecting that," Hayley whistled. "Congrats, I guess?"
Olivia's tense posture remained so as she deliberated over the new information. Her reply was a simple question. "Why didn't you tell us?"
Was it because I wasn't ready? Was it because I was afraid that they would hate me? That I'd lose them as friends and no longer have the relationship we have as teammates? To be honest, it's all the above. Their friendship meant something to me, and I wasn't about to recklessly risk that.
"I was scared," was all I could say.
My vulnerable words were left hanging in the air between us. No one spoke for a moment as we allowed ourselves to absorb it. The tension broke when Hayley took a step forward.
Enveloping me into a hug, she buried her head into my neck and squeezed me tight. "You don't ever have to be scared with us, Al. You know that. We love you for who you are, doesn't make a difference if you like girls or not."
I felt tears prick the edges of my eyes as her words resonated right to my heart. The feeling of acceptance and love was so prominent that I couldn't stop the sob from escaping my lips.
"Love you, Hayes," I sniffed as I pulled away. She used her thumbs to wipe away my leftover tears for me.
"As much as I hate when you make us do those suicide runs, I still love you," she cheekily said, making me chuckle.
When she stepped away, our eyes drifted towards my quiet teammate still stood there, hands now in her pockets as she looked towards the floor.
"Liv?"
Her gaze focused on me, her forced blank features trying to hide something, but I couldn't tell what. "I'm guessing you know what my stance on that is?"
My thoughts drifted back to the moments on the dance floor, the sensuality of her movements, the underlying want in her eyes. Yes, I did know.
"We're here to support you, Aly. It doesn't change our opinions of you," she continued, throwing me off. I thought she was referring to before...
Olivia then turned to Leah with an apologetic expression. "Sorry about just then in the house. It was all just a misunderstanding, I was going to give Aly a tour of the place since I've been here before. It's a pretty beautiful place," she expressed.
The thing was, I knew in my gut that she wasn't telling the whole truth. It's because she looked at me then with a hidden message in her eyes, one I couldn't decode with full certainty. It was only for a moment before she broke our gaze.
"We should go," Liv prompted Hayley. "We'll see you guys at school." And with that, they both left, Hayley sending us these thumbs-up signals as if to say, 'you did good' and wiggled her brows.
I rolled my eyes, but nonetheless turned back to Leah and wrapped her in my arms. "How about let's get out of here? I kinda just want to cuddle with you back at yours," I mumbled as I snuggled my head into the crook of her neck, my lips brushing the soft skin in little teasing touches.
"Hmmm," Leah softly moaned as she tilted her head slightly for me. "That sounds- good."
I kissed the spot there then pulled away, taking her hand in mine with a large infatuated smile on my face. "C'mon, let's get out of this creepy ass forest."
We called an Uber and it was soon here in three minutes. Getting in, we let out a heavy sigh, the charged events of what happened finally getting to us.
"Babe," I said, a few minutes into the ride, "I think Olivia has a... thing for me."
There was a couple of seconds of silence before she spoke. "I could tell."
I took her hand in mine. "But it doesn't mean anything. I'm with you, babe. Doesn't matter whatever thing she tries, it isn't going to work because I already have a hot ass girlfriend by my side," I joked.
Leah gave me a deadpan look, but it still held a tinge of humour. "Just hot?"
"And caring. And smart. And kind. And gorgeous. I can keep going on and on if you want, babe," I chuckled.
She laughed, lightly swatting my shoulder. "Save them for later."
We arrived at her place and stepped out, thanking the driver and walking up the path to her front door. She fished out her keys from her pocket and unlocked the door, quietly letting us in. "Be quiet," she whispered as she tiptoed up the steps, "they're sleeping."
Nodding my head, we slowly walked up the steps and entered her room. As I closed the door behind us softly, I let out a sigh of relief. It was after midnight, so I didn't want them coming now and telling us off.
When I turned around, the view that greeted me made me stop and drop my jaw onto the ground.
Leah had taken off her jacket and was in the midst of pulling off her shirt, leaving her only in a bra and pants as she walked to her wardrobe. Dropping her shirt onto the floor, she went to rummage for clothes.
"Babe, do you want long pants or shorts?" the blonde casually asked as she continued her search.
All I could do was stare at her; her lightly tanned skin, the sublime contours of her back, the dirty blonde hair falling to her mid-back. She was so effortlessly beautiful.
I walked up to her and wrapped my arms around her waist from behind, touching her warm skin with a delicateness I felt I only had with her. Her hands stopped in its motions, coming down to place them on mine as she leant back into me.
"What about no pants," I whispered into her neck. I could feel her shiver at my words, and it made me smile against her skin.
"If you want. I have no problem with that," she replied breathily.
Humming softly, I started kissing her neck, a motion that gradually turned into sucking as her sighs of pleasure became louder and more frequent. "Baby- don't stop."
At her command, I continued with more fervour. I only stopped when she decided to turn around, pulling me to her and smashing our lips together. I moaned at the contact, gripping her waist as her hands roamed my back. At one point, her hands went to slip under my dress, pushing the cloth higher until she could feel the lean muscles of my stomach, exploring the area with wonder and intrigue. She went to push the cloth even higher, prompting me to take it off, and I did so in a heartbeat.
Leah started pushing me towards the bed and made me lay down, all the while not breaking the kiss. She straddled my waist and deepened the kiss as I reciprocated her eagerness. It wasn't until she reached for my bra strap that I stopped her. "Babe, wait."
She immediately stopped what she was doing, breaking the kiss and stared down at me with concern. "What is it? Do you want to stop?"
I let a few seconds pass to catch our breaths. "I don't think we should do this now." She looked to me with confusion. I started sitting up, with her still on top of me. "When we're tipsy and all. I don't want this to happen when we're not clear-headed and thinking right, as much as I want to do it with you right at this moment."
Her hazel eyes darted between my eyes and lips, almost as if she was contemplating if she should listen to my words or not. Finally, she sighed. "Yeah, you're right. I want this to be special. You're worth making this special for."
My heart melted at her words and I pulled her in for a short kiss. "Thanks, babe."
The blonde got off me and went back to her wardrobe, pulling out a big shirt and tossing it to me. I quickly put it on, seeing as I was only in my bra and underwear, slipping out of the bra underneath before putting it on properly. As I dropped my bra onto the floor, Leah stared at the piece of cloth with so much lust, I could practically sense the waves of hormones radiating out of her.
She stared at it for a few more seconds with longing before she shook her head and gathered her clothes, heading for her toilet.
Grinning, I went to lean back on her headboard, thinking over what just happened. If I didn't stop us when I did, I couldn't say for sure we wouldn't have done it tonight. But I don't think I would've regretted it at all anyways.
Leah stepped out of the toilet with a long loose shirt that covered most of the shorts she was wearing underneath. I couldn't help but think that she looked so cute with that oversized shirt on.
She slipped under the covers and I followed her lead, her arms pulling me to her and cuddling herself to my side as our legs tangled naturally. She let out a heavy sigh, tired from the events of the day.
I held her to me securely, giving her a kiss on the head as it rested on my shoulder. Silence fell upon us as all the sounds we could really hear was the breaths we were taking.
A few minutes had passed, and I couldn't hold in the question that has stayed in my mind since the forest any longer.
"Leah, why would you ever doubt your worth?"
She didn't answer right away, and I let her be, patiently waiting as the minutes ticked by.
"It's because people leave me all the time. I've come to expect it," she finally said. I assumed it was her past partners that didn't appreciate her, but she crossed that thought out as she continued. "My dad... he left me and my family when I was eight. He wasn't the best dad, to begin with, but when he left us... I think it started there."
Her hold on me tightened. I started drawing circles on her arm as my way to comfort her. She went on. "He... he almost broke my family near the end. He didn't treat any of us right, especially Landon. He was so hard on him. I think he did break him. And at that point, I lost all the trust I ever had in him. He wasn't my dad anymore. I didn't recognise that man."
She wiped the few tears that had fallen, sniffling softly. "I don't know what's wrong with me. Maybe it's abandonment issues, some sh*t like that, but it's why I find it so hard to trust people. It's why I'm so private, even to you at the beginning. There's something wrong with me."
Her last sentence broke something inside of me. The rawness of her words, the self-hate she harboured for herself; she didn't deserve this pain. The strong front she presented to everyone was her wall she put up to protect herself, but right now, with me, she was allowing me to see the vulnerable side she was so scared to show.
I tilted her head up to look at her, with tears barely held in. "There is nothing wrong with you. You've been hurt by people who didn't deserve your love and care in the first place. Leave them behind and don't let them affect the way you define your worth. Don't let anyone devalue your worth," I pleaded, wanting my words to sink in. "You mean so much to me, baby, I can't even fully express it in words. You're a caring person. You're perfect just the way you are. You just haven't found the right people you could truly trust and rely on," I said as I brushed one of her blonde strands that had fallen into her face. "I'm telling you now, you can rely on me. I'm here, Leah, for you. You don't have to feel so alone behind that wall, because you've got me."
Her eyes looked at me with a light within them that made me feel so warm all over. Like she trusted me, believed my words. She cupped my jaws and kissed my lips as the last of her tears ran down her face.
Nothing but soft reassurances and light kisses were exchanged after. And just like that, we fell asleep to our warm embrace and the comfort of each other's simple presence.